endlesspatience

I've got two months continuous sobriety this time. Over the past few years, I usually get to two or three months and then I slip. So I'm trying to anticipate the risks more.

Last time I drank it was at work reception where they had free wine and I had a few "to fit in" and then ended up going to the pub after.

The last really big relapse was a year ago when I went a bender for several days, took drugs, missed some work and caused a lot of fear and confusion to my wife and family.

Since then I have left that job and set up my own small business.

Anyway, Thursday I've been invited to a business lunch and there's drink before and during the meal. Part of me is giving myself permission to drink.

Nobody there knows I'm in recovery. No-one would know if I had a few, right? I also tell myself I deserve a drink because I've working hard.

Also I paid a lot of money for this lunch and it includes some nice wine.

EndGameNYC

Given that there are no potential rewards, the "risks" you anticipate run along a continuum of inevitability, from bad to worse. You're only attempting to fool yourself if you believe that there is anything else available to you but consequences.

The idea that you can drink because "nobody knows" you're in recovery implies that even you don't know it. Playing make-believe is part of alcoholism and not part of recovery.

ScottFromWI

No one would know if you didn't either. I found that the only person who obsessed about whether I was drinking or not was me, no one else really cared one way or the other. Most never even noticed.

You know exactly what will happen if you drink, so make a plan to NOT drink. Call ahead and tell them you want ionly non alcoholic drinks served to you - you paid a lot of money for the lunch so you can absolutely request that. Just as you could request something specific for a client ahead of time too.

Your post is filled with excuses to let you drink...make choices and plans so that they don't exist.

ccam1973

Endless, there are a ton of red flags in your post. Stay true to yourself. it doesn't matter what other's think or who would know if you had a couple. The point is if you want to stay sober, then do it. You don't have to drink if you don't want to.

In my opinion, paying a lot of money for the lunch that includes wine is beside the point. I am at a point that if I had a drink, it would lead down a dark path that I don't want to go down ever again.

You are strong enough to not drink at this lunch.

If it is going to be too much of a trigger then I would skip the lunch all together. I've made the decision to miss plenty of business dinners the past 13 months to make sure I kept to my plan; staying sober.

You can do this, we are in your corner!

PurpleKnight

Who you kidding??

You came and posted expecting a reaction, right? well that shows you care and there's part of you that know's the right way forward!!

Don't be another that posts "I relapsed" in the morning, be that person that pushes through, is a non drinker for the night, and in the morning feels proud of the life decision you are beginning to live!!

You can do this!!

advbike

Who drinks at lunch anymore? Its kind of passe, unless maybe you're in Europe. Most of the C-level associates I knew didn't. If you don't drink you will convey a power message.

Hope2014

Same action = same result. If you re-read the first half of your post, it's clear what happens as a result of your drinking. Is that not enough loss and humiliation? Maybe you don't consider those consequences life changing? Then just add the word "yet" to a scenario that you would consider life changing- because the path of destruction from alcohol is bottomless.
I think you know the answer.

trachemys

So you go to this business luncheon and you have a glass of this "nice wine" and it flips a switch. Another glass. Shall we have another bottle? Two days later you come out of the darkness and the contact never takes your calls anymore.

How do we avoid this?

MIRecovery

Recovery is about being honest with ourselves.

Nobody will know other than you and yourself is the the only person that really makes a difference

Dee74

Lots of good advice here EP.

The price of that wine included that you won;t drink is the very least of your worries,. man.

Consider it an offering..an investment in a bright sober future.

Like some else said boozy lunches are a thing of the past.

drink sparkling water and stay sharp and seal the deal
D

Marcher13

Endless, as a fellow business person I'd urge you to first of all evaluate how attending this lunch is going to help your business. Are you looking to make contacts at this lunch? Is it a networking opportunity? Are you actually going to sell your business's goods and/or services?

In any of those scenarios you need a clear head, focus, grace and good humour. As a fellow alcoholic I'd suggest that alcohol is going to squash any chance of that, alcohol has a good chance of making you look like an idiot, I know it's done that to me.

If you've paid good money for this lunch then by all means get the best out of it. In fact I'd ring ahead to procure an excellent bottle of sparkling mineral water with fresh citrus slices -- it's the least that they can do for you since you won't be drinking. If they can't meet this requirement then insist on a discount for the wine you won't be drinking.

