Lyoness

Congratulations Finaltime! You continue to be an inspiration to so many.

finaltime

Good morning from my side of the world!! Nice to wake up sober. Feeling grateful for where I am today. Looking forward to the future. Seeing where my codependence with my family is. Have things to work on. First things first. What are my intentions for the day?

Love you all.

IvanMike

Right on. 10-11-12.

Some days are easier than others. Don't lose hope when you go through a low period. They always end.

finaltime

Hola. Intentions for today:

do 3 things for others without them knowing who did it.

Stay clean and sober in mind and physically.

Make 2 financial amends. Possibly 3.

Avoid gossip.

Be kind to myself.

IvanMike

good goals.

my sponsor had me think of things i could do for someone else without anybody knowing at all. He can only think of two, and to be honest, neither can I. - We can get pretty close though. (Don't feel bad, he didn't tell me what they were for a while).

finaltime

Listening to a speaker tape. She just said, "Pain is the admission to a better life." This is so true in my experience. I had to be beaten, more than once, on my knees to surrender.

Today I don't have to hurt. If I am not sober I don't have a shot at surviving my life. I don't like to be not present.

I also heard something good today. Love the movie Evan Almighty. It says, "how do we change the world? By one good act of kindness at a time."

I woke up today thinking what can I do to contribute to the stream of life instead of take away????

No opiates or booze since jan 22. I can do this. one day at a time.

Soberwolf

Awesome post FT

finaltime

Hey everyone!! back in the states, doing amazing...gosh the recovery here is unreal!! Meetings all day and even at 10 pm at night!! and so much stuff they do that is fun, I swear i feel like I have had a recharge!! Also different bottoms here then in shanghai, I truly am grateful. Working on amends, made one more tonight to my older brother. It went well. I stayed only saying sorry for my doings, was not that easy to not say what he has done but hey thats not what this is about right!!!

Enjoying my family. Been since the 29th with them. Tonight went to a dinner and everyone was drinking, I didn't even care.... so not an option and they only have one or two??? HA> that would be me starting at home before I went. Thank god I just don't have to think about it anymore. not an option.

ALL IS well on my end. Meeting a day here, sometimes 2!!!

Love you all.

RedManc7

Great work finaltime you are doing brilliantly - I got to go front up to my family in England later this year - can't say I'm looking forward to it but hope I'll feel better afterwards! Good luck with the interview process for the new job. Rooting for you :-)

I have a few dreams about being on heroin again, they are always horrible with me being hunted down by police or horrible thugs and the net closing in on me and me looking down a load of jail time - wake up sometimes so relieved I'm not on heroin anymore (the feeling of helplessness in the dreams feels so real) and that the dibble aren't really on my case etc. at least get dreams now had years without any!

IvanMike

where in the states?

finaltime

Redman, yes my family is all in Arizona, thats where I am at. I did my amends to all of them so far minus my mom and a few others that are not family. I did my amends to my older bro and his wife last night. To be honest its so freeing. HUGE. This whole process is a definite rebirth. I finally after all these years feel free and alive. Truly. The desire to use has not gone away 100% but its just the idea. Not the actual want to put it in my body at the moment, but the thought. Last night I was even thinking how in the future when I have some free time away from my kid I could do what I used to do. But then I want to be a sponsor, so that messes that up.

And will it just be a week??? or weekend??? hell no.

Loving everything about the states. The grocery stores??? OH my gosh so clean and so much variety. The prices are so much cheaper then what I pay in China. Of course if you go import on anything in china you are paying at least triple. And you justify buying your favourite things because you are so far from home. The convenience of having a car..the fresh air..even doing my first load of laundry was so awesome. Pulling the clothes out of the dryer, the smell, the size of the washer/dryer.

It's the little things folks. Today we have a choice.

For those of you that are struggling, coming off the drugs, wanting to come off, it is possible. But in my opinion you can't and don't have to do it alone. You can ask for help. Be honest with yourself and others around you. Its so freeing to stop hiding the secret. I did it for years as an opiate addict. It was awful.

Love you all.

shall2pass

So glad your home Finaltime. We will have to email at some point. Happy to know you are enjoying the company of your dear family and that you are enjoying the sheer volume and convenience of foods and Americana grocery shopping. Glad to know you made amends and feel a spiritual awakening or a rebirth as you classify it. It sounds like you are fully enraptured in NA and I too did a ton of meetings recently and found myself feeling better. However, I had a few bad experiences of men following me into the parking lot afterward calling me "pretty girl" and hitting on me after I had just poured my heart out and cried through an entire meeting. It turns me off and makes me really down. I know they all aren't like that though.

sugarangel

I am truly so happy to hear you are doing so well!! Your journey has been a big inspiration in my life, and your story has helped me so much.
Welcome home. And thank you. I'm doing better, at least for today, and I owe some of that to your thread. You're awesome!!

August252015

This is exactly what I was thinking as I read your posts!

Really impressed at the way you are handling all this and taking care of yourself. I also think your thought process is very honest, and it comes across as you trying to have healthy boundaries and perspective.

Just my $0.02 from Atlanta!!

Take care of yourself.

finaltime

Thank you guys...all of you. I can't and wouldn't ever want to do this alone. Yesterday I had the best day ever. Meeting at 12, ran some errands, started a great work out that made me feel incredible, took my daughter to the pool and was present, then made a healthy dinner for both of us. Sitting at the table together, praying before we eat, reading a story to her before she went to sleep. All these little things didn't happened when I was using. I was lazy, ordered out food, you name it.

I thank my HP for my life today. It couldn't be any better!!!!

Check

That's so awesome finaltime, you're doing fantastic

Thank you for this thread

finaltime

Thanks Check. Life is what you make of it. I sure damn know how hard it is to quit the drugs. I can't do it alone. I have tried over and over and over. It wants me dead....as much as I try to think I have it under control I don't.

finaltime

Morning. Just want to check in. Doing good, sober and excited to wake up this morning and take my daughter with me to school! Her first day! I must say something about how important it is for me to realise that the saying, 'this too shall pass' is HUGE. Saturday was an amazing day. I stayed busy. Sunday woke up and was very excited, went to church with my daughter and younger brother. The message was strong, on community. How the word alone in hebrew means bad. I was relating that to my addiction and at anytime in my years of dealing with this the times I get out of the dark and towards people I am better. My disease likes to keep me alone though.

Anyways so great day then came home after brunch for a rest. All of a sudden?? Anxious, feeling like things are wrong. Nothing is wrong right now. On step 10 of the program but need to go back to step one daily. Money in the bank. Job. sober. made amends. Daughter is amazing. nice place to live, new car, feel great on the inside. fatter than ever but that is changeable. rather heavy right now then high and need to face detox.

but for about 4 hours I was off. really off.

and you know what got me out of it? Being around others..... leaving the house.

so amazing. also a phone call would've worked.

love you all.

RedManc7

Great work final time you seem in a really good place am delighted for you

Tiredofdrugs

Hi finaltime!

You are doing amazing! Hang in there for better days! You know they are there???? A drug or a drink will doom your good days! Don't go there! It's not worth it!

Find some good music to listen to and feel your spirit within yourself!

Love you're free of the BS!

TOD