Ashamedof

Question for those of us in Debt due to this evil addiction. Did you consolidate ? File bankruptcy? Or just makes payments when you could?
I'm in major debt, I maxed out at least 10 cards..cash advances for pills (obviously ugh) and failed to make payments so I can buy more pills.. You know the drill I'm slowly paying it down but I'm wondering if my efforts are futile with interest rates so high, I might never dig out. Another problem is my husband is on all the credit cards so if I consolidate, he would have to sign I think? He doesn't know just how bad it really is and I honestly don't want him to know. I'm afraid of this reaction.

Thanks

bluehour

Bankruptcy. Wish we did it 5 years earlier. We could have, but we tried so hard to keep paying for so long. I think it's a gray area for me morally, that's why it took a long time to do it, but still, it's a fair play in this game called life. We get screwed at every turn financially when things get desperate, and it levels the playing field a bit.

It saved our marriage, I am sure of it. It was a great relief.

Ps. Yeah you would have to do it together, they would go after him separately if you don't.

AnvilheadII

well, you probably won't like my answer but....as HIS name is on the cards that means HIS credit is affected. and like it or not, now is the time to be honest before it gets even worse. i doubt he'll sing show tunes, but you're going to have debt collectors banging down your door soon and this isn't something to try and hide. you simply must muster the courage and face the music.

we're only as sick as our secrets.

Impurrfect

I was actually able to settle on some accounts that were years past due, I had a nice judge that dropped my $4,000 in tickets to the $1,000 I brought in to ask for a payment plan.

My credit isn't great, I went to school, I have been off and on with work, but I get a tremendous satisfaction that I can pay bills.

I agree with Anvil, though - if your husband's name is on those cards, he needs to know. This also affects him and he has a right to whatever decision is made.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Ashamedof

You're right but my husband is an alcoholic...he is not rational in any way shape or form. He is aggressive and threatens me when he gets wasted. I can't have a normal conversation with him about this otherwise I would....my situation is a little different because he is not getting help for his problem , but I am..he doesn't think he needs help but he drinks like a fish every single night till he passes out, not before ranting and raving towards me.

Marcus

Debt - one thing I know about. I have over 2 years clean and figure I will be paying for around 6 more years to completely pay off my debt. Add into that the 30K pulled out of my kids college fund and 100K I pulled out of my house refinancing a couple of times. It still makes me sick to think about, but live and learn right? I should have my house paid off and my 3 kids college funds paid for. It is definitely something that weighs on me, but also was a big reason why I think I finally quit (among MANY others).

I really don't see how you are going to get yourself in a better position without coming clean to your husband. I am not telling you what to do because do not know your entire story / situation, but trying to pay down credit card debt at 16, 18, or even 20% or more is next to impossible unless you work 3 jobs.

I too had moral issues with bankruptcy. You see people just walking away from their homes with the housing crisis and it does irk me sometimes, but if you owe $300,000 on a home that is worth half of that it obviously makes financial sense. You should definitely talk to someone about your options. If you don't go the bankruptcy route (which might be your best option) you need to find some way of knocking down the interest rate on your debt. There are lots of options to do this including borrowing against your home at a lower rate or if you have a lot of money in a 401K you can actually borrow against it and pay yourself back with interest and many companies allow you to continue to pay into it while doing that. So seek some professional advice.

One thing though if you do go the bankruptcy route or borrow to pay things off be careful not to repeat the past. Sometimes the weight off your shoulders feels good and you think I deserve a PILL! I am not saying that will happen, but each month when I pay the consolidated loan I have which was mostly due to my addiction it is a great reminder of why I never ever want to go back to that hell! Best of luck - let us know how it goes!!!

