Back here again day 2 off smack
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
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Yeah I slept last night. Got some old MUFC hoolie mates in town today so I met them and we reminicised about the glory days. Not seen a couple of the lads for 5 years. I caught up on the latest gossip re the firm which was nice. Very dark though some of the stories thinking back now I'm home. Glad I left that world behind long ago. We had a laugh and I got them some liveners but didn't bother myself. Ended up In kings cross where I never go to and I remember now why. It's crap. Gonna not the drink on the head soon. But at the minute it just kills my aches. For about 30 mins. Got loads of big meetings at work tomorrow so I'm gonna whack 24 Mgs of subs into me first thing, then crack on.
How r u chasing? Strong?
How r u chasing? Strong?
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
No Valium or sleepers of any kind at the moment makes things rough but I hope I can sleep for 3 hours straight tonight then I can get through the day.
Going to a meeting on sat. Heads wrecked.
Going to a meeting on sat. Heads wrecked.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 211
Hey RM,
I haven't been on here for a while but I remember reading your thread when it was starting off and good on you for keeping your journey updated here. I just caught up on what's been going on for ya & from my perspective you're doing fine mate, sounds like you're on a normal trajectory for early opiate recovery, hardly anyone gets this right with their first decision to get clean. In fact some of the most 'successful' recoveries I know of, it took them years of relapsing to get it right, but finally, they did and I've not met many happier people than what they are today. So there is hope for us brother!
It's a process mate, and whether you realise it or not, you're learning bits and pieces with every slip and every f*ck-up, which in the long run will help you to regain control of your life.
I just had a few weeks relapsing on pills, mainly oxy, & I'm sitting here on day 1 clean again, waiting for WD's to hit. It's pretty f*cken frustrating but I'm counting my blessings that I didn't slide all the way back to the needle. Just telling you that so you know I hear your struggle.
Be easy on yourself, we're fighting the good fight.
I haven't been on here for a while but I remember reading your thread when it was starting off and good on you for keeping your journey updated here. I just caught up on what's been going on for ya & from my perspective you're doing fine mate, sounds like you're on a normal trajectory for early opiate recovery, hardly anyone gets this right with their first decision to get clean. In fact some of the most 'successful' recoveries I know of, it took them years of relapsing to get it right, but finally, they did and I've not met many happier people than what they are today. So there is hope for us brother!
It's a process mate, and whether you realise it or not, you're learning bits and pieces with every slip and every f*ck-up, which in the long run will help you to regain control of your life.
I just had a few weeks relapsing on pills, mainly oxy, & I'm sitting here on day 1 clean again, waiting for WD's to hit. It's pretty f*cken frustrating but I'm counting my blessings that I didn't slide all the way back to the needle. Just telling you that so you know I hear your struggle.
Be easy on yourself, we're fighting the good fight.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Hey sorry I not been about, relapsed (again) and another cycle of insanity commenced which just peaked on Sunday when my habit was as bad as ever, costing $500-750 a day.
I'm back on good old day 2 now, on subs, panedene 40s and Valium to help me sleep if I didn't have them then the aches would keep me awake all night. I've learnt more about myself again this time and am finally acknowledging abstinence of everything is my only long term solution. Anyway, this time im going to NA, have booked 3 weeks away from all this **** for Xmas new year and my 40th and hopefully if I still have a business then I'm gonna make 2015 a year of redemption. I've realised I need the company of recovered addicts. Impulses are mad, I watched a guy in recovery talk about crack and I thought about scoring, I'm an idiot, but I've realised that abstinence is going to have to be part of my daily routine. To fight the demons and heal myself. I hoped if I got over the addiction physically I could forget all about it but that isn't clearly going to work. Hope you are all fighting the good fight, keeping clean n all that. Peace X
I'm back on good old day 2 now, on subs, panedene 40s and Valium to help me sleep if I didn't have them then the aches would keep me awake all night. I've learnt more about myself again this time and am finally acknowledging abstinence of everything is my only long term solution. Anyway, this time im going to NA, have booked 3 weeks away from all this **** for Xmas new year and my 40th and hopefully if I still have a business then I'm gonna make 2015 a year of redemption. I've realised I need the company of recovered addicts. Impulses are mad, I watched a guy in recovery talk about crack and I thought about scoring, I'm an idiot, but I've realised that abstinence is going to have to be part of my daily routine. To fight the demons and heal myself. I hoped if I got over the addiction physically I could forget all about it but that isn't clearly going to work. Hope you are all fighting the good fight, keeping clean n all that. Peace X
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
Originally Posted by RedManc7 
Hey sorry I not been about, relapsed (again) and another cycle of insanity commenced which just peaked on Sunday when my habit was as bad as ever, costing $500-750 a day. I'm back on good old day 2 now, on subs, panedene 40s and Valium to help me sleep if I didn't have them then the aches would keep me awake all night. I've learnt more about myself again this time and am finally acknowledging abstinence of everything is my only long term solution. Anyway, this time im going to NA, have booked 3 weeks away from all this **** for Xmas new year and my 40th and hopefully if I still have a business then I'm gonna make 2015 a year of redemption. I've realised I need the company of recovered addicts. Impulses are mad, I watched a guy in recovery talk about crack and I thought about scoring, I'm an idiot, but I've realised that abstinence is going to have to be part of my daily routine. To fight the demons and heal myself. I hoped if I got over the addiction physically I could forget all about it but that isn't clearly going to work. Hope you are all fighting the good fight, keeping clean n all that. Peace X
Glad to hear your on good ole day 2!!
Keep up the good job. You sound like a very good and bright person and I wish the very best for you and your impending recovery of abstinence :-)
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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Why thank you four812, yes ole day 2 factor is back again, I can't put myself through this many more times, determined to wave the white flag this time completely, no comebacks, no one off appearances with the ole smack, just solid abstinence. It seems overwhelming as my mind runs like crazy I have loads of energy when I'm clean, like when I go to a football match when I'm clean and I'm with a group of 40 mates, I can't saunter, I have to be charging about at the front, I guess I loved heroin cos it shut my brain down, just ended up addicted to the bugger. That first 24 hours was the worst, withdrawals kicked in 5 hours after using which says it all really. I remember 3 years ago 1/3 of that dose would have me happy for 24. Unsustainable! Hope you are well and thanks for ur kind words. In this confusing pain of withdrawal everything helps.
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