IV Meth user Day 25 w/o needle
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NorCal 707
Posts: 14
IV Meth user Day 25 w/o needle
Hey everyone.
I don't see many slammers here. I'm not sure where we all are. I know there's a lot of us.
This weekend was the the first in 3 that I didn't go directly to the tweeker pad and smoke meth. Cuz my mom denies and lies and is negative and if you told her the sky was blue she would make up a color and pinch her little lips and dig in her heels.
I literally clung to recovered/sober people all day and found a safe friend to spend the night with. While that friend was out tweeking.
And it led me to 1.congratulate myself on seeing a pattern and breaking it. and 2. see who among my friends I can safely be around. There's several folk I know who still use - some of them IV users but most of them smokers. And granted a true friend will not waive it under your face, but will descretely leave the room. Some friends I can actually be in the same room with. And some I can't even talk about it with.
I think it's because those friends are actual honest to goodness solid homeboys. They've got my back, they want to see me suceed. And as I talk about my goal, my reason, my journey, they are also telling me they are grateful there is someone else who wants to reign in.
Heck - a user friend I dont' see often cuz neither of us have cars, texted me and said "Is this day 23 or 24?" He didn't ask if I was still sober - he was confident I was still persuing my goal. I was honestly that night really thinking of picking up a little to smoke - but then I think of the bro's I have that are in jail - my dream is to open a halfway house and a recovery center - our area was one of the first in the nation to have a bad meth problem and we STILL HAVE NO SERVICES. Why is that? We dont' even have those commercials that are broadcast nationwide. Sheesh.
(Uh oh - I'm starting to get hyper. I go running a mile or more every morning. Like a puppy - try to calm myself down.)
I'm an example then! Delightful because I'm so worried about so many really good people - and as I wake up from my drug induced year - or was it two? I'm like - eeeewwwww! WTF, that's not pretty and a sober person even an idiot, would have thought twice about doing what I was doing.
I'm 25 days - round a bout.
I put an ad on craigslist that I want to open a center in my area.
I'm a tiny chick and a fireball - I keep up with the big dogs.
I'm facing 3 felonies and 3 misdomeaners.
I'm on front street already - Might as well keep the momentum, use it to my advantage. I'm not ashamed I stuck needles in my arm. No one else should be ashamed at what they do. That's where the hiding, the repeating, the guilt, get that **** out, be who you are, good bad and ugly, I'm here.
I'm here to stay. And I love my friends, I love myself.
I didn't do anything wrong - I'm doing what I want to do, now. I'm gettign clean and I want to be here for others to show them we're not alone. The path is forged, others beforfe me did it, I'm doing it, You Can Do It Too.
Keep the faith - Stay strong - For whatever reason you're doing it - Keep doing it.
Peace Love & Light.
I don't see many slammers here. I'm not sure where we all are. I know there's a lot of us.
This weekend was the the first in 3 that I didn't go directly to the tweeker pad and smoke meth. Cuz my mom denies and lies and is negative and if you told her the sky was blue she would make up a color and pinch her little lips and dig in her heels.
I literally clung to recovered/sober people all day and found a safe friend to spend the night with. While that friend was out tweeking.
And it led me to 1.congratulate myself on seeing a pattern and breaking it. and 2. see who among my friends I can safely be around. There's several folk I know who still use - some of them IV users but most of them smokers. And granted a true friend will not waive it under your face, but will descretely leave the room. Some friends I can actually be in the same room with. And some I can't even talk about it with.
I think it's because those friends are actual honest to goodness solid homeboys. They've got my back, they want to see me suceed. And as I talk about my goal, my reason, my journey, they are also telling me they are grateful there is someone else who wants to reign in.
Heck - a user friend I dont' see often cuz neither of us have cars, texted me and said "Is this day 23 or 24?" He didn't ask if I was still sober - he was confident I was still persuing my goal. I was honestly that night really thinking of picking up a little to smoke - but then I think of the bro's I have that are in jail - my dream is to open a halfway house and a recovery center - our area was one of the first in the nation to have a bad meth problem and we STILL HAVE NO SERVICES. Why is that? We dont' even have those commercials that are broadcast nationwide. Sheesh.
(Uh oh - I'm starting to get hyper. I go running a mile or more every morning. Like a puppy - try to calm myself down.)
I'm an example then! Delightful because I'm so worried about so many really good people - and as I wake up from my drug induced year - or was it two? I'm like - eeeewwwww! WTF, that's not pretty and a sober person even an idiot, would have thought twice about doing what I was doing.
