Is it wrong for me to want my husband to stay home with me? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 10-26-2013, 10:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Is it wrong for me to want my husband to stay home with me?

There is a tasting event that we go to every year and it is tonight. We decided it wouldnt be a good idea for me to go to it this early in sobriety, but my husband is going to go without me. Its about 2 hours away, so he will be staying over night. Maybe you need to know the history to understand more, but my husband travels for work and is away 5 days a week. I really hoped he would have wanted to still spend the weekend with me, because our daughter is with a friend this weekend. I know its my fault, Im the one that needs to stay sober, but I feel like I am always fighting for my husband's offection.
I did then what I knew to do. Now that I know better, I do better.
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Old 10-26-2013, 10:16 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Congrats on the wise choice to skip the tasting.

I think it's understandable that you want him to stay at home. But is it fair? Let me ask, if you had to stay home for another reason, say you twisted your ankle, and were still drinking. Would you resent him going if you could stay home and drink?

If the answer is no, then it's about the drinking and not him being away for the night.
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Carlotta (10-26-2013)
Old 10-26-2013, 10:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
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It does seem a little selfish on his part, but maybe there are friends he wants to see again that he only gets to see at this annual event. Hard to tell without knowing more details. If you feel you're always fighting for his affection then maybe there are some bigger relationship issues there, but I suggest giving it more time and sobriety before you try to sort them out.
Sobriety date - 8/25/13
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Carlotta (10-26-2013)
Old 10-26-2013, 10:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Congratulations on making a good sound decision for your ongoing sobriety.
If it is only your first or second time quitting, then as a woman I think he is being a little cold. If you have tried quitting many times, then maybe in his mind it is like "same old song" and he is just going on about his life.
This kind of detachment is what those of us in recovery for codependency learn over time, to be able to go on about our lives and hobbies regardless of whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. Basically, we learn not to make another person the center of our world.
"Nobody realizes some people expend tremendous energy to be normal." Albert Camus
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Old 10-26-2013, 10:59 AM   #5 (permalink)
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I agree that I suspect there could be relationship issues involved here, which may not have much to do with drinking. The thing is that stopping drinking is only the beginning. From there, many changes occur and we have to find our way.

My suggestion would be to plan to do something yourself, for yourself. Go to a movie you've been wanting to see or visit a friend. And, when the time is right, have a heart-to-heart with your husband and let him know what you need in the relationship.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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