Decemius

Hi,

I have a question and i am not sure how to go about handling this issue. Before and during my addiction to marijuana i was a big Hip Hop fan. Frequently i could release stress by blasting some good tunes. Hip Hop became part of my personality.

When i was addicted to marijuana i had steady routines, listening to music and mostly Hip Hop while i was smoking and crafting one. Slowly but surely Hip Hop music and marijuana became as one to me.

I quit smoking marijuana twice, first time i succeeded for 8 months, during this time i did not listen to Hip Hop until the final few weeks. I knew it was bad for me. I partially blame the relapse i had to the associations i make between Hip Hop and marijuana.

I remember when i was close to relapsing, the music i listened to reminded me exactly of all those old times, it helped me relapse. After i quit again i swore of the songs i listened to, but nowadays i find myself having trouble just listening to any Hip Hop song/beat.

Something about the music makes me want to relapse, i don't know what it is. And i don't know what to do, Hip Hop was such a big part of my life and it's gone now, will it be forever? I know that drug cravings go on a entire lifetime so i guess so.

What do you think i should do? Personally i think i should find new genres to appreciate for at least a few years until marijuana is but a distant memory.

Thanks

Joe Nerv

I play guitar. When I first got sober playing guitar was closely associated with drinking and getting high. I never did it without drinking or getting high. For my first 6 months sober I rarely, if ever played. Slowly got back into it after that, but never really felt good about it. Somewhere down the line someone asked me if I'd be willing to play bass in their band. I reluctantly agreed, and years after that I found that bass guitar was my calling from the beginnning. I live, eat, drink and breath bass guitar. And get much more out of it than I ever did from playing the 6 string guitar.

I still own four 6 strings (to my over 20 basses ), but I pretty much play the guitars now only when I have to. Guitar playing has completely lost it's appeal to me, and I don't miss it. If I do, I play, and I don't feel any connection any more to drugs or alcohol.

My point. For me switching to something else was a blessing, and time healed all the rest. I think the idea of switching genres is an excellent one, and I think in time you'll either not miss what you used to listen to, or you'll be able to listen to it with no problem at all.

Decemius

Thanks, i play guitar as well Since i stopped listening to Hip Hop i did acquire a new taste, for Piano and relaxing songs. However the feeling i get from snares and bass, you cannot find somewhere else.

Dee74

If music is triggering you, let it be for a while (no pun intended )

I can listen to anything now including all my old man stoner music like Pink Floyd, Hawkwind, Soft Machine etc - and it's ok. I listen for the music

I've worked hard on a new life and a new me, and I have no desire to get high now.

Keep working at it - if I can do it, you can too

D

Devushka25

I totally get where you're coming from! For me its not marijuana but coke and I also loooove hip-hop/rap. I closely associate the two myself after years working in a stripclublist and choosing the most dirty, drug glamorizing songs to dance to and hearing them from other dancers too. This particular genre is really good at glamorizing drugs and the high. You don't hear many (though there are some out there) hip-hop songs about the negative, reality of drugs. And even if they're not about drugs at all, there's something about that beat that really amps you up. My advice is follow your instinct and ditch that genre for a bit until it's effect isn't so strong. There's a lot of great music out there. Me, I'm going to explore other genres for a while too or find artists who don't focus on making their songs about how awesome drugs are. Id say Immortal Technique or something but youre right even the beat can get you going. My fave song right now is "Ayo for Yayo" but obv it diesnt contain a message that is healthy for me lol so I get it, I do. And it sucks...but we gotta do what we gotta do, right? Smokers who love to drink coffee while smoking, sometimes have to start drinking smoothies in the morning instead to be able to quit smoking and not be triggered. Same thing. Hip-hop is our coffee but smoothies are better for you anyway even if they don't have a caffeine jolt (a strong beat). ...k I'm done with my metaphor lol

Melacole

I love Hip Hop as well, but you are right that most of it is not conducive to recovery. There are some artists in the genre, though. I love listening to Eminem's Recovery and pretty much anything by Macklemore. Macklemore's song Otherside he wrote after he first got clean and his song Starting Over is about coming back from a relapse. For me, songs like that don't make me want to use again because I don't see any glorification in it. If anything they make me realize I can keep at it and that I am not alone. Do what is best for you, though....if it is truly a trigger then stay away for now.

Decemius

Thanks guys. I guess i will try to forget about Hip Hop. Unfortunately i cannot listen to positive Hip Hop songs either. Take for example Gangstarr - Moment of Truth. It's really beautiful, and positive.

"I don't feel like drinking, or even getting high. Because all that's going to do really is accelerate, the anxieties i wish i could alleviate"

It is the truth, and a damn good positive message. Yet when i hear the sentence it makes me think of marijuana. That's why i cannot even listen to positive Hip Hop.

It's also true that many Hip Hop songs have weed in them, and they mostly make it appear good. Even when they tell of the downsides, like Tupac sometimes did you can still get ideas and opinions from lyrics. Like when you feel great about being clean, and then some song tells you it's a lifelong battle, one you mostly cannot win. That's not great to hear.

I listened a bit to Ayo for Yayo, had to stop. You should be careful. When i quit, i also quit coffee because i usually had a cup with me when i smoked. I did not drink coffee for 4 months, had no trouble with starting again fortunately.

@Melacole - Everyone is different but i suggest you to think about if your subconscious is not being reminded of drugs every time you listen to those songs. I had personally been defeated by this. I listened to great positive Hip Hop songs yet i was still brought back to those times.

