racingthoughts

Well I passed the week 5 mark the other day. I'm happy about it and all, but its been a struggle the past few days/week. I've felt foggy and out of it and have been having a bunch of cravings. Idk if this is PAWS or what, but it suuucks. Been depressed and really irritable too. I find myself reminiscing about my smoking days and thinking "man smoking would be so nice right now". I haven't really had these feelings since week 2. I went to bed feeling like crap last night, hoping it'd be better today, but it's just as bad/if not worse. I guess I'm just venting because everyone said it'd be so much easier after a month, and the 1 month mark literally triggered all of these symptoms. Sigh

Dee74

Congrats on week 5 RT

I think everyone has different experiences. I did feel better after a month but truth be told that 'man a cone would be good right now' feeling lasted a long time too....

What else are you doing in your life? eating well? getting enough sleep, exercise? keeping busy? all those things are important too

If you think it is paws there are some good suggestions on dealing with that in this link:

PAWS | Digital Dharma

D

racingthoughts

Thanks Dee, I've been exercising pretty regularly which helps. My diet could improve, but it's still better than the ramen noodles and loads of processed crap I was eating to save money when I was an active pothead. Been taking l-theanine as needed (mostly on the bad, anxiety-ridden days) which helps a lot. I don't eat much sugar other than an infrequent bag of gummy bears (only because I love how they taste, not the sugar effect). The one thing that may be messing with me a bit is caffeine. I didn't really touch it for most of my smoking career but became relatively dependent on it this summer when I was a whitewater rafting guide and had to do demanding physical work, often early in the morning. I used it to offset the tiredness that the weed "I had to have" before work brought on. I should probably cut down, but it just hasn't been on my list of priorities.

Idk how nicotine might affect recovery, as I'm addicted to dipping tobacco as well. That's a whole different monster though, and another battle for another day as far as I'm concerned.

Been ridiculously busy with schoolwork and maybe the stress is triggering some of this.

Anyway I'm off to bed, actually have felt a bit better in the last few hours. Thanks again!

happycampers

sounds like you're doing alot of good things for yourself, RT. Just try to accept that you're going to have a bumpy day or two, every now and then for a few months and when they come, just go within and see if you can open and accept that "this moment feels a bit crappy". Learning to accept what is - I'm feeling ... in this moment" helps alot - give it a try. It'll more than likely pass away quicker, instead of focusing on " this isn't how I'm supposed to be feeling now ! ". Try it out and see what happens.

gaffo

For whatever it's worth, when I get my occasional cravings I always try and remember the downside and that seems to help a little bit. Sure it would be nice to smoke a bong hit right now but it would ruin the rest of my day fighting off sleepiness and trying not to procrastinate important stuff. Keep up the good work.

happycampers

SO true, gaffo !

boudiepitbull

When you think about it, Racingthoughts is only a about a week or so past the point where the body would still have enough trace THC to be detectable. So it makes sense that your poor brain is exclaiming, "What the f**k?!" right about now. The one thing we can't do is hurry the passage of time.

Funny thing, I got drug tested today for temporary job, and even though I haven't taken a drink or a drug in almost 10 years, I was full of anxiety about lab mistakes or inadvertently absorbing enough THC from the stoners who surround me in my building to test positive. I guess I still live with a lot of internalized fear.

Congrats on your 5 weeks, Racingthoughts!

racingthoughts

Thanks everyone. Been feeling a lot less foggy/irritable/depressed/anxious today, just better overall. I hadn't been sleeping for more than five or six hours the past week and ended up sleeping for ten last night. Maybe that has something to do with it. Idk, gonna keep rolling on!

Dee74

great news racingthoughts

D

BlissWithin

that's my situation right there, I'm marijuana-free for almost 2 months now and I'm beginning to feel some urges that are being triggered by a trip that my parents are going to take in November, so I'll have the house all by myself and I intend to be sober for the first time while they are away, since the other times they travelled I used to smoke and drink myself silly, hope everything will be fine.

Dee74

There's plenty of support here Bliss

One of the things recovery gave me was the chance to grow up - and I don't mean that in a pejorative sense.

Men my age don't have a binge pot and booze party cos the house is empty....or they shouldn't lol

I like being an adult now. It's nice to be trusted again too

D

racingthoughts

Bliss I can relate sooooo much to what you're saying. Being home when the parents were gone was/is such a huge trigger for me. Back in high school, it was the time of paranoia-free smoking, never thought back then of what the lasting implications would be. It got to the point that when they weren't home and I wasn't smoking, I'd feel like something was horribly wrong. Now looking back, I was just a child who couldn't be left alone. Of course back then, THEY didn't understand, which is how I justified smoking myself into oblivion when they were gone. You'll do fine I'm sure. Congrats on 2 months!

