Angry, and can't calm down.
Some French tart....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Courville-sur-Eure. France.
Posts: 239
Angry, and can't calm down.
I have had just one hell of a row with my partner, to which he just threw out that I'm a junkie. Yeah, yeah once a junkie, always a bloody junkie. I get it.
I went to the docter and told him that I'm on subutex and that I have trouble sleeping because I have sinusitus and bronchitus. He gives me antbiotics and stilnox with equanil to sleep. My partner goes to the pharmacy to get it and the pharmacist doesn't give him the stilnox and equanil. The pharmacist can't get through on the phone to the docter or the psy that prescribes me subutex, so no medecine.
Do pharmacists have all these rights. I am SO fed up of being treated like a junkie, why don't I go out and be one for good - then they may have something to say. Bloody docters, bloody pharmacists. I really am furious, and just don't care any more. I feel like taking all the pills in the house.
I went to the docter and told him that I'm on subutex and that I have trouble sleeping because I have sinusitus and bronchitus. He gives me antbiotics and stilnox with equanil to sleep. My partner goes to the pharmacy to get it and the pharmacist doesn't give him the stilnox and equanil. The pharmacist can't get through on the phone to the docter or the psy that prescribes me subutex, so no medecine.
Do pharmacists have all these rights. I am SO fed up of being treated like a junkie, why don't I go out and be one for good - then they may have something to say. Bloody docters, bloody pharmacists. I really am furious, and just don't care any more. I feel like taking all the pills in the house.
Some French tart....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Courville-sur-Eure. France.
Posts: 239
I promise you, they will push me over the brink. To he** with being polite and always trying to please and calm down my entourage.
I spend my days trying to recover, I do all the deals. I'm fed up of everything right now.
It's my life and my docter. I rang him up and now he says ring the psy to see if he is in agreement with this medecine. Why, he's the docter, right?
I hate France, I hate their docters and right now I hate my partner. I do everything that he asks of me, but I can't take it anymore. I hate life.
I spend my days trying to recover, I do all the deals. I'm fed up of everything right now.
It's my life and my docter. I rang him up and now he says ring the psy to see if he is in agreement with this medecine. Why, he's the docter, right?
I hate France, I hate their docters and right now I hate my partner. I do everything that he asks of me, but I can't take it anymore. I hate life.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: canada
Posts: 167
As bad as it seeems tish,it will alll work out in the wash. but one things for sure, dont let the devil win the battle, he likes to surface in rought times as he feels its his best time to ge you to use,, dont let him wim, look after you and to hell with the rest
Stopping the Train...
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sevierville, TN - in the valley of the Great Smoky Mountains
Posts: 978
Sounds like your in the same boat I'm in, but for different reasons. Wanting to give up and go back out. H*ll...I'm a drug addict...might as well feed the beast. I'm tired of feeling that way in every way, but the real deal.
My doctor has also refused me what I thought was much needed medication for pain when I hurt my leg back before Christmas. Of course, he treated me like an addict...because I am. In the States - the docs react the same. He doesn't want to give me something he thinks will put me back into a place I don't come back from. He's concerned - honestly concerned. We have a very good relationship. I'm very honest with him to begin with. He's also a recovering addict.
Getting angry with the doctors more than raises red flags when it comes to narcotics. Why does the patient get so angry? Because they want the drugs that will alter the mood - alter the mind. I specifically ask for everything else FIRST as far as meds go before going with a narcotic. When I was going through withdrawals I was given NOTHING to sleep. He made the experience as miserable for me as possible. Fortunately, the effect it had on me was positive. I never wanted to go through that again. It could have easily gone the other way. If he's not going to help...then I'll help myself, but I really wanted to stop doing drugs more than I wanted to go back out back then.
Anger is just a symptom of your disease. Don't let it eat your lunch. It's attacking right now because IT wants the drugs. Here I am one to talk right now because I'm trying very hard not to go back out, but don't let the b@stard take over. If you're in a 12-Step program - read some literature. If you're not in a program - I strongly suggest you find one, go to a meeting and dig in.
