For those who have time but still need support
Work in Progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Tired enough i have the same beliefs on meds you do. Im finally facing things and learning to fix them instead of cover them. Its tough sometimes but rewarding when an obstacle is won. Ocd must be a tough one to deal with. My struggle is borderline personality which is surprisingly under control but creates a ton of chaos in my head as finaltime described. Sorry I didnt get to read all the replies just yet. Been doing more training for work and I am the boss today. Hands on practice! Im excited for a new challenge!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I think admitting to the fact that we still struggle is half the battle.
Once I think "I got this" I am in deep trouble. There is no way I can do it alone.
We are so used to instant gratification. I think many believe, after much convincing, that it takes work up front and they are willing to do that but the sober maintenance is not taken seriously. We feel good, we look good, we have a couple good things happen and off we go into the wild blue yonder.
It gets easier but the maintenance is just like for a car, we need it regularly, not just when something breaks. If we break, we relapse.
I need help all the time. Help to remind me of what it was like. Our minds are so good at forgetting pain. I need help on current difficulties, our minds are so good at convincing ourselves that we have all the answers. I need help doing the right thing, our minds are so good at justifying.
In other words, I need help to get out of my head because just because I think it, does not make it right nor true.
Once I think "I got this" I am in deep trouble. There is no way I can do it alone.
We are so used to instant gratification. I think many believe, after much convincing, that it takes work up front and they are willing to do that but the sober maintenance is not taken seriously. We feel good, we look good, we have a couple good things happen and off we go into the wild blue yonder.
It gets easier but the maintenance is just like for a car, we need it regularly, not just when something breaks. If we break, we relapse.
I need help all the time. Help to remind me of what it was like. Our minds are so good at forgetting pain. I need help on current difficulties, our minds are so good at convincing ourselves that we have all the answers. I need help doing the right thing, our minds are so good at justifying.
In other words, I need help to get out of my head because just because I think it, does not make it right nor true.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,375
Dec, I have always felt we are pretty similar. Lots of legit mental reasons to get doped up but we refuse to.
I have had low moments in the past where I thought, "Dec wouldn't break so neither am I". Thanks for that.
I have had low moments in the past where I thought, "Dec wouldn't break so neither am I". Thanks for that.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Boston Mass
Posts: 79
What a great thread. I'm dealing with so much of this too..early sobriety relapse underlying illness family or lack of it. These are tough things. Sobriety isn't one dimensional any more than addiction is. Thank you SR members for being a virtual meeting.
Its so helpful to hear the thoughts and struggles of others it helps me get out of my head.
An addicts head is a funky place sometimes!
Its so helpful to hear the thoughts and struggles of others it helps me get out of my head.
An addicts head is a funky place sometimes!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
I've been a member of AA for a long time and have always made it a point to go to meetings. Airport bars still look attractive and every so often I think about how I nice it would be to start the day with a Kahlua coffee.
But then I play the tape out in my head and the ending is always the same. I'm drunk and it's not pleasant.
Sobriety has given me a life. Not a perfect life but a life nevertheless. And as long as I'm sober I'm going through life in the right direction. I start drinking and all bets are off.
Although I might have a number of years under my belt I am under no illusion I'm completely safe which is why I try to stay fairly close to AA.
I don't want to forget I'm an alcoholic.
My wife say, "How can you possibly forget?"
I don't know but I'm sure I could find a way.
But then I play the tape out in my head and the ending is always the same. I'm drunk and it's not pleasant.
Sobriety has given me a life. Not a perfect life but a life nevertheless. And as long as I'm sober I'm going through life in the right direction. I start drinking and all bets are off.
Although I might have a number of years under my belt I am under no illusion I'm completely safe which is why I try to stay fairly close to AA.
I don't want to forget I'm an alcoholic.
My wife say, "How can you possibly forget?"
I don't know but I'm sure I could find a way.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: alabama
Posts: 222
This is a great idea for a thread. I will have a year sober this sunday and am very pleased about that. I am luckily through the acute phase of things and seem to be doing well mentally as well but I still come here and read so I do not forget where I was a year ago. I try to lend support to newcomers but lots of times I just don't really relate anymore. I don't mean that as harsh as it might sound, it's just that I feel like I have moved on to the next phase of my recovery and I think that this thread is a great idea. Thanks
Work in Progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Originally Posted by fancyfee 
Great thread Decbaby! I'm still a newbie to sobriety with just under 1 yr off opiates and less for benzos and alcohol.
I still struggle with different issues that I had during my using. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even really sober because some of my emotions are exactly the same. I'm not high or drunk, but I falter with food, stress, love, money... you get the picture. I still struggle with self sabotage, just in a different way.
