mraouf

Theres this girl that was sober for 6 months then relapsed and is 2 months clean now. Ive been 1 year and 3 months clean now working step 7, and i really like this girl.I checked me defects and there was none the source of the attraction like my past relationships. It was pure feelings. I though that she might be emotionally sick or something and that what she has towards me is not real. But she told me thats what she has for me is real and she had experience in those things because she had flings and sexual relationships when she was new and 13 steppers used to abuse her. She made it clear to me that what she has for me is different, she even told me she loved me 3 weeks into our relationship. Everyday the relationship is getting stronger and more serious. We're trying to make this relationship as healthy as possible, we even agreed that recovery will be a priority than our relationship and we've been toegther a month now and im very happy with her. I just want to say im not a 13 stepper, what i want from her is a real relationship. But ive heard stories that fellows started something and most of them failed, another told me dont **** were yu eat. Others told me go for it man, yur young and yu have the right to try out things even if yu failed its not a problem.I had all types of feedbacks. I Dont knw whats the right thing to do. Any suggestions?

Gmoney

Hi mraouf

I have no suggestions but I do have a couple of comments and some experience to offer for consideration. As a member with over 17 years clean I don't see how your 15 months and her 2 months make that much of a difference. My "other half" has 12 years clean and there's a 5 year difference between us. Just as we are both considered "experienced members" by many, you guys are both in early recovery and have a lot of trial and error ahead of you. I never tell others to get into or stay out of relationships, but when asked, I remind them that our literature tells us that relationships can be painful due to unrealistic expectations. I believe honesty and open-mindedness are crucial, but whatever happens we stay clean: no matter what.

G

PlasticInsanity

It was recommended to me to stay out of relationships in my first year. I half-assed the program my first 6 months by still using a certain "herb" and alcohol, and then got clean officially June 24th. I got really close with somebody at about 30 days clean, and 6 months clean. Both times, I was not ready for an emotional attachment. It brought out all of my defects, and when things went sour I was spiritually unhealthy. Infactuation was my new DOC, and after it crashed, I felt the "withdrawal" effects.

The fact that this young lady relapsed, shows that what she wasn't doing in her first 6 months wasn't working, and IMO she needs to really focus on her program. My only suggestion is that you both keep recovery on the frontline - anything you put in front of your recovery you will surely lose (as my sponsor keeps telling me). I wish you both the best!