racingthoughts

I think I was addicted to marijuana before I ever even smoked it. I saw Half Baked at age 11, and was determined to try weed after. After I got baked off my ass for the first time at age 15, I was definitely addicted to it. Not so much in that I couldn't go without it for a week or two, but more in that from the very first time I got high, I couldn't imagine a life of never getting high again. It didn't take long for me to start having cravings for marijuana in between smoke sessions as well. Fast-forward to a month before my 21st birthday and I've had a total of maybe 10 days since being in college without weed. Most of these were earlier in my college career too. When I have weed I smoke it throughout the day.
I'm sick of weed. It's worsening my anxiety and depression. It used to never affect my motivation, but now it's starting to. The thing that's getting me is the withdrawal. Last time I experienced it due to connections being dry, I felt so anxious, sick, depressed, and unexcited it was unbearable. A friend and I ended up asking random people on the street and were eventually successful.I can't function well with weed anymore. I certainly can't without it. I stopped smoking for two months at the beginning of my senior year of high school and the insomnia/anxiety became terrible. I can't imagine what it's going to be like now, as I've turned myself into a weed chimney since then. I'm scared of trying to go to bed tonight more than anything. My last bowl was about 8-9 hours ago. Still very early in recovery, but I flushed my weed (something I've never done before.) My current recovery plan includes exercise, drinking water/cranberry juice, warm showers/baths, and trying to find myself spiritually. Anything I should add to the list? Thanks guys, you all are great!

Dee74

Hi and welcome racingthoughts

I smoked for 30 years, mostly daily...I had some anxiety and insomnia sure but I got through it

some of these links are basic but I hope you'll find some help in them.

MARIJUANA – A Guide to Quitting
https://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/...from-marijuana
Quitting Marijuana a 30 Day Self Help Guide // OADE // University of Notre Dame
Quitting Cannabis

I know you'll find support here

I hope you'll be tired enough to fall asleep tonight - best wishes on that

D

gaffo

Don't have any pot around. Get rid of your pipes and bongs. Take down your Bob Marley posters. Tell your pot smoking friends that you quit. Be nice to yourself. Remember that cravings pass. The longer you go the easier they will be to deal with. Take pleasure in doing things that you couldn't possibly do while stoned or smoking pot. Keep it in your mind why you quit. It will get better. I know it seems like an eternity from where you are right now but six months from now (where I am right now) it will be a walk in the park. Two months from now you'll be able to **** in a cup and get a job anywhere, if you wish. Stay strong. You've made a good choice. SR is a great place for support.

Lostinhk

I'm with Gaffo, in a similar situation and I think I just need to put all that crap away.

All the best with your journey, racing!

wackybunny

Welcome to the forum and well done for recognizing a need for change. I quit after far too many years. Weed made my anxiety a lot worse as well as many other things. When I quit it was really hard and the first few times I tried were so bad I thought I'd never manage it. However, I did eventually push through all those uncomfortable feelings and it paid off. Seriously, a few days/weeks/months of feeling crappy is nothing compared to years upon years of crappy addiction. I am so glad I stuck with it, I don't crave it or miss it at all now. I had to completely avoid being around it in the beginning, including avoiding friends who smoked. I also came here and posted several times a day, every random anxious thought or weird new symptom and that helped a lot.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

thisisme

Welcome.

racingthoughts

Okay so I made it until 2 in the afternoon yesterday. The sadness and anxiety really set in around 12. I guess I forgot why I was stopping. Anyway I smoked and it pretty much just made me feel deflated and my anxiety worse, little to no relief. So what do I do? I pretty much smoke until I go to bed at midnight. Lying in bed awake I realized that weed hasn't helped me sleep as much as I thought. So I started anew today. My resolve is definitely better. I made an appointment to see a counselor and got my roommate on board (he's being surprisingly supportive). More than that though, seeing as how horrible weed made me feel yesterday, my desire to smoke it has gone way down. I'm trying to make this a spiritual process of self-discovery but it's just tough when you've been using weed to deal with your emotions throughout the most developmental part of your life so far (compulsive eating before that). I want to know who I am as a young adult though and I never will as long as my heads in the clouds. Trying to keep strong and acknowledge withdrawal/cravings as a normal part of my body healing.