I'm so glad I'm not using though. I can face these issues like an adult and feel the emotions. It's hard but much better than when I was using.
I still struggle with different issues that I had during my using. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even really sober because some of my emotions are exactly the same. I'm not high or drunk, but I falter with food, stress, love, money... you get the picture. I still struggle with self sabotage, just in a different way.
I'm so glad I'm not using though. I can face these issues like an adult and feel the emotions. It's hard but much better than when I was using.
Work in Progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Originally Posted by TiredEnough
Dec, I have always felt we are pretty similar. Lots of legit mental reasons to get doped up but we refuse to.
I have had low moments in the past where I thought, "Dec wouldn't break so neither am I". Thanks for that.
I have had low moments in the past where I thought, "Dec wouldn't break so neither am I". Thanks for that.
.
Tired
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 396
Great thread. I'm struggling right now...I have bpd too and my coping skills are that of a teenager. I realize that now. My sister is the same way. Except she is bipolar. Still dealing with a failing marriage and an alcoholic husband, still unmotivated about life. I know it takes time but that instant gratification us addicts crave is strong! One thing I keep in mind is I have not spent money on opiates in (3) days will be a full month. That in itself is amazing. I feel guilt but then I justify it by stating I needed to be high to deal with my home life. I know that statement is false, I'm not stupid but I'm still hoping each day that I feel "ok". I have cravings often and I think "oh, I could go just have a few!" Yea right! I would be a full blown addict in a week, again. I'm sick of the withdrawels , spending money relying on a text back from your dealer, lying to your dr, lying to your spouse. Lying to yourself. These things keep me straight, for now.
Work in Progress
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Ashamed, some days are tough. Like TE said we all know what doesn't work. Keep trying some new things that fill your time until you find what makes you happy. I have found keeping my home clean and organized helps quiet my head inside. I have also found if things are out of my control I tend to unravel. Messy home, messy head. Don't know if that control factor is part of bpd or just a personality quirk of mine. I know you have some issues with your husband. Have you tried friends and family meetings to learn to detach from him to give you some peace?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 598
Thank you "veterans"
Selfishly I wish this thread would continue. Realistically I understand why it might not. I can imagine as the more sober time you get under your belt, the less you would want to be here, for a few reasons - good and bad. First and foremost, I hope you are out living the life that a lot of us in addiction did not. But coming back has to be odd as well. By odd I mean it has to be nice to be able to help others, and as you read about current battles it reminds you of where you are glad to no longer be. At the same time, it also must drag up old thoughts and triggers which may not be all that comfortable.
I resurrected this thread for two reasons. The first being that I wanted to thank those that posted here. While I was a guest reading here many of you helped me, without even knowing, on various threads. Your stories, experience, and advice got me to where I am today. And I never got to thank you so I want to do that now - THANK YOU.
Secondly, reading this has been so important for someone like myself who is so young in recovery. I try to offer support to those who are in a similar place to myself, but I cannot offer long term advice, as I don't have any. I know what does not work I guess...could write a book on that. But still learning what will work.
I am not so naïve as to think this battle ends - I know it is a fight I will be dealing with for life. So the words of those who have made it further along, especially this group who I believe to be wise beyond their years, has been incredibly insightful of potential obstacles to come.
So I say thank you, and I do hope you pop in once in a while - for myself, the continued education is invaluable.
I resurrected this thread for two reasons. The first being that I wanted to thank those that posted here. While I was a guest reading here many of you helped me, without even knowing, on various threads. Your stories, experience, and advice got me to where I am today. And I never got to thank you so I want to do that now - THANK YOU.
Secondly, reading this has been so important for someone like myself who is so young in recovery. I try to offer support to those who are in a similar place to myself, but I cannot offer long term advice, as I don't have any. I know what does not work I guess...could write a book on that. But still learning what will work.
I am not so naïve as to think this battle ends - I know it is a fight I will be dealing with for life. So the words of those who have made it further along, especially this group who I believe to be wise beyond their years, has been incredibly insightful of potential obstacles to come.
So I say thank you, and I do hope you pop in once in a while - for myself, the continued education is invaluable.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 432
I am 3 1/2 years sober from opiates and alcohol. Some days are good. I get up and say yeah, I do not have a hang over and am drug free. Not worrying about when I am going to use next. Not worrying about if I will be able to get more.
I also attend AA/NA meetings and actually haven't been on SR for awhile..but this was a great place for me when I first got sober.
