Al Anon and Nar Anon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 124
Al Anon and Nar Anon
I went to an Al Anon meeting tonight. My first meeting of this type, and my muddled brain wasn't thinking at all because I really should be at Nar Anon and probably not Al Anon. Just wondering if there is really a difference though. Isn't addiction addiction?
Also, curious about any feedback anyone else has on these types of meetings. To be honest, I felt really uncomfortable. Maybe I am just really out of it, but it was very awkward. And there were rules about not talking back and forth, or something. Anyway, obviously I won't get into specifics, but I just felt odd and didn't know what to say and I'm not sure this is something that would be helpful.
Anyone else feel a little weird the first time, but find it beneficial the more they went?
Also, curious about any feedback anyone else has on these types of meetings. To be honest, I felt really uncomfortable. Maybe I am just really out of it, but it was very awkward. And there were rules about not talking back and forth, or something. Anyway, obviously I won't get into specifics, but I just felt odd and didn't know what to say and I'm not sure this is something that would be helpful.
Anyone else feel a little weird the first time, but find it beneficial the more they went?
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
When I was looking for meetings I tried both Naranon and Alanon. I think you are right that it really doesn't matter which one you select, since the focus is more on helping ourselves. I related to the members in a local Naranon group, but many people don't have Naranon near them or find they connect more with folks in Alanon.
To me it was the "feel" of the meetings that made a difference. Like neighborhoods, or work environments, meetings are made up of different people and personalities and sometimes have different dynamics. I went to quite a few different meetings before I found the one I really considered a great fit for me.
I don't think it is unusual to feel a little weird at first. It may be that you'll just want to sit back and listen for a few meetings before it feels more comfortable, or it may be that the dynamics of this particular group just don't work for you and you may want to try another group.
The "no cross talk" rule is pretty much standard. I too at first found it weird, but after a while, I was really glad it was there. It allowed everyone to just share and not have anyone responding, judging or trying to "fix it." I got so much out of just listening to other folks and many things I didn't think I'd relate to ended up being important concepts that helped in my own healing.
If you have the chance, I'd encourage you to stay after the meetings and find a group that encourages this. I made lifetime friendships with some of the folks in my home group and those friendships developed week by week during the time we shared after the meetings.
I hope you keep trying different groups and types of meetings until you find what works for you!
To me it was the "feel" of the meetings that made a difference. Like neighborhoods, or work environments, meetings are made up of different people and personalities and sometimes have different dynamics. I went to quite a few different meetings before I found the one I really considered a great fit for me.
I don't think it is unusual to feel a little weird at first. It may be that you'll just want to sit back and listen for a few meetings before it feels more comfortable, or it may be that the dynamics of this particular group just don't work for you and you may want to try another group.
The "no cross talk" rule is pretty much standard. I too at first found it weird, but after a while, I was really glad it was there. It allowed everyone to just share and not have anyone responding, judging or trying to "fix it." I got so much out of just listening to other folks and many things I didn't think I'd relate to ended up being important concepts that helped in my own healing.
If you have the chance, I'd encourage you to stay after the meetings and find a group that encourages this. I made lifetime friendships with some of the folks in my home group and those friendships developed week by week during the time we shared after the meetings.
I hope you keep trying different groups and types of meetings until you find what works for you!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
Priscilla,
Greeteachday has addressed many of your questions and I will throw in my 2 cents worth, well maybe a nickel...
Al-Anon vs Nar-Anon. Yes, addiction is addiction and both meetings are about you rather than the addict. There is a subtle difference though..... assuming that an alcoholic is of legal age, the alcoholic has not broken any laws to become an alcoholic -- they are addicted to a legal product; by definition, all drug addicts who are buying their DOC off the street are automatically criminals, this adds another layer of stigma to drug addiction, addicts and potentially their family / friends.
My daughter has attended both AA and NA meetings, however, she much prefers NA because she says the AA's look down on drug users for just this reason - may just be her perception.
It has been suggested here and elsewhere that you attend a meeting at least 3 times before deciding to "join" the group -- shop around to the meetings in your area, attending each at least 3 times and then choose the one that best suits your personality. This is a great suggestion but it assumes that there are many meetings to choose from in your area -- my area had only one Nar-Anon meeting when I started - luckily that is a wonderful group of people that have become my second family.
Cross talk......... That rule is basically universal for the reasons which greeteachday stated. Now for the reality in MY group.....person #1 shares something, later during the discussion person #2 will respond or comment on person #1's share.
