Does the depression ever end?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
EaglesNest:
I was deeply depressed for over 3 years in my 2nd recovery 10 years ago (this is now my 3rd recovery -- 5 months off oxys in 2 days). It wasn't the drugs that made me depressed, it was the drugs covering up my depression, and the depression was still there when I quit.
ALL the SSRI's were tried on me and made me worse. As a last resort before "threatening" me with ECT (electro convulsant therepy), I was referred to a "new" psychiatrist who tried me on an antidepressant not commonly used due to its tendency to make people gain weight, as well as sleepiness. A combination of a couple of things worked for me. I won't talk about them here, but you can PM me if you want.
One other thing that helped me a lot was a book called "Worry" by Hallowell. I usually hate self help books, but this one helped me. This guy has a way of explaining how depression and anxiety develop out of obsession and worry that all of us can relate to.
Lastly, opiates do "work" for depression. I discovered that and got addicted after orthopedic surgery, and I think it was mostly the psychological fix that got me addicted to start with -- not the need for pain control.
Good luck.
FT
I was deeply depressed for over 3 years in my 2nd recovery 10 years ago (this is now my 3rd recovery -- 5 months off oxys in 2 days). It wasn't the drugs that made me depressed, it was the drugs covering up my depression, and the depression was still there when I quit.
ALL the SSRI's were tried on me and made me worse. As a last resort before "threatening" me with ECT (electro convulsant therepy), I was referred to a "new" psychiatrist who tried me on an antidepressant not commonly used due to its tendency to make people gain weight, as well as sleepiness. A combination of a couple of things worked for me. I won't talk about them here, but you can PM me if you want.
One other thing that helped me a lot was a book called "Worry" by Hallowell. I usually hate self help books, but this one helped me. This guy has a way of explaining how depression and anxiety develop out of obsession and worry that all of us can relate to.
Lastly, opiates do "work" for depression. I discovered that and got addicted after orthopedic surgery, and I think it was mostly the psychological fix that got me addicted to start with -- not the need for pain control.
Good luck.
FT
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: los angeles
Posts: 27
I have been off opiates for 82 days and the depression still weighs on me as well..i have been on an ssri for a couple of weeks now and it seems like it may be starting to work because i definitely feel somewhat better. Still feel it weighing on me though..I have had a lump in my throat since two weeks before i quit opiates..Meetings help for me but it is still a stuggle
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3
Depression will eventually subside ... As long as you make sure to break every habit linked to the drug use. I'm glad to hear the meetings help , just make sure to be aware that not everyone at the meetings are doing as well as you are; and never get involved with the ones that are there trading drugs with others.
Ssri's will definitely help; make sure before that begins to become the next addiction you speak with your doctor and begin to gradually begin to come off of those.
The good news is your doing great, just remember everyday is going to be a struggle but everynight you go to bed clean is another day your goal has been accomplished.
Best of luck and keep your life clean in every way imaginable friends, family, habits , hobbies and each day will get better!
Plished.
Ssri's will definitely help; make sure before that begins to become the next addiction you speak with your doctor and begin to gradually begin to come off of those.
The good news is your doing great, just remember everyday is going to be a struggle but everynight you go to bed clean is another day your goal has been accomplished.
Best of luck and keep your life clean in every way imaginable friends, family, habits , hobbies and each day will get better!
Plished.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
SSRI's are NOT addictive.
You have to come off them gradually, which does not equate with addiction. ALWAYS go off psych drugs ONLY with the knowledge and assistance of your doctor.
But PLEASE don't be concerned they are going to be "the next addiction." They are not.
FT
You have to come off them gradually, which does not equate with addiction. ALWAYS go off psych drugs ONLY with the knowledge and assistance of your doctor.
But PLEASE don't be concerned they are going to be "the next addiction." They are not.
FT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Lost
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by fkara62 
Depression will eventually subside ... As long as you make sure to break every habit linked to the drug use. I'm glad to hear the meetings help , just make sure to be aware that not everyone at the meetings are doing as well as you are; and never get involved with the ones that are there trading drugs with others.
.
.
