The "normies"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Somewhere on the East Coast
Posts: 579
Originally Posted by Cauliflower 
... but I also believe that alchohol was not the primary focus in most situations I found myself, I just made alchohol the primary focus. "Just another reason to drink!"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
If I was having a few drinks with someone, around the third or fourth drink I'd become aware that they were only partway through their second drink. I had a friend I used to drink with and for every two he drank, I was far ahead of him. And that was someone who was no stranger to alcohol. Other folks- people I know didn't make drinking a daily thing- would usually stop at three.
Hard to imagine stopping at a couple, but people do. My wife is one of them. Since I've quit nearly six months ago, she's had two or three drinks.
Hard to imagine stopping at a couple, but people do. My wife is one of them. Since I've quit nearly six months ago, she's had two or three drinks.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by Tang
Yes. If I go to the cemetery, I'm bound to be surrounded by corpses. If I go to a bar, I'm bound to be surrounded by a lot of people drinking alcohol. If I work with a bunch of former frat boys, I suspect I will see some after work drinking (this is my personal experience). My wife's knitting club has a bunch of teetotalers. My point is, it's all contextual. It can be hard to find the right non-drinking circles.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
Normies ? Every single person I know drinks way to much all slipping down the nectar plant at different stages . Saying that though a couple I know are also talking of wanting to stop this absurdity of pouring a liquid poison down their throat int the name of fun.
Every time I wAlk past a bar/pub now I have real sympathy for those inside , can't help myself !
Every time I wAlk past a bar/pub now I have real sympathy for those inside , can't help myself !
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Normies are simply people who have yet to drink enough to become alkies.
Some will.
Some won't.
But they're all drinking toxic substances....
My children don't drink... They have wonderful joy and fun.
Think about it: do little children need booze to 'have fun'?
How 'normal' is it, really, to need toxic liquid at all?
Some will.
Some won't.
But they're all drinking toxic substances....
My children don't drink... They have wonderful joy and fun.
Think about it: do little children need booze to 'have fun'?
How 'normal' is it, really, to need toxic liquid at all?
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: London
Posts: 18
I agree with pretty much everything said here. I have definitely surrounded myself with drinkers to make myself look more normal... and even then I am the worst.
It's nice to know I'll find people who's primary focus isn't drinking to hang around with one day. But on the other hand... I like the friends I've built up drinking. I don't want to lose them but I can't go and see them because they're always in the pub.
It's nice to know I'll find people who's primary focus isn't drinking to hang around with one day. But on the other hand... I like the friends I've built up drinking. I don't want to lose them but I can't go and see them because they're always in the pub.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by Fluffer
I'm not sure I agree with the idea that people who function well but drink a lot are fine. I always put work and responsibility first and to the casual observer I have my act together - family, career, money. But that doesn't mean I haven't seriously harmed myself in less obvious ways or been a slave to alcohol all these years.
And yes, there are a ton of those people who really have one or two drinks and want no more. They just were not the people I liked to socialize with.
And yes, there are a ton of those people who really have one or two drinks and want no more. They just were not the people I liked to socialize with.
I think people are surprised when I've shared that I'm getting sober as I've a problem controlling my drinking. I have a responsible job, partner, a well provided for daughter, somewhere to live, a dog that gets walks... But all of this has been managed (not so well many times, I admit), through hangovers or the need for my daily fix that was always increasing. All activity had the drink question uppermost, if / when can I have a drink.
Also lots of my social group seemed to like that I was always the one who drank a lot, maybe made them feel better about their issues, but I don't know that.
I'm only 8 weeks sober, but can already see I have been in the minority, lots of people drink one or two occasionally. I've been to drunk or distracted by addiction to notice before.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Originally Posted by Dee74
Eight years ago I was surrounded by alcoholic drinkers - normals drinkers were a rarity...
now I'm surrounded by sober folk or rare drinkers, and the alcoholics are the rarity...
D
now I'm surrounded by sober folk or rare drinkers, and the alcoholics are the rarity...
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
At least 90% of people I know drink until drunk and this is not due to the people I surround myself with, I'm talking work colleagues, members of my running club. Everytime I've been out with them they all end up drunk apart from the designated drivers.
I hear a lot talking about people who have 1 or 2 and stop but I never come across these people. The only person I know who does this is my grandma and I think that is mainly because my granddad is a recovered drunk so she doesn't feel right drinking around him.
I suppose if you get big into AA and surround yourself with those people you will be a round sober people a lot but the drinking culture in the UK means the non drinker is the minority not the other way round.
I hear a lot talking about people who have 1 or 2 and stop but I never come across these people. The only person I know who does this is my grandma and I think that is mainly because my granddad is a recovered drunk so she doesn't feel right drinking around him.
