*We* made it Another Day Part 10
Mamahawk
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 4,034
Wow. I'm bored and I can't sleep so I'm reading through our old threads. In thread 8 I found where I hit 40 days and I wrote this...
I just realized I hit 40 days tomorrow. 40 days clean and sober! I just can't believe it. I wish with all my heart I could give this feeling to every addict out that is suffering. It's hard. Sometimes the battle just wears me out. But so did using. And lying and stealing. One of the things I hated most was not being able to look at myself. I could not stand the sight of me. But I think the one thing I hated most was feeling like a stranger. A stranger to my family. A stranger to my friends. A stranger to myself. I couldn't stand it. But I was a stranger. I still don't know exactly who I am but I like finding out. My smile isn't fake anymore. My heart isn't heavy. And when I look at myself I don't see a strangers eyes staring back at me. I see a girl I once knew clawing her way back out. I see a genuine smile. I see eyes that are no longer dead and blank but sparkling with LIFE. I could not have done this without all of you so thank you.
I can honestly say here on day 55, through the ups and downs, I still feel the same way!! It's so awesome to be clean!
I just realized I hit 40 days tomorrow. 40 days clean and sober! I just can't believe it. I wish with all my heart I could give this feeling to every addict out that is suffering. It's hard. Sometimes the battle just wears me out. But so did using. And lying and stealing. One of the things I hated most was not being able to look at myself. I could not stand the sight of me. But I think the one thing I hated most was feeling like a stranger. A stranger to my family. A stranger to my friends. A stranger to myself. I couldn't stand it. But I was a stranger. I still don't know exactly who I am but I like finding out. My smile isn't fake anymore. My heart isn't heavy. And when I look at myself I don't see a strangers eyes staring back at me. I see a girl I once knew clawing her way back out. I see a genuine smile. I see eyes that are no longer dead and blank but sparkling with LIFE. I could not have done this without all of you so thank you.
I can honestly say here on day 55, through the ups and downs, I still feel the same way!! It's so awesome to be clean!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by Mamahawk 
Allfor thank you so much for showing you care! I didn't mean to ignore you! It's been so stressful. All of you mean the world to me!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Butter - Switzerland...how cool! What in the world is bringing you this way? I'd gladly switch places with you!
So interesting hearing the meaning behind the name BlueChair. Love that! Would love to hear more about others as well. I'm going to age myself here, but I am a big fan of the band Queensryche and Operation: Mindcrime is one of my all time favorite albums. It's a concept album, will post the summary below, but the last song on the album is called "Eyes of a Stranger" and it's about the main character coming out of his heroin haze and looking in the mirror and realizing he no longer knows the person he has become. I just can relate to that so much. And so interesting Mamahawk, from what you just posted it sounds like you can relate too.
Starting day 5 today, having a hard time. Was able to work from home today, so that has helped a bit.
From Wikipedia (Operation: Mindcrime - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
The album begins with the protagonist, Nikki, in a hospital. He lies in a near catatonic state, unable to remember anything but snippets from his past. Suddenly, Nikki's memories come flooding back in a torrent. He remembers how, as a heroin addict and would-be political radical frustrated with contemporary society due to the economic inequality, corruption, and hypocrisy around him, he was manipulated into joining a supposed secret organization dedicated to revolution. At the head of this organization is a mysterious political and religious demagogue known only as Dr. X, who manipulates Nikki through a combination of his heroin addiction and brainwashing techniques to become an assassin.