I started this thread to find out if depression after a year and a half of Oxys from the doctor my depression is just as bad today as it was a year ago when I stopped taking them.
Tried several anti depresents that did nothing but make me a Zombie or Agitated...
Doctor has not been truthful with me at all since I told him I was a wreak and my consoler said I was having a nervous breakdown, I blamed it on Oxy, she said fine but that is not the case and take a year to taper. Dr put me in hospital that had no treatment program, after two days I asked when treatment would start, she said we don't have treatment, just make you as comphortable as possable for 5 days then your done. See what I mean about people? My doctor also told me all addictions are over in 5 days? Seems like doctors lead the pack of liars!
When I told my doctor this he said "How long have you been on Oxy?" I said a year and a half. His face went pale and his jaw dropped and he left the room... that did not help me at all! So he comes back and says the hospital will help you through this I just called and set you up... but my counsoler said a slow taper (and the instructions that come with Oxy say a slow taper) anyway I trusted him with my life for 8 years so I go, see above... third night I am having a nightmare of being in hell, there;s no fire in hell, it;s cold and damp, dark and rocks... you know your there because of the overwhelming feeling that this is hopeless and endless... so my wife says WAKE UP YOU GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE! I wake up and I am still in hell, hallucinations? So I run out of the rock lined dark cold and damp room into the hallway of the hospital and don;t stop till I get outside, slow down and find a bench and lay in the sun. About 20 minutes goes by and my wife shows up, she just got there, but I thought she was there the whole time...
I go home and call doctor and tell him I want to take my counsolers advice and taper. He yells at me that he will never help me again that he went out of his way to get me in the hospital as a favor and I made a fool of him... skip forward 2 months because I don't remeber much but then the insomnia sets in so now I have torment 24 hours a day, maybe an hours sleep a day and my wife brings me to emergency room after 8 days. Remeron makes me sleep 3-5 hours a day, that still where I am a year later. Only break I have had from depression was Methadone but I only take it 20 days a month for 7 months, the other 10 days I just suffer.
I have tried everwhere in town and next town north and next town south and no doctor clinic etc... will take me. One docotr said go to next state and find emergency room because your docotr is very well known and has great pull at hospital. No one will take you because they would have to diagnose you. Once you are diagnosed the docotor will have to treat you because failure to treat diagnoses is malpractice. Then your former docotor will be the cause...
So I think back to why did he ask me how long I have been on Oxy? He prescribed them... well I have tried to get my medical records for a year and it took a phone call to admin at hospital. Look at all the prescriptions and although he signed them, the nurse and receptionist wrote them...
No attorney in town will help me because they would have to fight the hospital who he works for...
God wants me to live, I don;t know why? All it is, is depression and torment unless I can find some kind of narcotics... been five months without and it never gets better but 15 MG methadone a day and no one would know. I am just like everyone else. Normal! Can handle getting mail and doing bills and lifes daily chores. Without I just lay in bed, windows covered, AC on... no noise like TV or Radio, it just hurts my brain to think so I just lay there 21 hours a day and get three hours sleep, releif, salvation from being awake... how do I know God wants me to live? Because a perfectly good gun I have had for 20 years and never mis fired wouldn't blow my brains out! Three bullets and not one would work. I came home and went back to bed and cried waiting till I could have my 3 hours sleep that day.
Do I have brain damage from taking Oxy for a year and a half? I have asked docotr, old doctor, emergency room doctor and just like people they don't answer and change subject.
I am about to sell my home so I can move to Mexican border where I can self medicate, we all know how that will turn out but if I had several months worth of methadone I could function as a normal human being and travel state to state and maybe find help? This is my only hope at this point. Just like most everything else in life, to me nothing makes sense...
Can the Oxys cause brain damage that never heals? That's the only thing that makes sense because with narcotics I am a normal person, just like before OXY!