Lily1918

I can relate to this for sure. I've completely cut out KMK and many many other artists because they were the smoking tunes. I also avoid trance now. I love it I really do and it elevates my mood so quickly, but it reminds me waaaay to much of shrooms and lsd. I don't think of my music as a trigger. For me it is a warning. My music always reflects my mood. Therefore, if Im being drawn to my using music, I know I need to watch out because my mind is sliding into that direction.

Devushka25

Good point Lily! Hadn't thought of that

Midlifecrisis

Music has definitely contributed to my relapse. I have been obsessed with my old fave druggie music the last few weeks. Darkness set in abd here I am.

FMTT

I agree wholeheartedly that music and other external stimuli can trigger feelings from when we used that can sometimes lead to relapses. However, my experience was quite different when I first embarked on my mission to finally kick opiates after using them for 10 years. I am also a big music aficionado. Everything from rap/hip-hop to heavy metal and jazz.

I always enjoyed the music of Alice in Chains but for some reason I dove into their music big time early on in my kick. The driving melodies and haunting lyrics along with the knowledge of Layne Staley's drug addicted and tortured soul leading to his ultimate demise somehow kept me focused on my task at hand. My initial withdrawal, after a decade long bender, was still a pain even though I tapered down but I kept listening to AIC and things got slowly better.

It's been about 9 months now since I took my last pill and oddly enough I don't listen to them much these days but I swear the haunted spirit of Staley somehow helped me through the worst of it. Whatever it takes and whatever works to get clean I say. My journey was a bit weird but I thought I'd share.

Midlifecrisis

Oh gawsh. Alice in chains Junkhead does my head in everytime but I sickly seek it out. Same as heroin by velvet underground.

Decemius

Okay thanks everyone. I am glad with my new taste in music. Glad to see that some can still listen to their music

ManicFaze

I love hip-hop myself and understand music triggering an urge as it takes you back to those times when you were using. I have you tried listening to christian hip-hop? There are tons of christian hip-hop artist, and in most cases you really can't tell that much of a diffrence alot of them are former addicts and dealers who talk about the daily stuggle to stay clean. I'm a practicing Jew, but good music is good music.


I was going to add a you tube link but I'm a newbie and so I'm not allowed to yet. Just you tube Christain Hip-Hop and you will find a ton of hella kool artist.

Decemius

Thanks i appreciate the reply, however i don't believe in a god. But it seems every kind of Hip Hop has the ability to bring me back, even really positive tracks. I think it's because the beat makes me relax in a certain way, which reminds me of smoking.

Even songs that tell about the bad side of marijuana, it's still being brought up you know.

Threshold

I had to avoid music I associated with using for quite awhile in recovery, and I can see that my relapses were linked to listening to that music again, though I think it was a chicken/egg situation. I craved the music because of the feeling that went with it, which included getting wasted and PO'd at the world, etc.

With recovery time under my belt, I've been able to listen to a lot of it again, though there are days I still know I need to refrain because of the angst inside myself. But some of it I simply lost the taste for.

I forced myself to listen to some new music, get into some different artists and that has helped...now I have music I associate with recovery, with things I do and enjoy in recovery, with new relationships etc.

larrylive

Dece,

You said you don't believe in a god, but music has the power to make you relapse. Well there you go, you've found a god. May I suggest listening to something a little more inspirational- you define it. Make a small step and then another.

Be well
Larry

JustSayNoo

Hey. I hate to bump an old thread but I can really relate to your post.

The exact same thing happened to me, except it was causing me to relapse on hard drugs which began killing me.

I was a really big fanatic myself. Like literally REALLY big.

To make a long story short, I just had to change my genre in the end and cut out certain tunes (which was a bitch believe me). But when it's affecting your life eventually you gotta choose, is it gonna be ME OR is it going to be this music, this artist, this genre?? Etc. Believe it or not, I even cut out certain ties who were still into the very music that was destroying me. Yes I had to let go of my Facebook and friends I grew up with.

It may sound crazy to some, but I actually hit a big rock bottom from the tunes themselves that I just wouldn't stop listening to. Similar to a drug rock bottom. I don't know if that has anything to do with my decision to walk away from a lot of the very artists I grew up listening to, but the bottom line is I said: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Sometimes I still go through feelings like, what if the song comes on the radio? Or what if I meet someone I really care about and they're all about this exact same music that nearly killed me?

But I had enough hospitals, crisis's and relapses on the very drugs that I promised myself I was done with years ago from the same music enough times already (you wouldn't believe me if I told you).
And if I have to pick between someone or something and ME, I choose me now (as self-centred as that may sound). My sobriety comes before it all.

I'm putting my own sobriety first now, even if that means making things more strict. And the things I can't control I am letting go of and leaving to God. (The real God).

Thanks for your thread. It reminds me that I'm not all alone through this.

I'm choosing to say no to my disease. One day at a time.

Stay well.

damascus1986

you could listen to eminems recovery album. just a thought.
i like rap even the other day i changed it though after a rapper mentioned lorcet and lortab in a song. i feel like part of recovery is getting to where i can face bad thoughts or feelings of using again and smash them. every addict/ alcoholic will have a thoguht or craving at some time. i feel like the more i work on my steps the better im prepared when that stuff comes up.

TiredOfWaiting0

I find I can't listen to certain types of music either cuz it causes triggers. You're so not alone. I find most rock and hip hop are based around drugs, and only drug users understand the connotations or "secret messages" in the songs. Try out Grimes, Sage Francis, or Eyedea and Abilities. Its positive hip hop about overcoming, not about the drug life.