How was your day? Part 6
Free your mind
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 174
No, definitely not feeling any temptation to use. But all weekend I've been playing this tape over and over in my head - asking myself what more I could have said, wishing I had been more assertive with him and texted him more often. I feel like our last conversation I focused too much on my sobriety, making it too easy for me to see him as doing well. I am still in shock. It sucks. He was a great guy with a great extended family and I hurt so much for them right now.
Thanks for all the kind words. Congrats on 6 months FinalTime!
Thanks for all the kind words. Congrats on 6 months FinalTime!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Badsneaker...please! Do not allow your mind to go there! This is not your fault!! You know how we addicts are right? Was anyone able to make you quit? It's sad...but try to take the lesson in it. It's the drugs that caused his death! Honor your cousin by never using the drug that caused his death!
I know it's hard...but by posting your cousin's story...you are helping each one of us remain clean. You have helped me tonight! Whenever, I get a craving, I come here and read the stories like what you posted. They help me remember what will happen to me if I pick up again. ! I'm sure there are others who won't be using either. So thank you!
I know it's hard...but by posting your cousin's story...you are helping each one of us remain clean. You have helped me tonight! Whenever, I get a craving, I come here and read the stories like what you posted. They help me remember what will happen to me if I pick up again. ! I'm sure there are others who won't be using either. So thank you!
2Cor5:17
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Between Doctor's opinion & pg 164
Posts: 4,187
Went to 3 mtgs. Was supposed to meet sponsor @ designated location, but since didn't have phone w/ me, was not able to call him. Needless to say he was irritated when finally met. I tried explaining but did so "while complaining"! Still don't get that part & he drove off after giving me some $ to pay rent. Called him back tonite & left msg apologizing. He hasn't returned my call so maybe tomm. Prayed about it & believe if God forgave me then I can too!! Gnite SR
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Hola! I survived
. It was hot as Hades there but we stayed in the ocean or pool most of the time. Even with a deep tan, we both got smoked! I nearly OD'd on carbs but nothing else. Never got searched so I was a little bummed about that
. It was hot as Hades there but we stayed in the ocean or pool most of the time. Even with a deep tan, we both got smoked! I nearly OD'd on carbs but nothing else. Never got searched so I was a little bummed about that Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Hi everyone!
Today has been a quiet day...love my peace and quiet...especially after a busy weekend! Son is at home with me today. He woke-up sick with allergies I think. We ate breakfast together and he went back to sleep and I am piddling around the house. Did a load of laundry, picked-up a little (around the house), filled out a job application.
Have a couple more to fill up on-line. Will color my hair and go to the store to drop off one job application. Then on to the library to drop that one off. Will try to clean my bedroom and bathroom if I have time. That's about it for my plans for today. I'm sure it will speed by...before I know it it will be time to cook dinner.
but other than that I'm fine.
Oh, one more thing, have dropped down on my sub. My sub doctor told me its time I get off this junk. (His words) lol lets see how I feel this month on the lowered dose.
Glad you had a nice time in Mexico TE! It would have felt good to be searched and nothing found...but at least you had the awesome feeling of being free...and not having to worry about frisks. Wonderful feeling I'm sure!
1newcreation that was great you went to 3 meetings. Yes, you tried to call him...not your fault. Throw that guilt away...be proud of yourself for remaining clean and attending those three meetings! You're doing great!
Final Hows life?
Ok everyone have a pleasant day!
Today has been a quiet day...love my peace and quiet...especially after a busy weekend!
Son is at home with me today. He woke-up sick with allergies I think. We ate breakfast together and he went back to sleep and I am piddling around the house. Did a load of laundry, picked-up a little (around the house), filled out a job application. Have a couple more to fill up on-line. Will color my hair and go to the store to drop off one job application. Then on to the library to drop that one off. Will try to clean my bedroom and bathroom if I have time. That's about it for my plans for today. I'm sure it will speed by...before I know it it will be time to cook dinner.
but other than that I'm fine. Oh, one more thing, have dropped down on my sub. My sub doctor told me its time I get off this junk. (His words) lol lets see how I feel this month on the lowered dose.
Glad you had a nice time in Mexico TE! It would have felt good to be searched and nothing found...but at least you had the awesome feeling of being free...and not having to worry about frisks. Wonderful feeling I'm sure!
