RedManc7

No drugs and practically every ****** on opium or smack the kids flat out on solvents the poor ***** - just not arsed about it now. I look back at my decisions and shake my head. Even for a alchie coke and E head I held it together before the old dam mack came into my life. I'm a person of extreme extremes - now I'm off it I'm gonna get proper into other stuff - Persians man, what a waste of time. Anyway, enough of my babbling inanities, hope you all saw the new year Eve ok happy 2015 THE ****** LOT OF YER X

Chasingthedream

Fantastic news Red! Woo hoo

Dee74

Glad you survived it Red

Happy New Year

D

four812

Happy new year and keep on creating your new life in 2015

Clay601

That's great news man, good to see ya back safe. I made it through New Years too. Feeling pretty good today bringing in a new year watching it rain.

RedManc7

Thanks y'all. Wasn't tempted one little bit. I had some booze last night and a really bad hangover today (I'll deal with the drink later back in oz) and that usually a huge trigger to use. Heroin killed hangovers in minutes although as I became proper addicted the effect was less. Point being in a town awash with drugs I've had zero interest in using. And that's the way it is gonna be!

RedManc7

Well done clay and everyone else whose new to the staying clean business! We'll learn the ropes together like wise old sage like owls like Dee and Marcus can chip in with insights from time to time, like that wise old thing from Star Wars.

RedManc7

Then not wise old owls lol

Marcus

Good on you Red! Yeah not sure how I would do in Cambodia. Back in my using days I used to think wouldn't it be great if I lived in Thailand or Burma where I could get the purest stuff cheap. Typical addict mentality. Daydreaming about the best dope.

Thank god that wasn't the case because I wouldn't be here today. Well it is 2015 my friend. I sure hope you can look back at the end of this year and say FINALLY this is the year I did it! I kicked the dope to the curb and am living life again.

I had to go to hell and back to finally get it. The attraction of using is strong, but it is and always will be a DEAD END. Yes you can maintain for a bit, but you will inevitably crash and burn. No thanks. My advice is to get the hell out of Cambodia and back to safer soil! Take care man!!!

RedManc7

Marcus don't worry man, appreciate the concern but I'm past that. I've no interest in taking drugs anymore - it's a waste of time. If I started using again all the pain of withdrawal would have been for nothing, it would also involve lying and being devious so no thanks. Went to a restaurant last night to watch Man United (hence the name RedManc lol) play and walking there and back got offered Persians a few times. Not a glimmer of interest from me. I've got 2 more nights here then down to phonm penh then phu quoc for my 40th - staying in a proper high end place, infinity pools etc, need the feel good factor after the past few years and want to start my 40s in style. I know I will have cravings and challenges in the future for sure which is why I'm getting a plan written out now of what I'm doing when I get back to Sydney and have all my old triggers Etc. But over here, on holiday, no interest. No interest when I get back either but will need NA, psychologist, SR, bikram, meditation etc etc to stay on the right path. I just feel this time I've made a breakthrough. All the other times if I'm honest I thought I'll lay off it for 3-6 months then I'll get proper high again - now I never want to see that stuff ever again. Ever. But I'm an addict so I know I need to remain vigilant forever about this - I think that's the part I couldn't accept before - that id made choices which would have lifetime consequences but i accept, even embrace that, now. I've got so much on in 2015 I really need to bring my A game being a useless junkie isn't gonna help. Cheers bro hope u well, u an inspiration on here. I'm off to look at some temples soon!!

gnarlyboots

Awesome stuff Red, am impressed by your navigation of those murky Cambodian waters, you really sound like you've had enough of the insane cycle of addiction, all the power to you, keep on the front foot!

EyesOfAStranger

Yeah Red....so happy for you! I got really nervous reading your other thread and was really afraid this would be the boat trip, part 2 So glad you stuck to your guns and made it through. Really proud of you!

RedManc7

Cheers guys support on here means heaps. Hope u all travelling well. I've definitely turned a corner. Like I say deep down i always wanted to use, get high again at some point, basically prove I could manage it then get seriously wackoed again like the "good old days" . Not anymore. I've accepted who I am in/the process of accepting who I am which is an addict. But im gonna be a clean one and not run to drugs when **** happens. I'll need help but I'm not using them as a crutch anymore. After my last ex before last ended things instead of dealing with my feelings I embraced heroin with more gusto than ever & became a fully fledged addict . So I've got a lot to face up to and accept but know with the right support and will power I'll get there. Viva being clean.

Chasingthedream

Well happy for you Red. it's a huge achievement, especially being surrounded by temptation.

Us recovering addicts have a battle ahead, not just staying away from our DOC, but also learning to live life without the crutch we've used for years. But you sound resolute and ready for the challenge, which is ACE.

I'm so happy to hear you sounding so positive. I hope as the year goes on, you start to realise that you have a chance for a happy life, and not just one where you check out early as you have said many times before.

Well done Red, proud of you

RedManc7

Yesh. Thanks chasing. Spent the day around the killing fields and genocide museum, heavy heavy stuff. Leave for Phu quoc tomorrow for my 40th should be good - the Island life etc before going back to sunny Sydney. Big challenges when I get home - triggers etc but throwing myself straight into NA and getting a psychologist or someone who can work out why I'm such a lunatic. Also got a huge work challenge so need to be on the ball this year. Make or break how the next decade plays out basically work wise. Let's see how I do straight! Hope ur well chasing!!!

Chasingthedream

I think getting a psychologist or something similar would be an ace idea.

I used to think I just liked drugs because I was so much fun (haha), but as i've got sober and had to face up to a few things, I've realised that's not the reason at all. Learning about myself has helped me to face up to what I need to do in order to change and live a happy sober life. Maybe there are things about yourself you don't realise too, having help to untangle it all can be invaluable.

I've just posted another thread about books we can all share that have been helpful. I think you said before that you do yoga? Presumably you do some mindfulness too? If not- check it out- it's helped me immensely.

Sounds like you're having an amazing trip. What's in store for your 40th- and when is it?!

ubntubnt

Been great to see you talk like this Manc. Really work to hold onto this long enough to build new habits and a life without getting high. Don't get too carried away, just write out your plan and see it through, nice and steady.

RedManc7

I used to do bikram yoga reguarly but then started turning up high then tailed off. Gonna start again. Already bought my pass lol. Doing transcendental meditation course early feb so getting on that one. I've seen loads of counsellors/therapists etc in Sydney all crap but my mate reckons he can recommend someone for me. Yes tell me about books. I know it's early days but I'm determined to get clean and build a new life.

RedManc7

Don't worry chasing ive got issues - I messed up every relationship in my 20's through being a drunk and a 'Lad' so putting football first plus coke and pills of course. My first few years in oz were cool but relationship ****** up again due to booze/drugs. We got back together 6m later but she couldn't (understandably let it go what had happened in the past) then I've messed up 2 others one down to smack the other from being just a lunatic (not in a bad dangerous to women way) - I don't know why I can't seem to resist being a div - my gf would be pissed off with me so id go out on a 2 day bender as revenge. It didn't feel like revenge at the time more your wrecking my head see ya but looking back I was probably trying to punish them- embarrassing, shameful and pathetic. I don't know what's wrong with me - probably need to stay off drugs and find out!!!! And I will :-)

RedManc7

And I'm 40 in 2 days - time to finally grow up!