Whenever Dr. X uses the word "mindcrime", Nikki becomes his docile puppet, a state which Dr. X uses to command Nikki to undertake any murder that the Doctor wishes. Through one of Dr. X's probable associates, a corrupt priest named Father William, Nikki is offered the services of a prostitute-turned-nun named Sister Mary. Through his friendship and growing affection toward Sister Mary, Nikki begins to question the nature of what he is doing, seeing that Dr. X has his own nefarious agenda. Dr. X takes notice and, seeing a potential threat in Mary to his cult of personality, orders Nikki to kill both her and the priest. Nikki goes to Mary's church and kills the priest, but, after confronting Mary, he fails to comply with the command to murder her. He and Mary decide to leave the organization together, and Nikki goes to Dr. X to tell him that they are out. Dr. X, however, reminds Nikki that he is an addict, and that he is the one who can provide him with his daily fix. Nikki leaves, conflicted and uncertain, and he returns to Mary only to find her dead.
Nikki cannot cope with the loss, as well as the possibility that he himself may have killed her without knowing it (whether her death occurred at his hand or at the hand of someone else such as Dr. X is left deliberately ambiguous), and he begins to succumb to insanity. He runs through the streets calling her name. The police arrive and attempt to subdue him. A gun is found on Nikki, and they take him into custody under suspicion of Mary's murder and the murders he committed for Dr. X. Suffering from an almost complete loss of memory, Nikki is put into a mental hospital, where he sees a news report on the recent spree of political homicides. This jogs his memory and returns us to the beginning where he remembers what has happened and begins to tell his story.
So interesting hearing the meaning behind the name BlueChair. Love that! Would love to hear more about others as well. I'm going to age myself here, but I am a big fan of the band Queensryche and Operation: Mindcrime is one of my all time favorite albums. It's a concept album, will post the summary below, but the last song on the album is called "Eyes of a Stranger" and it's about the main character coming out of his heroin haze and looking in the mirror and realizing he no longer knows the person he has become. I just can relate to that so much. And so interesting Mamahawk, from what you just posted it sounds like you can relate too.
Starting day 5 today, having a hard time. Was able to work from home today, so that has helped a bit.
From Wikipedia (Operation: Mindcrime - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)
The album begins with the protagonist, Nikki, in a hospital. He lies in a near catatonic state, unable to remember anything but snippets from his past. Suddenly, Nikki's memories come flooding back in a torrent. He remembers how, as a heroin addict and would-be political radical frustrated with contemporary society due to the economic inequality, corruption, and hypocrisy around him, he was manipulated into joining a supposed secret organization dedicated to revolution. At the head of this organization is a mysterious political and religious demagogue known only as Dr. X, who manipulates Nikki through a combination of his heroin addiction and brainwashing techniques to become an assassin.
Whenever Dr. X uses the word "mindcrime", Nikki becomes his docile puppet, a state which Dr. X uses to command Nikki to undertake any murder that the Doctor wishes. Through one of Dr. X's probable associates, a corrupt priest named Father William, Nikki is offered the services of a prostitute-turned-nun named Sister Mary. Through his friendship and growing affection toward Sister Mary, Nikki begins to question the nature of what he is doing, seeing that Dr. X has his own nefarious agenda. Dr. X takes notice and, seeing a potential threat in Mary to his cult of personality, orders Nikki to kill both her and the priest. Nikki goes to Mary's church and kills the priest, but, after confronting Mary, he fails to comply with the command to murder her. He and Mary decide to leave the organization together, and Nikki goes to Dr. X to tell him that they are out. Dr. X, however, reminds Nikki that he is an addict, and that he is the one who can provide him with his daily fix. Nikki leaves, conflicted and uncertain, and he returns to Mary only to find her dead.
Nikki cannot cope with the loss, as well as the possibility that he himself may have killed her without knowing it (whether her death occurred at his hand or at the hand of someone else such as Dr. X is left deliberately ambiguous), and he begins to succumb to insanity. He runs through the streets calling her name. The police arrive and attempt to subdue him. A gun is found on Nikki, and they take him into custody under suspicion of Mary's murder and the murders he committed for Dr. X. Suffering from an almost complete loss of memory, Nikki is put into a mental hospital, where he sees a news report on the recent spree of political homicides. This jogs his memory and returns us to the beginning where he remembers what has happened and begins to tell his story.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Hey guys!
mama, i'm serious you need to check in asap! Or i'll send the penguins !!!