The first 6-9 months were pretty good. I was very motivated to stay sober after my withdrawal. I always try to remember what that was like cause I sure as heck don't want to do it again!
Then after that more of life comes back and you have to really start dealing with everyday problems and situations. For us addicts...everyday we had a reason to use. I'm mad, I'm glad, work was crappy, it's the weekend, my spouse is being an ass, etc....any reason was a good reason. I go to a meeting and there are people there that are talking about how great sobriety is and I just want to scream "What the hell are you people so happy about? You all are full of ****.
The biggest thing that I recognize is that doing drugs or drinking alcohol is not going to make me feel better either. Like someone else said. It's a bandaid. I had to go out and find things that I enjoy doing and keep doing them. And honestly sometimes my life is plain boring but I am not worried about being arrested, going to jail, fighting with my spouse cause I am drunk or high or not being a good parent.
At about the year mark I had to learn to forgive myself for everything. I found that if you keep that guilt and shame wrapped up and continue to dwell on all the crappy things you did cause your an addict...you will relapse. My only option now is to Move Forward. The past is done. Even when it comes back into your head to mess with you.
Just a week ago I had a using dream and it was down right disturbing. It was so vivid and I woke up anxious and disturbed by it. Those are not good days but they are a reminder of who I am and what I no longer want to be.
Everyday that goes by does get better. Time does help some but not completely. Now I am more in the strong phase of do I really want to mess up my sobriety, go backwards and have to start all the stuff I just went through over again? That's my choice and so far it has been staying sober. Everyone struggles...even people with years of sobriety.
I also attend AA/NA meetings and actually haven't been on SR for awhile..but this was a great place for me when I first got sober.
The first 6-9 months were pretty good. I was very motivated to stay sober after my withdrawal. I always try to remember what that was like cause I sure as heck don't want to do it again!
Then after that more of life comes back and you have to really start dealing with everyday problems and situations. For us addicts...everyday we had a reason to use. I'm mad, I'm glad, work was crappy, it's the weekend, my spouse is being an ass, etc....any reason was a good reason. I go to a meeting and there are people there that are talking about how great sobriety is and I just want to scream "What the hell are you people so happy about? You all are full of ****.
The biggest thing that I recognize is that doing drugs or drinking alcohol is not going to make me feel better either. Like someone else said. It's a bandaid. I had to go out and find things that I enjoy doing and keep doing them. And honestly sometimes my life is plain boring but I am not worried about being arrested, going to jail, fighting with my spouse cause I am drunk or high or not being a good parent.
At about the year mark I had to learn to forgive myself for everything. I found that if you keep that guilt and shame wrapped up and continue to dwell on all the crappy things you did cause your an addict...you will relapse. My only option now is to Move Forward. The past is done. Even when it comes back into your head to mess with you.
Just a week ago I had a using dream and it was down right disturbing. It was so vivid and I woke up anxious and disturbed by it. Those are not good days but they are a reminder of who I am and what I no longer want to be.
Everyday that goes by does get better. Time does help some but not completely. Now I am more in the strong phase of do I really want to mess up my sobriety, go backwards and have to start all the stuff I just went through over again? That's my choice and so far it has been staying sober. Everyone struggles...even people with years of sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Good morning DecBaby, wherever you are...
I too want to thank you for sharing this thread. As a mom of 2ADs in recovery, this gives me an insight on what they are going through and to confirm the pain and struggles that addiction creates in all of us.
Affected Family members NEED to see how the addict is suffering...just as much as the addict NEEDS to see how the family and friends are suffering. You don't have to be abusing drugs to feel the pain of addiction, it creeps silently and quickly into our lives and takes and steals and takes some more of that joy and happiness that we all once had and now is buried under that dark cloud. But, can you see a glimmer of light coming through?
You ARE a great mom, don't let that AV tell you otherwise. You're a compassionate woman, caring and you have helped me in the early days of my children's recovery!
Keep that joy Dec!
TF
I too want to thank you for sharing this thread. As a mom of 2ADs in recovery, this gives me an insight on what they are going through and to confirm the pain and struggles that addiction creates in all of us.
Affected Family members NEED to see how the addict is suffering...just as much as the addict NEEDS to see how the family and friends are suffering. You don't have to be abusing drugs to feel the pain of addiction, it creeps silently and quickly into our lives and takes and steals and takes some more of that joy and happiness that we all once had and now is buried under that dark cloud. But, can you see a glimmer of light coming through?
You ARE a great mom, don't let that AV tell you otherwise. You're a compassionate woman, caring and you have helped me in the early days of my children's recovery!
Keep that joy Dec!
TF
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