Do I tell his parents?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 10
Do I tell his parents?
Recently discovered my ex addict has been using again, he still won't admit it but I know he has. Warning signs have been there for sometime.
I have no support, I've recently found out I'm pregnant and this is my only way of 'talking'. I'm really really struggling.
He won't admit it, says it's in my head. (I have cocaine swab tests which don't lie. Ever)
Before we met 10years ago, his parents funded rehab in South Africa (we're in the UK) so they are aware of his past. But they have no idea that he still uses. I've caught him every so often for the last 7years. (Maybe 2/3 times a year) I'm dealing with this on my own. I'm very close to them, do you think I can approach them and tell them?
I have no support, I've recently found out I'm pregnant and this is my only way of 'talking'. I'm really really struggling.
He won't admit it, says it's in my head. (I have cocaine swab tests which don't lie. Ever)
Before we met 10years ago, his parents funded rehab in South Africa (we're in the UK) so they are aware of his past. But they have no idea that he still uses. I've caught him every so often for the last 7years. (Maybe 2/3 times a year) I'm dealing with this on my own. I'm very close to them, do you think I can approach them and tell them?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 52
I would, if it were me. Especially if I was pregnant. And especially if I thought he would maybe get help. But you know him and his parents better and know how things would roll out from there.
Make sure that while you are pregnant, you don't get yourself all stressed out about things and make yourself sick or unhealthy. Take care of yourself first.
Good luck <3
Make sure that while you are pregnant, you don't get yourself all stressed out about things and make yourself sick or unhealthy. Take care of yourself first.
Good luck <3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I'm very close to them, do you think I can approach them and tell them?
Are you thinking that since you are pregnant that he needs to leave the home and get himself straightened out and not add any stress on you and go live with them?
Are you hoping that his parents will make him stop, seek help and things will be good?
Or are you just needing someone to vent to because telling them is going to open a whole can of worms that you may or may not be prepared for.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 16
Absolutely! I was in the same boat as you and kept my AH's relapse from them thinking that I was protecting him. By the time I told them, he was so far into his addiction that I had to end our marriage for our safety and sanity. His father tried to help him, but his mother refused to believe that he had a problem. This has started months of harassment from his mother blaming me for his various issues that have been brought about by his active addiction. I don't know for sure that it would have made a difference in her thinking if she had known sooner, but I have to think it would have helped her to see the patterns. I pray that they will continue to support you and that he will get the help he needs.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am the mother of an addict and would want to know too. If I thought he was clean I might offer financial support or end up enabling his use, without knowing it.
I am not sure what your relationship is with his parents, but if you decide not to tell them outright, at least don't lie to cover it up if asked. We dig a deep hole of deception for ourselves when we try to cover up the drug use of our loved ones.
And please take very good care of yourself and your unborn child. Right now, that is more important than anything else.
Hugs
I am not sure what your relationship is with his parents, but if you decide not to tell them outright, at least don't lie to cover it up if asked. We dig a deep hole of deception for ourselves when we try to cover up the drug use of our loved ones.
And please take very good care of yourself and your unborn child. Right now, that is more important than anything else.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by Ann 
I am the mother of an addict and would want to know too. If I thought he was clean I might offer financial support or end up enabling his use, without knowing it.
I would tell them, too. Actually, I was in your same boat and told my husband's parents. I was not about to go through this totally alone. I was a brand new first time mom when it was happening for me.
Please take good care of yourself. Even if it means detaching from him and his actions for a while. Worrying will not help you, or him. Feel free to PM if you'd like. I am wishing you the best.
Send us an update!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: the real world
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by sammy03
... I'm very close to them, do you think I can approach them and tell them?
Please examine what your motives for telling them are.
Echoing ataloss:
"I think that depends on, what are you hoping will come of you telling his parents on him?
Are you thinking that since you are pregnant that he needs to leave the home and get himself straightened out and not add any stress on you and go live with them?
Are you hoping that his parents will make him stop, seek help and things will be good?
Or are you just needing someone to vent to because telling them is going to open a whole can of worms that you may or may not be prepared for."
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