Scared of One Day At A Time
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Welcome Baleine and thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree with your thinking. In the first days of sobriety, I did think never again, and still do, for that matter.
But as you go through your journey, despite your best intentions, you may find your feelings change day to day, hour to hour at times....for example, the first week goes ok, then you might get your first social challenge with drinking, and it really does become moment to moment when you are craving a drink or have a fleeting thought that maybe you could have 'just one'. That's when sometimes it may help to keep it in small manageable chunks.
Again, everyone is different. So whatever keeps you focused on your goal and feels true to your choice not to drink, go for it!
Also, agree re your comments of what an Alcoholic is....I just read recently that it is a common reason most people don't deal with their drinking problems because on the outside, if we don't fit societys perception of an alcoholic, we can keep lying to ourselves drinking is not an issue for us. So I commend you for seeing that it is a problem for you, that is a great start!
Again, welcome and I'm sure you will find lots of support and tools to get you through the first days and weeks and onwards!
Agree
But as you go through your journey, despite your best intentions, you may find your feelings change day to day, hour to hour at times....for example, the first week goes ok, then you might get your first social challenge with drinking, and it really does become moment to moment when you are craving a drink or have a fleeting thought that maybe you could have 'just one'. That's when sometimes it may help to keep it in small manageable chunks.
Again, everyone is different. So whatever keeps you focused on your goal and feels true to your choice not to drink, go for it!
Also, agree re your comments of what an Alcoholic is....I just read recently that it is a common reason most people don't deal with their drinking problems because on the outside, if we don't fit societys perception of an alcoholic, we can keep lying to ourselves drinking is not an issue for us. So I commend you for seeing that it is a problem for you, that is a great start!
Again, welcome and I'm sure you will find lots of support and tools to get you through the first days and weeks and onwards!
Originally Posted by mecanix 
Wanting to never drink again sounds perfectly reasonable to me , go for it
Here and now i don't want to either , ever .
Bestwishes, m
Here and now i don't want to either , ever .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
I think the concept of one day/minute at a time fits many of us particularly in the early stages of sobriety as so much is pulling us in many directions. The urge to drink is often for a few minutes and those moments can be overwhelming, so if the thought that forever is going to be like this with all the pain, the hell with it. So as said if whatever works for you, use it and be flexible if desired, just refrain from drinking as it seems to be more difficult to stop after each relapse, Ask those that know. BE WELL
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Thanks for posting here, Baleine, and welcome to SR. One of the great things about this place is the support you will find for you and your particular brand of recovery. One of the bad things is that you will find other stuff that says you are doing it all wrong.
As for the quitting forever thing, I am with you 100%. From the beginning, I looked at my urges and cravings as something to be accepted and separated from, and the best way to do that for me was to swear off for good. The idea that I could only do that for one day at a time seemed to be giving my addiction too much control over my future. I have decided that the days of that are all behind me now, no matter what may happen in the future.
There is a comfort and a huge sense of relief for me to understand that the hangovers and mental impairment, the depression and anxiety, the shame and guilt, all of that stuff that goes with addiction, is gone forever. This sobriety thing is an internal mindgame, and I get to make all the rules. I quit forever, and I know this with a deep certainty, simply because I say so dammit.
I will never drink again and I am never changing my mind.
As for the quitting forever thing, I am with you 100%. From the beginning, I looked at my urges and cravings as something to be accepted and separated from, and the best way to do that for me was to swear off for good. The idea that I could only do that for one day at a time seemed to be giving my addiction too much control over my future. I have decided that the days of that are all behind me now, no matter what may happen in the future.
There is a comfort and a huge sense of relief for me to understand that the hangovers and mental impairment, the depression and anxiety, the shame and guilt, all of that stuff that goes with addiction, is gone forever. This sobriety thing is an internal mindgame, and I get to make all the rules. I quit forever, and I know this with a deep certainty, simply because I say so dammit.