I was pretty busy today. Met one of my best friends for Burgers, cupcakes and coffee. We had a great time. Had fun, laughed, talked about B., laughed about him, it was good. I even looked at a cute guy who was sitting next to us. After that I went to work, came home and fell into a hole. I miss B. terribly right now. Today, before we had lunch my friend and I met up with her BF because they needed to pick up some partner rings. I tell you, i felt like the odd man out. It seems as if everyone around me is either happy in a relationship celebrating it and their anniversaries or even getting their relationships back on track. Except me. Why can't B and I not fix it? Go back to what we had and take it from there? My friend and I had the idea that he was so mean on purpose, to make it easier for me..
Today I discovered something like my AV. I use the same phone he used and it rans out of power quite quickly, so i told myself I could write him and ask if he had the same problem and how he solved it. Of course i didn't.
The other thing is,my upcoming birthday. I wish nothing more than to get a Happy Birthday from him. I know that he probably won't say anything and I try to be aware of that and not to expect anything. But i dream about it and hope for it, so in the end i'll be disappointed for sure. So rant over... Ugh... it does get easier, right?
How is everyone? Where is everyone lol :-)
mama, i'm serious you need to check in asap! Or i'll send the penguins !!!
I was pretty busy today. Met one of my best friends for Burgers, cupcakes and coffee. We had a great time. Had fun, laughed, talked about B., laughed about him, it was good. I even looked at a cute guy who was sitting next to us. After that I went to work, came home and fell into a hole. I miss B. terribly right now. Today, before we had lunch my friend and I met up with her BF because they needed to pick up some partner rings. I tell you, i felt like the odd man out. It seems as if everyone around me is either happy in a relationship celebrating it and their anniversaries or even getting their relationships back on track. Except me. Why can't B and I not fix it? Go back to what we had and take it from there? My friend and I had the idea that he was so mean on purpose, to make it easier for me..
Today I discovered something like my AV. I use the same phone he used and it rans out of power quite quickly, so i told myself I could write him and ask if he had the same problem and how he solved it. Of course i didn't.
The other thing is,my upcoming birthday. I wish nothing more than to get a Happy Birthday from him. I know that he probably won't say anything and I try to be aware of that and not to expect anything. But i dream about it and hope for it, so in the end i'll be disappointed for sure. So rant over... Ugh... it does get easier, right?
How is everyone? Where is everyone lol :-)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Good Morning Eyes !! Sorry you are struggling today 
Where is everyone else? Where is Mama? Im worried about the baby Mama, maybe post an update when you have a chance?
Where is my Butter?
Im LONELY
Good news: we went to see jaguar, and she is moving around on her legs now, and she climbed on some of the wood in her big cage. She hid behind something part of the time. But then looked right at me ! Needs another dose of medicine for the parasites in a few days and might get to come home early next week. Hes going to take her off the steroids for her spinal injury and make sure there is no regression.
This is when you might be happy your single Butter. When embarrassing things happen and you live alone, no one ever has to know.
I got home before Husbunny and cooked dinner. We were going to take my car to visit Jaguar and I knew this so left it in the driveway with the windows down a little. We get in the car with him driving and start down the road. He rolls up the windows to turn on the air, and asks me "what is that smell" I said I accidentally spilled a whole bottle (big bottle) of water in the backseat floorboard the day before. I left it open on the backseat when I was leaving work and it tumbled over. I tried to soak some of it up with a towel and thought it would dry, being water ! I said I think its souring. He gave me this look and said, I dont think water would sour on the floormat. They get wet when it rains from our feet, have you ever smelled a smell like this? Come to think of it no. He said "it smells like there is a dead body in the trunk" then he starts laughing. By now he has pulled over because he is dying from the smell. He gets out and looks in the trunk. Comes back laughing so hard and says there is a bag of garbage in the trunk.