OpioPhobe

Ashamedof - the question you posed is actually quite complicated. It depends on a lot of different factors (e.g. do you have a mortgage, what are the bankruptcy laws in your State, how much are you going to borrow for in the future, how else could your credit score effect you, etc.). For example, if you file for bankruptcy and need to borrow significantly in the future you are going to be paying a higher rate (if you can even get access to credit). If you had say $5k in debt that you wipe out in bankruptcy you may be paying multiple times that over time with a higher mortgage / car note rate, etc.

I think you should talk to a lawyer before putting bankruptcy on the table. If you go the debt consolidation route I would ask the debt consolidator how it is going to effect your credit.

Also, as far as telling your husband goes I understand your anxiety completely. Maybe try to come up with a plan on how to deal with it before discussing it with him. That way, instead of just presenting the problem you can also offer options on how to resolve it. He is going to find out eventually anyway.

EyesOfAStranger

Ashamed....I also have a lot of experience with this. I had debt piled up so bad, not just due to pills but also trying to support two people (useless unemployed ex) on only my income left me in a hole that I tried so badly to dig out of....but every shovel of dirt I through up just landed back on my head. I also did everything to avoid it....I get the moral dilemma of it...I felt that I had incurred the debt and had a job so I kept paying my minimums - usually from other cards. Robbing Peter to pay Paul.

I did lots of research on debt consolidation, bankruptcy, working with the banks/cards everything I could. In the end I had to file, wound up just missing being able to do chapter 7 (complete liquidation) and did chapter 11 (or maybe 13 - forget which one is individual versus corporate) and do pay a monthly amount for five years. I would be happy to share my experiences when I feel better. I also know emotionally how tough it is. Hang in there my friend

Marcus

Lots of good advice here. I just wanted to reiterate my comment about moral dilemma in no way means I look down on people who declare bankruptcy because that is their only option. Before I consolidated my credit card debt I could see there was absolutely no way I was going to be able to pay it off at the interest rates they were charging. Plus if we are talking moral dilemma if someone is okay with charging me 20% interest I don't exactly feel too bad for them, but of course I did agree to that interest rate!

When I say consolidation I don't mean these so called "Credit Counseling" places you see on t.v. commercials late at night. Most of those places are complete rip offs and your credit gets completely destroyed. They make it sound like they give a sh*t but are out to make money off people backed into a corner. Find a reputable lawyer to discuss your options. A 10 year loan on $60,000 at 22% interest means you pay around $150,000 versus around $72,000 at 4%. Less than HALF! Who wants to make credit card companies richer anyway?!?!?

I know just how crushing money woes can be. It actually pushed me towards using quite often. I would sit down to pay bills and realize just how screwed I was and want to blot out those feelings. I would be like screw it I am already $60,000 in credit card debt what is another 500? Another thing is the secret(s) you are keeping from your husband. I am sure Anvil's comment hurts a bit, but for me it was the truth. Secrets mean lies and lies get us in trouble. For me BIG TROUBLE! Plus it would be better for him to hear it from you versus him pulling his credit report and seeing 10 maxed out credit cards on there. It can't be easy living with an alcoholic, but might be time to confront that as well. Trying to get well living in that situation can't be easy and definitely isn't healthy for your mind, body, and soul.

OpioPhobe

As far as the moral dilemma goes I think it is rare to find someone truly trying to 'game the system'. If you were talking about selling everything you own, burying cash in coffee cans in the back yard, and then filing to screw them over it would be one thing. It sounds like you got in over your head in debt so it is what it is at this point.

They are running a business, and they are familiar with the law. They lent you money unsecured at 18 - 20 points knowing that you could wipe them out in bankruptcy. If it was a secured loan, against say your house, then you would be paying 5 points. It is simply a legal contract in my view. They are charging you an extra 13 - 15 points because you have the option of filing for bankruptcy. If they didn't like those terms then they shouldn't have lent you the money in the first place.

I hope this doesn’t shift into a political discussion, but if it is a corporate credit card company then the moral dilemma goes out the window in my book. I am about as pro-corporation as it gets, but I also don’t expect them to have morals. The corporation exists solely to maximize profits for their shareholders and that is it. If it was a debt to an individual (especially a friend) then I would look at it totally different.

