How was your day? Part 6
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
New Relationship Behaviors ( from the Language of Letting Go by M Beattie, Hazelden)
We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over-reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not setting ourselves up to be victims by focusing on the other person while neglecting ourselves. We talk about having and setting healthy boundaries, talking directly, and taking responsibility for what we want and need.
While these behaviors certainly help us deal with addicted people, these are not behaviors intended only for use in what we call “dysfunctional relationships.”
These behaviors are our new relationship behaviors. They help us in stressful relationships. They can help us get through times of stress in healthy relationships.
The recovery behaviors we are learning are tools—healthy relationships skills—that help us improve the quality of all our relationships.
Recovery means self-care—learning to take care of ourselves and love ourselves—with people. The healthier we become, the healthier our relationships will become. And we’ll never outgrow our need for healthy behaviors.
Today, I will remember to apply my recovery behaviors in all my relationships—with friends and co-workers, as well as in any special love relationship. I will work hard at taking care of myself in the troublesome relationships, figuring out which skill might best apply. I will also consider ways that my healthy relationships might benefit from my new relationship skills.
(So perfect thought I would share)
We talk much about new relationship behaviors in recovery: allowing others to be themselves without over-reacting and taking it personally, and owning our power to take care of ourselves. We talk about letting go of our need to control, focusing on self-responsibility, and not setting ourselves up to be victims by focusing on the other person while neglecting ourselves. We talk about having and setting healthy boundaries, talking directly, and taking responsibility for what we want and need.
While these behaviors certainly help us deal with addicted people, these are not behaviors intended only for use in what we call “dysfunctional relationships.”
These behaviors are our new relationship behaviors. They help us in stressful relationships. They can help us get through times of stress in healthy relationships.
The recovery behaviors we are learning are tools—healthy relationships skills—that help us improve the quality of all our relationships.
Recovery means self-care—learning to take care of ourselves and love ourselves—with people. The healthier we become, the healthier our relationships will become. And we’ll never outgrow our need for healthy behaviors.
Today, I will remember to apply my recovery behaviors in all my relationships—with friends and co-workers, as well as in any special love relationship. I will work hard at taking care of myself in the troublesome relationships, figuring out which skill might best apply. I will also consider ways that my healthy relationships might benefit from my new relationship skills.
(So perfect thought I would share)
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Well it won't be long now! We get quite a few stations here with those drama's. They look a lot more interesting than American soaps that's for sure. I'm sure there's nothing like being in the actual country and watching them! 
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Thats the thing, Clean! I could watch them here but it just wouldnt be the same
I was watching one pretty regularly and we went out to eat. We go to the sticks, real mexico not the tourist places. Anyway, I was on a street corner eating and the older women had the tv setup in their booth. I watched 2 episodes with them and we were all entralled but couldnt communicatte past hand gestures and facial expressions. It was awesome
I was watching one pretty regularly and we went out to eat. We go to the sticks, real mexico not the tourist places. Anyway, I was on a street corner eating and the older women had the tv setup in their booth. I watched 2 episodes with them and we were all entralled but couldnt communicatte past hand gestures and facial expressions. It was awesome
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
I have to say TiredEnough...I would never have pictured you as one to watch tele novellas!
I personally have never watched soap operas, even in my younger days, but I do agree Clean that they are much better! A girl I work with tells me about some of them - they sound really good!
Hope you enjoy Mexico!
I personally have never watched soap operas, even in my younger days, but I do agree Clean that they are much better! A girl I work with tells me about some of them - they sound really good!
Hope you enjoy Mexico!
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
I've never been a fan of American soaps (at all) and I'm not sure I've ever seen a Latino one but somehow I picture them as more passionate... more real.
As for recovery relationships final, I think my most important relationships are with my Higher Power and with myself. Seems to me the rest will follow.
As for recovery relationships final, I think my most important relationships are with my Higher Power and with myself. Seems to me the rest will follow.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 2,258
Tiredenough I want to know more!!! gosh the story that you watched the soap from their house near the food stand is the story of my life. Well, I don't exactly watch tv like that but I eat at food stands all the time, can't communicate with the locals other then hand gestures and nods. I love it. I am an American but live in China, have for 4 years.
