The GF of a pot head
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1
The GF of a pot head
The person I fell in love with has always cared about an addiction more than me. Let's call this person X. X used to be an alcoholic. Needless to say the alcoholism was cured with a new addiction: a pot addiction. Now, most would say that this was better for X, or that one can't be addicted to weed. Using the example "I've smoked weed before and I've never became addicted." Sure, I'm sure you've had a beer before and never felt the need to be an alcoholic either. There are some people in this world who just love to be addicted to anything that isn't their reality.
X is definitely addicted. X is irritable and angry when not high. X smokes because X is bored, because X is happy, because X is sad, because X had a bad day, because X has a headache, because X wants to go to sleep, because X thinks life without weed is no life at all.
I can't have friends and family over to our place or take X to family gatherings or really take X anywhere for an extended period of time because X has to smoke all throughout the day when it is available. X would even smoke before we went out on dates, brunches, etc. Nothing is good enough for X. I have bought X everything to try and help cure the boredom. All of those things in which X has sold to afford a pot addiction. Thousands of dollars in a few months. All the while in the middle of this addiction, X has never had a job, nor motivation to do anything in life, X thinks X is a nobody, and no amount of encouragement can help X. X thinks only pot helps X. Marijuana addiction has put us in debt. I work nonstop and can not pay the bills, much less an addiction that ISN"T EVEN MINE.
I know, why do I do it? Because I'm hopeful that I could help X maybe. Because X always tells me it's the last time, when I know X is nothing but a liar. I'm lied to, I'm manipulated, and I let it happen. I question myself is it because I just love X that much? Or is it because I'm scared ******** of X? I do love X, but I am also afraid of X. X won't move out. X has anger issues. X threatens me. And then makes ME feel bad. X wants to be an addict but wants to control me too. I can't do it anymore. I've been doing it for three years and I'm only just going to be 20 this year.
How do I help myself without involving family? I don't like my friends and family to know all of m business. It sounds bad, but I'm just not an open sharer.
-A.
X is definitely addicted. X is irritable and angry when not high. X smokes because X is bored, because X is happy, because X is sad, because X had a bad day, because X has a headache, because X wants to go to sleep, because X thinks life without weed is no life at all.
I can't have friends and family over to our place or take X to family gatherings or really take X anywhere for an extended period of time because X has to smoke all throughout the day when it is available. X would even smoke before we went out on dates, brunches, etc. Nothing is good enough for X. I have bought X everything to try and help cure the boredom. All of those things in which X has sold to afford a pot addiction. Thousands of dollars in a few months. All the while in the middle of this addiction, X has never had a job, nor motivation to do anything in life, X thinks X is a nobody, and no amount of encouragement can help X. X thinks only pot helps X. Marijuana addiction has put us in debt. I work nonstop and can not pay the bills, much less an addiction that ISN"T EVEN MINE.
I know, why do I do it? Because I'm hopeful that I could help X maybe. Because X always tells me it's the last time, when I know X is nothing but a liar. I'm lied to, I'm manipulated, and I let it happen. I question myself is it because I just love X that much? Or is it because I'm scared ******** of X? I do love X, but I am also afraid of X. X won't move out. X has anger issues. X threatens me. And then makes ME feel bad. X wants to be an addict but wants to control me too. I can't do it anymore. I've been doing it for three years and I'm only just going to be 20 this year.
How do I help myself without involving family? I don't like my friends and family to know all of m business. It sounds bad, but I'm just not an open sharer.
-A.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Hi Doormat
I have to be straight here...if you're afraid of this guy he's threatening you and that fear is stopping you from leaving it doesn't sound like something that's likely to end up 'good' no matter how much effort you put in.
I understand that he no doubt has his good points too and that you love him and you want to help him - but what about you and your future?
do you still want to be stuck in this situation at 25? 30? 40?
please do have a look at this link...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
D
I have to be straight here...if you're afraid of this guy he's threatening you and that fear is stopping you from leaving it doesn't sound like something that's likely to end up 'good' no matter how much effort you put in.
I understand that he no doubt has his good points too and that you love him and you want to help him - but what about you and your future?
do you still want to be stuck in this situation at 25? 30? 40?
please do have a look at this link...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html
D
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Hi Doormat -
He switched from alcohol to pot? I know firsthand how that can be a total disaster. Though it was not part of any kind of plan, in effect, I too switched from alcohol to marijuana. Now I have a worse addiction that needs to be managed. If one smokes day and night, in what sense is that a solution to drinking.
I hope your relationship issues resolve themselves in the best possible way, and that this forum proves valuable in directing useful resources your way.
Mel
He switched from alcohol to pot? I know firsthand how that can be a total disaster. Though it was not part of any kind of plan, in effect, I too switched from alcohol to marijuana. Now I have a worse addiction that needs to be managed. If one smokes day and night, in what sense is that a solution to drinking.
I hope your relationship issues resolve themselves in the best possible way, and that this forum proves valuable in directing useful resources your way.