I'm 25 days - round a bout.
I put an ad on craigslist that I want to open a center in my area.
I'm a tiny chick and a fireball - I keep up with the big dogs.
I'm facing 3 felonies and 3 misdomeaners.
I'm on front street already - Might as well keep the momentum, use it to my advantage. I'm not ashamed I stuck needles in my arm. No one else should be ashamed at what they do. That's where the hiding, the repeating, the guilt, get that **** out, be who you are, good bad and ugly, I'm here.
I'm here to stay. And I love my friends, I love myself.
I didn't do anything wrong - I'm doing what I want to do, now. I'm gettign clean and I want to be here for others to show them we're not alone. The path is forged, others beforfe me did it, I'm doing it, You Can Do It Too.
Keep the faith - Stay strong - For whatever reason you're doing it - Keep doing it.
Peace Love & Light.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NorCal 707
Posts: 14
Day 27 still going
So I had a hard day 2 days ago - and man oh man I was really gonna go get a bag of **** and smoke it.
Then I got a text from a friend and it asked what day I was on.
My friend who texted is a user - so it gave me the courage to keep counting. I figure if he was encouraging me, if he thought I could do it. Well hell, I oughtta be able to.
I also was hecka depressed - and I wrote this big long thing about it but my internet wouldn't post. It passed.
Yesterday I got the worst news. A boy I love dearly got snatched up and found himself in a world of trouble. Sittin' in some cold cell a million miles from any hope. I cried like a little girl. I wrote him and all my boys. Dammit I've got 8 on my list. I started a newsletter.
The world may not want to be saved (that's what started my depression) - but I want my center open so anyone who does can come in and have a helluva better chance than they'd have at some tweeker pad all cranked out.
I have a meeting today with a start-your-business-business.
Last night I had the worst dream.
I dreamt I was up all night smoking crank. I geetered out doing meaningless things all night and woke up all tore back and missed my two important meetings and felt like crap. I was even paranoid in case I got asked to take a **** test...
Then I realized I was really awake at 7am and if that was the case I didn't get cranked out, cuz I wouldn't be just waking up.
It all dawned on me it was dream. I'm about 12 days off meth entirely - 27 days off my preferred injestion method. I've only done the drug twice in nearly a month.
I barely drink beer vodka like I was when I was being a daily junkie.
I was smoking pot to come down off crank - thank god, man there's some hardcore evidence that marijauana helps methamphetamine addicts to stop smoking/taking meth - they're RIGHT.
I toke it mainly now to open up my bronchial fibers - my allergies are ridiculous and I can barely breath sometimes, inhalers are about 30 bucks and mine's nearly empty, pot works faster too, and when you can't breathe, woohoo - scary **** right there.
Wow - what a way to wake up.
Morning everyone.
We made it another day.
We can do it. YOU can do it.
Peace Love & Light. Take that first step - take that thousandth.
Stay positive - stay strong. We're all walking together.
Then I got a text from a friend and it asked what day I was on.
My friend who texted is a user - so it gave me the courage to keep counting. I figure if he was encouraging me, if he thought I could do it. Well hell, I oughtta be able to.
I also was hecka depressed - and I wrote this big long thing about it but my internet wouldn't post. It passed.
Yesterday I got the worst news. A boy I love dearly got snatched up and found himself in a world of trouble. Sittin' in some cold cell a million miles from any hope. I cried like a little girl. I wrote him and all my boys. Dammit I've got 8 on my list. I started a newsletter.
The world may not want to be saved (that's what started my depression) - but I want my center open so anyone who does can come in and have a helluva better chance than they'd have at some tweeker pad all cranked out.
I have a meeting today with a start-your-business-business.
Last night I had the worst dream.
I dreamt I was up all night smoking crank. I geetered out doing meaningless things all night and woke up all tore back and missed my two important meetings and felt like crap. I was even paranoid in case I got asked to take a **** test...
Then I realized I was really awake at 7am and if that was the case I didn't get cranked out, cuz I wouldn't be just waking up.
It all dawned on me it was dream. I'm about 12 days off meth entirely - 27 days off my preferred injestion method. I've only done the drug twice in nearly a month.
I barely drink beer vodka like I was when I was being a daily junkie.
I was smoking pot to come down off crank - thank god, man there's some hardcore evidence that marijauana helps methamphetamine addicts to stop smoking/taking meth - they're RIGHT.
I toke it mainly now to open up my bronchial fibers - my allergies are ridiculous and I can barely breath sometimes, inhalers are about 30 bucks and mine's nearly empty, pot works faster too, and when you can't breathe, woohoo - scary **** right there.