1newcreation that was great you went to 3 meetings. Yes, you tried to call him...not your fault. Throw that guilt away...be proud of yourself for remaining clean and attending those three meetings! You're doing great!
Final Hows life?
Ok everyone have a pleasant day!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Clean, you sound good. Keep on trucking lady.
I am good, cousin just got busted back home for indecent exposure to a teenager in the morning on her way to school. Wanted to share this for people struggling:
once again I am hurting because of choices. I feel sad, defeated, broken, tingly, no sleep. I don't want to be the mom that is dragging around her daughter from dr to dr getting pills. I don't want it. I need to keep hearing Jacelynn say, "Why do you need medicine everyday?" That is heart breaking as their are sick people in this world that really do need medication. I am an addict. I am powerless for drugs and alcohol. I can't stop once I start. I want to stop and never touch them again for fear of where it takes me. I don't like the feeling that pills make me feel. From the irritability, digging in my bowels, money spent, embarrassment when I am going from DR TO DR, it is all too much. I feel so sad. This feeling of dragging ass will pass if I DO NOT PICK UP AGAIN. If I get back enough I will call into work and go sit at meetings. I can do that. Right now I am surviving. Food would be good. I have been thinking about the times I have detoxed in the past, how every time I think the world is ending but after a while of feeling good I think, "I can handle it, its not that bad" and when it passes I think "that wasn't too bad" which is a load of ********. When you are deep in the ****, it sucks ******* *******. Nothing is worse then the emotional part, you cry, and cry more. Imagine what these pills are doing to us to make the whole world sucks ass. People that are happy suck. You know it is all a lie. I think of these pills as the devils way of keeping us in misery. He likes us sick. He likes tired. He likes us not smiling, laughing, feeling guilty about ourselves daily.
Pills don't do anything positive for me. Even writing this letter to you god, I feel stronger. before I used to enjoy the high that pills gave me, now I need 10 to feel anything. 10 pills at a time. When will it be shooting heroin in my arms to get high, it is never enough. I am no longer a fan of how pills make me feel. There is NOT ONE GOOD THING that comes out of taking them besides they keep me from getting sick. but if I pick up again it will just prolong the sickness until I run out again.
Dear God, for today I will stay sober. 100% sober. I will take melatonin if I need to sleep tonight. I will find a sitter if I am antsy and need a meeting tonight. I will be honest with my fellows. I will laugh, play, and be the mom I am today because I am sober today.
I will never forget my first ever major detox. Literally puking in the trash cans at work, shitting myself this gross yellow weird ****, I am surprised I ever survived that detox actually. I did it at home with Jordan. Gosh that was days of crying, coming home everyday after work crying. the headaches I got for the first month was brutal.
Then there was the detox in October 2011. December 2013. April 2014. Many many times in-between those years i would run out, get sick but get more pills.
Now this time.
Peace GOD thanks for listening.
I am good, cousin just got busted back home for indecent exposure to a teenager in the morning on her way to school. Wanted to share this for people struggling:
once again I am hurting because of choices. I feel sad, defeated, broken, tingly, no sleep. I don't want to be the mom that is dragging around her daughter from dr to dr getting pills. I don't want it. I need to keep hearing Jacelynn say, "Why do you need medicine everyday?" That is heart breaking as their are sick people in this world that really do need medication. I am an addict. I am powerless for drugs and alcohol. I can't stop once I start. I want to stop and never touch them again for fear of where it takes me. I don't like the feeling that pills make me feel. From the irritability, digging in my bowels, money spent, embarrassment when I am going from DR TO DR, it is all too much. I feel so sad. This feeling of dragging ass will pass if I DO NOT PICK UP AGAIN. If I get back enough I will call into work and go sit at meetings. I can do that. Right now I am surviving. Food would be good. I have been thinking about the times I have detoxed in the past, how every time I think the world is ending but after a while of feeling good I think, "I can handle it, its not that bad" and when it passes I think "that wasn't too bad" which is a load of ********. When you are deep in the ****, it sucks ******* *******. Nothing is worse then the emotional part, you cry, and cry more. Imagine what these pills are doing to us to make the whole world sucks ass. People that are happy suck. You know it is all a lie. I think of these pills as the devils way of keeping us in misery. He likes us sick. He likes tired. He likes us not smiling, laughing, feeling guilty about ourselves daily.