I strted taking Oxy because of back pain, I have had three back surgeries and still have one herniated disk. During this ten years of pain I gained 200 pounds, that does not help back pain. So my back goes from normal agony to near parilized and I get an ambulance ride to hospital and stay for 8 days. Surgeon tells me loose 200 pounds and we will do your back surgery. I go through the process for bariatric surgery and loose 200 pounds. Doctor says your not bad enough for surgery go to pain mangement. Pain management says injections won't work but we try anyway and he refers me back to Pain Managment... he said surgeon is wrong and he refers me to another. Surgeon says your not bad enough for surgery go to Pian Management. I give up! Call all doctors and ask which one will give me narcotics for pain managemnt? All answer not out job talk to your regular docotor... he will not prescribe narcotics...
So it's been a month and no one has answered yes that depresion will go away. I don't care about Sobrity, I just want to be normal again since my brain damage. It's broke and I can't think or work or go to store or open mail, it's all to hard, can't die God won't let me. I guess all this suffering is from cheating pain, now I have to pay it back.
If anyone knows an attorney that will help me in Idaho please have them call me. PM me for number.
If anyone knows where I can get Methadone treatment near Spokane Wa. Please PM me.
If anyone knows how to cure Narcotic Depresion please PM me.
If anyone knows how to cure narcotic induced insomnia please PM me.
I have untill the third of next month when I get paid then I abandone my family and head to another state looking for help...
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
I feel for ya. Sounds like you are in a pretty bad space right now. True recovery takes time...If you are looking for a way to stay clean..people here can help you...
I have been totally strung out on heroin and methadone and all the opiates in between. While I do understand your pain and desperation I know that is just your addiction trying to get fed. If you are like me...you may find there is not enough medication in the world . If I could not have what I wanted , when I wanted it...that was my only concern and I went to great lengths to keep the pill supply flowing..sacrificing everyone and everything in my path .
The depression still is there for me but today I am willing to at least consider other options besides drugs. I mean you have to agree that moving to the mexican border and abandoing your family is rather extreme ...there really ARE other ways to find some peace and freedom in your life. Trying so hard to control all of this must be a heckuva job for you. Things can be so much easier , but it won't happen until you are ready to take a look at the disease that has you in its grip .
I am really sorry that things are so tough for you right now..but there is alot of HOPE ..in recovery...Addiction on the other hand..robs us of anything really worthwhile in life...please reconsider the plans you have made..there is a much easier way...
love norty
I have been totally strung out on heroin and methadone and all the opiates in between. While I do understand your pain and desperation I know that is just your addiction trying to get fed. If you are like me...you may find there is not enough medication in the world . If I could not have what I wanted , when I wanted it...that was my only concern and I went to great lengths to keep the pill supply flowing..sacrificing everyone and everything in my path .
The depression still is there for me but today I am willing to at least consider other options besides drugs. I mean you have to agree that moving to the mexican border and abandoing your family is rather extreme ...there really ARE other ways to find some peace and freedom in your life. Trying so hard to control all of this must be a heckuva job for you. Things can be so much easier , but it won't happen until you are ready to take a look at the disease that has you in its grip .
I am really sorry that things are so tough for you right now..but there is alot of HOPE ..in recovery...Addiction on the other hand..robs us of anything really worthwhile in life...please reconsider the plans you have made..there is a much easier way...
love norty
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Eaglesnest:
First, you should know that when you post here with such a tiny post that gives no information at all and only a question, like your original post, you aren't going to get many answers to start with. If you don't, you need to give us more information and a maybe pose your question differently. Rarely does anybody go back and read posts older than a day and then try to answer them. So when you are surprised that "after a month" you don't have the answer you want, that isn't usually the way this forum works.
Here's the list problems you stated you have:
1. You don't go to meetings because people suck; but now that someone suggested you can buy drugs there, you will go.
2. You have been off oxys 1 ½ years and are still depressed. But that can't be true, because in paragraph 10 of your post you say it has only been 5 months and that you are on methadone 20 days a month.
3. Antidepressants make you a zombie or agitated.
4. Your doctor put you in the hospital, but you left on day 3 instead of going back to find out if his treatment was going to work or not. Now he's the bad guy and won't help you taper.