Marcus

I get what you are saying Opi. Definitely a HUGE difference and thanks for pointing that out. I am not quite to the point of saying the moral dilemma goes "completely out the window" because as human beings we should feel a bit guilty for not paying back our debts, but credit card companies definitely have rigged the system especially for those in financial trouble. I would have been much safer living years ago before credit cards when you actually had to have the money to buy stuff. The reason they do charge so high of interest rates is #1 to maximize profits and #2 because it is an unsecured loan so the default rate is exponentially higher.

Another reason if you do transfer the "unsecured" loan of a credit card to a "secured" loan against your house you best be at least comfortable in your recovery. Otherwise you will max out all those cards again and be in that much deeper!!!

Oh - and yes not trying to turn this into a political or even moral discussion.

cleaninLI

Ash I think you got some good sound advice. Just keep in mind that no matter what debt you've accumulated you can work it out. You can get thru this. Just don't let financial stresses trigger you to pick-up again.....then you'd just be digging a deeper hole!

As far as your husband goes...I think you will know when the time is right to sit down and have that discussion. Until then....continue doing what you are doing!

Stay safe!

AnvilheadII

Ash...i'm sorry i didn't take into account that your husband might be volatile with anger issues, otherwise i would not have suggested to simply tell him the truth. one thing i do worry about is the fact that you can HAVE a plan to dig yourself out of debt, bail out the boat so to speak, but that will do NO good if your partner is busy drilling holes in the hull. so you have to think bigger here and i agree with those who suggested getting a legal consultation....

if yu haven't done so yet, i'd suggest creating a spreadsheet that lists all the debts, the amounts, the interest rates, and the monthly minimums. you need a very clear picture here, even if it's not very comfy. we can't fix what we can't see.

cleaninalabama

I don't think that I can add much that hasn't been said. I understand the moral side of the equation but I can tell you, from dealing with these folks on a near daily basis, that your creditors will take advantage of absolutely any avenue they can to get an upper hand or get even a few more pennies out of you. If you decide to consolidate your debt, use an attorney. They folks on the tv/radio are scam artists and you will just be out more money. If you are talking about ch 7 bankruptcy, then you are talking about discharging all of your debts. That does not mean you will lose your house and car. You can reaffirm the debts you need to keep (or even feel a moral obligation to keep) while getting rid of the excessively high credit cards, medical bills, etc. If you reaffirm on your house or car, they interest rates on those loans will not go up. They will stay just like they are now (unless it is an adjustable rate and then they fluctuate all the time). If you do not own your home, it might be hard to find a place to rent after filing bankruptcy and you certainly will not be able to purchase a house anytime soon. Contrary to popular belief, if you file, you will get more offers to purchase a car than you ever have before. The reason is that you can only file every 7 years and car loans are for periods less than 7 years so you cannot discharge that debt.

It is a tough situation to be in and certainly not helped by your husbands volatility. When deciding if/when/how to tell him, consider whether you would rather him find out by getting 50 phone calls in a few hours from bill collectors or by you. Good luck. If you have any questions feel free to message me.

cleaninLI

Alabama I didn't know that about the offers to buy a new car. That's so funny because we filed bankruptcy in 2001. Not because of my addiction. That was before a became an addict. But due to my husband's illness and his job loss. We filed chapter 7 but the stupid thing we did is file too late. We had already foreclosed on our house. They say it takes 7 years to re-establish credit....well it took us almost 14 long years to get a bank to approve our mortgage.....and we qualified for a VA loan which the government backs 100%. But we did get plenty of offers to buy a car! Lol
Alabama is correct about having a hard time getting a lease....because of the credit check. We were forced to rent from families who owned small apts. within their homes because they did not do a credit check. One other thing....when we were trying to process the loan our credit report showed a lot of defaults on credit cards and a couple unpaid loans that were supposed to be removed after we filed bankruptcy. So pay attention to your credit report and make sure those are removed because it effects your credit score. I must say it's not easy to get them removed either!

