"Hi my name is Jessica, and I am an Addict"
Hello all! I have been in recovery for a little over 5 months. I would have celebrated that clean date on the second of this month, but one day shy my disease hit me and hit me hard. I relapsed.
I, being the creature of habit I am, went to my regular home group last night. Knowing that no one had known I had relapsed, not even my sposer, my disease started playing games agian. I told myself that i wouldn't say anything about my relapse and would pick up the surrender key tag again. Then I went to my group and since my month of being chair was over I just read "Who is an Addict" and kept my mouth shut. The chairperson was picking up 12 years and decided to make the topic "Relapse and Honesty." He then picked someone to talk, and eventually it came around to me. Sitting next to the man I had come so close to and care for so much I didn't say anything. I just started sweating. I said that I didn't have anything to say and passed it on to someone else. Then it came to the close of the meeting and we were recognizing clean time. My heart felt like it stoped and when they said "24 hours or the desire to stop using" I slid my chair back and walked up. The whole room got quiet and all you could hear were my tears falling down my face. I had never realized how much that the people in the fellowship cared for one anther till last night. When I picked up that tag I got a hug from everyone in that room. They all said "Keep coming back." I never really felt like I belonged anywhere, until last night. When we closed, we all stood around like usual and I actually felt like I belonged. This fellowship is something that I haven't found anywhere else. I have searched and searched for friends that felt like family and I have finally found it here in NA. I will keep in the mind frame of "Just For Today" and "Keep Coming Back" to where I have finaly found a family that loves and cares for me, without knowing my last name. That is all I have, and thanks for letting me share my "experience strength and hope."
Your friend in fellowship,