I will never drink again and I am never changing my mind.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Leeds
Posts: 399
Originally Posted by Baleine
Hi everyone, I am brand new to this. I have finally realized what I've suspected for a long time, that I am an alcoholic. It feels so strange to say that because in my head, an alcoholic is a disaster, someone who drinks every day and can't function without a shot of vodka in the morning. The stereotype, you know?
I'm very successful, strong, and together. Mostly. I have a great job and a wonderful husband. No kids. But every now and then I drink so much that I wake up with no memory of what I did the night before, what I said, was I unfaithful etc. the anxiety I feel the next day makes me feeling like I can't get through the day.
I'm on Day 2 and feeling quite strong, except for one thing. Everyone says "one day a time" but that terrifies me. I never ever want to drink again and if I say I won't drink today, that scares me because does that mean I may drink tomorrow? I want to take comfort in not drinking again forever. I can't live like this anymore, it has to stop. One day at a time is not good enough.
I feel like if I say that I will do this one day at a time, that ill slip. That ill tell myself tomorrow that I don't know what I was thinking, I have no problem with alcohol, I'm fine. Then I'll have a drink. And it might be fine that time, and the next. But I'm just waiting for the day that I wake up and find that I've had sex with someone else, or driven a car that crashed and killed someone, or that I've humiliated myself at a work function and gotten fired.
Does anyone feel like this? Like one day at a time is just terrifying?
I'm very successful, strong, and together. Mostly. I have a great job and a wonderful husband. No kids. But every now and then I drink so much that I wake up with no memory of what I did the night before, what I said, was I unfaithful etc. the anxiety I feel the next day makes me feeling like I can't get through the day.
I'm on Day 2 and feeling quite strong, except for one thing. Everyone says "one day a time" but that terrifies me. I never ever want to drink again and if I say I won't drink today, that scares me because does that mean I may drink tomorrow? I want to take comfort in not drinking again forever. I can't live like this anymore, it has to stop. One day at a time is not good enough.
I feel like if I say that I will do this one day at a time, that ill slip. That ill tell myself tomorrow that I don't know what I was thinking, I have no problem with alcohol, I'm fine. Then I'll have a drink. And it might be fine that time, and the next. But I'm just waiting for the day that I wake up and find that I've had sex with someone else, or driven a car that crashed and killed someone, or that I've humiliated myself at a work function and gotten fired.
Does anyone feel like this? Like one day at a time is just terrifying?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 28
Thanks to everyone who replied. Day 3 and feeling good. Much better actually. I suppose that's the alcohol leaving my system.
What's happening now is that I'm having flashbacks of every time something bad has happened while drunk. It's like I am absolutely shocked that it took me this long to realize that I have a serious problem.
I look back years and I think to myself, wtf, how did I do that? How did that happen? Of course the self loathing is ever present but I am reading a lot on self compassion and am trying to feel forgiveness for myself. It's hard when I keep having these flashbacks.
Part of me thinks that I'm crazy, that there's nothing wrong with me, everyone drinks loads and has blackouts and I'm being ridiculous and self indulgent for thinking that I have a problem. I can't even say I'm an alcoholic without a shiver of something like incredulity running through my system. I can't see myself connecting to a higher power or going to meetings where I have to talk about myself to people.
I am feeling strong though. I stopped smoking years back and if I can do that, I can do this. I loved smoking and I stopped. I hate drinking so surely this will be manageable.
I don't enjoy drinking, I wasn't the type to sit down and say aaaah what a lovely pint this is. I was the type who thought I could have one or two expensive glasses of wine and then stop. And that happened most of the time. Except the times that I would wake up and not know how I got home or what I did the night before. The terror of those mornings and the anxiety and despair is something I just can't so to myself anymore. It's not worth it.
Although I can say to myself I am never going to drink again, part of me (I believe this is the AV) says to me, don't be ridiculous. Of course you will, this is just a blip because you we're so hungover, don't be silly, don't make any huge decisions or talk yourself into a corner that you can't get out of.
