Graduating AA
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by miamifella 
In most meetings half the people there have less than a year. Maybe a quarter have one to three years. Maybe 5 or 10 perscent have five or more years. There is a natural progression. People eventually leave because their life changes.
I know several people with 5 to 30 years of sobriety who left AA...eventually relapsed and are dead now.
I feel FEAR because alcohol wants to kill me & it will! It's NOT AA that fills me with fear...it's the fact that alcoholism kills 2.5 million people a year in this world. It's a healthy fear and I'm grateful that I'm reminded of the fatality & hell of alcoholism.
I hope you never forget what you are like I did.
Be well.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I'll be sober 31 years in August, and I still keep my connection with AA. AA is not my life, I only make several meetings a month, but I still do some service work and when I have the time to attend more meetings, I do. I, like IOAA2, find it interesting that you call it fear based. I don't feel fearful. I'm quite confident, at least as confident as you, that I will never pick up a drink again. Whether I continue with AA or not. I enjoy the meetings I go to now, and I like the fact that I have thousands of friends all over the world that I can meet and hook up with in a second. I like the opportunities to help, and I like to stay fresh with my spiritual journey. I pretty much only go now to BB and step meetings, and I'm continually fascinated by how I can still leave, even after all these years, with something new to think about. I've been working and reworking the steps for decades, and I can tell you it's not out of fear. It's out of excitement, and a desire to keep growing, and keep reaching for newer heights. I do also feel that a continued connection with AA offers a bit of insurance on my sobriety.
FWIW, I should say too that I no longer have much tolerance for the type of meetings you describe. If the theme of a meeting is a drunkalog, and then people venting for the rest of the hour, you won't find me there again. I need to be in places where I can give, and learn. I find it difficult to do either at that type of meeting.
Nobody says you can't graduate. Well, actually, they do
, but it's your call, not theirs. Quit, but keep an open mind. If all goes well, awesome. If you feel your thinking starting to shift, or you find yourself one day arguing with everyone you encounter... AA isn't going anywhere.
FWIW, I should say too that I no longer have much tolerance for the type of meetings you describe. If the theme of a meeting is a drunkalog, and then people venting for the rest of the hour, you won't find me there again. I need to be in places where I can give, and learn. I find it difficult to do either at that type of meeting.
Nobody says you can't graduate. Well, actually, they do
, but it's your call, not theirs. Quit, but keep an open mind. If all goes well, awesome. If you feel your thinking starting to shift, or you find yourself one day arguing with everyone you encounter... AA isn't going anywhere.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
Been sober 37 years and still try to get My home group once a week, sometimes 2. It's just part of my life, just like some people go to church every Sunday. its my time for me to stop and reflect on life in general.
What I never get tired of is seeing and being a part of a newcomer coming in and turning their life around. . That more than makes up for the pain and heartbreak of those still struggling with the disease. For me, the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is not about what I get out of it, it's what I can give to it. Even hearing someone story for the thirtyith billion time, it many connect with someone else hearing it for the first, second, or more times.
What I never get tired of is seeing and being a part of a newcomer coming in and turning their life around. . That more than makes up for the pain and heartbreak of those still struggling with the disease. For me, the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is not about what I get out of it, it's what I can give to it. Even hearing someone story for the thirtyith billion time, it many connect with someone else hearing it for the first, second, or more times.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Originally Posted by Serenidad
I had over 5.5 years of sobriety and decided to "graduate" from AA too. The problem...I forgot what I was and lost my support system. I eventually relapsed and ended up worse. I'm back now by the grace of God.
I know several people with 5 to 30 years of sobriety who left AA...eventually relapsed and are dead now.
I feel FEAR because alcohol wants to kill me & it will! It's NOT AA that fills me with fear...it's the fact that alcoholism kills 2.5 million people a year in this world. It's a healthy fear and I'm grateful that I'm reminded of the fatality & hell of alcoholism.
I hope you never forget what you are like I did.
Be well.
I know several people with 5 to 30 years of sobriety who left AA...eventually relapsed and are dead now.
