Tiredofdrugs

Congrat's on 57 days FOUR!

Good job on shutting down the urges too!

Next time you are hungry? And don't want to eat! Eat some carrots! As my mom always told me. They'll make you pretty and they're good for your eyesight too!

TOD

Chasingthedream

We are all so proud of you Four. It is amazing how far you have come.

Massive congratulations on urge surfing yesterday- don't belittle that achievement or put it down to external factors- YOU made the decision not to score.

You have a lot to be proud of, at one point I worried you were lost to your addiction. NOT SO!

Way to go

four812

Work is over and I'm in a waiting room before therapy. On the drive here I was noticing feeling very sad and fearful. Noticing that I'm afraid to move forward; afraid to be the real me; afraid that I won't make it. I literally felt like and almost wanting to cry.

The good thing is I noticed. I noticed what I was feeling. I wasn't trapped in some stinking thinking such that I was stewing in hate for someone at work or at home or a driver on the road. Often I live in the thinking of my mind and the emotions if anger or self pity victim thinking... Instead of the raw feeling of sadness or fear. in the using days my thoughts would have been centering on wanting to use and I would have never felt the fear and sadness that I feel now.

Lovenjoy

feeling your feelings is the progress of recovery - good going! not as scary as we led ourselves to believe is it!?

Marcus

Hey Four you are probably right where you need to be at this point. Recovery is a process. I am sure you have heard the term pealing the onion. 60 days is amazing, but in the whole scheme of things and length of time you used it is a small step in the process (albeit a HUGE small step if that makes sense). Luckily the feelings kind of hit you in waves because you would literally get steamrolled if they all came your way at once.

The more you can feel these feelings and work through them without using the stronger you get. Yes there is going to be some pain you will have to go through, but this pain only makes you stronger in the end. You are not going to be that same person before you started using or while you were using. No you are not going to lose your identity, but it is definitely going to shift. Hopefully more enlightened to who you are and what you want out of life and finally realize your true identity / self worth that has been clouded by drugs for so long. What life is really all about to you.

So keep on keeping on. You are on the path. More will be revealed and it is an amazing journey. The ONLY thing that is truly going to destroy your journey and send you back to the starting line or worse is using again. Keep up the good work!!!

RedManc7

Well done urge surfing. Heroins horrible - you do a few weeks clean and the addict voice starts talking to you. Now I just tell him it's not happening anymore mate and gonna surf like 4!!!

four812

a long nice weird day including a good lunchtime meeting! I'll take it. Another great one on one psychotherapy. good night sober world.

liv1ce

Keep on truckin' four. You are great.

Tiredofdrugs

Have a good nights rest FOUR!

TOD

four812

Watching my daughter bowling but i feel alone and not good enough. I'll try to focus on my breathing. I must start this day over now.

Tiredofdrugs

Hi FOUR!

Your ears must be ringing? LOL I was just wondering how you are doing? So for what it's worth? You aren't all that alone! Ppl out here do care and think about ya!

Have a better evening!

TOD

Dee74

You're not alone, and I'm willing to bet you're good enough Four

Kick those negative thoughts to the kerb...try and replace every negative thought with two positive thoughts or observations about yourself, maybe?

D

Sara21

Hi FOUR,

You are not alone, you have many people here on SR (myself included) that care about you and your recovery. I have read some of your posts and you have provided hope and encouragement to so many people. You ARE good enough and you deserve many wonderful things in life. Sometimes we just have to train our minds to handle the goods things in life so that we can accept them, instead of rejecting them.

I hope you feel better!
Hugs

four812

Back home safe and sound. Drove by crack city without hardly a thought. Don't feel any better but that's ok right. Thank goodness for sleep time. Much more wholesome way to surrender that crack

Good night all and good luck

Impurrfect

(((FOUR))))


Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Chasingthedream

So proud of what you've achieved Four. It's tough, weathering the storms of life, and as junkies, we are used to ducking out of that by getting high. So, you (and all of us) are starting to learn how to sit with uncomfortable feelings and just BE.

Sounds like you're doing ACE four

four812

Yes it's better to sit with the discomfort. It truly is. Simply because it's all I've got. If I use it only delays the process at best. Being with the discomfort is what higher power is telling me where it's at.

Now I ask myself what the heck does that even mean. :-)
Oh I'm so confused! But that's fine. Like whatever.

Breathe. At my last retreat my main teacher opinion was raft it is mindfulness that will save me. That will help me.

Back to work

gnarlyboots

That's right four bro, just breathe, there's not much else more comforting than the natural unadulterated breath. Glad to see you kicking goals, over 2 month'skes, yeah man!

four812

I am pushing the box out of my life and jumping all the way in.

I have diligently taken antidepressants for the most of the last twenty five years of my life. Two weeks ago I took one less of my daily 'mood stabilizer' medication. One week ago I stopped it completely. Today I have cut the antidepressant in half.

Withdrawal feelings from the first one have been happening already.

I will probably have some very fearful moments to face (I've already had some). So if you see any odd behavior please help me and bring it to my attention.

Thanks

Tiredofdrugs

FOUR!

Remember this post you did? Look how far you've come? Just wonderful!

You are showing yourself as well as many others: "We can live a clean life! Away from our DOC's!"

Thank You!

TOD