Ladywind

Well my ex AH tells me anger is my issue. Would you believe him, when anger is normal for being treated like second best in a marriage? No one else tells me I have anger issues??
So how angry of a person were you when in a relationship with an alcoholic?

iamthird

Funny STBAXH said that to me today too. We cannot talk to them rationally. They are ill.

greens

Sounds like they are trying to take the attention off themselves and blame it on you. This is common. I've been blamed so many times for innapropriate and abusive behavior and then when I do actually get angry or mad in self defense they are so quick to point it out and they always remember it.

maybear

I was a very angry person, the years of resentment just ate away at me and I would often become very angry whenever the same old issues would arise.

My anger was probably more at myself and to do with the insanity of living with my alcoholic husband, allowing the same old behaviours and patterns to take place over and over again. It becomes frustrating when you are banging your head against a brick wall. I personally felt as if I was going crazy right before I asked him to leave.

Ordinarily, I am not a terribly angry person either.

iGirl66

How angry? I wished that he and his new girl would relapse and OD and at the time, I meant it with every fiber of my being. I repented of such an evil thought. But I'd say that was pretty darn angry

FeelingGreat

Anger can be a rational healthy response to being ignored or badly treated, but if you're angry a lot, over an extended period it's probably time to look at changing your circumstances. Anger can be very unhealthy for both mind and body.

schnappi99

Sometimes they're right.... are you angry?

I know I was.. a lot of the time- sometimes daily... at her at the world- anything, from one topic to the next sometimes nearly all day long. I saved most of my anger for her. Its poison.

As soon as I start thinking my anger or frustration is "justified" I'm in trouble.

theseithakas

I was always SO angry at my XA. Especially in the last few months...and especially if there was alcohol involved (on my end, not his). I really did become a monster that I didn't recognize...and I really felt like I started to lose myself. There was just so much resentment that was never addressed. And I am really and truly not an angry person...that's never something that has been part of my personality. I'm actually the exact opposite - people often remark on how even-keeled I am. Those circumstances just totally brought out the worst in me. Yuck.

FireSprite

When he was actively drinking, RAH constantly accused me of being such a negative energy to be around, that I was always shooting down every idea, that I was always angry & sour. I got the exact opposite information from every other person in my life & I thought, "he doesn't know what he's talking about".

Then I realized..... he was actually right! I was all of those things - TO HIM. What he got from me was behavior in reflection to his own.... shooting down ideas? Yeah, dumb ones! Costly, mistake-filled ones!

It was another perspective that helped me see the benefits of "dropping the rope" - I wouldn't agree with him, but I didn't have to keep adding to the negativity either. (for my own benefit)

ladyscribbler

I used to absolutely love it when my AX would list what he felt were all my character defects. It was so enlightening. *eyeroll*
Just like when we take their inventory and list their faults for them (however true it might be), and get a negative reception, the same thing happens when they do it to us. Nobody wants a crazy, sick person finding fault with them. It is just one more way we feed one another's diseases.
I have lots of character defects (my ex was on point on some of them, even a broken clock is right twice a day, lol). It wasn't until I did my OWN inventory and stopped judging others and worrying about their judgement of me that I was able to actually do any constructive recovery work.
To answer your question, I was a simmering kettle of poorly controlled rage during our relationship, and for some time after. Most of the time it wasn't safe to express emotions (especially anger) to or around my ex, so I stuffed them, which exponentially magnified the negativity.
It also turned out that a lot of my anger was actually at myself for putting up with so much unacceptable behavior for so long.

Ladywind

Thank you for all your responses. I can relate to them all lol. Argh, onwards and upwards.