wackybunny

Ah man, I HATE to admit it but I have also helped myself to people's stash. OMG. Of all the things I've admitted in my various posts, I still never fessed up to that one until now. Thank you for sharing. I would take an extra pinch from their bag when it was my turn to roll or collect the crumbs or roaches off the table. It made me feel really dirty and ashamed. Who steals from friends??? I guess addicts do.

BTW, nice to see you back Elizabeth and to know you are still going strong. That is wonderful!

happycampers

well, I will admit to the same mistake and yes, it was wrong then and the addict mind can justify anything. Thankfully, we're all striving to be our true Selves now and light will come out of that replacing our unconsious actions of the past.

Dee74

Put me down for that one too.
I was able to rationalise 'they owed me' or 'I needed it more' or whatever but...

Glad to say I can't recognise that me now.

D

FatallyUncool

One of my low points. Sometimes I did it to my best friends. Sometimes they were doing me a favor giving me or selling me some when I was in need. I could calculate how much I could take without it being noticed.

Yuck. I will have to make amends for this one, y'all.

elizabeth19

Thanks wacky bunny, and thanks to everyone else who admitted to do he same thing. Nice to know I'm not alone. Also nice to know that at least I. Changing, I'm coming to terms with it.

jryan19982

Man I loved it. I still have a love affair with it. But we are currently separated.

I loved the way it made me feel, I loved doing anything on pot. Whatever it was it made it better. Music, movies, eating, riding the motorcycle, playing the guitar, or just whatever.

I made excuses that smoking took away my depression, anxiety, and helped me with my stomach issues. I have colitis. I thought it was what I needed. But the more I smoked, the less it worked for anxiety and depression until it made it worse. So I finally said, well time to be an adult. Im not in college anymore, and I need to start a professional life.

I think it really crossed the wires in my brain. I am now almost 3 months off da pot, and I feel better. Less anxiety, unless I was hungover off booze, and less depression. I can see things better, and I like being clear headed. Will I ever do it again? I dont know. But what I do know, is that I like me right now. Im not ditching my family to burn one...

sigint

Weed was not my first drug experience. But it started the cycle of addiction. I've been pot free for over two years and have no desire to return.

Thank you for this post and forum Dee.

audra

I have learned from reading In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Matte that many people can do different drugs (I'm including alcohol) and not get addicted. But the ADDICT, that's a different story. The addict can get addicted to most anything and play the mole game. I didn't realize when I quit alcohol and I took up smoking pot that I was an addict capable of getting addicted to such a seemingly harmless (ha!!!) drug. When I flipped over and realized my addiction to pot I was shocked, but shocked in that sort of heavy denial cloud of vapour.

I have since learned that because the cannabinoid in modern pot is low the THC effect can be extremely high in percentage and more dangerous as a result. (The cannabinoid protects while the THC destructs our body's cells). I was so tolerant of it, it took a lot for me to get high enough at the end. I was trying so hard to fill my body with more and more only to get more and more tolerant as the weeks and months passed. Hence, when I came off it this time after flipping over into addiction, I was weak and struggling and exhausted and couldn't remember a thing. It was bad. I don't want to repeat this horrible experience. Ever. (I Mean Never, We're Never getting back together- Taylor Swift).

I feel extremely lucky and thankful that I made it away from it. WHEW!!!

fuel.injected

I would do the same thing. Pinch a bud here or there out of friend's bags. If my friend had bought an ounce or quarter pound, I would pinch a couple of good sized buds, but nothing too pretty or they would notice the "sweet ones" missing right away, but no one misses the seedy spindly buds. Par for the course, those same friends would do it to me and each other as well. I think anything goes with that, addicts are addicts.
While it may not be physiologically addictive, it is just as psychologically addictive as any hard drug.

Tryin2Recover

Thanks Dee! So grateful our paths have crossed here. Have a happy and safe holidays.

Dee74

you too Tryin

D

Mel12

Even though this forum has low activity, I am posting here instead of in the alcohol area, as I usually do. That is because I can imagine easily relapsing with pot--not so easily with drinking.

At the stage I am at, I have no belief that pot makes me creative, interesting, insightful. I just know once I start I do not stop until the supply is gone. So the whole situation has been boiled down to its addictive core features, with no pleasant frills or fantasies attached.

Though I have managed to quit alcohol (for the time being, at least), my gut tells me marijuana is going to be a tougher road--though I am not smoking now and have no plans to do so in the future.

I really want to get to a point where I do not have to worry about these habits like I currently do. Thanks for listening, if there is indeed anyone here!