5. No other doctor in town will take you.
6. You plan to sell your home and leave your family so you can live next to Mexico where you can self medicate.
7. You had bariatric surgery and lost 200 pounds in order to get back surgery.
8. No one will give you more narcotics for pain management.
9. No one will tell you that depression will go away.
10. You don't care about sobriety.
11. You think you have brain damage from oxycodone, but now you want more oxycodone.
12. You want to sue -- your doctor? who?
When I try to make sense out of your post, I hear someone who is full of anguish and desperation and doesn't know what to do. I can almost hear you shouting in your post.
If you come across this way to any doctor, you've got to see why none of them wants to give your narcotics. If you are already off narcotics for at least 5 months (see #2 above), then I wonder if you are off the list of qualified candidates for methadone, or are you on methadone now?
I can see why you p!ssed off the doctor, if you walked out of the hospital instead of letting them treat whatever hallucination you seem to have been having. This guy is probably afraid of what else you might do.
I don't mean to be insulting -- far from it -- but, you sound almost suicidal, and I wonder if you might want to consider an inpatient psychiatric evaluation. If you come across in person anything like how you do in print, your behavior is pretty scary and I think you need someone to evaluate you really fast.
I'm sorry you are suffering so much. You deserve to feel better. I don't think anyone in their right mind would give you narcotics in your current mental state. If you are thinking of self treating, that is even scarier.
Please let us know what you decide to do.
FT
First, you should know that when you post here with such a tiny post that gives no information at all and only a question, like your original post, you aren't going to get many answers to start with. If you don't, you need to give us more information and a maybe pose your question differently. Rarely does anybody go back and read posts older than a day and then try to answer them. So when you are surprised that "after a month" you don't have the answer you want, that isn't usually the way this forum works.
Here's the list problems you stated you have:
1. You don't go to meetings because people suck; but now that someone suggested you can buy drugs there, you will go.
2. You have been off oxys 1 ½ years and are still depressed. But that can't be true, because in paragraph 10 of your post you say it has only been 5 months and that you are on methadone 20 days a month.
3. Antidepressants make you a zombie or agitated.
4. Your doctor put you in the hospital, but you left on day 3 instead of going back to find out if his treatment was going to work or not. Now he's the bad guy and won't help you taper.
5. No other doctor in town will take you.
6. You plan to sell your home and leave your family so you can live next to Mexico where you can self medicate.
7. You had bariatric surgery and lost 200 pounds in order to get back surgery.
8. No one will give you more narcotics for pain management.
9. No one will tell you that depression will go away.
10. You don't care about sobriety.
11. You think you have brain damage from oxycodone, but now you want more oxycodone.
12. You want to sue -- your doctor? who?
When I try to make sense out of your post, I hear someone who is full of anguish and desperation and doesn't know what to do. I can almost hear you shouting in your post.
If you come across this way to any doctor, you've got to see why none of them wants to give your narcotics. If you are already off narcotics for at least 5 months (see #2 above), then I wonder if you are off the list of qualified candidates for methadone, or are you on methadone now?
I can see why you p!ssed off the doctor, if you walked out of the hospital instead of letting them treat whatever hallucination you seem to have been having. This guy is probably afraid of what else you might do.
I don't mean to be insulting -- far from it -- but, you sound almost suicidal, and I wonder if you might want to consider an inpatient psychiatric evaluation. If you come across in person anything like how you do in print, your behavior is pretty scary and I think you need someone to evaluate you really fast.
I'm sorry you are suffering so much. You deserve to feel better. I don't think anyone in their right mind would give you narcotics in your current mental state. If you are thinking of self treating, that is even scarier.
Please let us know what you decide to do.
FT
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Eaglesnest:
I just re-read your post and discovered that you had tried to commit suicide by shooting yourself and the gun failed. You don't way whether this was a recent attempt.
Please don't take my earlier post today as somehow pointing fingers at you that you have done all the wrong things. Like I said, you deserve to feel better, and there is help for you if you will accept it. Since you are alienated from your regular doc, maybe a call to the crisis line in your town can lead you to someone who can do a full physical and mental evaluation on you, and get you on the right path.
Anyone suicidal should not wait. I implore you to go to the ER, or call the crisis line and ask for help. Every town has a number to call. Just Google "crisis line" and your city, and you will find it.