wackybunny

Sounds like you are doing well. I know I had to give it several goes before it stuck. That addict voice told me anything to try to make me smoke it. It said things like "I need it to sleep" "I need it to relax" "I'll never be happy again" "This is unbearable, I need a joint because I can't take anymore" "I don't really have a problem, I'm making far too big a deal out of it" "I am probably self medicating a major underlying problem so I must need it" "If I don't smoke I will have an anxiety attack" "I need to function right now so I'll try to quit later" and on and on and on. Turns out, none of it was true. Each day I made it through without weed I had a new revelation about what I did not need weed for after all, I called it myth busting. I wish you well on your journey. Keep us updated on how it's going, good or bad.

racingthoughts

Wow that's pretty eye-opening, I've literally told myself every single one of those things before. Thanks for sharing, I'll be on hour 24 in 2 hours!

bigsombrero

Welcome and good luck. Your symptoms sound familiar to mine as well. I'd sit around all day, anxious to smoke...and then as soon as I did, I would feel HORRIBLE. Because I knew the day was gone and wasted. The depression and anxiety don't get better, it gets worse....and you seem to know that! Good for you.

Some good advice above was to get rid of your stuff. It worked for me as an alcoholic, too, getting rid of wine glasses, beer signs hanging on the wall, etc. If you can just find that one moment of motivated clarity (and you did by flushing your weed before), then just ditch the stuff. You'll be angry later but you won't have alternatives, and the anger will pass. Good luck, stick around. We're with you!

Nocturnal

i almost caved in because my cuz smokes it and could have hooked it up ...but thank the lord it was too early in the day....dont give in man!

wackybunny

That's great both of you, racingthoughts and nocturnal. Each hour you get through is an accomplishment and if you string them together, you get days! After enough days, it's not as hard. It can even feel WONDERFUL! The natural highs right after withdrawal were so awesome.

racingthoughts

On day 3 and still sober, but I'm having a lot of the ugly thoughts wackybunny mentioned. I'm trying to acknowledge them, but I'm pretty much running on willpower at this point, and I'm afraid it's going to run out along the road. Maybe it's just the depression from withdrawal. Anyway, it's tough but I'm hanging in there.

happycampers

yes, it is tough in the early stage like wackybunny said. But we must push through when these energy patterns of craving/urges come. We have fed this pattern for years , so it's going to take sitting on your hands and NOT acting when this pattern comes to play it's tune in your ear. We have to see it when it comes, acknowledge that if I give in, I'm letting myself be taken out and overpowered by a mental pattern I created. BUT NOW I choose to UNcreate it and that will only happen by going through the early stages without Acting on that pattern. I know for myself, I have paid a high price for not standing up to it a LONG time ago, when deep down I knew it wasn't good for me. But I can and AM standing up to that pattern now when it comes knocking. Sign is up - No one Home to answer your call, Go Away !
Stay Strong - it's the only way through the early withdrawal stage. Like wacky and so many have said, it'll take a few months to get our new and real Life back and it's worth fighting for !!!

wackybunny

Day 3 is great. Good for you. Like Happy said, time to stand up to it, this addiction that has been pushing you around and telling you what to do. It helped me a lot to give in to the withdrawals (and anxiety) because fighting it made it worse for me. Had to accept that I would feel bad for a while and give myself permission to lay around being miserable until that stage passed.

wackybunny

Maybe it would help if you told us some of the thoughts, some of the things your AV is telling you. I found that writing things down and sharing them kind of put them in perspective. Hope you have a great day, or at least a bearable one. I'll check in later and see how it's going.

racingthoughts

The biggest thought that I'm wrestling with now is "c'mon this is never going to last. You might as well smoke instead of prolonging your agony". I just keep telling myself that I don't have to live like this and will never have to do this again unless I smoke. Other than that i mainly just keep repeatedly asking myself why I'm quitting, saying things like "you've always loved weed" and all that crap. I made a rather lengthy list of genuine reasons why I want to quit that I keep having to pull out. It's amazing how during a craving I'll literally forget everything I wrote on it until I look at it. Even then, it's still hard. I'm having my ups and downs today though. Thanks so much for all the support everyone. Reading responses on this thread has given me hope several times in moments where the situation has seemed hopeless.

happycampers

That's just your addicted voice trying to convince you your decision to quit is wrong . It wants what it wants and it can't have it without convincing you to "pick up"". It's powerless WITHOUT you - YOU have the power ! What do you KNOW in your Heart to be true ??? Stick with that.

Dee74

The way I looked at it I had two choices - more of the same, and all that entailed...or the chance of a different way and a different outcome.

Stick with it

D