Help...I need a plan!
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Please don't go into this thinking you are doomed.
I was going to suggest you write a card to keep with you with a sobriety statement, something that really speaks to you. But I see you have already said you will be doing this. Good thinking! (and great minds and all that, lol)
I hope you will take some time to reflect on why you are only at 99.9 % certain you won't drink again and lock it down at 100 %.
Sounds like a lot of responsibility you hold during the trip, get drinking completely off the table (punny?), and make sure you have escape routes mapped out ahead of the dinners and drinking centric events.
I was going to suggest you write a card to keep with you with a sobriety statement, something that really speaks to you. But I see you have already said you will be doing this. Good thinking! (and great minds and all that, lol)
I hope you will take some time to reflect on why you are only at 99.9 % certain you won't drink again and lock it down at 100 %.
Sounds like a lot of responsibility you hold during the trip, get drinking completely off the table (punny?), and make sure you have escape routes mapped out ahead of the dinners and drinking centric events.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Thank you for that.. I was almost in tears here.. I truly can't get out of it and wanted help to keep sober.... so I could think k of what people said to refer to and keep me strong. ..
Don't go is the strongest message and I have to, therefore I just feel like I've failed already!!
But maybe not...
Maybe I will just see if anyone else says anything, maybe I should delete this thread???
Don't go is the strongest message and I have to, therefore I just feel like I've failed already!!
But maybe not...
Maybe I will just see if anyone else says anything, maybe I should delete this thread???
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
What do you mean you're doomed?
"I'm not going to drink on this trip, thanks, but no."
"I'll have dinner but then I'm going back to the room, I'm exhausted."
"No, I'm not drinking on this trip. Go ahead, I'll have a squash."
"I'm not drinking on this trip."
"No, thanks."
Enfin this is 100% on you. Stop giving anyone else any power over you.
Go. Enjoy yourself. Watch how they look when they drink. Seriously, it's a waste of time and money, and you don't drink any more.
"I'm not going to drink on this trip, thanks, but no."
"I'll have dinner but then I'm going back to the room, I'm exhausted."
"No, I'm not drinking on this trip. Go ahead, I'll have a squash."
"I'm not drinking on this trip."
"No, thanks."
Enfin this is 100% on you. Stop giving anyone else any power over you.
Go. Enjoy yourself. Watch how they look when they drink. Seriously, it's a waste of time and money, and you don't drink any more.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Thank you thank you... I think I'm feeling a bit touchy and sensitive right now....not the usual, I need to hear that I can do it!! Feel more positive..am screenshotting the quotes biminiblue!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 610
You are not doomed, provided you firmly make the decision you will not drink. No matter what. Despite how you may "feel" in the moment. You make the decision and you sit with it, despite now you may feel about it at the time. It may not be "fun" but you do it. You put sobriety first.
If you can, try to skip the evening festivities and retire early. I would try to avoid sitting around watching others drink if those people are triggers for you. Its really not ideal to go, but I get that sometimes life does throw us things we have to do. Just don't use that as an excuse. Lots of people don't drink and don't use occasions like this to drink. Its always a choice and you can choose not to.
If you can, try to skip the evening festivities and retire early. I would try to avoid sitting around watching others drink if those people are triggers for you. Its really not ideal to go, but I get that sometimes life does throw us things we have to do. Just don't use that as an excuse. Lots of people don't drink and don't use occasions like this to drink. Its always a choice and you can choose not to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Thanks! I make the students and parent sign a contract saying they won't drink (I remember how bad my student trips were!) If they do break that I don't know about it, they hide it. .. but I don't think they do drink. They play cards and chill out , it's all he staff that sit in the bar, and Al the other schools /colleges staff too. Like a naughty club...
I won't drink... I feel much stronger about it now. They are them, but I know you guys are out there too and know my struggles much more than they do... I really don't know if they just accept their drinking and binges as a part.of.life or would like to stop too, who knows? ???
But for once I got to put me 1st!
I have spent ages planning party games for my birthday which I share with a student... all sober fun ... got 2.good books, crocheting, SR to read and check in, plenty to keep me occupied.
I really really do appreciate you all taking the time to talk to me and help me...thanks!
51.days sober so far and I ain't giving up!
I won't drink... I feel much stronger about it now. They are them, but I know you guys are out there too and know my struggles much more than they do... I really don't know if they just accept their drinking and binges as a part.of.life or would like to stop too, who knows? ???
But for once I got to put me 1st!
I have spent ages planning party games for my birthday which I share with a student... all sober fun ... got 2.good books, crocheting, SR to read and check in, plenty to keep me occupied.