My doctor has also refused me what I thought was much needed medication for pain when I hurt my leg back before Christmas. Of course, he treated me like an addict...because I am. In the States - the docs react the same. He doesn't want to give me something he thinks will put me back into a place I don't come back from. He's concerned - honestly concerned. We have a very good relationship. I'm very honest with him to begin with. He's also a recovering addict.
Getting angry with the doctors more than raises red flags when it comes to narcotics. Why does the patient get so angry? Because they want the drugs that will alter the mood - alter the mind. I specifically ask for everything else FIRST as far as meds go before going with a narcotic. When I was going through withdrawals I was given NOTHING to sleep. He made the experience as miserable for me as possible. Fortunately, the effect it had on me was positive. I never wanted to go through that again. It could have easily gone the other way. If he's not going to help...then I'll help myself, but I really wanted to stop doing drugs more than I wanted to go back out back then.
Anger is just a symptom of your disease. Don't let it eat your lunch. It's attacking right now because IT wants the drugs. Here I am one to talk right now because I'm trying very hard not to go back out, but don't let the b@stard take over. If you're in a 12-Step program - read some literature. If you're not in a program - I strongly suggest you find one, go to a meeting and dig in.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
Did everything work out yet
I hate when stuff like this happens. Not only are doctors expesive but they feed you meds you dont need and hord the ones you do. Take deep breaths and try to just remeber that you put all this time in your recovery not them; so dont let them ruin it.
:praying
:praying
Some French tart....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Courville-sur-Eure. France.
Posts: 239
I'm not angry because I want the drugs, I am angry because of the names that people call me and being treated as such.
I am following a program, I explained everything to my docter before he wrote out the prescription. He agrees that it would be a good idea to help me to sleep, even though I am taking subutex.
Pharmacists are frustrated docters.
I am following a program, I explained everything to my docter before he wrote out the prescription. He agrees that it would be a good idea to help me to sleep, even though I am taking subutex.
Pharmacists are frustrated docters.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
Angry
Just try to calm down and don't let it ruin your recovery. Do some breathing exersizes. I was on the same meds the last time I detoxed and I know you need them. If it makes you feel any better, your in a lot better position than me; im shaking so badly that im typing with one finger and the delete key is my new best friend.
Breath in Breath out. And keep calling the pharmasy and doctors and bugging them. They might get so annoyed they'll just give in; suprisingly that has worked for me. Just don't yell at them because it will backfire; id start crying.
Breath in Breath out. And keep calling the pharmasy and doctors and bugging them. They might get so annoyed they'll just give in; suprisingly that has worked for me. Just don't yell at them because it will backfire; id start crying.
Some French tart....
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Courville-sur-Eure. France.
Posts: 239
I tried the docter, calmly, and he told me that as the pharmacy rang them that he no longer wishes to have me as a patient.
Now what do I do. Go to bl**dy rehab?
It's like living in a prison here, but I was coping, just keeping myself to myself.
If I go out it creates a riot.
Now what do I do. Go to bl**dy rehab?
It's like living in a prison here, but I was coping, just keeping myself to myself.
If I go out it creates a riot.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
In regards to the pharmacist calling, honestly, I would respect any pharmacist who cares enough about you to do that. I am on Methadone and I know there are many meds that if taken with Methadone can cause some very bad side effects as I imagine could be the case with Subutex.
Some meds can actually strip the Methadone out of someone's system if taken together. I have a friend who went through her entire pregnancy on Methadone, was closely monitored by her Doctor as well as the Methadone Clinic. She had been honest with everyone about being in Recovery. Her regular doctor wasn't on call the evening she went into labor. She had to have an emergency C-section and all went well but after the epidural wore off, naturally she needed something for pain. I was right there when she reminded the on call doctor that she didn't want any opiates, that she was on Methadone and in Recovery. The doctor on call wasn't too familiar with what meds cannot be mixed with Methadone and ordered this one particular med (I can't remember what it was called) to be given to her in her IV. I was in the Recovery Room with her and within a few minutes of getting this shot, she went into full blown drug withdrawls! It was horrible, I felt so bad for her because she had been completely honest and reminded this doctor that she didn't want any narcotics and was on Methadone. Did he apologize for his error? Nope!
