soberclover

Really great timing on me reading this thread; a person just let me know her Sponsor suggested she take a Sponsee break. The whole Sponsor thing is just not working for me. I added AA meetings after about 3 years sober as I needed to physically see other's like me. I'm slowly putting myself out there as not a real people person deep down. I do want to work the AA steps as I've previously worked the NA steps. I've been introduced to Joe and Charlie and am attending a conference in October led by one of their Sponsees. Reading this has provided some clarity as far as what I should do but I'm still confused to be honest.

MLD51

I think it's totally possible to work steps without a sponsor, but having one helps to clarify some things along the way. Joe and Charlie are great resources - I needed their step four advice in order to really get going on it. I was stuck until I listened to them. Then it went fine.

Gottalife

It is a bit of a shame when Joe and Charlie have to do the job that a good sponsor should do.

When I took my fourth Joe and Charlie were not around, there was no internet. Instead my sponsor and I worked the step together one Saturday. I don't think I could have done it any other way.

Today I do the same with the people I work with. We get that fourth done together, though they may do their fifth with whoever they chose.

The big hump that is steps 4 and 5, is got out of the way in a couple of days tops, and with it goes a big chunk of fear and a major block to recovery.

stevieg46

Agree Mike , Joe and Charlie put over a message armed with the facts in the same way a Sponsor that is armed with the facts can .

Cant have a conversation with Joe and Charlie though . Cant beat the live show .

Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006 .

soberclover

Finding a Sponsor has been a challenge for me; I'm focused perhaps on the rejection that I'm feeling although it wasn't rejection but rather people who have too many sponsees or/and one whose Sponsor told her to take a Sponsee break.

I think I need to continue to keep my eyes and ears open

Reprieve

Finding a good sponsor can be hard, I agree. In my experience there are certain "legacy" sponsor sort of people where you are all in some kind of descendents of "Mary" or "Bob." Jane, who is Mary's sponsor sponsors Sue who is Ann's sponsor kind of thing.

Some people like to be the king or queen bee of a group and be in charge, and those types tend to be the Mary or Bob leaders. I know, I am sure I sounds bitter or frustrated but these are just my observations over a few years.

Just this past week, one of our local "Marys" admitted to me that she was very unhappy and depressed and so - just know that these leaders of sobriety also struggle and really don't have all the answers as they sometimes like others to believe.

In other words, you have your own wisdom and know plenty. Choose someone who is open and kind and go from there. My first sponsor was just a really nice lady who would sit and talk with me or take me out on trips around the area for lunch or whatever. She never claimed to have all the answers, but she did just listen and offer kind comments and support/suggestions. That worked just fine for me.

KarenOskie

I just wanted you all to know that I did find a sponsor. She's great. She is going way too slow for me on the steps, though. I had already started working them, but I drank again, so I understand her wanting me to start over. But I really do know I'm an alcoholic now, and I know my life is unmanageable, but she wants to start with step one. We are having a hard time finding a time when we can meet since we both work full time. I hate going so slow, I want to get better now!
Still, I'm glad I'm on the right path. I'm also going to a meeting every day now, which I did not want to do at all because I am so tired. But now that I have a sponsor, it's hard to make an excuse, I just go really tired.
Thanks for all your help on this!

sugarbear1

Gotta get through those steps! Step one can be a lengthy discussion and gotten through easily in one night.....then 2 and 3, make a date and time for step 5 and work that 4th step the night before step 5 discussion.....then get through 7......8 can be done the following week with 9 as a lengthy discussion....

awuh1

Thanks for the update Karen. I think you're on the right track. I'd trust your sponsor about the pace of the step work.

You can always pray for patience. If you're like I was in early sobriety the prayer will be something along the lines of, "God please grant me patience... and I want it right now!"

tomsteve

remember step one ISNT admitting we are alcoholics,something i did YEARS before getting sober. its that we were powerless over alcohol, which the cbapters tbe doctors opinion, there is a solution, and more about alcoholism explain it.

keep going to meetings and listen, pray like crazy,read the big book, and dont quit 5 seconds before the miracle happens!

KarenOskie

Thanks you guys! Great stuff here. We talked again tonight, my sponsor and I, and realized it just wasn't going to work out. The only times she had available were when I was at work. She asked if I wanted to ask her other sponsee, who I've become friends with, if she would be my sponsor instead. I thought that was a great idea. So, I have a new sponsor! I'm her first sponsee, but she has worked all the steps, been sober two years and I like her a lot. Plus, she has the time! The other sponsor, her sponsor, will be there to help when and if we need it. Good all around! So, I'm ready to get to work on these steps!!!

mick3580

Awesome!

sg1970

You're doing great. Keep at it with determination and it will pay off big time.

Gottalife

Sounds like you have found an excellent solution that will let you get on with the steps. The big book is the best guide as to how fast the work needs to be done. Words like "at once, next, we take an hour" give a clue. And our book says you are the best judge of when you are ready to tackle the work.

Reprieve mentioned different types of sponsors and dynastic structures you can sometimes find. I have noticed similar things. You could pick two different dynasties and get two different programs. The big book was written to prevent this and remains the best source of reference.

Rehab can also have a big influence on how steps are taken. My line of sponsorship, who all died sober, contained no one who had been to rehab. Consequently what I got came straight from the book. I didn't realize at the time what a blessing that was.