Wow - what a way to wake up.
Morning everyone.
We made it another day.
We can do it. YOU can do it.
Peace Love & Light. Take that first step - take that thousandth.
Stay positive - stay strong. We're all walking together.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: NorCal 707
Posts: 14
oops - I guess I had already written about some of that stuff. Well, if it helps to keep talking about it.
That's one thing that helps me. The main thing that helps me. Talking, Talking, Talking.
A friend of my now-departed ex-boyfriend, said it seemed I was actually proud of that I used needles.
I said I'm proud of who I am. I don't hate myself. My scars make me who I am.
I think it's the secret, dark, hidden fears that fester. Slammers aren't all nefarious evil creatures - it's like we are in society. I have a lot of really good friends who have a different viewpoint of needle users - and all of them know what hell it caused me. I advocate not using that way.
I recently got in touch with a friend who, when he found out I was using, actually dropped to his knees and started crying.
It was a heckuva thing to find him again after a year or so of a confused chaos of time fleeting by - memories of a strange journey. It's been a year - but maybe it really has been two...
Anyway, it was really important to tell him I remembered what he said then, cuz I wanted him to know that It meant a lot to me what he did, what he said. He said he thought I wouldn't remember - he was surprised.
That's why I talk about it.
That's why I keep talking.
Because SOMEONE is listening.
You have to know what it's like to be able to stop. Or to never start.
Listen to us, listen to everyone, take in what works for you.
Hold that faith tight and NEVER LET GO.
I gotta get going.
Thanks for listening.
That's one thing that helps me. The main thing that helps me. Talking, Talking, Talking.
A friend of my now-departed ex-boyfriend, said it seemed I was actually proud of that I used needles.
I said I'm proud of who I am. I don't hate myself. My scars make me who I am.
I think it's the secret, dark, hidden fears that fester. Slammers aren't all nefarious evil creatures - it's like we are in society. I have a lot of really good friends who have a different viewpoint of needle users - and all of them know what hell it caused me. I advocate not using that way.
I recently got in touch with a friend who, when he found out I was using, actually dropped to his knees and started crying.
It was a heckuva thing to find him again after a year or so of a confused chaos of time fleeting by - memories of a strange journey. It's been a year - but maybe it really has been two...
Anyway, it was really important to tell him I remembered what he said then, cuz I wanted him to know that It meant a lot to me what he did, what he said. He said he thought I wouldn't remember - he was surprised.
That's why I talk about it.
That's why I keep talking.
Because SOMEONE is listening.
You have to know what it's like to be able to stop. Or to never start.
Listen to us, listen to everyone, take in what works for you.
Hold that faith tight and NEVER LET GO.
I gotta get going.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: In the South
Posts: 228
707, that's really great. Many of us have loved ones who are 'slammers, injectors, shooters' whatever folks want to call it, and you are right, it's really frightening to some people who have no 'up close and personal' experience with it. Thank you for giving us hope that our addicted loved ones will also one day have the motivation that you have found within yourself! Hold that faith!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by 707gothchick 
Slammers aren't all nefarious evil creatures - it's like we are in society.
Keep up the great work. I know how damned hard it is not only to quit drugs/alcohol, but also the needle.
Sending you hugs of support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: The villages, Florida
Posts: 4
I think I can help...
Well, first let me say congrats for beginning your journey into recovery.
Let me tell you, I understand your struggle 100% if not 110%.
I have not used meth since October 5th 2011.
As unfortunate as the situation was, I have a three month sit in jail to thank for that.
Prior to my warrant and arrest I was slamming anywhere between 2 and 3 grams in a 24 hour period for over a year.
I won't get into details now, but let's just say it was a pretty rough year.
I'll be honest, I am haunted by the idea of RELAPSE every day. Especially in the morning when I go to get dressed and none of my clothes fit me anymore because shooting up put me about 80 pounds down at one point.
Here are some things I see in your post that worry me:
Your friends - In my case it was fairly easy to detach myself from EVERYONE (except my boyfriend, who by the way is also going on 7 months sober with me) I knew when i was using because I literally moved here and started using immediately. The only people I knew besides my boyfriend were a couple people that I went to just for drugs.
Did you know that only 3% of users stay clean?
I know your friends are important to you, but I hate to see that you are still in contact with people that are users at this point in your recovery. It is still a very fragile area to be in and they could affect you even if they weren't trying. That is how horrible a drug like this is.
