RedManc7

Hope we all doing well. Great to see some new names on here as all my SR pals I quit heroin with in late 2014 seem to have disappeared!
Hope they are well. Good to see Dee is running a tight ship still.
I'm back on here as I've left Oz and moved to Asia - Thailand - no triggers or memories or old junk buddies. I'm back on cos I can here the wolves howling in my head and I'm thinking but not thinking about using if that makes sense.

Sorry for the brain dump but I really don't know any other way to get the thoughts out of my head.

I'm feeling strong but confused that after ages I've just started thinking about it, albeit fleetingly, it just worries me.
Also, as if I didn't need reminding, my addiction is for life, maybe I mentally got slack So will be boring y'all with my babbling inanities to help fend off the howling wolves.

Been clean since 19th December 2014 - doesn't seem long at all looking at it now. Need to remind myself I didn't think before I could last a week clean - and I never did. Love hearing the stories of strength v addiction - inspires me, thanks to all X

Dee74

I think we can get slack and that those wolves will come looking for scraps again Red.

Was it triggers memories and old junk buddies that made you move?

D

skywalker91

Hello I am a recovering addict (DOC:crystal meth)...I am glad that you have been sober since 2014! GREAT job. So you left Oz and moved to Asia that's great! As far as using thoughts, remember wherever you go there you are so you still have to work on your self, hit meetings, self reflect, and continue learning. I know my buddies that have over 5+ years of recovery still sometimes have thoughts it is totally normal! You aren't alone...I am sure you don't think about using nearly as much as when you first started out...I am glad you are back on SR to share. You've come so far so keep at it buddy. Keep busy and stay aware =] you have the power always.

Forte

Good to have you here again mate

finaltime

Rodman good to see you on here!!! I know thailand has some great meetings?? I am near there, shanghai. Been to Thailand a few times. GOOD work on sharing about the howling. That is how we stay clean, share the demons, help someone else out, pray. Get yourself a sponsor over there?? Why not!!!

So good you checked in. Yes I hope everyone else is okay too! Hard part of this recovery stuff is people come and go. But main importance is taking care of SELF!

Hevyn

Happy to see you, Red. I hope it helps to talk about what's going on. You know we all understand.

RedManc7

Pretty much - i felt really strong last year but could feel my resolve weakening this - like I'd forgotten about how screwed up my life got with heroin.
One of my old junk buddies has been in rehab for 6 months - he doing really well - but will be there a while more.
I have no access to anything in Thailand the sentences are insanely severe for even minor drug possession and no triggers.
Made me realise how vulnerable I still am after swaggering about like a cockney last year thinking I had the mind power of an ascended master.
Made the realise the importance of here and checking in and that it's something I need to do for the rest of my life basically.
A deeper level of acceptance and understanding on my addiction basically.

RedManc7

Thanks sky walker appreciate the kind words and advice - I feel like I almost have to start over again and get right back to basics on this - thanks so much again and great work getting off the meth.

RedManc7

Thanks Hevyn i found it so hard to quit heroin took 12/13 serious attempts (or I thought they were at the time) and with the one day at a time mantra (which we all know Is the only way) I guess I never gave much energy to how I'd feel at this stage - feels like the honeymoon period is over and the real hard work starts again. Thanks for your kind words and support it means the world to me.

RedManc7

Thanks final time I have meditation classes booked and I'm going down to the Bikram studio this week to start that again and will be checking the meeting scene for sure. Hope you are well final time

RedManc7

thanks brother

kzaug2014

Great to see you here RedManc! Well done on staying clean and posting to keep your resolve strong. I quit heroin and klonopin in Aug. 2014 & still deal w/anxiety, but I've learned to accept it and focus on the positive. (( Hugs ))

RedManc7

Great work on your clean time - inspiring - thanks for supportive words - I guess not engaging on here and sharing with my fellow addicts has allowed the devil on my shoulder to reappear when I know when I come on here and read, try and support others and encourage and share and get supportive messages back it firms my resolve to shut out the internal chatter that's been starting to weigh me down.
Feel much better for just telling you guys. Thanks again and keep strong X

lonelynn

OMGOSH Red!!! I'm so glad you're back! I've been wondering where you were! So glad you moved and I hope you're liking it better. Babble away because that's what we are here for...I'm very glad you're still clean, you give me so much hope!