FT
I just re-read your post and discovered that you had tried to commit suicide by shooting yourself and the gun failed. You don't way whether this was a recent attempt.
Please don't take my earlier post today as somehow pointing fingers at you that you have done all the wrong things. Like I said, you deserve to feel better, and there is help for you if you will accept it. Since you are alienated from your regular doc, maybe a call to the crisis line in your town can lead you to someone who can do a full physical and mental evaluation on you, and get you on the right path.
Anyone suicidal should not wait. I implore you to go to the ER, or call the crisis line and ask for help. Every town has a number to call. Just Google "crisis line" and your city, and you will find it.
FT
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by EaglesNest
Well I never wanted to go to meetings because, well there are people there and for the most part people suck! Now if they had meetings with dogs I would go in a heartbeat. Dogs are always honest. But I didn't know you could get drugs at these meetings? Now I will go and deal with people so I can get some narcotics to start my trip to other states next month looking for help...
Seriously, if you try it you could get the cops called on you. Meetingplaces and groups are supposed to be a safe environment for those seeking to learn to live life without drugs. We do not condone the use of drugs and they are not allowed on the premises. This we take seriously and will go to any lengths to keep our members safe.
Please DO go to a meeting seeking recovery
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
If you are feeling suicidal there are some links and hotlines here EN:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
I'm sorry for your situation. I know it took many many years and many doctors to solve my pain problems. Self medicating just made everything in general that much worse - at best it's a band aid that soon slips off- at worse it's a crashing weight....
Please keep looking for professional advice.
If you want recovery and a life free from drugs, SR is a good place to find support.
D
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
I'm sorry for your situation. I know it took many many years and many doctors to solve my pain problems. Self medicating just made everything in general that much worse - at best it's a band aid that soon slips off- at worse it's a crashing weight....
Please keep looking for professional advice.
If you want recovery and a life free from drugs, SR is a good place to find support.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Lost
Posts: 44
Well I have been on Methadone for about 7 months after 5 months of nothing. Problem was I came alive again, not high, no euphoria just normal?
Went to emergency room again today, no methadone! No nothing! Steroids for back pain.
Called Wa and found that doctors there not only know what's wrong with me it is where everyone that lives, ends up. They knew exactly what was wrong with me (False Acute Withdrawl Syndrome) and everyone gets it with as much Oxy as I took. And you can get back to normal with Methadone treatment and counseling. Usually takes a year or so. I am signed up and just have to figure out how to stay alive another 2 weeks till they have an opening...
Idaho has a cover up. No doctor will admit/diagnose something because then they would have to treat it or be in Malpractice... more info when BATT charges.
Thanks for all the advice!
Went to emergency room again today, no methadone! No nothing! Steroids for back pain.
Called Wa and found that doctors there not only know what's wrong with me it is where everyone that lives, ends up. They knew exactly what was wrong with me (False Acute Withdrawl Syndrome) and everyone gets it with as much Oxy as I took. And you can get back to normal with Methadone treatment and counseling. Usually takes a year or so. I am signed up and just have to figure out how to stay alive another 2 weeks till they have an opening...
Idaho has a cover up. No doctor will admit/diagnose something because then they would have to treat it or be in Malpractice... more info when BATT charges.
Thanks for all the advice!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Hi Eaglesnest:
Good to hear from you. You sound better. The problem with opiates, especially after you get to high doses, is that your body "forgets" how to create its own euphoria. The poisoned endorphin tracts are damaged and you have to rebuilt new, normal ones. It does happen, but does take time. Meanwhile, even runners can't get the same "runner's high" they used to get from natural endorphins. But it comes back, like I said.
Probably part of the reason is we forget what "normal" feels like, and so what do we have to compare "euphoric" with? Opiates create a falsely elevated sense of euphoria, one that humans were never intended to have. We aren't designed to keep a sustained "rush". That's why it's called a "rush". It's like, you can't sprint constantly either -- you have to slow down and walk sometimes. Opiates fool your brain into thinking that a continual, or at least frequent, "rush" is a "normal" state of being when it isn't.
So, don't give up. You will regain that natural sense of well-being if you give yourself the chance.
Good luck, and keep posting so we know how you are.