Mel

Dee74

I'm listening
I thought about pot for a lot longer than I did alcohol.

Pot had a lot less obvious 'bad' effects than alcohol for me and maybe thats why I clung to the 'maybe someday' idea for a while...

that's not saying the 'bad' stuff wasn't there...it just took me a lot longer to see it, and accept it.
D

vanharten

Hello everyone, thank you for sharing. I can relate with most of your experiences: the false sense of contentment, the visiting dangerous places just to score pot, the destruction of relationships, and yes, even the skimming off the top of a bag when I'm the one tasked with rolling joints.

My love affair with weed started in high school but escalated out of control at university. I was doing a whole lot of other drugs at this time but my journals from this period only cites pot as being a major issue.

After university I lived in Ireland for a while where I overdosed on heroin. It was a great awakening of sorts and when I came out of it, I was motivated to start getting my life in order.

I went to work in Korea and for all of 2 and a half years I was hard drug and weed free. I drank a lot though, incredible amounts, but I was extremely productive during this period.

When my ex-girlfriend and I returned to South Africa, that's when the weed cravings started to hit! I was around my old friends again, and going to the same old places. I relapsed and tried to hide it from my gf, but it was a stressful time - I was waiting on a visa to go to Prague, and her family had just relocated to Germany, so we were kind of in limbo. I couldn't get a job because I wasn't sure when the visa would be granted, and I wasn't doing anything constructive.

It all came to a head on a wine tour we went on. I was so sick of all the lies, and I was just so disappointed in the situation. Drunk, I lit a joint in front of her and that was the end of us.

I relocated to Prague to attend film school. Conveniently on the exact same day when they decriminalised drugs in the Czech Republic! I knew that I shouldn't be smoking, but the novelty of it almost being legal excited me.

I did good things in Prague, but I know deep down that I could have applied myself more. There was one occasion that stands out: me sitting on the couch for a solid 2 weeks, stoned and content, playing Playstation and not leaving my flat during this time. I had things to do, I just chose to smoke weed.

I returned to South Africa and instead of fighting my addiction, I chose to live with it. Basically trying to be a functional addict. But I can't delude myself anymore. The weed has given me nothing over the years. All it's done is give me stress and erode my confidence. It really annoys me that I cannot get over it. There's nothing worse, in my opinion, than saying you're going to do something then failing because of your own weakness. And I have failed over and over and over again.

It's even more annoying when people dismiss weed as something that is not addictive, or is easily kicked. I'm going in to day 3 now, and this time I will prevail. I've had enough.

Dee74

welcome to the thread vanharten

D

endlesspatience

Vanhartan - there's a lot of detail and insight in your post there explaining your relationship with that drug. I really hope you can build on that to find a drug free life. Three days is good going but as you clearly say in the post, you have had long periods off it in the past and then returned to your addiction and each time it gets more destructive, holding you back from loving relationships and productive work.

It really does sound ilke time to stop because I don't think you're enjoying it any more. I've quit weed and now my focus is on quitting booze completely. I'm using SR as part of my plan.

What's your plan? What are you going to do differently this time?

vanharten

Hi Endless,

Thank you for replying. I feel like a lot of my previous attempts failed because on some level I didn't really want to quit. It was like I wanted it both ways, and I thought being sober wasn't congruent to the person I thought I was, or the person I wanted to project to the world.

There was a time when I honestly thought that the drug use would grant me some hidden pipeline into brilliant artistic thought. I was a cheerleader for drug use when I was younger, but seeing my friends now, ten years later, it breaks my heart.

My plan is to use SR, too. I've also become more spiritual in the last 6 months and I feel confident with God. I've started meditating and exercising and tinkering with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It's crazy how much extra time you have at your disposal when you're not drinking and smoking!

What is in your plan?

vanharten

Oh, and Endless - well done on quitting weed. It's always inspiring hearing people say that.

wackybunny

Hi Vanharten. Day 3? That's great. I smoked pretty much all my life but managed to quit a year ago. Finally I did it for myself. I'd had a bf give me ultimatums too but that only ended the relationship, not my habit. I'd say that quitting was one of the best things I ever did. I knew it would be hard because I tried and failed about a hundred times. When I succeeded it was because I was ready and thoroughly determined. I spent a ton of time on SR and posted several times a day. You could start your own thread if you like, it's easier to keep track of your posts that way. I'd like to hear how it's going for you. Keep up the hard work! It's worth it!

vanharten

Hi Wacky,

Thank you for your wise words and congratulations on your achievement.

I'm on day 4 now! Last night was a bit rough but I'll take your advice and start my own thread and spill all.

Thanks for this thread though, Dee