I moved here to sober up ha ha ha. People back in AZ laugh so hard when I say that. They say wow talk about a far geographic!!!!
Hope everything is good? Weather changed here so its amazing out. Actually went to a rooftop party last night???? Who is this girl. Yep, went out, didn't have a drink or need to drink. I have a funny story about how I can see others drink, realise I drank wayyyyy toooo much. but will save that for another time. I always type novels on here. feel bad. love ya guys.
mk how are you?
I moved here to sober up ha ha ha. People back in AZ laugh so hard when I say that. They say wow talk about a far geographic!!!!
Hope everything is good? Weather changed here so its amazing out. Actually went to a rooftop party last night???? Who is this girl. Yep, went out, didn't have a drink or need to drink. I have a funny story about how I can see others drink, realise I drank wayyyyy toooo much. but will save that for another time. I always type novels on here. feel bad. love ya guys.
mk how are you?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Hi finaltime! Hope you are enjoying your weekend! I was wondering if you are interested in learning Chinese? I'll bet you would learn quickly! Are there any Americans that can speak it?
I'm terrible at learning foreign languages, though. Wish I had learned Spanish. So many Spanish people here....it would have been really helpful......an asset on the résumé.
I'm terrible at learning foreign languages, though. Wish I had learned Spanish. So many Spanish people here....it would have been really helpful......an asset on the résumé.
Recovered from Hopeless State
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New Jersey, USA
Posts: 2,156
Originally Posted by cleaninLI 
Are there any Americans that can speak it?
I'm terrible at learning foreign languages, though. Wish I had learned Spanish. So many Spanish people here....it would have been really helpful.
I'm terrible at learning foreign languages, though. Wish I had learned Spanish. So many Spanish people here....it would have been really helpful.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Dsober you made me laugh today! Lol ha ha ha ha!
Yes I think you're right about the schools. My kids pick up words here and there from their classmates too. That's really cool that your daughters are fluent in many languages. I think some people have a knack for it. Not me....that's for sure!
Yes I think you're right about the schools. My kids pick up words here and there from their classmates too. That's really cool that your daughters are fluent in many languages. I think some people have a knack for it. Not me....that's for sure!
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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I would love to learn it, been thinking about it more and more now that I have braincells again. I have learned more in the past few months then I did in 4 years.
Just got in bed. Was thinking about how when I feel like crap about myself I really want to call everyone on their ********. Really. I get very very critical. Its different now that I can see it? I can see what a royal B I could be if I was to let people really know how I feel when I get like this. I would say that is my my biggest defect, I must work on. Thank GOD I have the ability now to not let it come out of my head. Thats a positive. I can let my brain think it, want to say it, but am able to refrain. I thank the program for that. Wish I wasn't like that though. Why am I anyone to say what others should do, how they should parent, how they should not be 600 pounds, how they should not ******** me as I am the queen of bs?
Can you see why I am writing this? I really am a nice person. I promise. Am I the only one that feels this way?
Just got in bed. Was thinking about how when I feel like crap about myself I really want to call everyone on their ********. Really. I get very very critical. Its different now that I can see it? I can see what a royal B I could be if I was to let people really know how I feel when I get like this. I would say that is my my biggest defect, I must work on. Thank GOD I have the ability now to not let it come out of my head. Thats a positive. I can let my brain think it, want to say it, but am able to refrain. I thank the program for that. Wish I wasn't like that though. Why am I anyone to say what others should do, how they should parent, how they should not be 600 pounds, how they should not ******** me as I am the queen of bs?
Can you see why I am writing this? I really am a nice person. I promise. Am I the only one that feels this way?
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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No final of course not. I understand what you're saying. I can be over-critical too. I think a lot of mine is learned behavior from my mother. She was the Queen of thinking critically....and I don't mean that in the positive way....like teaching kids critical thinking...threw in a teachers joke there. Lol since that is what it sounded like.
