Craving Crack and guy insecurities...
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Craving Crack and guy insecurities...
wtf ...now I'm craving crack , it came out of no where this is stupid. It's like I've gone a year without it but I still want it. I would like a drink too. heck I wanta go downtown get drunk or high but I don't got no money well $5 but that won't go very far. I smoked a cig hoping it would help but it didn't it's nothing compared to a crack high. This is so stupid.
I will never get a guy to love me, part of me wants to go to the bar and hope that some guy will pick me up and buy me drinks. It's happened before, but I'm a lot fatter now so I bet no guy would like me, but maybe they would be two drunk to notice. Sure last guy that was like that took advantage of me but who cares at least they like me right even if all they want is sex. I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't really want to go back to that but I do want love and I want crack, and crack and sex go together. Though I hate sex... to much trauma related to that .
I will never get a guy to love me, part of me wants to go to the bar and hope that some guy will pick me up and buy me drinks. It's happened before, but I'm a lot fatter now so I bet no guy would like me, but maybe they would be two drunk to notice. Sure last guy that was like that took advantage of me but who cares at least they like me right even if all they want is sex. I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't really want to go back to that but I do want love and I want crack, and crack and sex go together. Though I hate sex... to much trauma related to that .
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Pinkgurl
do you think at least some of this might be connected to the fact you just had a year up?
If you don't know about PAWs it makes good reading - it was a revelation to me to find out what I was feeling at various times may not have been 'real' feelings at all, but simply the result of my body and mind slowly getting back in order.
Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma
Otherwise, do you have a sponsor or someone you usually talk to about this stuff, like a counsellor or something?
D
do you think at least some of this might be connected to the fact you just had a year up?
If you don't know about PAWs it makes good reading - it was a revelation to me to find out what I was feeling at various times may not have been 'real' feelings at all, but simply the result of my body and mind slowly getting back in order.
Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma
Otherwise, do you have a sponsor or someone you usually talk to about this stuff, like a counsellor or something?
D
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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((Pinkgurl))
It could be PAWS, it could be loneliness. Whatever it is, crack isn't going to make it any better (not for long, 'cause you know that high doesn't last long at ALL) and meaningless sex isn't going to help either.
Both situations are temporary fixes and, especially with the crack, you'd feel like **** because you've just celebrated a year. Trust me.....btdt.
It is soooooooooooooo not worth it.
Loneliness is a feeling and though it's not a GOOD one, it won't kill you. Distract yourself...find someone to talk to, somewhere to go (not a bar to hook up with a stranger, would be my recommendation), or something to do. Get your mind focused on something else.
I had to do it, a lot. Sounds simple, but it works. It's gotten me 3 years clean of crack and I've had my share of lonely times, too.
Get out of your mind, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
It could be PAWS, it could be loneliness. Whatever it is, crack isn't going to make it any better (not for long, 'cause you know that high doesn't last long at ALL) and meaningless sex isn't going to help either.
Both situations are temporary fixes and, especially with the crack, you'd feel like **** because you've just celebrated a year. Trust me.....btdt.
It is soooooooooooooo not worth it.
Loneliness is a feeling and though it's not a GOOD one, it won't kill you. Distract yourself...find someone to talk to, somewhere to go (not a bar to hook up with a stranger, would be my recommendation), or something to do. Get your mind focused on something else.
I had to do it, a lot. Sounds simple, but it works. It's gotten me 3 years clean of crack and I've had my share of lonely times, too.
Get out of your mind, sweetie.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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I see my therapist on tuesday... It's weird I had an using dream the other day first time in a while. I think it's because it's a year or something. I will take a look at the PAWS stuff. Wow just when I think stuff is over with it comes back to haunt me.
Ya Im... ya I feel lonely a lot , most of the time. Been feeling depressed a lot recently too. 3 years that's good , do you still get cravings after 3 years? Ya I know it's a short high, I don't know why I crave it so much because it doesn't last that long.
Ya Im... ya I feel lonely a lot , most of the time. Been feeling depressed a lot recently too. 3 years that's good , do you still get cravings after 3 years? Ya I know it's a short high, I don't know why I crave it so much because it doesn't last that long.
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No, I don't get cravings. Very, very rarely the thought will enter my mind, but I started, early in recovery - when the thought would enter my mind, I'd tell myself "not an option" and I'd immediately distract myself. At first, I had to do a whole lotta distraction. After a while, not as much. Now, when the rare thought occurs, my mind automatically distracts itself.
Crack took me to a place I never want to go again. All I have to do is "play the tape to the end". Yeah, I may be working at a McDonald's, for now, but I'm not walking the streets, jumping into strange cars just to make money (and hoping I don't get beat up or killed), sleeping in vacant apartments, and all the other stuff that went with it. My ex died in Dec. - in a crack house. If I'd stayed with him, it could have been me.
It's not worth it, ((Pinkgurl)), it's really not.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Crack took me to a place I never want to go again. All I have to do is "play the tape to the end". Yeah, I may be working at a McDonald's, for now, but I'm not walking the streets, jumping into strange cars just to make money (and hoping I don't get beat up or killed), sleeping in vacant apartments, and all the other stuff that went with it. My ex died in Dec. - in a crack house. If I'd stayed with him, it could have been me.