I really really do appreciate you all taking the time to talk to me and help me...thanks!
51.days sober so far and I ain't giving up!
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,462
I don't think it was anyone's intent to doom you to failure. To tell you it would be a piece of cake or easy would irresponsible.
It has been my experience that if you can show up a little late to the function , and your friends have a drink or two in them , you can walk around with tea in your glass and they won't even notice. Everyone is to self absorbed with themselves to give a crap.
Just have good plan to get out if you need too.
It's funny and I don't understand it but as I gain sober time I could care less about making excuses. When asked why I'm not drinking I look them in the eye and say "because I'm not".
It has been my experience that if you can show up a little late to the function , and your friends have a drink or two in them , you can walk around with tea in your glass and they won't even notice. Everyone is to self absorbed with themselves to give a crap.
Just have good plan to get out if you need too.
It's funny and I don't understand it but as I gain sober time I could care less about making excuses. When asked why I'm not drinking I look them in the eye and say "because I'm not".
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by Mattq2 
I don't think it was anyone's intent to doom you to failure. To tell you it would be a piece of cake or easy would irresponsible.
It has been my experience that if you can show up a little late to the function , and your friends have a drink or two in them , you can walk around with tea in your glass and they won't even notice. Everyone is to self absorbed with themselves to give a crap.
Just have good plan to get out if you need too.
It's funny and I don't understand it but as I gain sober time I could care less about making excuses. When asked why I'm not drinking I look them in the eye and say "because I'm not".
It has been my experience that if you can show up a little late to the function , and your friends have a drink or two in them , you can walk around with tea in your glass and they won't even notice. Everyone is to self absorbed with themselves to give a crap.
Just have good plan to get out if you need too.
It's funny and I don't understand it but as I gain sober time I could care less about making excuses. When asked why I'm not drinking I look them in the eye and say "because I'm not".
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 298
I think you have an almost iron clad, real reason at this point: I'm not drinking this trip.
Now, that can be because you want to lead by example. Because you don't feel like it that night. Because you're living a sober life at the moment, losing weight.
But...I don't want to drink. There. Period.
I am in the same boat as you. I have to travel for work, no getting out of it if I want to remain employed. And when I travel, it is with coworkers whom I am responsible for, and have to pay for their meals. It was always where I broke down during my last tries at sobriety. Because, "how could I let them down and ruin their fun?"
Ha! Load of bull ****. This last trip, I had had enough, and I simply told both of them, point blank, at the airport: "I'm not drinking this trip, I'm getting healthy, and I need to keep that off the table"...and you know what, they really didn't care! They still drank (a normal amount, since I wasn't pushing drinks), and I still had fun! Imagine that!
Go on the trip. Be strong and determined. No doom and gloom. Tell a couple people up front if you want, as it helped me feel my "secret" was out in the open. Spend time with the kids. Go to the hotel gym and then join the group for dinner. Decide right now to experience this yearly trip in a whole new way...you' surprise yourself.
Now, that can be because you want to lead by example. Because you don't feel like it that night. Because you're living a sober life at the moment, losing weight.
But...I don't want to drink. There. Period.
I am in the same boat as you. I have to travel for work, no getting out of it if I want to remain employed. And when I travel, it is with coworkers whom I am responsible for, and have to pay for their meals. It was always where I broke down during my last tries at sobriety. Because, "how could I let them down and ruin their fun?"
Ha! Load of bull ****. This last trip, I had had enough, and I simply told both of them, point blank, at the airport: "I'm not drinking this trip, I'm getting healthy, and I need to keep that off the table"...and you know what, they really didn't care! They still drank (a normal amount, since I wasn't pushing drinks), and I still had fun! Imagine that!
Go on the trip. Be strong and determined. No doom and gloom. Tell a couple people up front if you want, as it helped me feel my "secret" was out in the open. Spend time with the kids. Go to the hotel gym and then join the group for dinner. Decide right now to experience this yearly trip in a whole new way...you' surprise yourself.
Last edited by Dee74; 02-18-2017 at 03:24 PM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Tnek, thanks, you speak a great deal of sense there.. with some great advice. ..I feel quite positive now! !! You have done well to adjust while still having to travel...old habits can be changed as u have proved! Awesome !
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Yes, Wednesday! Went bowling and had steak with the family today to celebrate. ..so.nuce to not want to drink more than hang out with the kids... I was well crap at bowling though!!! Hub got 4 strikes in a row!!!
Setting off in 12 hours...and really happy with my plan and am committed 100% to not drinking. Awesome. ....
Setting off in 12 hours...and really happy with my plan and am committed 100% to not drinking. Awesome. ....
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