Coldfusion

(Wife still dealing with financial crap, I'm going to hide in woodshed after this...)

According to the Chelan Community Hospital, your sponsor should have a year of continuous sobriety and have completed the program. I asked my sponsor about his qualifications, and he said that he had also spent a few weekends manning the AA phones, so I knew he had ability to help me in a crisis.

Gforce23

I don't know if anyone is still checking in on me here but I've survived, and I'm still sober on day 16!

It's tough in the evening for a few hours. I was pretty grumpy last night and a bit depressed. What sparked it was, I was talking about outdoor ice skating with someone, and I had an immediate association with ice skating in the winter on the island we used to live on, with drinking hot-chocolate with Fire-Ball in it.

Damn man, every time I turn around it seems my brain has some positive association with drinking regardless of aaaaaallllllllll the consequences it has also produced.

So I was pretty irritable for a bit. I told my husband that I was sure I'd be fine in the morning, and that's how it's gone:

in the evening when I'd normally be having beer or wine or cider, and I'm not, I feel grumpy and a bit depressed. When I wake up in the morning, I feel GREAT! And, I feel great for the rest of the day until about 6:00pm, and the whole process repeats.

Anyway, I'm hanging in there and focusing on my fitness routine, and trying mightily to remind my self of AAAAALLLLL the bad things that have happened to me because of alcohol. What a mind screw this is.

Cheers.

MIRecovery

Glad you are alive and sober. Just stay sober today and it will be a good day

Coldfusion

Do you believe in astrology? Jupiter is ending a four-month retrograde cycle. A lot of people are having a rough time right now, it was clear at our meeting last night. Four of the folks who spoke started getting tears in their eyes. I have a pill for my schizo-affective disorder, and have been taking extras lately (doctor says this is okay).

Hang in there and stay sober. At least we have decent weather--its supposed to be sunny and 50 F (10 C) here Saturday!

Pataphor

Hey Gforce -
I so relate!
I am at the gym more then at home a lot of the time, I teach fitness. Its the reward drinking right now that I miss. I want to celebrate that I haven't had a drink in 30 days with a big glass of wine. Isn't that ridiculous?.. most of the fitness teachers I know drink quite a bit, so I have those awkward "no thanks" moments and I still feel cheated.

But I am feeling physically so much better my stamina and AT threshold are off the charts. But get togethers like the Superbowl are challenging. Keep doing what you are doing - thanks goodness for those endorphins!
ride on!

Gforce23

You know, I don't know if I "believe," but sometimes astrology can be awfully coincidental to whats going on. Jupiter being in retrograde makes a lot of sense. My husband and I have been in this awful holding pattern in terms of making a break out of our current financial situation (crappy, with a whole side story), since making a decision about what to about it about 4 months ago! So, hopefully something will break on the job front in the area my husband is looking in when Jupiter finally goes out of retrograde--since it is the planet of "material wealth" such as it is.


Yep, do and do relate. Reward drinking, yeah that's what it is at the end of my day. I can't believe how pissed off I can feel at that time of day when I usually have my alcohol reward/crutch. Sadly, I've substituted chocolate and other treats. FORTUNATELY, I work my butt off at the gym, so it shouldn't be much of a problem, and, I probably drank more calories in beer than I'm getting in few bites of dark chocolate or a small bowl of ice cream.

Also, I love fitness--I love outdoor exercise: mountain biking, hiking, trail running (bad knee now though) bouldering, etc. I also love good gym workouts. I've been wondering about getting into teaching fitness. Could tell me how you got into it? Inquiring fitness junkie wants to know!

Thanks!

Gforce23

Hey there all,

Going to another meeting tonight. It certainly helps to be around others going through or having already gone through this racket.

doing all right for now,

Cheers!

paul99

Good to hear about another meeting. Keep it up

Gforce23

Well,

I made it through another day. The meeting was good last night. I was having one of those early evenings where I was really, really pissed off that I "have" to quit drinking.

Now, I know that I don't "have" to, and that I'm choosing to. However, some how knowing that I've chosen to commit to this right now isn't really helping. 6:00 Pm rolls around and I start thinking about beer. Or we have a really nice dinner and my mood drops when I have the automatic thought that a glass (or 4) of wine would be so nice with it. I get really, really, pissed off at these times for some reason, to the point I want to kick the wall or go a few rounds with a heavy bag (I wish we had one.) or out into the woods for a Primal Scream. (!)

So I was able to go let that out at the meeting and tell everybody how angry I feel during that time of day, and I got full support, understanding and validation for my low-down and dirty feelings come 5:00-6:00pm.