There could be an interaction that you aren't aware of so don't jump to conclusions. If not, perhaps the pharamcist is just concerned, knowing you are in Recovery. Sure, there are those who are on powertrips, but either way, don't let this guy cause you so much aggrevation that you end up picking up, is he really worth it? I know how it feels when you're sick with Broncitious, I get it often and sleep is desperately needed. But getting this p*ssed off or even relapsing sure isn't going to help you sleep.
It takes awhile before people begin to see the positive changes in our lives. I've been in Recovery 3 years and 9 months and still, there are those people who judge me for my former poor choices I made when I was using. I used to really be hurt by this, but it came out as anger. Then I realized that these people's opinions of me don't mean sh*t. If your partner continues to act like this and treats you this way, I'd shown him the door! You don't need it, you don't deserve it so don't tolerate it. Just keep on taking things One Day at A Time and remember, all of this shall pass. . . . as hard as it is to accept and realize right now.
God Bless,
Judy
Some meds can actually strip the Methadone out of someone's system if taken together. I have a friend who went through her entire pregnancy on Methadone, was closely monitored by her Doctor as well as the Methadone Clinic. She had been honest with everyone about being in Recovery. Her regular doctor wasn't on call the evening she went into labor. She had to have an emergency C-section and all went well but after the epidural wore off, naturally she needed something for pain. I was right there when she reminded the on call doctor that she didn't want any opiates, that she was on Methadone and in Recovery. The doctor on call wasn't too familiar with what meds cannot be mixed with Methadone and ordered this one particular med (I can't remember what it was called) to be given to her in her IV. I was in the Recovery Room with her and within a few minutes of getting this shot, she went into full blown drug withdrawls! It was horrible, I felt so bad for her because she had been completely honest and reminded this doctor that she didn't want any narcotics and was on Methadone. Did he apologize for his error? Nope!
There could be an interaction that you aren't aware of so don't jump to conclusions. If not, perhaps the pharamcist is just concerned, knowing you are in Recovery. Sure, there are those who are on powertrips, but either way, don't let this guy cause you so much aggrevation that you end up picking up, is he really worth it? I know how it feels when you're sick with Broncitious, I get it often and sleep is desperately needed. But getting this p*ssed off or even relapsing sure isn't going to help you sleep.
It takes awhile before people begin to see the positive changes in our lives. I've been in Recovery 3 years and 9 months and still, there are those people who judge me for my former poor choices I made when I was using. I used to really be hurt by this, but it came out as anger. Then I realized that these people's opinions of me don't mean sh*t. If your partner continues to act like this and treats you this way, I'd shown him the door! You don't need it, you don't deserve it so don't tolerate it. Just keep on taking things One Day at A Time and remember, all of this shall pass. . . . as hard as it is to accept and realize right now.
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
Queen your right
I know my pharmasist very well; so they will do it for me. It is against the law here. But being an addict I've learned to make all the right friends in all the right places. If Tish has already gone and explained her situation and it was prescribed by a doctor than why won't they just give it to her? If we put all of our trust into people that are supposed to be able to help us and then cut us off for no reason I just dont think it makes sense; Im sorry but I dont see the logic in it.
TheMostSordidSpotOnEarth
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ParadiseOnEarth
Posts: 811
My dear Tish!
I would love to be able to make everything better. For now, let's deal with the anger. It's natural to get angry at the right things, but we're allowed to let that anger pass if it's not going to help us.
As hard as it might feel, you might be better off by leaving the junkie story aside, at least at this moment. Yes, I'm guessing that it was said to hurt you or to stupidly knock some "sense" into you. I know that your partner's behaviors should probably be dealt with as a whole, but this might not be the best time since you're still angry or upset. Leave it for logic and reasoning later. Don't risk your sanity just to win on a conversation if it isn't ultimately helping you right now.
You have enough on your plate. I know you want to take care of yourself. Actually, you need to keep taking care of yourself. Your steps into recovery are an absolute priority. Your stability, health and serenity matter. Serenity! That's a huge goal in all of this.
I must admit that I am rather confused about the doctor thing, but it sounds like he doesn't want to be responsible for anything that might go wrong. Is there another doctor available to you? Be totally honest with them. Ask for their help and advice.