But of course it's easier to concentrate on other people's faults then it is our own. Plus it makes us feel not quite so bad. Lol
But the good thing is that you are recognizing that in yourself and want to change it. Some people never get it! We can't change what we don't acknowledge. Wow a regular Dr. Phil this morning.
But of course it's easier to concentrate on other people's faults then it is our own. Plus it makes us feel not quite so bad. Lol
But the good thing is that you are recognizing that in yourself and want to change it. Some people never get it! We can't change what we don't acknowledge. Wow a regular Dr. Phil this morning.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Nothing wrong with thinking critically. We need it to see how we've been screwing up. I don't think it's possible to analyze ourselves without analyzing others too. Trick, I think, is to learn ever better diplomacy and act and speak according to others' best interests as well as our own.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
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Just wanted to say....FinalTime I have always really enjoyed your posts and though may not have commented on them, always read them. And learned a lot from them. And I don't think they are novel length (well maybe, but I'm a long poster myself ), I think they are just fine. So I do hope you post away, long or short, as you have a fan here!
Also, interesting in the Spanish discussion. I took honors Spanish all throughout school (junior high and high school). Was really good at it. Now 20+ years later out of school (ouch) I can string together minor sentences. I hear that girl at work talk to her parents on the phone and it's so fast....every now and again I can get a word, that's about it. So sometimes I will try talking with her in Spanish and we wind up just laughing as I'm so bad.
So I think the secret is to most of us it's one of those things that if you don't use it, you lose it....so I would offer slight advice to anyone to be sure to keep their skills sharp. That said, I said most of us because I do agree there are certain people as you said Cleanin, that have a knack for it. Are able to pick up multiple languages (I think that's amazing - like Ms. Butters) or are really able to read and speak it well as dual languages (like the girl in work). I am always really impressed with those that can learn English, as it's such a difficult language. Some ESL folks I know speak it better than home grown folks. I'm not even sure what I'm rambling about now, but I am disappointed that after all those years of schooling I lost most of what I learned. I agree being able to be fluent in Spanish would be really helpful on my resume as well.
dSober....great about your daughters! Can only help them in life, in many ways!
), I think they are just fine. So I do hope you post away, long or short, as you have a fan here!Also, interesting in the Spanish discussion. I took honors Spanish all throughout school (junior high and high school). Was really good at it. Now 20+ years later out of school (ouch) I can string together minor sentences. I hear that girl at work talk to her parents on the phone and it's so fast....every now and again I can get a word, that's about it. So sometimes I will try talking with her in Spanish and we wind up just laughing as I'm so bad.
So I think the secret is to most of us it's one of those things that if you don't use it, you lose it....so I would offer slight advice to anyone to be sure to keep their skills sharp. That said, I said most of us because I do agree there are certain people as you said Cleanin, that have a knack for it. Are able to pick up multiple languages (I think that's amazing - like Ms. Butters) or are really able to read and speak it well as dual languages (like the girl in work). I am always really impressed with those that can learn English, as it's such a difficult language. Some ESL folks I know speak it better than home grown folks. I'm not even sure what I'm rambling about now, but I am disappointed that after all those years of schooling I lost most of what I learned. I agree being able to be fluent in Spanish would be really helpful on my resume as well.
dSober....great about your daughters! Can only help them in life, in many ways!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
I have learned just enough to say thank you, excuse me, and where are the bathrooms please
We go to the sticks there and the people are wonderful. They are always so nice to me and we get along fine without much language. I went to a crazy bullfight (they dont kill the bull or hurt it) in a little town once and it was awesome sitting in the makeshift stands behind chicken wire. We stopped in a town once for me to hit the restroom and I was the only gringo in the entire town. I had to walk into a kind of civic center run by nuns because there wasnt a single store or anything in the town. Lots of double takes as a lone blonde white guy walks in. Haha, they get a kick out of it I think.
One thing I always do is be very respectful to everyone. They really seem to appreciate that and really take to you after they realize you are not the stereotypical jack*ss American.