Oh yeah, now I remember it was garbage day THE DAY BEFORE and I put the trash bag from the kitchen into the trunk and I was going to drop it in the trash bin. I forgot ! He is out of control with laughter now. Saying you drove to work with the stinky bag in the trunk, it sat all day in the heat in the trunk, you drove home with the stink, and all the while thought it was from a spilled bottle of water? He cant stop laughing !! He just cant, his whole face is red he is laughing so hard. I had to start laughing too. It was ridiculous !! He drove home, took the trash out. We had to switch cars to go see jaguar, and he was worried we were going to transfer the garbage stink to his car so we changed our clothes !! He says my whole car needs cleaning and to be deodorized, and I was paranoid couldnt drive it to work and had to take his other car. Then I get to work (I had a great day yesterday) and asked a couple of my friends there "Did I smell yesterday" told them what happened, and they laughed hysterically too !!
Lesson learned: spilled water doesnt smell like hot steamy trash been sitting in the sun !
Where is everyone else? Where is Mama? Im worried about the baby Mama, maybe post an update when you have a chance?
Where is my Butter?
Im LONELY
Good news: we went to see jaguar, and she is moving around on her legs now, and she climbed on some of the wood in her big cage. She hid behind something part of the time. But then looked right at me ! Needs another dose of medicine for the parasites in a few days and might get to come home early next week. Hes going to take her off the steroids for her spinal injury and make sure there is no regression.
This is when you might be happy your single Butter. When embarrassing things happen and you live alone, no one ever has to know.
I got home before Husbunny and cooked dinner. We were going to take my car to visit Jaguar and I knew this so left it in the driveway with the windows down a little. We get in the car with him driving and start down the road. He rolls up the windows to turn on the air, and asks me "what is that smell" I said I accidentally spilled a whole bottle (big bottle) of water in the backseat floorboard the day before. I left it open on the backseat when I was leaving work and it tumbled over. I tried to soak some of it up with a towel and thought it would dry, being water ! I said I think its souring. He gave me this look and said, I dont think water would sour on the floormat. They get wet when it rains from our feet, have you ever smelled a smell like this? Come to think of it no. He said "it smells like there is a dead body in the trunk" then he starts laughing. By now he has pulled over because he is dying from the smell. He gets out and looks in the trunk. Comes back laughing so hard and says there is a bag of garbage in the trunk.
Oh yeah, now I remember it was garbage day THE DAY BEFORE and I put the trash bag from the kitchen into the trunk and I was going to drop it in the trash bin. I forgot ! He is out of control with laughter now. Saying you drove to work with the stinky bag in the trunk, it sat all day in the heat in the trunk, you drove home with the stink, and all the while thought it was from a spilled bottle of water? He cant stop laughing !! He just cant, his whole face is red he is laughing so hard. I had to start laughing too. It was ridiculous !! He drove home, took the trash out. We had to switch cars to go see jaguar, and he was worried we were going to transfer the garbage stink to his car so we changed our clothes !! He says my whole car needs cleaning and to be deodorized, and I was paranoid couldnt drive it to work and had to take his other car. Then I get to work (I had a great day yesterday) and asked a couple of my friends there "Did I smell yesterday" told them what happened, and they laughed hysterically too !!
Lesson learned: spilled water doesnt smell like hot steamy trash been sitting in the sun !
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
i'm here blue :-) so we can be lonely together !
hahaa i love the garbage bag story, that is hilarious indeed. Forgive me that question, but i'm swiss, why do you take the car to drop your garbage bag in the bin?
But it's cute that you thought water would get sour
thank you for making me smile :-)
and i'm happy that jaguar is feeling better :-) so the councelling must have helped
hahaa i love the garbage bag story, that is hilarious indeed. Forgive me that question, but i'm swiss, why do you take the car to drop your garbage bag in the bin?