I feel FEAR because alcohol wants to kill me & it will! It's NOT AA that fills me with fear...it's the fact that alcoholism kills 2.5 million people a year in this world. It's a healthy fear and I'm grateful that I'm reminded of the fatality & hell of alcoholism.
I hope you never forget what you are like I did.
Be well.
I think you put your finger on it when you mention a support system. That is what really matters.
When I was in 12-step recovery I was in a state of constant relapse. Having it drummed into me to rely on a higher power and that other people have no power to help me with my addiction left me without support. I needed help from other people.
Leaving the program, I opened up more to friends about my addiction and things changed. A support system and people one can speak too about one's addiction are key. For me at least, a higher power is not enough.
I do not think AA has a magic power, but rather having a support system is what makes the difference. If you did not have a support system when you left AA but had one in the program, then it works for you and you should not leave.
I do just hope that your group is not that hard-core, and allows you to talk about when you feel an urge to drink or drug. I am convinced that is key--and what allows "graduation."
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
But, how long do people have to continue giving back?
nobody has to.
one point you might be missing is that many people WANT to, and thrive on giving back. on being of use. not based on fear.
whether that's in AA or in the wider community
nobody has to.
one point you might be missing is that many people WANT to, and thrive on giving back. on being of use. not based on fear.
whether that's in AA or in the wider community
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
For some, AA is a place of grounding, strength and reminder..... It helps them continue to honor their sober lives and to not get too far from the awareness that they could easily be right back suffering.
I see that in on friend who has 25 years and still goes to an AA meeting every Saturday am.
I see it in myself - with almost a year and a half sobriety but the occasional thought that maybe I could drink in moderation again.
I think many see AA as a sort of 'insurance policy' to help them keep from letting their guard down too much.
It remains pretty amazing to me that with 20 years of strong evidence that drinking brought me mostly misery and negative consequences - I still find myself entertaining the notion I could maybe be 'beyond all that' now.
So for me, AA and this forum help support my sobriety with clear reminders of why I chose sobriety in the first place.
I see that in on friend who has 25 years and still goes to an AA meeting every Saturday am.
I see it in myself - with almost a year and a half sobriety but the occasional thought that maybe I could drink in moderation again.
I think many see AA as a sort of 'insurance policy' to help them keep from letting their guard down too much.
It remains pretty amazing to me that with 20 years of strong evidence that drinking brought me mostly misery and negative consequences - I still find myself entertaining the notion I could maybe be 'beyond all that' now.
So for me, AA and this forum help support my sobriety with clear reminders of why I chose sobriety in the first place.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by fini
But, how long do people have to continue giving back?
nobody has to.
one point you might be missing is that many people WANT to, and thrive on giving back. on being of use. not based on fear.
whether that's in AA or in the wider community
nobody has to.
one point you might be missing is that many people WANT to, and thrive on giving back. on being of use. not based on fear.
whether that's in AA or in the wider community
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
AA is always there for me when I need it. It is a fine program and has helped many others. It sure helped me, although I got the most out of it by going to agnostic meetings, even though I'm not really an agnostic and I do not fit well within organized religion either. I'm a maverick to some but I'm sober and have been so for 27 years. If I'm going to relapse my AV "beast" (I often hear it faintly growling down there in its cage) better hurry up since I'm 88 and probably don't have too long to live because of my heart problems. "Just one drink" would probably put me on the floor for good what with all the blood pressure and other medications I take. Attended my 70th high school reunion a week or so ago and despite everything being hot and noisy (often couldn't hear a word!) hadn't the slightest urge to "take just one!". Growing less and less fearful of death. Don't know what happens after that. Hope I don't get sent to hell because of all the years I was drinking. In a way I've already visited hell. Trying to help others so as to make up for that. But on SR and at any AA meeting I go to it often seems to me that many of the folks are either young and in early recovery and may be more comfortable dealing with younger people (which certainly in these times is understandable) or may be so committed to orthodox AA teaching that sometimes they may look at me with raised eyebrows. Raising their eyebrows may help them stay sober. The bottom line is I'm sober today. The sun is out, the trees and flowers are blooming. The dog is here. Is he my higher power? He sure thinks he is! Anyway he keeps me from feeling lonely. Snuggles up if I've had a bad dream.
