Chrissy58

My life is a mess. I need to get my life back on track.

I am broke, in debt, and have to move from the bedbug apt, that I got evicted from because he didn't want to fix the problem correctly.

A year ago at this time I was doing good and was clean from all the pain pills. I overcame that addition cold turkey and never wanted to go through that hell again. Now I have to once again beat my pot habit as it is slowly destroying me.

I could do the addict thing and blame others, but it was me that said yes to smoking weed again. Now I am paying the price for that action.

I have my little dog who depends on me, so I must overcome my addiction again for Benji.

I will get back on track. I have a busy week ahead of me.

The good thing is once I move I won't be seeing people that I know smoke pot as much if at all.

I will beat this addiction!

Chrissy58

Back from the old place in Tescott. Got more sorting and packing done. After each trip I take a shower and bag the clothes I was wearing into a plastic sack, so I can wash. I am trying very hard to not take the bedbugs with me when I move.

I have a DAR meeting this afternoon so I have to get ready and out the door for that.

I have goals that I am striving for and to reach those goals, I must get off the weed and move forward.

I think I am going to see if their is NA here and go to some meetings.

I wish I didn't like the way weed feels.

racingthoughts

Sorry to hear that you had a slip-up Chrissy. Sounds like you've got your wits about you and that you've thought about some very reasonable ways of dealing with this. Weed's so addictive for some of us (im dealing with some cravings as I write this), but I know you can do it. Don't beat yourself up, it's a powerful drug and can have an iron grip. Things must seem a bit hopeless now, but they're not. You say you wish you didn't like the way weed feels. Well all I can say is that how you're feeling now is a part of how weed feels, since weed led you here, and it's not very good right? It's not all about the very temporary stupid little high, there are the bad feelings that come after it wears off. What I'd tell you is that to take how you felt after relapsing and remember it each time temptation strikes. Use the period of sobriety you had before it as an advantage instead of a reason to dig yourself deeper.

People might disagree with me on this, but I personally don't like the whole "back on day 1" saying. It sounds so all-or-nothing and deflating, and makes the recovery process seem that much more insurmountable and like a stupid game you just lost. Unless you say "screw it I'm going to keep smoking", which you're clearly not indicating, you've still taken steps towards recovery. Like I said, you had a slip-up and should take this as a learning experience. I do not believe for a second that all is lost. Keep strong and moving forward, we're gonna do this together! I know you can! The promises that our AVs tell us to convince us to smoke are all lies.

racingthoughts

Btw, thank you so much for sharing this. You might not realize it, but you're not only helping yourself by doing so, you're giving everyone who reads this motivation to stay strong too. Take care, and you are by no means alone.

Dee74

I believe you will beat it too Chrissy.

Think about who you want to be...who you want Benji's mom to be

If you beat pain pills you can beat this too.
Post and read here as much as you need to

D

Chrissy58

Thank you for the kind words of support. This forum helped me beat the pain pills and I know it will help me beat the weed too.

DAR went good. We did a show and tell and I brought a tea pot that was always in the kitchen in my mom's home. It is a little house teapot.

Had subway for dinner and Benji and I are settled into our motel room for the night.

I hope I can sleep tonight.

My Benji needs me to stay clean so he has a nice stable loving home. He loves me and depends on me to get my act together.

racingthoughts

I hope you can sleep too. Even if you can't, it's not a big deal. As long as you're lying down and resting, your body is getting some rest. I was worried about this a lot in the beginning, and just let it go. I also found that taking a nice long bath/shower was conducive to sleeping and just feeling relaxed in general. Hope this helps! A sleepless night without weed is still better than a dreamless night with it, and a much bigger step in the right direction. Keep going, you got this!

Admiral

My dad stayed in a place with bed bugs once. When I came to visit him, I found his shoes in the freezer .

Apparently you can throw the suspected items in the freezer for a long time and it will get rid of the bugs.

Dee74

Clearly people have different views on this RT.

Back when I started my recovery, I never thought of the back to day 1 thing as a punishment thing or a humiliation thing at all.

It was my choice, no one 'put' me back at day one - it was just me being honest for the first time in a long time.

I could have rationalised for the Olympics as a user...and that approach of 'clean for x amount of days...with x number of slips' reminded me a lot of the rationsalisations I used to make to myself...so I chose not to use that approach anymore.

I appreciate you have a different point of view and a different approach. That's your thing & it's cool by me

D

Chrissy58

Good morning!

I actually slept off and on for a couple of hours each time.

Tonight I am going to see the Long Island medium with a family friend.

Yes, bedbugs are really awful. I would not wish them on my worst enemy. Lol

Chrissy58

Today is Saturday. I actually went to the Y today and went swimming. It is Saturday night and I am not getting high. I was in pain but put Bengay on my shoulder and neck, and it helps a little. It is bearable right now.

Got the furniture treated and moved out of the old place. I feel bad for whoever moves in there as there are still living bedbugs there as the owner refuses to treat them properly. Tomorrow a friend and I are going to finish moving the rest out. Monday I will give the key back to #7 and he can give back to the owner.

I am still at motel 6 until I can move into the new place.

Hope everyone is doing well.

racingthoughts

When I was a lot younger my family moved into a temporary furnished apartment for a couple months while we were waiting to move into a new place. A couple weeks before we were due to leave my parents (especially my mom) began getting eaten alive by bedbugs every night. Due to space issues I was sleeping on the couch in the living room and thankfully didn't experience it as well. The landlord pretty much refused to acknowledge the problem, and so we moved into a motel until the new place was ready. Just thought I'd share my similar experience.

I've heard that moving is one of the most stressful things we can experience in our modern world, especially with problems like this. It must be really tough when you're trying to kick weed too. With that being said, it'd probably be even more stressful and harder to tackle if you were smoking. Glad you're doing well!