BlissWithin

You're both right, its time to grow up and become more mature also I will feel great about myself when they return knowing that I didnt cave in. Thanks!

wackybunny

I'm back from holiday. It's good to read that you (Racingthoughts) have worked through some difficult times. I wasn't out of the weeds until about 3 months if I remember correctly. Slow and steady recovery. Kind of felt life forever but once it was gone it was gone and weed/lack of weed no longer plagues me.

Also nice to see some new people on here. Hope everyone is doing great. Keep up all the good work. It's sooooooooooo worth it!

happycampers

Great to have you back, WB !!! How was your holiday, weed-free ? Are you drinking at all, these days ? Can't remember.

wackybunny

Holiday was great. Definitely weed free. Desire for that is gone although I still avoid it just to be safe. I have never had a worrying relationship with alcohol but am guarded about that just in case. I actually don't like the buzz of being drunk. It feels very different from being stoned and being stoned was what I was into. The person I was visiting is a recovering alcoholic with several years behind them so alcohol was not around. Besides, once I kicked weed, I found that I had no need to "relax" with weed or booze. I don't need it to "enhance" fun. In fact, I find it totally flabbergasting that it took 39 years to discover that. Plus I love not being on the roller coaster of mind altering substances. Even keel and naturally mellow, that's me.

happycampers

" Even keel and naturally mellow, that's me."

Love it, WB and can totally relate ! Great to hear you had a wonderful time !
__________________

Yssa

Just keep it right and smooth and keep strong. Goodluck!

racingthoughts

Hey everyone. I posted something similar to this a couple weeks ago, but I'm feeling the need to moan a bit, so bear with me. All I can say is that I'm starting to resent my sobriety a bit. There's nothing new and exciting about it anymore and has just turned into a daily struggle almost.

First of all, I'm not sure that I like who I am sober. When I was stoned all the time, I was relatively mellow. Now I've turned into a bitter person who hates the world. I never really liked the college I'm at (I was stoned all the time so I didn't care enough to transfer/get more involved), and now I'm totally bored and hate everything about it. Drugs were my involvement here (mainly weed) and now I'm not sure what to do. There isn't a single club/organization that interests me, and sobriety has made me incapable of enjoying a party or anything like that. I find myself judging everyone who passes by me. The urge to get in a fight is unreal, and I'm worried that I'm going to snap one of these days and do something stupid.

Going along with this, I'm a misophone. Misophonia's a relatively unheard of condition, but it basically can be described as extreme sound sensitivity. Certain noises such as people chewing loudly or typing on a keyboard drive me insane to the point of rage and violent thoughts. I used weed to deal with this for years (increased tolerance led to the decreased effectiveness of this however), but now it's totally out of control. I can barely go out in public without this triggering and being filled with rage and hate. There's no cure for misophonia. I've also noticed that being sober has turned me into an incredibly light sleeper. I live in a relatively noisy apartment complex. People yell outside and pull in and out of the parking lot all night, and I hear it all. Plus, they're doing construction work here and I'm subject to listening to a buzzsaw every time I'm home from 9-6 during the week. This background noise drives me insane and keeps me awake. I almost called the cops on my neighbors the other night, something I would have never done if I was smoking.

I don't know, it's just getting worse dare I say. I just can't find much that brings me joy anymore. I started kind of having a relationship with a girl I know a few weeks ago, but had no motivation to put any effort into it, and as a result it's pretty much over. I went on a hike in a giant forest with a friend today. Instead of enjoying the scenery, I kept thinking of how nice it would be to run off the trail and smoke at a some nice secluded spot.

The only thing keeping me going at this point is how bad the withdrawal was at the beginning and the fact that I absolutely never want to go through that again. I keep wondering why I decided to quit in the beginning, and almost wish I hadn't. It would be nice to go to a MA meeting and talk about some of these things, but there are none nearby. There's a decent meth problem in the town I'm in, so I'm not sure how much I'd fit into NA or if I'd really be able to relate to anybody. I'm trying to see the good in this, but it's becoming harder and harder to.

Draumwave

I understand how it is. I always had those thought's like "this is not worth it if im gonna be like this" having no hope that I could actually change... In my experience the only thing that helped me was to be very serious about what I was eating. Only eating healthy foods, getting alot of healthy fatty acids and also cutting out coffee from my daily routine... Coffee makes me extremely insane I found out. Tea is soo much better. Also going for long walks is good. Yea, and sleep as much as you can...

Hang in there, it will get better in a short time...