Give yourself your best chance of making a success of this opportunity.

Zebra1275

Also I paid a lot of money for this lunch and it includes some nice wine.

There is no such thing as "nice wine."

It's still alcohol and it wants to quick your ass.

In fact, the "nice wine" would love to send you off on a multi-day bender.

Nowsthetime

Hello:

I totally agree with advbike that you will appear more powerful by not drinking. This is a great opportunity to establish this in this new relationship with a fresh start.

Remember to keep your eye in the prize!!!

sugarbear1

You have to sleep in your own skin......

endlesspatience

Guys, there are so many helpful responses here. Thanks to you all. And the strong message is stay off the booze at the lunch.

Two things strike me particularly strongly. One is Dee's point that this lunch is an investment. It most certainly is. The money I paid for it is not for the food or drink, it's for the contact time with potential customers, of course. A slice of stale bread and a glass of tap water would be OK if I get a lot of business out of it.

Secondly, people are saying it's not fashionable to drink at business lunches any more and it conveys a poor message. Good point. This is a high powered lunch with lots of international executives who all want to leave promptly at 2.30 to go back to their offices.

And guess what? I've discovered there's an AA meeting just around the corner starting at 3pm! I wonder if any of my fellow diners will be joining me there.

Retread1959

Sounds like you are in the right head space. Please report back and let us know how it went. I'm sure you can do this; you reached out for help before the lunch and that's exactly what we're here for.

Soberwolf

Good luck with your meeting

FreeOwl

If it includes some nice wine, it probably includes some nice appetizers and nice food also. Focus on that. Drink Pellegrino with a lemon. It's fancy and it's tasty and it's nobody's business whether you drink wine or water..... nobody actually cares. It's not expected by anybody except your own alcoholic voice and perhaps the one or two other alcoholics in the room.

Work was probably the hardest setting for me in the early days too. Over the course of nearly 20 years in my career, I'd firmly cemented drinking as a "requirement" of the job. To me... "Everybody" drank. And "all the business was done" around the bar or over drinks or half-pissing on one another pub crawling.

It turned out, all the REALLY important people in business never did any of that. Sure, some drunken sales guys were lauded for their occasional successes in spite of their drinking - but the folks that ascended to the executive ranks, the people who truly commanded respect, the folks that run our company and our clients' companies - those folks don't drink at all or hardly. Those folks around found out at the pub, closing it down. Those folks are back in their hotels after dinner - working. Going to bed early. They're in the streets running or in the gym before dawn. They're doing - incredibly - BUSINESS. And atop that, they're attending the business of LIFE.

We are very very attuned to the others around us that prove our little inner story about alcohol being part of success, part of the expectation, part of 'fill_in_the_blank_" for whatever excuse we want or need to make it OK for us to keep on drinking.

When I stopped believing this and started honoring what was right for ME - suddenly all around me I noticed something; at work receptions, big dinners, networking events, customer events, parties.... there were lots of people ignoring the free booze. There were people drinking sparkling water, people drinking sodas, people not having a beverage at all.

Funny enough - most of those people were well-respected, well-connected, high-ranking business leaders.

Go figure.

FreeOwl

Here's one more to consider;

In business, I have heard MANY a story re-told in hushed tones or even in a loud, laughing manner at the expense of the story's subject - about some guy who drank too much, made a fool of himself, lost his or her credibility in the eyes of those present the night before.... a story making the rounds faster than lightning.

One time a guy I was working on a project for - the leader of a major merger between two North American power companies - got ridiculously wasted and called his CEO a "Fair-haired boy" at dinner. He failed to show up at our final presentation for the project the next day despite our valiant efforts to roust him and get him there. He was just far too hung over. That guy didn't lose his job - but he lost everyone's respect and was passed over for the CIO position he'd been in line for later that same year.

I myself acted belligerent, said regettable things to and about my leadership and butt-dialed my global VP at 3am during a convention one year. For three years thereafter, I was passed over for promotions and saw my leadership undermined and my opportunities evaporate. Eventually I left that organization for a fresh start.....

Never once have I heard anyone laughing and making fun of "That guy who didn't drink and went home early to do his job well".

Never. Once.

kathmandu

In England, drinking lunches in the business world are pretty much a thing of the past. I'm not saying noone does but most don't.

If I drank at lunch I would be told not to come back that day.

I would not sit down to a meeting with someone who had drank.