Man, like I said, my day starts out great--I wake up feelin' like a million bucks, I get my kid ready for school, I enjoy a cup of french roast fair trade locally sourced (blah blah) coffee, I go to the gym, come home do chores, make some hats, play some guitar, pick up my kid, play with him, 5:30 PM comes and it's like I turn into some kind of "recently quit drinking" WEREWOLF!---And the next day it's Rinse, and Repeat

Unfortunately, I can't really change my routine for this time of day. I'm with my kid until my husband comes home, and I've gotta get dinner on the table, have dinner and do evening chores, so it's not a great time for me to hit a meeting or call someone before I turn into the sober WEREWOLF. So I'm a grumpy cook in the kitchen slamming pots down and cursing the crappy broiler we have. GRRRREAT.

I hope this just a short faze, and that this evil spell of werewolf-ism that hits me every evening is short lived.

Cheers.

paul99

It's not so much about changing routine as it is changing thinking. I used to be like that too - the irritable, restless and discontented thinking and acting. Happened at different parts of the day, but it was there. I started to get relief after I started working the steps. You're at meetings, and that is starting to get the ball rolling, hopefully, into getting a sponsor and working the steps. But it is an emotional roller coaster and it does pass. You're aware of this, and you're seeking a way through this. We don't stop here, we pass through it.

Gforce23

Hi there, thanks for letting me know that this will pass or at least not be so intense at some point.

At the women's meeting last night, there has been only one lady that has consistently put her hand up when the chairperson asks if there is anyone willing to be temporary sponsor. She's pretty funny, so I just stayed after and asked. She said, "all it takes is a phone call." I would have much preferred a more concrete answer than a "ball's in your court" kind of an answer, because I'm very, very, sensitive to rejection! However, I'm going to call her anyway and see what happens.

ALSO, in other news, I've been getting some good support from my husband lately. He's chilling way out on drinking himself. When I was pissed off last night before I went to the women's meeting I said something like, "Well, here I go to my STUPID meeting because I have to stop drinking STUPID alcohol!!!" That's right, I've regressed to my teenage years.

While I was stomping the floor and yanking the door open...my husband said, "Hang in there G, it's going to be O.K, just make the best of it for now. It's probably all for the best, and you never know what will come out of it."

After I came back, he even said he was going to join me soon in not drinking. When I asked him why, he said, "Well, I don't need it, and think of all the money we'll save." Awe.

Cheers!

paul99

Definitely call her. The reason she did the ol' "ball is your court" thing is that we don't go chasing after people. If you want what we got (as they say), then it's up to you to make that call. If we spent our time chasing people who don't want to clean up, we risk losing the time on those who do want to clean up. It's not a power trip thing or anything like that. Go with your gut on this one. It will get you started on your journey - you will find that the "witching hour" thing you have been experiencing will go away. You might find that meeting with her or doing some of the work will fill that time. But give her a call. There is nothing stopping you from continuing that journey.

Gforce23

You know,

It's not that I want to cop out, or make excuses or whatever, I'm serious about not drinking...but I HATE calling people on the phone that I don't know!
I'd rather poke my eye out with a pencil!

I avoid calling people I don't know on a regular basis. In fact, my husband hates it to--social anxiety household--and when the phone rings and we don't know who it is, we'll each try to get the other one to answer the phone and usually it ends up going to voicemail. That happens when our call display isn't working...

Anyway, I'll call her, but what on earth do I say? "Hello, this is G*** from the meeting, um, just checking in, um hi? Yeah, Uh.....so, how was your day?" Christ. I'm probably making this harder than it needs to be...

Don't worry, I won't chicken out.

Thanks

paul99

Yup, you are...

Just tell her that you are new, looking for a sponsor and would she help you go through the steps. That's about it. Then she'll take if from there. No need to get into the weather, etc.

Getting out of our comfort zones is part of the process

Fernaceman

Hey there! Just read your thread here. Awesome news and progress. It's exciting to see the small miracles already happening in your life! They are miracles, you know that right?

As far as what to say...Say EXACTLY that. I really didn't know how to talk to people either (still don't, to an extent). Mine would go something like this: "Hey, it's Billy. I met you at the AA meeting a couple nights ago and asked for your phone number. I don't know what to say here. I know I'm supposed to call people, though. How are you?"

Keep it up!

Gforce23

Thanks for the props, it really helps.

About those "miracles"---you're gonna have to tell me just what is so miraculous about being pissed off at the world! I'm sure your right, but so far, I'm not seein' it. But you know, just for poops and giggles, I'm going to go on some sort of faith that you know something that I don't! And progress? I've a feeling that this might be a "hindsight" kind of a thing.

O.K guy's, thanks for the advice about calling the sponsor I'll suck it up and do it.

Thanks,