I suppose if you get big into AA and surround yourself with those people you will be a round sober people a lot but the drinking culture in the UK means the non drinker is the minority not the other way round.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'd put Australia's drinking culture up against the UK's 
I get it - I would have sworn blind once that everyone was like me or on the way to being me - but it's simply not been true for me in my recovery.
I changed... and my life and the people in it changed too
D
I get it - I would have sworn blind once that everyone was like me or on the way to being me - but it's simply not been true for me in my recovery.
I changed... and my life and the people in it changed too
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 611
Dee - lol, I think most countries now have terrible drinking cultures so we're definitely not unique over in the sunny UK. I definitely agree everyone is not like or on the way to being like me/us. I think a lot of those people from work, running club etc who I said I see drinkng until drunk maybe only do it on those nights out and not at home on a random Wednesday. I do believe though that most of the people in and around my life when they do drink (however rarely) don't have 1 or 2 they drink until the night is done. I believe the culture here is not like spain or france ( a glass of wine with dinner etc), everyone I see seems to be drinking for drunkeness, sadly the way i was raised was the only reason for the existence of alcohol was for the high.
Maybe you're right and it's my area etc but I think I work in a pretty regular office, my hobby is running so a bunch of health concious people (you would think). I did Taekwondo for a lot of year and they were the same. Doesn't bother me but it's a shame the culture is the way it is.
Maybe you're right and it's my area etc but I think I work in a pretty regular office, my hobby is running so a bunch of health concious people (you would think). I did Taekwondo for a lot of year and they were the same. Doesn't bother me but it's a shame the culture is the way it is.
Last edited by MarathonMan; 05-29-2015 at 03:59 AM. Reason: didn't make sense
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Seemed like all my life with a few exceptions,
were people with addiction then the rest
were mostly all normies. Folks without an
addiction.
My dad, my x husband of 25yrs, my best
friend in high school, folks I worked with
like managers. All these were good role
models who lived their lives accordingly,
kind, caring, focused folks that I wanted
to be like or pattern my life after.
And to be honest today, for the past
24 yrs sober, my life is like those people
because alcohol is not in my life today.
However, today and for the past 24 yrs,
I have shunned, pushed away, distant
myself, divorced myself, cut all communication
with all those normmies in my life. Why????
Because of the lack of understanding,
education about what an alcoholic is
or someone who is sick with an addiction.
They did not understand my alcohol
addiction, why I chose to drink like I
did, why I chose to be around others
who drank like I did instead of being
like them.
I had to learn that I couldn't make those
people understand why I am alcoholic
in recovery no matter how hard I tried
to explain it to them. I had to come to
the understanding that acceptance is
what is needed for me to move on.
Accepting that a normmie just wont
understand and alcoholic because
they are not one. If these normies
cant accept me as an alcoholic in
recovery then we will always struggle
to have any kind of healthy relationship.
were people with addiction then the rest
were mostly all normies. Folks without an
addiction.
My dad, my x husband of 25yrs, my best
friend in high school, folks I worked with
like managers. All these were good role
models who lived their lives accordingly,
kind, caring, focused folks that I wanted
to be like or pattern my life after.
And to be honest today, for the past
24 yrs sober, my life is like those people
because alcohol is not in my life today.
However, today and for the past 24 yrs,
I have shunned, pushed away, distant
myself, divorced myself, cut all communication
with all those normmies in my life. Why????
Because of the lack of understanding,
education about what an alcoholic is
or someone who is sick with an addiction.
They did not understand my alcohol
addiction, why I chose to drink like I
did, why I chose to be around others
who drank like I did instead of being
like them.
I had to learn that I couldn't make those
people understand why I am alcoholic
in recovery no matter how hard I tried
to explain it to them. I had to come to
the understanding that acceptance is
what is needed for me to move on.
Accepting that a normmie just wont
understand and alcoholic because
they are not one. If these normies
cant accept me as an alcoholic in
recovery then we will always struggle
to have any kind of healthy relationship.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
I ponder this too, but do think, if we drink, it is pretty central to our social lives. I know that the people we socialize with most frequently are a group that are either old college fraternity brothers of my husband's, or connected to them. Most of them have slowed down over the years, but in our late 20's, early 30's, binge drinking was the norm. I was actually not such a heavy drinker then. i could have an open bottle of wine or a 6 pack in the fridge fr a week or two. Have 2 small tasting glasses of wine some evenings, or a beer or two, or I had it to offer to a date, etc... I was initially taken aback by the drinking some of husband's friends did, and a few times, my own then boyfriend/fiancee. We talked about it and he slowed down a bit and I picked up a bit, and met in the middle. I was having FUN being wined and dined.