But it's cute that you thought water would get sour
thank you for making me smile :-)and i'm happy that jaguar is feeling better :-) so the councelling must have helped
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Someone here? Butter needs some distraction :-(
Eyes, it started with a coincidence and a 2 week stay. Went back stayed for 3 months, and came back 6 times since then. I got a spot in a exchange program and will study at a college for a semester. I just love the city. It became my home. Do you life in the city itself? Haha we can trade anytime!!!
B. used to call me buttercup. He is/was the reason i came here so I chose it. very simple story.
Eyes, it started with a coincidence and a 2 week stay. Went back stayed for 3 months, and came back 6 times since then. I got a spot in a exchange program and will study at a college for a semester. I just love the city. It became my home. Do you life in the city itself? Haha we can trade anytime!!!
B. used to call me buttercup. He is/was the reason i came here so I chose it. very simple story.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Nothing wrong with a simple story 
OK, I will give you we have great schools and hospitals here - that is true enough. It's just so expensive to live here, that gets me more than anything! And as I've gotten older, I care for the weather less and less lol.
I live just south of the city (south shore technically) about a ten or fifteen minute ride. I am not a city person at all. I have to go there often to the doctors, and I just hate driving in town! I am a true masshole driver though, I can admit it. My poor mother hates being in the car with me, I scare her to death.
My mother is actually from Wales, came to the US when she was 22 - she's been here 50 years now! So I have been to England three times when I was younger. We went there for family vacations, but never got to go to Disneyworld like all my friends lol. I was too young (9, 11, and 15) when we went to truly enjoy it, would love to go back now. Europe is so wonderful, and I'd love to go to Holland and Switzerland as well. Big problem though, I hate flying!
OK, I will give you we have great schools and hospitals here - that is true enough. It's just so expensive to live here, that gets me more than anything! And as I've gotten older, I care for the weather less and less lol.
I live just south of the city (south shore technically) about a ten or fifteen minute ride. I am not a city person at all. I have to go there often to the doctors, and I just hate driving in town! I am a true masshole driver though, I can admit it. My poor mother hates being in the car with me, I scare her to death.
My mother is actually from Wales, came to the US when she was 22 - she's been here 50 years now! So I have been to England three times when I was younger. We went there for family vacations, but never got to go to Disneyworld like all my friends lol. I was too young (9, 11, and 15) when we went to truly enjoy it, would love to go back now. Europe is so wonderful, and I'd love to go to Holland and Switzerland as well. Big problem though, I hate flying!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by BlueChair
Its good to have you here Eyes. Im unofficially supposed to be recruiting members who have user ids with names associated with food or condiments. Butter would like to be replaced in terms of being blown up, exploded in the microwave, and burnt in the saucepan. (I didnt even tell you about this one Butter) but YOU just fit in here EYES, all on your own merit. Mama would never poke you in the eyes. She has never tried to break a chair either, but lets not give her the idea Butter
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Hi Dee,
Don't you worry about us! We're holding the fort. You "better" i'm glad you have help now and i hope you'll find a new place soon. Just make sure it's big enough for our "We made it another day" - trip. Remember, Mama wants to bring the penguins No, all jokes a side, i keep sending you positive vibes and keep my fingers crossed !!!
Seriously, I know as soon as I leave to go to bed everyone shows up... So i'm leaving now
Don't you worry about us! We're holding the fort. You "better" i'm glad you have help now and i hope you'll find a new place soon. Just make sure it's big enough for our "We made it another day" - trip. Remember, Mama wants to bring the penguins
No, all jokes a side, i keep sending you positive vibes and keep my fingers crossed !!! Seriously, I know as soon as I leave to go to bed everyone shows up... So i'm leaving now
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Now I can show up if Butter is leaving. HAHAHAHA Im not serious Butter, I had to leave earlier because of work stuff.
