Hello...I missed you.
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Hello...I missed you.
Well I've been sitting here trying to think of something inspiring and wonderful to say to mark my 120th day. Words are failing me tonight. All I can do is reflect on the past four months and what it has meant to me. I'm reflecting on the things I've dealt with and the issues I NEED to deal with. I think about every time I thought I would lose it or I would fail, with effort and a LOT of help it has always worked out. I think about how panic and fear have tried to overtake me but was defeated. It gives me strength and hope for the future. I reflect on how I've opened my heart and my soul to change and in return I have received just that very thing. Change. Mostly I think about where I want to go from here. This has been a life altering experience, mind blowing experience. Sitting down at the end of the day I am free. Free from guilt, shame, self hatred. Free to live, love and give of myself. I am aware. I sit here now with the wind in my hair. I hear the tree swaying and the waves crashing. I see the stars and the moon and the clouds drifting by. I hear the crickets, the frogs and the owls. And I FEEL. I feel it all. The good and the bad. I feel the tears run down my cheeks as I think about my dad and how I never saw him again because of PILLS. And how mad he was at me when I left. And I PRAY. I pray he can see me. I pray he is proud of me. And I pray I never lose any of this. Goodbye past, hello brand new life. Hello ME. I missed you. I'm glad you are back.
Congrats on 120 days Mama 
Thanks for the inspiration - that soft breeze IS really nice
Congratulations! That was a wonderful post, so full of life. I am so happy for you. Awesome milestone!
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 675
Your posts are always worth reading. Congratulations on recovering yourself and the 120 days of sobriety. As one who has gained it and lost it and been where you are only to distance myself from it again I will add only one thing - continuous permanent vigilance. The beast never goes away. The beast never dies.
Mamahawk
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
I just realized my 120 isn't until Saturday! Oh well close enough I guess.
Thank you all for the encouragement. It helps me stay in the good fight. I need you all to help me stay here. I never want to go back to that life. I know this demon will always be a part of me and I will have to be vigilant to stay clean. I hope I never falter because I don't want to go back to that life. The support here has been paramount to getting me where I am today. So I am sending LOVE and THANKS to all of you at SR!
Thank you all for the encouragement. It helps me stay in the good fight. I need you all to help me stay here. I never want to go back to that life. I know this demon will always be a part of me and I will have to be vigilant to stay clean. I hope I never falter because I don't want to go back to that life. The support here has been paramount to getting me where I am today. So I am sending LOVE and THANKS to all of you at SR!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
MH, you are inspiring. I have followed your story, remember when you were first on here. You are fighting the fight, you are making living amends to your father right you. He sees you turning your life around, he sees you being the mom you are now with your boys ( I think you have teenage boys I may be wrong) he sees you repairing your relationships, taking care of yourself, and he is very very proud. I know you think of how you didn't get to talk with him, however what you are doing now is what counts. You are no longer a walking zombie ruining everything in your path to get more and more drugs.
Thank you for sharing so much on SR. Keep up the hard work, it all pays off if we keep fighting the beast.
Thank you for sharing so much on SR. Keep up the hard work, it all pays off if we keep fighting the beast.
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