I should have run. here I am, still fighting for sobriety. I do pretty well. But still have the occasional slip where I binge on at least a whole bottle of wine, convinced I can have only a couple. The lines are very blurred. Where does it turn? To some of you here, I bet socially, I have appeared to be that normie. I am the PTO mom, the room mom, the library volunteer, the mom on field trips, etc... I don't ever drive drunk, so you would only ever see me have 2, tops, at a girls night out. I bet there are many more like me out there. My bottom was not DUIs or financial ruin, but obesity, diabetes and liver disease. Sober people get those things too.
But, anyway, we definitely surround ourselves with it. My father's side of the family hardly drink at all. My father could have only 2, and for many, many of his later years, was infamous for his "wild" Saturday nights that he so looked forward to. Two beers, 1-2 hot dogs, and one cigarette. He eventually gave up the one cigarette. He also would enjoy a beer or two at a BBQ or holiday, but that was it. I recall him having a 3rd, at my brother's friend's graduation party. I was in college myself. My father was very flushed and sat with me and was clearly buzzed and mentioned he was regretting having a 3rd and had a headache. Most people probably simply don't have the tolerance. Clearly he didn't.
There was another stat I read somewhere, and I am not going to be exact, but something like 25% of the drinking population consumes 80% of all alcohol purchased in the US. My numbers are not accurate, but the gap was like that. A very small number of us drink most of what is sold. Then the rest drink a small amount.
Some ramblings, but we simply do not sit in a place to see clearly what normal drinking is. Certainly not while drinking, and if I am to stay in my marriage, I will always see the same people. My spouse still drinks regularly and too much, IMO.
I am with Owl a bit oo. We really need to reframe our thoughts on drinking in our cultures. It really is a very unhealthy and toxic substance. The health benefits touted one can get from regular grape juice.
I should have run. here I am, still fighting for sobriety. I do pretty well. But still have the occasional slip where I binge on at least a whole bottle of wine, convinced I can have only a couple. The lines are very blurred. Where does it turn? To some of you here, I bet socially, I have appeared to be that normie. I am the PTO mom, the room mom, the library volunteer, the mom on field trips, etc... I don't ever drive drunk, so you would only ever see me have 2, tops, at a girls night out. I bet there are many more like me out there. My bottom was not DUIs or financial ruin, but obesity, diabetes and liver disease. Sober people get those things too.
But, anyway, we definitely surround ourselves with it. My father's side of the family hardly drink at all. My father could have only 2, and for many, many of his later years, was infamous for his "wild" Saturday nights that he so looked forward to. Two beers, 1-2 hot dogs, and one cigarette. He eventually gave up the one cigarette. He also would enjoy a beer or two at a BBQ or holiday, but that was it. I recall him having a 3rd, at my brother's friend's graduation party. I was in college myself. My father was very flushed and sat with me and was clearly buzzed and mentioned he was regretting having a 3rd and had a headache. Most people probably simply don't have the tolerance. Clearly he didn't.
There was another stat I read somewhere, and I am not going to be exact, but something like 25% of the drinking population consumes 80% of all alcohol purchased in the US. My numbers are not accurate, but the gap was like that. A very small number of us drink most of what is sold. Then the rest drink a small amount.
Some ramblings, but we simply do not sit in a place to see clearly what normal drinking is. Certainly not while drinking, and if I am to stay in my marriage, I will always see the same people. My spouse still drinks regularly and too much, IMO.
I am with Owl a bit oo. We really need to reframe our thoughts on drinking in our cultures. It really is a very unhealthy and toxic substance. The health benefits touted one can get from regular grape juice.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
My experience was I could consume a lot more for a much longer period than most people I encountered. Many times I was the last one awake cajoling another to have one more with me........All that was many years back. The last several years were me and the bottle.
But, I think we seek like minded people in drunkenness and sobriety. Our perspective then becomes one of everyone is a heavy drinker or everyone really is not.
As an alcoholic I don't have a lot of middle ground in my pea brain. It either is or is not.........if it's a good "thing" I'll have 10 please. If it's bad I'll take 20
A few months back I made a comment to my adult daughter one day while pontificating that most drinkers drank alcoholically.
Dad - not Everyone is an alcoholic!
She's correct.........
But, I think we seek like minded people in drunkenness and sobriety. Our perspective then becomes one of everyone is a heavy drinker or everyone really is not.
As an alcoholic I don't have a lot of middle ground in my pea brain. It either is or is not.........if it's a good "thing" I'll have 10 please. If it's bad I'll take 20
A few months back I made a comment to my adult daughter one day while pontificating that most drinkers drank alcoholically.
Dad - not Everyone is an alcoholic!
She's correct.........
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
