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Old 01-04-2013, 11:24 AM   #1 (permalink)
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"Firsts" without drinking

I put on the jazz music channel before and realized it is the first time I have done so while being sober. I used to enjoy it while drinking my wine. It is soothing and makes me feel like I am surrounded by people at a classy party lol This time, I get to enjoy it more because I won't drink to black out, eventually turn it off and get into some kind of trouble--drunk dialing, drunk emailing, pondering why I have to life in this miserable world. It's so interesting how I am coming to see things in a new way without a drink. I sit here and think of how I miss the feeling alcohol gave to me in the first 30 minutes of drinking it. Now that I have clarity I see that those 30 minutes were never really worth it. The consequences I now suffer from my last relapse are concrete but not life threatening. I have been given another chance and for that I am grateful. Today, I feel homesick for a future that hasn't revealed itself to me in any way as of yet. Falling in love, creating a cozy home, perhaps starting a family, making great memories. When I was drinking I led myself to believe I didn't WANT any of these things but inside I knew I COULDN'T have them if I continue on my isolated path. In these 24 hours, I am hopeful for my life because I am sober. I look forward to experiencing many more "firsts". This is a simple, quiet day but a good one
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:29 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I agree I love to dream and fantasize but I have to live in the real world today and make the most of it


Good luck, have a great day
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:11 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Nice post Quit...Have a great day!
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:19 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Simple and quiet sounds nice. Mine is filled with three loud and crazy kiddos, but I wouldn't trade it (well, maybe for an hour or so! )

Enjoy your day Quit!!!!
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:31 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Awesome post Quit!

I relate!

Thanks!
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:02 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by quitforme79 View Post
I sit here and think of how I miss the feeling alcohol gave to me in the first 30 minutes of drinking it. Now that I have clarity I see that those 30 minutes were never really worth it. The consequences I now suffer from my last relapse are concrete but not life threatening. I have been given another chance and for that I am grateful. Today, I feel homesick for a future that hasn't revealed itself to me in any way as of yet. Falling in love, creating a cozy home, perhaps starting a family, making great memories. When I was drinking I led myself to believe I didn't WANT any of these things but inside I knew I COULDN'T have them if I continue on my isolated path. In these 24 hours, I am hopeful for my life because I am sober. I look forward to experiencing many more "firsts". This is a simple, quiet day but a good one
Thank you Quit. I needed to read that today... It's what I would have written if I had stopped feeling sorry for myself recently
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thanks for this post. It reminds me of something i said in therapy that my therapist thought was important enough to write down on one of his cards for me to carry around.

It is "I don't think I can improve myself the way I want to if I am drinking".

It was hard to say that, and even harder to actually realize that its true with every part of my being, but I think it is true.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I love this part:

Today, I feel homesick for a future that hasn't revealed itself to me in any way as of yet.

I really relate to this! I have to be careful of not overthinking what "could have been" had I been in better shape the last ten years. Today is a new day.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:48 PM   #9 (permalink)
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the first 30 minutes thing is very true all goes down hill after that.
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Old 01-04-2013, 06:09 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misterritter View Post
Thanks for this post. It reminds me of something i said in therapy that my therapist thought was important enough to write down on one of his cards for me to carry around.

It is "I don't think I can improve myself the way I want to if I am drinking".

It was hard to say that, and even harder to actually realize that its true with every part of my being, but I think it is true.
Take I THINK out of your last sentence! I said that same thing you said to your therapist to God and family many times when drinking. I was just not listening (shutting up) & didn't love myself enough to hear/realize I didn't have to live that way anymore til recently.

Thanks for this post, misterritter
I know I can never be where I am spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally at this point in my life with alcohol in the picture. I am liking me nowadays. I am blessed to have finally realized that and the fact that I have to work my a&& off for sobriety. Making sobriety my number one priority is the ONLY way I will stay sober. I thank God daily for AA, for me personally.

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Old 01-04-2013, 06:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Serene post
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