We go to the sticks there and the people are wonderful. They are always so nice to me and we get along fine without much language. I went to a crazy bullfight (they dont kill the bull or hurt it) in a little town once and it was awesome sitting in the makeshift stands behind chicken wire
. We stopped in a town once for me to hit the restroom and I was the only gringo in the entire town. I had to walk into a kind of civic center run by nuns because there wasnt a single store or anything in the town. Lots of double takes as a lone blonde white guy walks in. Haha, they get a kick out of it I think.One thing I always do is be very respectful to everyone. They really seem to appreciate that and really take to you after they realize you are not the stereotypical jack*ss American.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Another fun story was a police checkpoint I used to pass everyday. Those dudes are strapped with some nice weapons and I had to drive through there a few times a day. Anyway, the first week I kind of got scowls from them but I waved and smiled anyway. After about a week, they started to wave back and kind of grin. By the second week, I decided to pull over and say hi. My wife translated that I was a gun nut and really liked the M4's and HK's they had. They just beamed and nearly handed me the weapons to look over. After that, they smiled and waved to me every time I passed
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Join Date: Jul 2013
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Right on, Clean. The part we go to is in the south and is mostly Mayan. They are such sweet, quiet people. Being polite and friendly makes them open up a lot. They have been beat down (and still are in some places) by the lighter skinned Spanish so they are kind of cautious when you first meet them. I have sat in houses where the folks have next to nothing but they will give you the shirt off their back if they think you need it.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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TE, such good stories. Amazing in fact. Smiling, being nice to others moves mountains especially when people are not used to it. The guards around most compounds don't acknowledge me or smile, until I have done it over and over. With the local Chinese around her I have made good friends because I acknowledge them. The girl that works in our canteen brought my daughter a special donut the other day because I am her friend. When I tell the other teachers, "I will ask so and so, she is my friend" some fall over with shock. They don't take the time out to get to know some of the locals, where I prefer them over the foreigners! Same goes with the supply teachers in our school. I get to know them as well.
Huge storm passed through here yesterday. Daughter is a trooper when it comes to holding her own umbrella against the wind! Sure beats last year at this time when I was meeting my x to give him daughter so he could truck all the way to the subway with her on his shoulders. I remember when this same type of storm came through, water was up to our knees. WE were all frustrated, instead of raging through it together to find ways to get to work we were fighting. I ended up going one way, him the other, me feeling beat down and helpless.
GOD I don't miss those days. If I put the tools of the program first, keep my side of the street clean we get along just great.
Today I am grateful for that! Need to get some breakfast made. Soccer day today if the fields are dry.
My dad said him and my stepmom are coming to visit in April. WOWSERS that is soooo cool! Now wish things with my mom were better, I pray that I can give her love and support, not take her inventory and know that she is doing the best she knows how. (WHO MADE UP THAT LINE HA HA) she could do way better, hasn't seen us ONCE on the computer since have been back. Then goes on and on how she misses us. My daughter has stopped asking though to see grandma, so that makes it easier.
Loves
Huge storm passed through here yesterday. Daughter is a trooper when it comes to holding her own umbrella against the wind! Sure beats last year at this time when I was meeting my x to give him daughter so he could truck all the way to the subway with her on his shoulders. I remember when this same type of storm came through, water was up to our knees. WE were all frustrated, instead of raging through it together to find ways to get to work we were fighting. I ended up going one way, him the other, me feeling beat down and helpless.
GOD I don't miss those days. If I put the tools of the program first, keep my side of the street clean we get along just great.
Today I am grateful for that! Need to get some breakfast made. Soccer day today if the fields are dry.
My dad said him and my stepmom are coming to visit in April. WOWSERS that is soooo cool! Now wish things with my mom were better, I pray that I can give her love and support, not take her inventory and know that she is doing the best she knows how. (WHO MADE UP THAT LINE HA HA) she could do way better, hasn't seen us ONCE on the computer since have been back. Then goes on and on how she misses us. My daughter has stopped asking though to see grandma, so that makes it easier.
Loves
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