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Gilmer

I was an undiagnosed bipolar Ii who had recurrent depressions. I was in one after my fifth baby was born, so I went to my primary care doctor. He prescribed Zoloft. Within two months i was suicidal and in a mental hospital. Turns out SSRIs are very bad for bipolar people!

I was on Effexor successfully for 16 years, and now am on Wellbutrin (plus a mood stabilizer and an anti-psychotic).

I would question my doctor about the Zoloft--if he's never heard of any contraindication, then by all means get a second opinion.

sean0621

I am starting to believe that my depression was the result of a combination of things. I was coming out of a long term off and on again relationship as well. I thought because of the way my feelings slowly faded this time that I would have no emotional hangover. I am sure I underestimated my feelings for Alicia and her son whom I protected and cared for during the relationship. I know that the relationship was over with long before I ended it, I just didn't want to hurt her or for her to feel abandoned all I did was prolong things though. I also was meeting new people at AA meetings, Racing for Recovery Meetings, Church, volunteer work orientations and soup kitchens, reconnecting with my extended family, Therapy and Group Therapy. I had to meet a lot of new people and learn a lot of new things in a short period of time. Top it off with trying to experiment with different medications from my psychiatrist and I don't know how I didn't see it coming. Plus my day was so rigidly regimented so that I ate at certain times worked out at certain times and tracked it all. I was also partaking in what I now consider perfectionism. I was tried to dress perfect, tan so my skin looked perfect, put lotion on, do cardio twice a day, do a bodybuilder split at the gym, bought cream to rid the circles under my eyes. Thought the dating scene would save me at the time. I tried dating a different woman last year and wound up drinking with her after three months of sobriety. My daily regimen was creating so much anxiety that I could barely sit still. Looking back I was in no way ready to date and I certainly wasn't ready to get back into it with Alicia who was pregnant and desperate at the time and still using despite pregnancy. I am very lonely right now but I sense growth in myself. I am taking myself out of my protective bubble now that was the regimen I was living by and I am trying to strike balance now. My interest in going to movies/the art museum/ to see a concert/go to a play is starting to return. I am starting to feel the itch to go skydiving again. I guess that's the most clear sign that I am ready to date again, I am interested in living my own life again and just want someone to join me rather than how I felt which was lonely and desperate to grab the first hand that showed to pull me out of the deep waters I had been swimming in. I hope its a sign that my new medication is working but furthermore I don't want my life to be defined by a diagnosis and meds I hope this is a sign that my interest in life is being renewed.

sean0621

It started after I had been sober for quite some time. I didn't want to admit I had problems while I was drinking and before I was drinking and really didn't understand what Bipolar was when I was younger. I thought PAWS after I heard about the description for that and talking to a friend that I partied with in the old days and is now a drug and alcohol counselor. I'm sure I went through PAWS, it certainly would explain all the anger management problems I went through last summer. I struggled mightily with anger for the first time in my life. But my ex gf who was diagnosed Bipolar type I noticed I had mood swings. I didn't notice for awhile. When I was at my lowest emotionally I didn't know where to turn to for help so I called the national veterans crisis hotline/suicide hotline. I was put in contact with the VA in my city and went in for an initial intake assessment. As far as details on how do I know I'm bipolar. When I go through a manic/hypomanic phase I will feel smarter for one like I gained 50 IQ points suddenly. I tend to talk allot more than I normally do and I write almost constantly. I start projects that I often never finish. I get highly creative. I started to write a book about my father and his addiction and how it affected me. I started several charcoal drawings that I planned to give to my ex. I put an undo amount of emotional weight on these projects to the point where I become almost delusional on what the project means. I remember when Alicia was struggling to quit drinking I wanted to inspire her and make her feel good by drawing a portrait of her from our first bonfire together. It turned out beautiful but by the end of that drawing I was hoping it would somehow solve many of our relationship problems and substance abuse problems and it became an obsessive effort after awhile. I also lost close to 100lbs in 5 months from working out very hard. I am told by my therapist that the compulsive way I was checking my weight and taking pictures and creating weight charts and calorie charts for months is a good sign of a manic episode as well. Years before I started drinking heavily I used to have vivid hallucinations while being on nothing at the time. Then I'd crash and slowly became depressed as you read about at the beginning of this thread. That had probably been going on for 2 or 3 months before I posted this thread it was just at its peak when I posted. I suspected something was going on with me when I was in my late teens and ignored it joined the marines and was more than happy to escape myself in any way I could at that time and so I started drinking and never again thought of my emotional problems until I stopped again 10 years later.

MsFish77

I'm sorry that you all are going through this too.. but I'm glad to know, it's "not just me". The depression, anxiety and creepy feelings these meds give me just sucks beyond belief.

Holds1325

I have mood swings since a month ago, I also quit drinking then.

I go from feeling okay and sometimes content, to feeling scared and depressed, they happen just about everyday then slowly balance in the evening,

I'm going to get diagnosed next week, I'm terrified of medication because I feel like its going to make things worse for me and the stories I've read about them terrify me as well, I feel like I'm stuck and some days when I'm fine I'm glad I didn't take medication, other days I feel scared and start to question whether I should or not.

Has anyone felt better without medication?

Astro

I think we'll all have different experiences with medication because it works uniquely with each of us. I felt lousy for the first few months I was taking SSRI's, I had the experience I call "cobwebs in the brain". After a few months it worked really good though, especially when I found out how well sunshine and fresh air really "pumped up" the effect. After a year I tapered off and felt great.

Holds1325

What SSRI did they prescribe you if you dont mine me asking?

They gave me celexa, havent taken it, going to give therapy a try first

Astro

I took EffexorXR, but as I mentioned we all need to find what works for us. I tried Lexapro and one other brand before I found one that worked for me.