Is the only thing they're not giving you a filled script for sleeping pills? Even if you're in the midst of terrible insomnia (and sick, poor girl!), remember that it's not the end of the world. If they don't want to give you the meds because of the subutex situation, you can still try natural methods to help you. Even if they don't carry a magical solution, they should help you to relax a little. Might the pharmacist give you Valerian root? You might do well to combine the classics too: a hot, relaxing bubble bath, warm milk, herbal tea with honey (like chamomile), low light, stimulus reduction (like no crazy/scary movies while going to bed), avoid caffeine during the day, breathe...I know it's not easy, but sometimes these things can really help.
Don't let any of the things you've described spark a fire. The hurt and the frustration will pass. Don't let this story excuse your addiction into power. I adore you Tish, and I want nothing more than the very best for you. You have a heart of gold. Keep your strength together and your chin up, and ride all of this out into the light.
:ghug3
One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
I would love to be able to make everything better. For now, let's deal with the anger. It's natural to get angry at the right things, but we're allowed to let that anger pass if it's not going to help us.
As hard as it might feel, you might be better off by leaving the junkie story aside, at least at this moment. Yes, I'm guessing that it was said to hurt you or to stupidly knock some "sense" into you. I know that your partner's behaviors should probably be dealt with as a whole, but this might not be the best time since you're still angry or upset. Leave it for logic and reasoning later. Don't risk your sanity just to win on a conversation if it isn't ultimately helping you right now.
You have enough on your plate. I know you want to take care of yourself. Actually, you need to keep taking care of yourself. Your steps into recovery are an absolute priority. Your stability, health and serenity matter. Serenity! That's a huge goal in all of this.
I must admit that I am rather confused about the doctor thing, but it sounds like he doesn't want to be responsible for anything that might go wrong. Is there another doctor available to you? Be totally honest with them. Ask for their help and advice.
Is the only thing they're not giving you a filled script for sleeping pills? Even if you're in the midst of terrible insomnia (and sick, poor girl!), remember that it's not the end of the world. If they don't want to give you the meds because of the subutex situation, you can still try natural methods to help you. Even if they don't carry a magical solution, they should help you to relax a little. Might the pharmacist give you Valerian root? You might do well to combine the classics too: a hot, relaxing bubble bath, warm milk, herbal tea with honey (like chamomile), low light, stimulus reduction (like no crazy/scary movies while going to bed), avoid caffeine during the day, breathe...I know it's not easy, but sometimes these things can really help.
Don't let any of the things you've described spark a fire. The hurt and the frustration will pass. Don't let this story excuse your addiction into power. I adore you Tish, and I want nothing more than the very best for you. You have a heart of gold. Keep your strength together and your chin up, and ride all of this out into the light.
:ghug3
One ship sails East,
And another West,
By the self-same winds that blow,
Tis the set of the sails
And not the gales,
That tells the way we go.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
If anyone finds a pill that cures my addiction/anger/insanity/hopelessness/resentfulness/selfishness...good lord ,let me know!!!!
Hang in there gurl!!!! It can be a real butt kicker...
love north
Hang in there gurl!!!! It can be a real butt kicker...
love north
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Midland, NC
Posts: 1,266
Tish.
While I was in rehab, I got bronchitis and they were able to treat me accordingly with antibiotics and an inhaler. It worked and I finally got better. (i was on suboxone also)
I've had chronic insomnia my whole life. I rehab, they tried several thing to help me sleep...
tylonel pm, visterial, seraquill. The seraquill worked for me.
My addiction doctor didn't want me on the seraquill, so he started me on trazodone and it's helped for the most part, but I still wake up a couple times a night.
I know you're upset, but it may be for the best. You've come a long way. You wouldn't want them to prescribe you something that you could become addicted to.
I don't feel like the dr. and pharmasist are out to get you, I just think this is probably how they handle addicts. Tough but true....We are in fact addicts
Hope 'ya feel better soon.
Penny
While I was in rehab, I got bronchitis and they were able to treat me accordingly with antibiotics and an inhaler. It worked and I finally got better. (i was on suboxone also)
I've had chronic insomnia my whole life. I rehab, they tried several thing to help me sleep...
tylonel pm, visterial, seraquill. The seraquill worked for me.
My addiction doctor didn't want me on the seraquill, so he started me on trazodone and it's helped for the most part, but I still wake up a couple times a night.
