gingle

Thankyou everyone for answering me, i posted on the wrong forum by accident, i did not realize i was on narcotics anonymous.

Your encouragement is so uplifting to me. Tonight i am worried because my son is now homeless for the first time. I guess he plans on sleeping in his truck at his job site, i should be gratefull that he still holds a job.

He has 2 little boys, 4 and 5 years of age. The mother took them out of state, and we have lost touch with them. I am so filled with anger towards my son and blame him for the unhappiness and instability in my grandsons lives. At the same time i feel very guilty that i was the one to cause his disease, because when he was small i was going through my own addictions, and neglected him and his needs. Because of my guilt i enabled my son and tried to fix him, big mistake!
My son tells me that i am not to blame. My psychologist tells me he is an adult and responsible for his own choices. My mind tells me i did not cause his disease, why cant i believe this in my heart. I am so tired of beating my self up with guilt, and i truly want to get past this and move on.

The alanon and codependency meetings are helpful, but most of all i am grateful for this forum, its so nice to know that i am not alone. God bless everyone in this forum.

Luckyv2

I will tell you what my sponsor told me! My name is Vic and I am an addict. "He said open up your Basic Text (Our NA Literature) and tell me what you see on the first page." I said NOTHING! He said "yep that is right and that is what you know about staying clean and that is what YOUR HP holds against you for all of your mistakes so who the hell do you think you are not to forgive yourself."

Made since to me I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Love Vic

marle

If you think about it, we mothers blame ourselves for everything that goes wrong in our children's lives. Yet if they are successful, it is because they worked hard to get there. If we can't claim their successes, why should we claim their failures. My daughter is an addict and she had everything, two loving parents, beauty, brains, a paid ride to college. She experimented with drugs, had the addict gene and now is in active addiction. The only thing that I feel responsible for is the fact that I may have passed that gene on to her. But since I grew up with 2 sisters and a brother in an alcoholic home and none of us became addicted, I believe even that is a crap shoot. There are so many other influences in your child's life and so many other variables. I think when we believe we caused their addiction we are playing God. JMHO Marle

cmc

Hi,
Hi, I am a mom of an addicted son who is in jail.
First off- the addict always has a choice to use or not. Whether you enabled him or not, the choice is his. I can 'own' my own behavior- even my enabling of my son, but he chose to use. I can only change myself.
The hard part of seeing my son face consequences is that I did not fully understand that he needed to face them! I just could not comprehend things getting any worse nor understand why my son would continue to use.... but he was not ready to quit.
I suggest that you read all the stickies at the top of the Naranon forum. Many parents feel to blame, and I did too, but I kept telling myself the truth that I did not cause nor could I control or cure his addiction. One day it just 'sank in' and I have rarely if ever have those feelings of guilt. My going to alot of meetings and coming here reinforced things I was learning and soon it all began to make sense.
We have lots of people here with so many different stories. I am glad you came here and hope you will come by often.

GeorgiaPeach

My husband is my addict and I posted in this forum as well because I needed to understand what he was going through and what he was thinking. I knew how I felt and what I was thinking. Everyone here helped me so much and even though he is still using, at least it is only 1-2 pills a day (10mg) which is still too much but I can't make him stop, only he can do that! Best of luck and take care. He will ask you for help when he is ready but until then there is nothing you can do except love him.