I think trash is handled on a local basis in the United States. Where we live we have recycling and trash collection. We have these big bins with wheels and specially made to work with a truck has a mechanical arm. Once a week they are rolled out to the curb at the end of our driveway. Husbunny usually does this the night before because they come early in the morning. On this particular night, it was all done except I had one bag left and told him I would carry it out when I was all done with cleaning up. It got dark and being lazy as I am, decided to drive it down to the bin (we have a long driveway). I put it back there and got distracted and forgot all about it being in the trunk. Even the next morning I forgot ! maybe Im getting senile? Im going to start making sure my shoes are the same before I head off to work in the mornings.
Hi Dee
I hope you find something soon. We miss you, but I think we've been good.
Eyes: Hope your feeling better. I know some days are worse than others, and especially in the beginning its hard. Are those your cats in the avatar picture?
I think trash is handled on a local basis in the United States. Where we live we have recycling and trash collection. We have these big bins with wheels and specially made to work with a truck has a mechanical arm. Once a week they are rolled out to the curb at the end of our driveway. Husbunny usually does this the night before because they come early in the morning. On this particular night, it was all done except I had one bag left and told him I would carry it out when I was all done with cleaning up. It got dark and being lazy as I am, decided to drive it down to the bin (we have a long driveway). I put it back there and got distracted and forgot all about it being in the trunk. Even the next morning I forgot ! maybe Im getting senile? Im going to start making sure my shoes are the same before I head off to work in the mornings.
Hi Dee
I hope you find something soon. We miss you, but I think we've been good. Eyes: Hope your feeling better. I know some days are worse than others, and especially in the beginning its hard. Are those your cats in the avatar picture?
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
yeah, yeah, just use work as an excuse. no one likes me just kidding, i'm in a crazy mood right now.
oh it's the same here, but i like the fact that you take your car to go to the bin. That is sooooo American! Usually, we walk... I wonder what my mom said if I used the car lol
But don't you worry, i have a similar story. My parents own an RV and once we were on vacation and had some cheese in the fridge (mozarella). I can't remember exactly, but i guess it was so hot, that the fridge couldn't freeze enough. In the fridge was also a bottle of peach ice tea. In the night I opened the fridge to drink some ice tea and it smelled awfully. I told my mom and asked what it was and she said, she doesn't smell anything and i shouldn't act difficult, it must be my disgusting peach ice tea and that's normal.
In the morning the smell got worse and soon the whole RV was smelling. In the end we found out it was the mozarella which bloated and (maybe even blew up) because it wasn't cool enough. I tell you, it was torture to open the fridge in the following days, even though my mom cleaned it carefully.
no one likes me just kidding, i'm in a crazy mood right now. oh it's the same here, but i like the fact that you take your car to go to the bin. That is sooooo American! Usually, we walk... I wonder what my mom said if I used the car lol
But don't you worry, i have a similar story. My parents own an RV and once we were on vacation and had some cheese in the fridge (mozarella). I can't remember exactly, but i guess it was so hot, that the fridge couldn't freeze enough. In the fridge was also a bottle of peach ice tea. In the night I opened the fridge to drink some ice tea and it smelled awfully. I told my mom and asked what it was and she said, she doesn't smell anything and i shouldn't act difficult, it must be my disgusting peach ice tea and that's normal.
In the morning the smell got worse and soon the whole RV was smelling. In the end we found out it was the mozarella which bloated and (maybe even blew up) because it wasn't cool enough. I tell you, it was torture to open the fridge in the following days, even though my mom cleaned it carefully.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Stinky cheese of the "soft" variety. Oh NO !!! It would have been worse because you were stuck in the RV, but it made a memorable trip.
I think its good I provide him with some comic relief. He stopped his laughter in the middle of it and said "I love you".
We have a long driveway and at the end there is a gate. The car has a thing in it to open the gate and at the time it made sense to drive it down. How I forgot I still dont know. The dog was running around and I went chasing after and that was the end of trash duty. What worries me is I didnt remember even when I smelt the odor. No one at work would admit I stunk so maybe I was ok!