Do you go to meetings? You should. In fact, You should consider trying a program. If it weren't for my boyfriend looking at 5 years in prison (and me being with him before that happens) I would be in one. And if something happens and he does go away, I will go to one or I will use again. That's a fact.
Fortunately I don't have a car, or a license, and I am staying a good distance from people I know involved. I also Don't have a phone so they can't contact me if they wanted. (I can't tell you how many times I told one person to cut me off, however, when I showed up with money they were always glad to fulfill what I needed).
You are doing great, but like I said, it's a fragile time in your recovery and you need to be careful. Even almost 6 months in we are still haunted every day.
If you would like to talk let me know.
Keep your head up.
Let me tell you, I understand your struggle 100% if not 110%.
I have not used meth since October 5th 2011.
As unfortunate as the situation was, I have a three month sit in jail to thank for that.
Prior to my warrant and arrest I was slamming anywhere between 2 and 3 grams in a 24 hour period for over a year.
I won't get into details now, but let's just say it was a pretty rough year.
I'll be honest, I am haunted by the idea of RELAPSE every day. Especially in the morning when I go to get dressed and none of my clothes fit me anymore because shooting up put me about 80 pounds down at one point.
Here are some things I see in your post that worry me:
Your friends - In my case it was fairly easy to detach myself from EVERYONE (except my boyfriend, who by the way is also going on 7 months sober with me) I knew when i was using because I literally moved here and started using immediately. The only people I knew besides my boyfriend were a couple people that I went to just for drugs.
Did you know that only 3% of users stay clean?
I know your friends are important to you, but I hate to see that you are still in contact with people that are users at this point in your recovery. It is still a very fragile area to be in and they could affect you even if they weren't trying. That is how horrible a drug like this is.
Do you go to meetings? You should. In fact, You should consider trying a program. If it weren't for my boyfriend looking at 5 years in prison (and me being with him before that happens) I would be in one. And if something happens and he does go away, I will go to one or I will use again. That's a fact.
Fortunately I don't have a car, or a license, and I am staying a good distance from people I know involved. I also Don't have a phone so they can't contact me if they wanted. (I can't tell you how many times I told one person to cut me off, however, when I showed up with money they were always glad to fulfill what I needed).
You are doing great, but like I said, it's a fragile time in your recovery and you need to be careful. Even almost 6 months in we are still haunted every day.
If you would like to talk let me know.
Keep your head up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((707))) - though meth was not my "thing" (crack was), I do admit I shot it up more than a few times. I'd also been through the "opiate phase"...then shot up coke/crack. Let's just say I had a love affair with the needle. Oh yeah...I was an RN before addiction ended that career.
Guess what? That love affair has long since been gone. Not only the drugs, but now when I see a needle, my heart skips a beat, and I instantly go to "OMG, I'm sooooo glad I'm not doing that any more.
I'm really glad you have friends counting your clean days...pretty darned cool! My recovery has had some really rough spots (deaths, armed robberies at work, etc.) but I clung to SR and am coming up on 5 years in...13 days. My stepbrother has been clean of meth for about the same length of time. My stepsister is in early recovery for heroin.
Despite the ups and downs I've been through....there's nothing better than recovery!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Guess what? That love affair has long since been gone. Not only the drugs, but now when I see a needle, my heart skips a beat, and I instantly go to "OMG, I'm sooooo glad I'm not doing that any more.
I'm really glad you have friends counting your clean days...pretty darned cool! My recovery has had some really rough spots (deaths, armed robberies at work, etc.) but I clung to SR and am coming up on 5 years in...13 days. My stepbrother has been clean of meth for about the same length of time. My stepsister is in early recovery for heroin.
Despite the ups and downs I've been through....there's nothing better than recovery!
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Tucson,AZ
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by Freedom1990
As a recovering 'slammer' of meth, I can say that in my experience, we were like a subculture within a culture.
Keep up the great work. I know how damned hard it is not only to quit drugs/alcohol, but also the needle.
Sending you hugs of support.
Keep up the great work. I know how damned hard it is not only to quit drugs/alcohol, but also the needle.
Sending you hugs of support.
^^Exactly... Im a recovering slammer as well.My DOC was meth also,but I was more addicted to the method itself in the long run.I'd do anything you could bang... :/ But it is possible!Keep up the awesome work!Im 5+ years clean off all narcotics,needles ect.Ive got new issues to work with these days (alcohol came almost right after I got off drugs...). It does get a lil easier.It takes years tho.And it can still nip you in the butt every once in a while,but youll have the TOOLS to tackle it by then.Over time,it builds up.Support to you!
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