W.
W.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Miamifella wrote: "I think you put your finger on it when you mention a support system. That is what really matters."
I agree completely. It's what I've been saying to myself and hopefully to others all along. Although you can try to climb the mountain by yourself, even without using a rope, it's far easier and safer to be with others, hopefully some more experienced, with ropes and other tools for the job. The North Face of the Eiger has killed many who tried and even some who tried it with others. They fell off and sometimes brought others down with them. The point of it all is to get to the top where the ground levels off and the sun is shining. Get to the top and if that top is sobriety, stay there. Often the way down is the most dangerous of all.
W.
I agree completely. It's what I've been saying to myself and hopefully to others all along. Although you can try to climb the mountain by yourself, even without using a rope, it's far easier and safer to be with others, hopefully some more experienced, with ropes and other tools for the job. The North Face of the Eiger has killed many who tried and even some who tried it with others. They fell off and sometimes brought others down with them. The point of it all is to get to the top where the ground levels off and the sun is shining. Get to the top and if that top is sobriety, stay there. Often the way down is the most dangerous of all.
W.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Originally Posted by lovenut
I was introduced to AA in 1988 and attended a handful of meetings to please the people who were worried about me. I returned in the mid 1990s and was alcohol free for three or so years. During neither of these dry periods was I doing 'the program'. Come 2002, I became abstinent once again and I have maintained that abstinence to this day.
What I have come here to say is, I am finished with AA. I have done 'the program' as described in the literature. I have sponsored and been sponsored, had service positions, etc.
AA is a fear based 'program'. If members don't do 'the program' the correct way, the consensus seems to be that they are going to drink and 'to drink is to die.'
I am a middle-aged man. Most of the meetings that I attend (in non-English speaking countries) are attended by middle-aged men. In these meetings I just hear the same stories over and over again. It might not be by the same person, but you get the picture. The message tends to be filled with false humility, self hatred, and at times, arrogance.
Why do people continue going to meetings despite multiple years as a former alcohol abuser? In my opinion, the answer is fear and superstition. I don't know about you, but fear doesn't motivate me.
My message is this. If you, me, or anyone else hasn't had a drink in multiple years, we are recovered. We have put in the appropriate amount of work: service positions, attendance at meetings, reaching out to others, etc. Therefore, if someone doesn't have the desire to drink anymore, what is their motivation to continue to go to meetings?
Some will say to repay their debt to AA. And I would agree. But, how long do people have to continue giving back? One year, two years, ten years, thirty years?
I am burned out of AA and would just like to say that I hope that everyone who is suffering from the effects of alcohol abuse and wants to recover can get sober. I was a chronic alcohol abuser and am very grateful for my abstinence.
Now, it is time to move on with my life and give back to the community at large.
What I have come here to say is, I am finished with AA. I have done 'the program' as described in the literature. I have sponsored and been sponsored, had service positions, etc.
AA is a fear based 'program'. If members don't do 'the program' the correct way, the consensus seems to be that they are going to drink and 'to drink is to die.'
I am a middle-aged man. Most of the meetings that I attend (in non-English speaking countries) are attended by middle-aged men. In these meetings I just hear the same stories over and over again. It might not be by the same person, but you get the picture. The message tends to be filled with false humility, self hatred, and at times, arrogance.
Why do people continue going to meetings despite multiple years as a former alcohol abuser? In my opinion, the answer is fear and superstition. I don't know about you, but fear doesn't motivate me.
My message is this. If you, me, or anyone else hasn't had a drink in multiple years, we are recovered. We have put in the appropriate amount of work: service positions, attendance at meetings, reaching out to others, etc. Therefore, if someone doesn't have the desire to drink anymore, what is their motivation to continue to go to meetings?
Some will say to repay their debt to AA. And I would agree. But, how long do people have to continue giving back? One year, two years, ten years, thirty years?
I am burned out of AA and would just like to say that I hope that everyone who is suffering from the effects of alcohol abuse and wants to recover can get sober. I was a chronic alcohol abuser and am very grateful for my abstinence.
Now, it is time to move on with my life and give back to the community at large.
Congrats to you on growing and moving forward.
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