Mel
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 466
As you've seen, weed addiction can be nastier than most people would think. I don't have a lot of advice to give since I was the pothead and not in a relationship with one. All I can say to you is that he won't quit for anything/anyone but himself. Even if he does, he won't stay quit. That I can guarantee just about 100%. The thought of going through the hell I've gone through for someone else is almost laughable, as sad as that may sound. I guess you have a choice to make. Do you want to stay with him and hope he comes around one day (nothing you can say or do will make that come quicker as you've seen), or do you want to go through your life without your ankle shackled to a cinderblock? The first sentence in your post says it all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 60
Hello DM101. I could have written your post myself. Sadly I am in my 40s and still in this situation, been a loooongtime lurker. It's easy for people to say you should leave, and you should, but I know how hard it is. I have no other family near me, am in debt, and live in an expensive city, so just "getting a new place" isn't as easy as it sounds. I am about to move, but AH has made things very hard for me to do this. Mind games supreme.
What has helped me help myself: not self medicating with alcohol - it's important to feel sad/angry, if you're ever going to leave. Burying your feelings just helps him continue being who he is.
I also helped myself by kind of meditating on the idea, the truth, that I don't trust my AH with my love anymore. No guilt. He destroyed my trust with all the mind games and neglect.
Some lines that you previously would not cross, have to be considered. For me, calling 911 is now "on the table" if things get nuts when I decide to go. Bankruptcy? Well, things are pretty emotionally bankrupt now. Shame? Well that is not an issue for me now, but I know HE is concerned about it - being found out, a new life that isn't perfect and easy, etc.
And lastly, making a plan has helped. And telling some family. Some are not supportive, because it means change and pain for me, which they don't want to see, and they don't fully get the pain I'm in now. But some are supportive, and I can draw on that support when I am ready.
But yeah, it's super hard living with a manipulative AH who you used to love but doesn't really love you, just loves what you do, which in my case, seems to be putting up with a lot of BS!
Good luck and don't give up on yourself!
What has helped me help myself: not self medicating with alcohol - it's important to feel sad/angry, if you're ever going to leave. Burying your feelings just helps him continue being who he is.
I also helped myself by kind of meditating on the idea, the truth, that I don't trust my AH with my love anymore. No guilt. He destroyed my trust with all the mind games and neglect.
Some lines that you previously would not cross, have to be considered. For me, calling 911 is now "on the table" if things get nuts when I decide to go. Bankruptcy? Well, things are pretty emotionally bankrupt now. Shame? Well that is not an issue for me now, but I know HE is concerned about it - being found out, a new life that isn't perfect and easy, etc.
And lastly, making a plan has helped. And telling some family. Some are not supportive, because it means change and pain for me, which they don't want to see, and they don't fully get the pain I'm in now. But some are supportive, and I can draw on that support when I am ready.
But yeah, it's super hard living with a manipulative AH who you used to love but doesn't really love you, just loves what you do, which in my case, seems to be putting up with a lot of BS!
Good luck and don't give up on yourself!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Cape Town
Posts: 22
Hi Doormat,
I've destroyed many a relationship because of my own marijuana issues. At the beginning everything would fine, and my exes would tolerate my continuous smoking - "it is after all only weed".
Soon it would dawn on them that my use was perhaps a bit excessive for their tastes, and they would try a repair job. This would never work, because quite frankly I valued the weed over them. On two separate occasions I started going to NA because of girlfriends whom I thought I cared about, but on both of these occasions I relapsed and was the one to end the relationship. Quite simply, I chose the weed and my lifestyle over them - "plenty of fish in the sea!" I could hear my AV shout in my ear.
Now, in your case and from what I can gauge from your post, this guy has chosen the drug over you. The only reason he's still around is because he is dependent on you: your money, your body, your house. You don't deserve that in your life, no-one deserves that.
It's easy for me to say end the relationship, but by simply being on this forum it shows how much you care for and love this guy. I sincerely hope that I'm wrong, but it's unlikely he'll change for you. It has to come from within himself. He's already taking out his frustrations on you, and being afraid of someone is not what a loving relationship is supposed to be about.
VH
I've destroyed many a relationship because of my own marijuana issues. At the beginning everything would fine, and my exes would tolerate my continuous smoking - "it is after all only weed".
Soon it would dawn on them that my use was perhaps a bit excessive for their tastes, and they would try a repair job. This would never work, because quite frankly I valued the weed over them. On two separate occasions I started going to NA because of girlfriends whom I thought I cared about, but on both of these occasions I relapsed and was the one to end the relationship. Quite simply, I chose the weed and my lifestyle over them - "plenty of fish in the sea!" I could hear my AV shout in my ear.
Now, in your case and from what I can gauge from your post, this guy has chosen the drug over you. The only reason he's still around is because he is dependent on you: your money, your body, your house. You don't deserve that in your life, no-one deserves that.
It's easy for me to say end the relationship, but by simply being on this forum it shows how much you care for and love this guy. I sincerely hope that I'm wrong, but it's unlikely he'll change for you. It has to come from within himself. He's already taking out his frustrations on you, and being afraid of someone is not what a loving relationship is supposed to be about.
VH
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