Kboys

Thanks Fog

Ugh... it was okay. He picked up the kids and they went to the park and had pizza. I didn't go with them, like I had before a couple of times.
I don't like not being there. I worry when they're gone, but I know it's better for me to limit my contact with him. And I know they're fine with him right now. With his IID installed in his truck, he can't drive it if he's been drinking even a little bit, so that gives me some peace of mind.
They have fun with him.

He asked about staying the night at my house in the spare room, instead of at his brother's house, and I said no... although a part of me really wanted to say yes. I don't want to confuse the kids even more.... for one thing.

He's still saying all the "right" things for now, which just makes it even more difficult for me to stick to my guns, but I know it's the right thing.

I'm really struggling with it.... but I'm hanging in there.

Thanks for asking

LexieCat

Do NOT let him stay at your house, no matter what. It establishes a bad precedent, sends mixed messages, and confuses the kids.

Even if his brother's out of town or there's some other "good reason"--the answer should be NO.

When/if the day ever comes when you decide to reconcile, which should be a long way off, his staying there should be a carefully deliberated decision on your part, made well in advance--not something you're doing to help him out.

AnvilheadII

do you remember some of the OTHER things he's said to you, DID to you??? how about this gem from SEVEN MONTHS ago?

10/11/2015
I was in bed, and the kids were asleep in their room. He came home from the bar and stood over me for approximately 20 minutes, berating me, while I laid there, hoping he would leave the room, I just listened and said maybe five words the entire time, in an effort to not escalate it any further, partly because I did not want the kids to wake up.

These are some of the things he said to me:

Do you know how hard it is for me to not splatter your face all over the walls?
******* piece of ****
I hope you burn in hell
I’ll make sure you burn in hell
I’m a sick ************
I ******* hate you
Your best isn’t good enough
******* ******
I want to slit my throat
All you have is your *****
I don’t give a **** about you or your *****
**** all you people
**** you and your parents and all your dreams
I hope this house burns to the ground
You don’t know what it means to be a family
You will never be a real woman
How did I end up with a disappointment like you?
He spit at me

He then walked out into the kitchen and kicked a cabinet in and broke it.

He came back into the bedroom, where I was attempting to call law enforcement. He took my phone from me, then ripped the blankets off of me and hit me with them several times.
He tackled me on the bed grabbing my shoulders and said,” Do you know what it feels like to have CPR?” He left red marks on my arms, shoulders, and chest. They were faded by morning.

I grabbed the phone at that point after he got off of me. He had dropped it on the bed. I ran into the back yard to try to call law enforcement again. He followed me outside, grabbed me from behind, and took the phone. He lowered his voice and his tone then, and said, “I’m not going to hurt you. Don’t cry. It’s not your fault. You weren’t meant for this.”
He took my phone and went to the spare room and fell asleep.

CentralOhioDad

OMG. Wow

Liveitwell

Anvil-thanks for reposting that. K, you know things my ex have done are very much like yours and my last night with my ex (when calling police) was much like the night you described above. There is a reason I say I'm never going back. I don't care what he does-never going back. I hope im wrong but I do truly feel like you're getting totally manipulated and played. I don't think he's sincere.

Liveitwell

Just my two cents: I think he is purposely and deliberately trying to wear you down.

Kboys

Thanks everybody.

I know, and I'm trying my best to keep all of that in the front of my mind.

I want to get to the point that his "charm" no longer has this effect on me, but I'm not there. I know I need to limit contact as much as possible and keep working on me. I'm doing my best.

It's hard to read, but the reminders help.

Ariesagain

If he's staying at your house, you're going to be dealing with him trying to get in your bed. And if you do sleep with him, in his mind, he's back and for good and on his terms.

Sorry to be blunt...

Kboys

.

Kboys

Points taken..... Loud and clear
Thanks everybody

buk1000

Wow. Be safe kboys.

Refiner

Not sure if another thread was started, so will respond here. It sure didn't happen overnight, but it was when I finally got to a place (WITH counseling) that another person DID NOT MAKE ME WHO I AM. It was when I accepted who I was and celebrated my own achievements without needing another's "approval" for me to be proud. As an ACOA, I didn't get the approvals so Codie'd-up in my young adult years thinking SURELY if I tried HARD enough to make OTHER people happy, that would give ME happiness, right?? What kind of God is there if that behavior isn't rewarded? Gosh, I was so lost. And once I got to the point of being truly comfortable and loving me for me, did respectable and loving relationships start coming into my life. And yes, there were butterflies when I met my now husband... but at least they weren't "Codie Butterflies".

DesertEyes

Easy does it people. I have removed posts whose tone is hostile and un-supportive. People don't join SR to get the same kind of derogatory and dis-respectful treatment they get from their qualifier.

If you can't be supportive and respectful go take a walk. Breathe some air. Come back tomorrow when you can write a post without sounding pushy, abusive and condescending.

Mike
Moderator, SR