PlasticInsanity

Morning y'all,

Please move this if it's in the wrong location - I just didn't know where to put it.

I haven't had an actual relationship in at least 5 years. After that, it was more just fwb that eventually dwindled off. I fell into heavy addiction, and haven't had any actual romantic feelings towards anybody for awhile - if I did, I became really good at pushing it so far down that I became a master at deceiving myself; my last crush ended in a bad way, so it's been awhile since I was able to acknowledge having a crush.

I've been clean now since December 4th. I've developed an unwanted crush on one of my sister's boyfriend's friends. I had a crush on him last summer, but I just pushed it away and ignored it. My sister pointed out the other day that we both seem to like each other, and now I can't stop thinking about it lol! I imagine this is part of my addicted personality, but I HATE not having control over my feelings - scratch that, I hate having feelings haha! We all hung out last Saturday, and she pointed it out Monday..since then, I can't stop thinking about it and giggling like a damn school kid!

Anyone else go through this early in recovery?

AveryMarie

I haven't gone through this but why not call the guy?

biminiblue

I always get giggly like a schoolgirl when I have a crush.

Sounds like a good place to start. You both have feelings, see where it goes.

TiredEnough

I would say enjoy it. I don't really see any problems here unless the guy is a dealer or something

Adnamaeel

We're neurologically and hormonally wired for companionship, and plumbed for it too. There's nothing wrong with wanting some attention. I hope you get some (attention, I meant), and that you let yourself enjoy it.

OpioPhobe

Plastic - I have been married for a while so I didn't go through that in early recovery. It was great to have a companion by my side through the whole ordeal.

The only hesitation I would have is if the guy you have a crush on also has a drug/alcohol problem. If you hit it off and then find out later that he has an addiction it would put you in a tough position. At lot of folks advise the avoidance of new relationships until you have a year of sobriety under your belt.

All of that said, if you feel like a giddy school kid around this person it seems like a futile effort to try to suppress those feelings. From your description of it, it sounds like a natural reaction to me. You were thinking about someone non-stop because you had a crush and just found out that it may be a mutual feeling with the person. Of course you can't stop thinking about it!

happycampers

just make sure he has NO alcohol or drug issues. Then I think it`s a bad idea. Do some investigative work - ask around- your sister, her boyfriend, watch this guy in social scenes, etc. You don`t want to put yourself and all you`ve worked for at risk . That`s just my take. I know now, I wouldn`t even consider someone with any of those issues now !

Aellyce

I think it's normal and natural that our interest in our environment (including social environment) opens up after quitting an addictive substance or behavior, with all the changes recovery usually entails. I definitely feel much more interested in other people and social interaction now approaching 3 months of sobriety. Agree with the others that it's a good idea to evaluate whether the people we want to socialize with might impose some risk to our recovery, but I would not recommend being overly fearful. Who knows, maybe it turns out as an especially interesting encounter? Maybe just explore without making it seem like an obvious crush if you feel uncomfortable with the latter? Get to know him better, see where it goes.

All this if you feel good about yourself and ready to be receptive to other people, of course.