Pills don't do anything positive for me. Even writing this letter to you god, I feel stronger. before I used to enjoy the high that pills gave me, now I need 10 to feel anything. 10 pills at a time. When will it be shooting heroin in my arms to get high, it is never enough. I am no longer a fan of how pills make me feel. There is NOT ONE GOOD THING that comes out of taking them besides they keep me from getting sick. but if I pick up again it will just prolong the sickness until I run out again.
Dear God, for today I will stay sober. 100% sober. I will take melatonin if I need to sleep tonight. I will find a sitter if I am antsy and need a meeting tonight. I will be honest with my fellows. I will laugh, play, and be the mom I am today because I am sober today.
I will never forget my first ever major detox. Literally puking in the trash cans at work, shitting myself this gross yellow weird ****, I am surprised I ever survived that detox actually. I did it at home with Jordan. Gosh that was days of crying, coming home everyday after work crying. the headaches I got for the first month was brutal.
Then there was the detox in October 2011. December 2013. April 2014. Many many times in-between those years i would run out, get sick but get more pills.
Now this time.
Peace GOD thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Another article just came out about my cousin. 29 year old man indecent exposure in az. Breaks my heart he is that sick. I pray for his child, life can sure be rough. I am glad I am in my bed next to my precious daughter tonight. Love you all
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Well, Im happy to say I have lost 28lbs of pill induced flab. 5 more lbs to go and I am done. I did it slowly on purpose as I dont believe in fast diets. Lifestyle changes are slower but the results stay with you.
When I was on dope, people always guessed my age at 5 or 10 years more than it was. Now I am getting guesses that are wayyyyy low. Feels good, man.
. 5 more lbs to go and I am done. I did it slowly on purpose as I dont believe in fast diets. Lifestyle changes are slower but the results stay with you.When I was on dope, people always guessed my age at 5 or 10 years more than it was. Now I am getting guesses that are wayyyyy low. Feels good, man.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Wow that is incredible!!! I can't wait to get in shape, but what am I waiting for lol!! Best day is to start today!
I am 200lbs, 6ft tall. I don't look fat but I am bigger then I would like to be. Going to the 6:30 step meeting tonight, super excited.
I am 200lbs, 6ft tall. I don't look fat but I am bigger then I would like to be. Going to the 6:30 step meeting tonight, super excited.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Day was brutal, day 3 and the worst I've felt. Just finished a client dinner, I ate about 2 mouthfuls. Just going home to take Valium and try and sleep. Brave faces and all that today. In the total horrors inside.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
I saw a nice pic on another site that resonated with me. It's an over the shoulder view of the men that stormed Normandy beach. The caption says simply, "Harden the *expletive deleted* up".
Man, ain't that the truth? Refuse to be weak in the face of dispair, take a deep breath and do what you know you need to do.
Whether it's exercise on a bad day, quitting dope, or any other thing like that, I would have a hard time looking any of those men in the face and saying, "I can't".
Man, ain't that the truth? Refuse to be weak in the face of dispair, take a deep breath and do what you know you need to do.
Whether it's exercise on a bad day, quitting dope, or any other thing like that, I would have a hard time looking any of those men in the face and saying, "I can't".
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Too true tired enough. Day 5 for me now it's 6am early and I have always failed at weekends do today is huge for me. Determined not to use - I've not gone through all that the past 4 days for nothing. And you are right. In the scheme of things a bit of dope sickness is fook all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Thanks TE. That's exactly how I need to think, 48 hours no dope. Got to be done. I refuse to fall at this hurdle again. Not this time. If I can cope weekends then a huge element of the danger to relapse is gone. Gonna start visiting pals in Melbourne, up the coast etc at weekends get away from routine. Find when I'm away from where I use it's easier to forget. Thanks again TE I needed to hear that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Thailand
Posts: 824
Just had 4mgs of sub the devil off my shoulder again - got to get through this weekend. Not handled a hangover/coke over without smoking **** loads of heroin in years. Big chance for a breakthrough today.
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