It's hard not to feel crazy!
What's happening now is that I'm having flashbacks of every time something bad has happened while drunk. It's like I am absolutely shocked that it took me this long to realize that I have a serious problem.
I look back years and I think to myself, wtf, how did I do that? How did that happen? Of course the self loathing is ever present but I am reading a lot on self compassion and am trying to feel forgiveness for myself. It's hard when I keep having these flashbacks.
Part of me thinks that I'm crazy, that there's nothing wrong with me, everyone drinks loads and has blackouts and I'm being ridiculous and self indulgent for thinking that I have a problem. I can't even say I'm an alcoholic without a shiver of something like incredulity running through my system. I can't see myself connecting to a higher power or going to meetings where I have to talk about myself to people.
I am feeling strong though. I stopped smoking years back and if I can do that, I can do this. I loved smoking and I stopped. I hate drinking so surely this will be manageable.
I don't enjoy drinking, I wasn't the type to sit down and say aaaah what a lovely pint this is. I was the type who thought I could have one or two expensive glasses of wine and then stop. And that happened most of the time. Except the times that I would wake up and not know how I got home or what I did the night before. The terror of those mornings and the anxiety and despair is something I just can't so to myself anymore. It's not worth it.
Although I can say to myself I am never going to drink again, part of me (I believe this is the AV) says to me, don't be ridiculous. Of course you will, this is just a blip because you we're so hungover, don't be silly, don't make any huge decisions or talk yourself into a corner that you can't get out of.
It's hard not to feel crazy!
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
Yeah that's your brain being naughty and setting you up to fail right now.
I'm not a particularly staunch advocate of any one particular program, rather I have a sort of jackdaw mentality that collects bits of everything that seem to work for me.
The whole swearing off everything for life is a bit daunting and I feel comfortable with the fact that I've decided that I won't drink or use today. I have no idea whether I'll drink or use tomorrow but I'm not going to worry about that because it's tomorrow.
If you keep yourself in the now, it quiets lots of those planning problems/excuses that beset alkies. You don't stress about social engagements four weeks away, or that long-booked holiday etc. And then as you mount up the time, those stresses lessen anyway and you wonder why you got so het up about them in the first place.
Bottom line is dont get too hung up on the whole thinking part of things and just concentrate on the doing part of things.
I'm not a particularly staunch advocate of any one particular program, rather I have a sort of jackdaw mentality that collects bits of everything that seem to work for me.
The whole swearing off everything for life is a bit daunting and I feel comfortable with the fact that I've decided that I won't drink or use today. I have no idea whether I'll drink or use tomorrow but I'm not going to worry about that because it's tomorrow.
If you keep yourself in the now, it quiets lots of those planning problems/excuses that beset alkies. You don't stress about social engagements four weeks away, or that long-booked holiday etc. And then as you mount up the time, those stresses lessen anyway and you wonder why you got so het up about them in the first place.
Bottom line is dont get too hung up on the whole thinking part of things and just concentrate on the doing part of things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 28
I hear you, I'm like that too, where I don't agree 100% with one way of doing things. I think it'll be a mish mash for me too.
I think the reason that the whole ODAAT scares me is because I've always had trouble with uncertainty. I have always been quite anxious (****** childhood with, ironically, lots of alcoholism) and being absolutely sure of things felt more comfortable to me. I need to control things so that I don't get blindsided. I feel very uncomfortable with not knowing, and so for me, one day at a time is just terrifying. It's like looking into the abyss.
I think the reason that the whole ODAAT scares me is because I've always had trouble with uncertainty. I have always been quite anxious (****** childhood with, ironically, lots of alcoholism) and being absolutely sure of things felt more comfortable to me. I need to control things so that I don't get blindsided. I feel very uncomfortable with not knowing, and so for me, one day at a time is just terrifying. It's like looking into the abyss.
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