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Old 03-23-2013, 08:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
EXM6's Avatar

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 268
Sober Thoughts

About a year ago, almost to the day, I lost my life due to my alcohol use. I was arrested on two different occasions... Once for a DUI, and two months later for an assault charge. I lost my job as a substance use and addictions counsellor for youth and was forced to leave my house with my daughter, as I could not afford to pay the rent. Since then, I have been to treatment, started working again, while slowly making my way back into the field of addictions. I have my car back on the road. I just got back from a trip to Mexico. I finally feel my relationships with those close to me, going back to normal. I have quit smoking (with A LOT of cheating lol). I have 10 months of sobriety under my belt and am still feeling very STRONG in my recovery. I have kept my 'alcoholic voice' at bay and have been able to remain mindful of the fact that I cannot drink.

With ALL of this said, I feel like my emotions are more sporadic than ever. I due blame this mainly on the quitting smoking thing-- I quit for a month, start for a week, and then quit again etc... I know this is just making it more difficult on myself-- and probably is making me a tad moody.... but I find myself going from completely optimistic one minute to absolutely HATING my life the next. I know I have no reason to hate my life. I am not depressed by any means, just extremely impatient... I seem to have no patience left. The smallest thing can happen, and I consider suicide. It's short lived, of course... but in the last few months -- I feel a rage that I never have in my life. This time does correspond with the time I have spent quitting smoking... I guess I just keep losing sight of who I am aiming to be, who I want to be. I don't want to be this crazy person, who spins out of control over nothing... I have a million things going amazingly well for me. I really don't have ANYTHING to complain about... Why is this happening? I don't understand.
"NEVER be bullied into silence. NEVER allow yourself to be made a victim. ACCEPT no one's definition of your life; define yourself."- Harvey Fierstein
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Old 03-23-2013, 11:33 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: California
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Hi EXM6, Google search post-acute withdrawal symptoms (PAWS). There are different stages in recovery with symptoms lasting up to two years. The following link is one of the first postings with an internet search and is an easy read with tips on how to get through some of the symptoms that could lead to relapse, Tools of Recovery: Addiction Coping Skills. Knowing that you are not going crazy and arming yourself with the knowledge necessary to deal with the emotions you are experiencing will be of tremendous value to you.

Congratulations on achieving 10 months! Wishing you continued success and peace of mind.
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Old 03-24-2013, 03:30 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Well done on 10 months EXM6! I don't know how much the smoking thing is effecting you but the way you feel is pretty similar to how I felt at 10 months. I was feeling a lot better physically then but I think I was self sabotaging a bit, I think it was adjusting to the calm. I spent over a decade with extreme ups and downs and it takes some adjusting to the calm of sober life. I think my extreme reaction to stuff was a way of justifying drinking too. And I had a bit of a panic coming up to a year sober... I think milestones can make our AV kick off big style. You are going great. Just go with it for a bit and I am sure things will even out x

'The less I needed, the better I felt' - Charles Bukowski
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Old 03-24-2013, 04:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: Toronto,Ontario
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Congrats on your sober time. Well done !

I still get that way from time to time, when I do not get what I think is right for me....

Gotta let go, accept, and move on...
" Failing to prepare, is preparing to fail "

" It's not how hard you fall, but how high you bounce back"
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Old 03-24-2013, 04:41 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Australia
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second that to google PAWS symptom. it is all normal for you emotions to still be going up and down at this point of your recovery, I was exactly the same. just keep taking it one day at a time, you will have good days and you will have bad days but the bad will pass and your emotions will settle, just stay positive and live for today. my emotions took at least 12 months to settle down, it will happen just keep working on your recovery.
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Old 03-24-2013, 05:49 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Thank you so much! I will google that for sure!
"NEVER be bullied into silence. NEVER allow yourself to be made a victim. ACCEPT no one's definition of your life; define yourself."- Harvey Fierstein
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