It's not worth it, ((Pinkgurl)), it's really not.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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thanks that's good to know that it goes away. It just feels weird I'm still craving it after a year. Ya crack took me places I don't want to go either. I don't know why I want it so badly all it did was cause me pain and trouble.
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Pink....I know what you're going through...as a recovering opiate/crack/cocaine addict, 18 months clean. Once I hit my year mark...for some reason, I had overwhelming cravings for coke...not pills. I still do sometimes. My brain will not let me forget that high.
For me, the most recent cravings came as the season began to change and it was getting warmer. I don't know why that happens, maybe it's because back in my 'partying' days, I remember going out when the weather got warmer and I know some of the people I use to hang out with are out on warm nights, hanging out on the patio of one of our favorite bars, listening to a band, etc. Sometimes I just miss it and feel lonely because I really don't have a lot of clean friends, therefore, here I sit...at home.
Hang in there girl, this too shall pass.
Penny
For me, the most recent cravings came as the season began to change and it was getting warmer. I don't know why that happens, maybe it's because back in my 'partying' days, I remember going out when the weather got warmer and I know some of the people I use to hang out with are out on warm nights, hanging out on the patio of one of our favorite bars, listening to a band, etc. Sometimes I just miss it and feel lonely because I really don't have a lot of clean friends, therefore, here I sit...at home.
Hang in there girl, this too shall pass.
Penny
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probably as you got near the year mark and passed it you were thinking about it more, you were proud of yourself and thinking about how far you've come 
and unfortunately the addiction side reared its ugly head. it will go away, as it always does. try to learn to prepare yourself for random cravings because inevitably they will happen.
i know what you mean about it coming out of nowhere, i never was into crack but i am a coke addict, 2 years 3 months clean. for a while i've been having intense urges, it blindsided me because it was literally like, WTF? where did that come from? just have to ride it out, try to distract yourself.
no guy can fill that void. please don't do that to yourself pink. love yourself first & foremost...the rest will come
and unfortunately the addiction side reared its ugly head. it will go away, as it always does. try to learn to prepare yourself for random cravings because inevitably they will happen.
i know what you mean about it coming out of nowhere, i never was into crack but i am a coke addict, 2 years 3 months clean. for a while i've been having intense urges, it blindsided me because it was literally like, WTF? where did that come from? just have to ride it out, try to distract yourself.
no guy can fill that void. please don't do that to yourself pink. love yourself first & foremost...the rest will come
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ya I now I've been feeling better but still on my own. Ya I know I won't find satisfaction in guys but I feel so lonely. I know I can't use or I can't go on my India trip this summer and I don't want to mess that up. Sigh I hate that I still want this. I wish I never did this drug in the first place then I wouldn't want it at all. sigh... stupid drug.
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Recoverying crack/opiate addict here
Oh crack
Why did that girl teach me how to make it? Damn her
It's the kind of thing where you don't think about it, until you do, then you can't stop thinking about it.
I was clean from it for months then one day before I knew it I had a foil sheet in my hand and I was using again.
BUT this time was different. When I was done, I felt like utter crap (like you always do when you finish your stash) but somehow I recognized the emptiness of it. Like, I could go out and buy more, but in a few hours I would be in exactly the same place-- with this crappy feeling-- and it would just be a waste of $60 and a few thousand brain cells and a whole night of my life taken up.
Don't do it-- it most definitely is not worth it. The best thing to do is try to think about something else.
Oh crack
Why did that girl teach me how to make it? Damn her
It's the kind of thing where you don't think about it, until you do, then you can't stop thinking about it.
I was clean from it for months then one day before I knew it I had a foil sheet in my hand and I was using again.
BUT this time was different. When I was done, I felt like utter crap (like you always do when you finish your stash) but somehow I recognized the emptiness of it. Like, I could go out and buy more, but in a few hours I would be in exactly the same place-- with this crappy feeling-- and it would just be a waste of $60 and a few thousand brain cells and a whole night of my life taken up.
Don't do it-- it most definitely is not worth it. The best thing to do is try to think about something else.
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I'm hanging in there. I went to Celebrate Recovery yesterday got my 1 year chip , I have it in my coat pocket and I hope to hold unto it when I feel like using hopefully that will help. I still want crack. I made the stupid mistake of watching intervention yesterday and it was about a crack addict, so I saw hi using crack and just seeing it again really triggered me, I drempt about it last nigt. today I really wanted to use but I don't wanta mess this up so I'm hanging tight.
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I went to see my therapist today it was good, though hard. She had me play it through what would happen and if I went to get crack chances are I would end up having to have sex for drugs or money and then I would want drugs because i felt crappy and then get into a cycle of sex and drugs and I absolutly hate sex so that's not something I wanta get into so ya. Everytime I go I think that sex won't happen but more then likely it does, sometimes I can get drugs without it but not often. I don't know. Made me think, cravings not as bad right now because of it.
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