95sunsation

I am 4 months clean now from pills / opies , and I have a few really good days where I hardly think about my old days of using pills . Then I'll have days were they / pills pop in my head and I can shut it out in a small amount of time. Then I have days were I can't shake it and I have thoughts of using but I know I'm not going to because I don't ever want to go threw that **** again. Its not as bad as the first month but still drives me crazy sometimes ,because I really want to see good days all the time. Feels like it always might be like this the rest of my life , and I wasn't even a huge user. Someone please tell me they have went through this and it will get a lot better by staying clean. It's taxing on my mind.My anxiety is the worst on the days I can't shake it. Then I can wake up tommorow and be ok. Doc gave me some ssri slow absorb anxeity meds , but not sure if I should take them. They are not benzos so that's good. Crying over weird stuff . And some days I'm depressed. Minds everywhere right now. I'm exercising by running 2 miles in 20 minutes . Push ups and curls every other day .

Opio

For what it's worth you aren't alone. I am not much further down the path than you are at 5 1/2 months, but I would say that the cravings have improved since the 4 month point. It definitely isn't to the point where it is good days all the time, but I am not sure how realistic that goal is. There are going to be good days and bad days in life no matter what.

When dealing with the cravings it helped me to remind myself that I can't use selective memory when it comes to opiates. The good times were good on opiates, but the bad times were really bad and it's impossible to have the good without also accepting the bad. Every time a craving pops into my head and I remember the positive aspects of the opiates I also remind myself about the pure hell that comes with it.

Great job on staying clean for 4 months and also great job on the exercise. I would have to get hauled off on a stretcher if I ran 2 miles in 20 mins.

Stride34

Hey man - give this a read if you haven't already - helped me big time

PAWS « Digital Dharma

KnowHope

I hear you and identify.

Total abstinence (not just from one drug, but from all mind-altering, mood-changing substances including alcohol), knowledge of PAWS, acceptance, patience and time while working a program of recovery is what has worked for me.

It will pass, and the journey becomes a great one.

95sunsation

I wonder if sleeping pills like melentonin will effect me also . I socially drink on some weekends , and when I do , I don't think about using pills at all. The next day or days after is a different story . Fml. I guess the booze has to go .

finaltime

Yes, I am in the same boat as you, I cant do booze, I cant do any mind altering drugs. I just can't. I enjoy having a glass of wine, but one leads to the bottle. I am 6 months today off of pills, and never been better. At 4 months i was still struggling, that is for sure. Hang in there, one day at a time.

95sunsation

One day at a time is it. Thinking positive seems to help but it is the toughest thing I have ever kicked. What did you do to help with the circling thoughts and cravings from the lingering paws episodes at 4 months? Does it just mentally drain you at the end of the day?

finaltime

I don't think I was still struggling a ton at 4 months, but our situations could have been different. I was on pain meds for 7 years, by the end when I quit I was up to 150 mg per day. I have really never struggled with anxiety though. Can you take some time to see what is going on? see a therapist? doctor? Meditate, do yoga, journal, have quiet time, exercise, drink lots and lots of water. Hang in there.

95sunsation

Part of my anxiety is from constantly over thinking how I got addicted to pills and how I centered everything around them. Real bummer. Things are better but not like they were . I guess I need to start looking into the future and not think about the past , but it's hard. I always did over think everything before I ever started taking pills and then the pills just hid it for 3 yrs off and on. I'll keep sober and see where it gos , if I don't feel a improvement in a couple more months the I'm talkin to
A doc

likehappiness

I too struggle with this. I made it a full year but it started to wear on me at about the 6th month mark all through to a year. I was bound and determined to make it a year. Day right after that it was game on again. It took about a week to take me back into full blown addiciton where I had left off. Went through withdrawal again. Now I am back at 7 months.

A great example of how my crazy mind works....About one month ago I got up, went into work. I felt GREAT was so happy that I was clean and sober. Called my husband and told him I felt great and was really glad I was clean. Well, by the end of the day, about 4 hours later, I went from GREAT, to ready to do drugs and wanting a drink. I was *$%%ed off! That's just how fast it can hit you. Called my husband again and said I am coming home and wanted to use. Probably should have called my sponswer but was just as okay calling my husband. It passed but it just made me realize that every day can be a challenge.

I do like waking up in the morning with a clear head and no hangovers! I hope everyone is doing well today! One day at a time!

95sunsation

I don't have a set date that I'm trying to make it to or some goal. You just have to go day to day. I started this thread when I was feeling really bad. Depression , then anxiety, then thoughts of taking drugs all mixed around in my head and when it happens I feel better to talk about it. Good news is that it is not as bad as it was in the beginning. It gets less and less over time with longer runs of better days then a real bad one. That's the test , and you have to constantly remind yourself it will go away . You start to develop a defense after awhile. I'm doing everything to heal,drinking water ,eating healthy, exercising , eating some chocolate ,praying. Hang in folks. I except the fact that I will always have thoughts of drugs because I have damaged my brain. And I'm ok with it . That's life. Good thing is that I'm remembering really weird funny stuff that happened when I was a kid or teen and I just bust out laughing. Thats a sign of healing folks. Hang in

Onlytheone

Just wondering how you're doing 95sunsation?
I am on my 5th month off e pills and bud but 3 weeks ago I felt like I was going to be put into a mental institution. I feel better today but still haves of swings, irritability, foggy mind feeling, confused, headaches ever so often, pressure on my temple, and sometimes just zoned out. Some days are better than others. I'm starting to work out again hoping that will help move things along.

huckstable

Hey man,

I can totally relate to PAWS. I was using opiates for a little over 2 years.

When I finally quit, I was so depressed. I had mood swings, anger issues, and was near bi polar. I was prescribed some meds and eventually was doing okay.

Just as I was feeling "okay" with life after 3 months of abstinence I had to have a sinus operation. I was prescribed percocet, and ended up using heroin again.

Two months ago I went on methadone maintenance. I know people might have mixed feelings about it, but for what it's worth, it's been a miracle. Combined with NA and SMART meetings, and once a week 2 hour session therapy, I've stayed clean!

Hang in there man, don't go for any opiate replacement therapy unless you have tried everything else like me. It does make you feel kinda chained, and it's lowered my self esteem.

The exercise is one of the most important parts for me. I have to walk about 2 hours every day because if I don't I'll think about using.

Check out some NA meetings; they're pretty helpful. Build a support network of recovering addicts and maybe some supportive non addicts for a new perspective! It can't hurt . If you can afford it, maybe try some therapy. I've found a therapist I trust, and i'm finally making some serious progress.

Live in the moment (within reason) and focus on staying clean Just for Today.

Good luck