OxyMaddened

Ashamed,

One thing I didn't see touched on here was the fact that forgiven debt (such as if you owe $15K in CC debt, and it gets adjusted down to, say, $7K), the IRS considers the $8K as taxable income (kind of perverse, yeah) and you would be liable for it in the tax year it occurred. You need to factor that into whatever route you're able to take.

It's one thing to have bill collectors on your ass, it's another to have the IRS!

bluehour

CleaninLI said what I was trying to say, just better.

Once we had 2 or 3 30 day late marks on our credit report, we were already in trouble. add to that a bunch of maxed out credit cards, our credit was donezo, even when we were still making all our minimum payments. If we had ripped off the bandaid fast and quick and filed 5 years ago, we would have already gotten through most of the credit black hole years. But we only filed a year ago, so it's still a long road ahead.

You sound like you pay the bills, that's how we work too. I had already built our credit way up, only to have it all ruined again by some overspending but mostly unemployed stretches we didn't plan for.

Regarding the tax liability, we didn't have any troubles with that. We only received one 1099-c from one bank. It came after we filed, so I amended it and it didn't change much.

Ashamedof

Thank you everyone, it's appreciated. Ok, we don't own a home, yet. We're now trying to save for some land which in a months time since I stopped spending money on pills is already looking better. I'm not looking to file bankruptcy at this point, just for the credit cards. I'm leaning more towards a consolidation with one payment each month. I guess I need to find a reputable company though. I also know certśin states have laws against doing that, another thing I will check out.

The cards never had a very high credit limit on them so I'm thinking I can probably solve this on my own...I do have some only in my name, maybe 2?

I do owe the irs and I have already called and set up payments with them. It's amazing how much money we have now (not a ton) but enough to get thus debt down if I do it right and consistently. My goal is to pay these cards off, my taxes of course and start saving cash - no banks involved.

He's had a few calling him, I just tell him I'm taking care of it because I am (now) they won't call as long as I pay. Right now I'm sending at least $150 to each one within a month, well over the minimum.

Getting him involved won't solve anything, it will just create more anger on his end and he has nothing to do with paying the bills anyway, he will just get pissed, tell me to take care of it or call me a bunch of names and kick my ass..I'm not taking a chance when it won't solve anything. I know some if you think it's wrong of me but this is my home and where I lay my head..I'm not risking my life over this. You know?

I also don't think "oh! screw him! He is a drunk so I deserved to fuvk up the bills and act irresponsible" regardless of what he does or how much he drinks, this is not acceptable at all. I've never taken a dime from anyone in my life, always been very independent and worked hard, paid my taxes etc. what I've done is horrible and now that I'm sober, I need and have to fix this mess!

I appreciate your advice though. Thank you !

brian810

Ash got a lot of good advice on here I need some too I'm going to be screwed up financially until they close the lid on me I'm 57 so you got a few more years than I do you'll do alright my alcohol and drig use caused many of my problems too

cleaninLI

Ash you got a good head on your shoulders. I agree If you only have a little credit card debt consolidating is the way to go...I think they have companies that talk with your creditors to work out deals with them...they also clear up your credit report. You know what's what so I trust you will be able to carry on and get those bills payed. Cleaning up our mess is a process just like recovery is. It won't be resolved in one day...but as long as you are making payments each month you will get out from under this.

I agree if you are the accountant in the family and you are the one who pays the bills I see no reason to inform your husband. I would hate for you to create a situation that could put you in harms way. It sounds like he can get mean and volatile.

You are doing great Ash...how many days you have now? Almost a month...no you have more than that....I'm loosing track of everyone's days! Lol Just remember patience....these things take time....so don't get frustrated. I say that because these types of things are huge triggers for me! Lol