FT
Good to hear from you. You sound better. The problem with opiates, especially after you get to high doses, is that your body "forgets" how to create its own euphoria. The poisoned endorphin tracts are damaged and you have to rebuilt new, normal ones. It does happen, but does take time. Meanwhile, even runners can't get the same "runner's high" they used to get from natural endorphins. But it comes back, like I said.
Probably part of the reason is we forget what "normal" feels like, and so what do we have to compare "euphoric" with? Opiates create a falsely elevated sense of euphoria, one that humans were never intended to have. We aren't designed to keep a sustained "rush". That's why it's called a "rush". It's like, you can't sprint constantly either -- you have to slow down and walk sometimes. Opiates fool your brain into thinking that a continual, or at least frequent, "rush" is a "normal" state of being when it isn't.
So, don't give up. You will regain that natural sense of well-being if you give yourself the chance.
Good luck, and keep posting so we know how you are.
FT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Lost
Posts: 44
I made a mistake in my last post. It is Post Acute Withdrawl Symptoms. Wikipidea has a page on it and it's scary. 90% of long term opiate users get it. It could last for months years or decades... not good news...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Lost
Posts: 44
I made a mistake in my last post. It is Post Acute Withdrawl Symptoms. Wikipidea has a page on it and it's scary. 90% of long term opiate users get it. It could last for months years or decades... not good news... wouldn't wish it on anyone other than my docotor. He always told me all addictions are gone in 5 days. Ha! His license should be revoked!
Have an appointment with doctor tomorrow lined up from ER visit. I have given up hope as it's always a letdown at the end. We will see how this goes. They also have counseling on site. I need my life back and have tried without drugs but the PAWS never goes away. It's like your brain is dead. Stuck on bad, nothing is good, nothing good ever happens, only bad. Take methadone and POOF, I am a normal functioning human being again. Can even open mail and answer the phone make meals help the kid. Without POOF well not poof but it's a steady decline for three days to the pits of hell. If I get out of bed somone will want to talk to me then I can't think and go back to bed.
So far all doctors have said going cold turkey is not good on the brain. Except the one I had who put me through hell and I never came out. 5 days? My ass! After 5 months I was used to being brain dead and could live. But once he gave me methadone I came back to life and the craving never ends.
Anyone who has been on Narcotics long time should take a long time to get off them with counseling to understand what is happening. You get the tools you need to cope. Cold turkey = failure. Methadone without couseling = failure. Done that been there.
We will see what this docotor will do tomorrow for me.
Last doctor had me on so many pills I needed a secretary to get them right! Ha! Anyway he is gone, so are my anti depresents, no change, high blood pressure pills gone as no one could find high blood pressure? 2 weeks later still no high blood pressure? Cholestrol pills? Why? Your blood is healthy! another pill gone. One for peeing better, gone, no peeing problem. So I am down to 3. Lorzapam which I got addicted to during my Oxy cold turkey withdrawl. Remeron to sleep after insomnia from Oxy withdrawl. And methadone which lets me live after Oxy withdrawl. While on methadone I weaned from 6mg lorzapam a day to 2 with no adverse reactions but when the methadone runs out the lorzapam goes through the roof, so I am hoping to get a regular supply of methadone, get lorzapam down to 2mg for a few months, then down to 1mg for a few months, then down to .5mg for a few months then stop. Meanwhile working on counseling and getting down to minumum methadone. Sounds like a plan but ny back will probably not hold out long enough... had three back surgeries and still have one herniated disk that pops once in awhile. Back pain is what got me here!
Have an appointment with doctor tomorrow lined up from ER visit. I have given up hope as it's always a letdown at the end. We will see how this goes. They also have counseling on site. I need my life back and have tried without drugs but the PAWS never goes away. It's like your brain is dead. Stuck on bad, nothing is good, nothing good ever happens, only bad. Take methadone and POOF, I am a normal functioning human being again. Can even open mail and answer the phone make meals help the kid. Without POOF well not poof but it's a steady decline for three days to the pits of hell. If I get out of bed somone will want to talk to me then I can't think and go back to bed.