I think its good I provide him with some comic relief. He stopped his laughter in the middle of it and said "I love you".
We have a long driveway and at the end there is a gate. The car has a thing in it to open the gate and at the time it made sense to drive it down. How I forgot I still dont know. The dog was running around and I went chasing after and that was the end of trash duty. What worries me is I didnt remember even when I smelt the odor. No one at work would admit I stunk so maybe I was ok!
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
He stopped his laughter in the middle of it and said "I love you".
awwww that's sooooo cute! i want a husbunny too... where can i buy them? ;-) no seriously, he sounds like a great guy! ok, you know, i'm still getting used to the fact that in the us everything is way bigger than here... so i didn't mean that in a mean way or so. It's just something i couldn't imagine :-)
haha, i love the story, i mean that you forgot the bag the first time, yes, i can understand that, but even when it smelled? oh oh :-)
so, now i'm off to bed... it's very late and I need to get up early :/ i'll see you all tomorrow!
Mama I miss you !!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Goodnight Butter, I have to go too.
Are you saying we have bigger trash than you? Ive heard they have to float the USA garbage around on a boat there's so much of it. I dont know if this is accurate. It would be one smelly ship wouldnt it? How much would they pay the crew on a garbage ship?
Are you saying we have bigger trash than you? Ive heard they have to float the USA garbage around on a boat there's so much of it. I dont know if this is accurate. It would be one smelly ship wouldnt it? How much would they pay the crew on a garbage ship?
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Originally Posted by BlueChair
Eyes: Hope your feeling better. I know some days are worse than others, and especially in the beginning its hard. Are those your cats in the avatar picture?
Yes, those are my beautiful girls, Angel and Jasmine. White Persian sisters that actually came to me from Kentucky. I am a HUGE animal lover, and I have loved all my pets, but when I was 17 I got my dream cat, big white fluffy cat (also Persian). As I said I have loved all my pets, but she was something special to me, my Cleo. She lived everywhere with me when I had moved around. As my ex used to tell me, we had an weird relationship - I know she thought I was her mom. I had 17 great years with her, and then she got a lung tumor and passed away on me (we had to put her down when she started to suffer). I came home that night and got rid of anything, sure I could never go through that pain again. And then one night I saw a picture of a kitten on line, and it was a spitting image of her. My heart stopped. And she had a sister, and I always wanted to get two together. I contacted the cattery, but one had already been sold. At the last minute that woman could not come up with the money, and suddenly both were available. Like it was meant to be. I wasn't looking ourside of the state originally, but there they were. My Cleo passed on 9/9, cremated on 9/11, and my girls now were born on 9/13. It truly was meant to be. I felt like my Cleo came back to me and brought a friend
Every year I take Cleo's ashes outside on 9/9 and sit with her. Yeah yeah, crazy cat lady but it gives me peace.The reason I bring up this whole story is you asking about the cats reminded me of something. When I lost Cleo I honestly thought I would never be happy again - ever. It was so hard for me. I had to take a bereavement leave from work (ok, they made me use vacation time lol). But I was wrong. I still miss her of course, but I did get happy again. It took time. Getting my new girls on Thanksgiving helped fill that whole in my heart. No one will ever replace her, but I was able to share the love I had to give again.
I am now thinking of my sobriety journey the same way. I feel like I will never get past this, never feel better - but looking back to that story, I know I can. Grieve, mourn, then pick up the pieces and move on, and be able to share myself with new experiences. Pretty sure you didn't think this long story would come out of a simple question, but it really did cause an awakening for me. I can do this. And I thank you - to the moon and back. Never forget, but I can move on. I've proved that with something I loved more than drugs. An epiphany if you will. Thank you BlueChair, whether you realized or not.
I also have to get some better pictures of them. They really are the cutest sweetest cats you could ever hope to meet
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