I know you're upset, but it may be for the best. You've come a long way. You wouldn't want them to prescribe you something that you could become addicted to.
I don't feel like the dr. and pharmasist are out to get you, I just think this is probably how they handle addicts. Tough but true....We are in fact addicts
Hope 'ya feel better soon.
Penny
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Any where I'm at but mainly around Chicago
Posts: 138
If your going to withdrawl...
I would try going to a meeting. I'm going to give it a go again today and everyone here seems to always recomend it. I've detoxed and rehab but have never been to one so I'm not sure. But it seems like a general consensious here.
I pm'd you and I really hope your still doing ok or fell asleep by yourself. But the tea and everyother advise sounds pretty good.
I pm'd you and I really hope your still doing ok or fell asleep by yourself. But the tea and everyother advise sounds pretty good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Tish))) - I'm sorry, sweetie. FWIW, I just did a bit of research on those meds, and the equanil, in particular is a huge red flag to any recovering addict...subutex or not. It's very addictive. The other one is, also, though not as much.
The pharmacist was doing his job, hon...these drugs are addictive. I understand the anger, because I've been there and HATE the fact that I can't just go to a dr., get a prescription and be treated like anyone else...oh no, I have to stay away from most things. However, this is my life, and I can't change it.
I also understand that a dr. prescribed these meds, but just because he has MD after his name, does NOT mean he has your best interests in mind. WE have to do that. I know that I have an advantage, as I have a medical background, but any one of us can ask a dr "is this medicine addictive?" or look up that info on the intenet. If it IS addicting, it's probably not a good thing for us.
I also understand the sleep issue and have had that problem. I have worked, extensively with my dr. on this. The difference is, my dr. is well aware of my addiction and he and I have an agreement on the types of meds he will prescribe me. I know health care is different over there, and I am very lucky to have doctors who not only appreciate my recovery but guard it, as well.
I can tell you that if I went in and asked my dr. for the equanil, I would not get it. I have taken the stilnox (it's ambien over here) but he gave it to me for one month, only, and it didn't work.
As far as your partner, he's being a jerk, but he's also probably seeing you get angry because you're "not getting pills". What he doesn't understand is: you're sick, you're tired and it's hard as he!! for us, when we're trying, SO HARD, and it feels like we just keep running up against brick walls because of our past (our addiction). When I'm like that, I KNOW if I could just get some sleep, I would probably feel a whole lot better.
I hope you can get some relief, soon, sweetie. Most of what I posted probably isn't what you wanted to hear, I know. I truly hope you can find a dr. who is knowledgeable AND compassionate, and that you can get some rest.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
The pharmacist was doing his job, hon...these drugs are addictive. I understand the anger, because I've been there and HATE the fact that I can't just go to a dr., get a prescription and be treated like anyone else...oh no, I have to stay away from most things. However, this is my life, and I can't change it.
I also understand that a dr. prescribed these meds, but just because he has MD after his name, does NOT mean he has your best interests in mind. WE have to do that. I know that I have an advantage, as I have a medical background, but any one of us can ask a dr "is this medicine addictive?" or look up that info on the intenet. If it IS addicting, it's probably not a good thing for us.
I also understand the sleep issue and have had that problem. I have worked, extensively with my dr. on this. The difference is, my dr. is well aware of my addiction and he and I have an agreement on the types of meds he will prescribe me. I know health care is different over there, and I am very lucky to have doctors who not only appreciate my recovery but guard it, as well.
I can tell you that if I went in and asked my dr. for the equanil, I would not get it. I have taken the stilnox (it's ambien over here) but he gave it to me for one month, only, and it didn't work.
As far as your partner, he's being a jerk, but he's also probably seeing you get angry because you're "not getting pills". What he doesn't understand is: you're sick, you're tired and it's hard as he!! for us, when we're trying, SO HARD, and it feels like we just keep running up against brick walls because of our past (our addiction). When I'm like that, I KNOW if I could just get some sleep, I would probably feel a whole lot better.
I hope you can get some relief, soon, sweetie. Most of what I posted probably isn't what you wanted to hear, I know. I truly hope you can find a dr. who is knowledgeable AND compassionate, and that you can get some rest.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
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