So far all doctors have said going cold turkey is not good on the brain. Except the one I had who put me through hell and I never came out. 5 days? My ass! After 5 months I was used to being brain dead and could live. But once he gave me methadone I came back to life and the craving never ends.
Anyone who has been on Narcotics long time should take a long time to get off them with counseling to understand what is happening. You get the tools you need to cope. Cold turkey = failure. Methadone without couseling = failure. Done that been there.
We will see what this docotor will do tomorrow for me.
Last doctor had me on so many pills I needed a secretary to get them right! Ha! Anyway he is gone, so are my anti depresents, no change, high blood pressure pills gone as no one could find high blood pressure? 2 weeks later still no high blood pressure? Cholestrol pills? Why? Your blood is healthy! another pill gone. One for peeing better, gone, no peeing problem. So I am down to 3. Lorzapam which I got addicted to during my Oxy cold turkey withdrawl. Remeron to sleep after insomnia from Oxy withdrawl. And methadone which lets me live after Oxy withdrawl. While on methadone I weaned from 6mg lorzapam a day to 2 with no adverse reactions but when the methadone runs out the lorzapam goes through the roof, so I am hoping to get a regular supply of methadone, get lorzapam down to 2mg for a few months, then down to 1mg for a few months, then down to .5mg for a few months then stop. Meanwhile working on counseling and getting down to minumum methadone. Sounds like a plan but ny back will probably not hold out long enough... had three back surgeries and still have one herniated disk that pops once in awhile. Back pain is what got me here!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Lost
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by failedtaper
Hi Eaglesnest:
Good to hear from you. You sound better. The problem with opiates, especially after you get to high doses, is that your body "forgets" how to create its own euphoria. The poisoned endorphin tracts are damaged and you have to rebuilt new, normal ones. It does happen, but does take time. Meanwhile, even runners can't get the same "runner's high" they used to get from natural endorphins. But it comes back, like I said.
Probably part of the reason is we forget what "normal" feels like, and so what do we have to compare "euphoric" with? Opiates create a falsely elevated sense of euphoria, one that humans were never intended to have. We aren't designed to keep a sustained "rush". That's why it's called a "rush". It's like, you can't sprint constantly either -- you have to slow down and walk sometimes. Opiates fool your brain into thinking that a continual, or at least frequent, "rush" is a "normal" state of being when it isn't.
So, don't give up. You will regain that natural sense of well-being if you give yourself the chance.
Good luck, and keep posting so we know how you are.
FT
Good to hear from you. You sound better. The problem with opiates, especially after you get to high doses, is that your body "forgets" how to create its own euphoria. The poisoned endorphin tracts are damaged and you have to rebuilt new, normal ones. It does happen, but does take time. Meanwhile, even runners can't get the same "runner's high" they used to get from natural endorphins. But it comes back, like I said.
Probably part of the reason is we forget what "normal" feels like, and so what do we have to compare "euphoric" with? Opiates create a falsely elevated sense of euphoria, one that humans were never intended to have. We aren't designed to keep a sustained "rush". That's why it's called a "rush". It's like, you can't sprint constantly either -- you have to slow down and walk sometimes. Opiates fool your brain into thinking that a continual, or at least frequent, "rush" is a "normal" state of being when it isn't.
So, don't give up. You will regain that natural sense of well-being if you give yourself the chance.
Good luck, and keep posting so we know how you are.
FT
I think you are spot on with this. Can't go 100 mph forever! When I was on oxycodone Imediate release I was fine and as the last pill was wearing off I would go to sleep with ambian. Never had an issue for a year. But it takes a lot of 30s to get through the day and the doctor put me on Oxycontin extended release and that's when my brain never got rest. Before the extended reaalese my brain got 12 hours a day rest. Now that I think about it everything went downhill after that...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
This is a good page on PAWs, EN...I think it's better than Wikipedia.
PAWS « Digital Dharma
I was an alcoholic but PAWs has been not a life sentence in my experience.
Good luck with your Dr tomorrow
D
PAWS « Digital Dharma
I was an alcoholic but PAWs has been not a life sentence in my experience.
Good luck with your Dr tomorrow
D
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