We have an announced "meeting-after-the-meeting" during which time the group will break up into smaller groups for more private conversations -- this is where the majority of "cross talk" happens. Depending on the weather, the "meeting-after-the-meeting" may continue for quite some time at the un-announced "meeting-after-the-meeting-after the-meeting-in-the-parking-lot-meeting". This is when and where you will really make the friendships and build the relationships you need.
"Anyone else feel a little weird the first time,.....", yes I did, but I was very hopeful and expectant as to what I would find at this meeting. What I found was a group of caring, non-judgmental people who did not think I was unusual just because my 22 year old daughter was a heroin addict who had started down her path with prescription opiate pills following oral surgery. They did not think it was strange that she stole from us, had been in multiple car accidents, or had done any of the others things which addicts do -- they had all been there and done that themselves!
".... but find it beneficial the more they went?" yes, yes, yes!, and it did not take very long - not more than a month to really feel I belonged and looked forward to the Wednesday night meeting. And just so you know, by that time I had poured it ALL out and cried openly with them - in return, I had sucked up their strength and comfort - that's what the group does, we share our pain and share our strength. It works if you work it.
My home group has a core of about 15 people who almost never miss a meeting and our meeting typically has 18 to 25 in attendance. Newcomers to the room are usually wearing what I have come to call "the shattered look", I am certain that I did also. Old timers can spot the look as soon as they enter, now I can also. We try to greet the newcomers as soon they enter - hopefully not in an overly aggressive or invasive way -- we give them some of the basic literature and introduce ourselves trying to be mindful that the chances are very good that they are currently "in crisis", otherwise they probably would not be here. We do not pry.
Although the basic blue Nar-Anon booklet contains a wealth of good information, it is not terribly "warm" or "welcoming". In an attempt to make the newcomers feel more at ease, we give each newcomer a "Welcome" card which has some song lyrics inside which I think capture the spirit of all of the 12 step programs:
We're glad you're here,
'Cause we've been there,
And it's hard to find someone
Who understands enough to care.
Put down your pain, cast out your fears.
We're glad you're here,
'Cause we've ALL been there.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Greeteachday has addressed many of your questions and I will throw in my 2 cents worth, well maybe a nickel...
Al-Anon vs Nar-Anon. Yes, addiction is addiction and both meetings are about you rather than the addict. There is a subtle difference though..... assuming that an alcoholic is of legal age, the alcoholic has not broken any laws to become an alcoholic -- they are addicted to a legal product; by definition, all drug addicts who are buying their DOC off the street are automatically criminals, this adds another layer of stigma to drug addiction, addicts and potentially their family / friends.
My daughter has attended both AA and NA meetings, however, she much prefers NA because she says the AA's look down on drug users for just this reason - may just be her perception.
It has been suggested here and elsewhere that you attend a meeting at least 3 times before deciding to "join" the group -- shop around to the meetings in your area, attending each at least 3 times and then choose the one that best suits your personality. This is a great suggestion but it assumes that there are many meetings to choose from in your area -- my area had only one Nar-Anon meeting when I started - luckily that is a wonderful group of people that have become my second family.
Cross talk......... That rule is basically universal for the reasons which greeteachday stated. Now for the reality in MY group.....person #1 shares something, later during the discussion person #2 will respond or comment on person #1's share.
We have an announced "meeting-after-the-meeting" during which time the group will break up into smaller groups for more private conversations -- this is where the majority of "cross talk" happens. Depending on the weather, the "meeting-after-the-meeting" may continue for quite some time at the un-announced "meeting-after-the-meeting-after the-meeting-in-the-parking-lot-meeting". This is when and where you will really make the friendships and build the relationships you need.
"Anyone else feel a little weird the first time,.....", yes I did, but I was very hopeful and expectant as to what I would find at this meeting. What I found was a group of caring, non-judgmental people who did not think I was unusual just because my 22 year old daughter was a heroin addict who had started down her path with prescription opiate pills following oral surgery. They did not think it was strange that she stole from us, had been in multiple car accidents, or had done any of the others things which addicts do -- they had all been there and done that themselves!
".... but find it beneficial the more they went?" yes, yes, yes!, and it did not take very long - not more than a month to really feel I belonged and looked forward to the Wednesday night meeting. And just so you know, by that time I had poured it ALL out and cried openly with them - in return, I had sucked up their strength and comfort - that's what the group does, we share our pain and share our strength. It works if you work it.
My home group has a core of about 15 people who almost never miss a meeting and our meeting typically has 18 to 25 in attendance. Newcomers to the room are usually wearing what I have come to call "the shattered look", I am certain that I did also. Old timers can spot the look as soon as they enter, now I can also. We try to greet the newcomers as soon they enter - hopefully not in an overly aggressive or invasive way -- we give them some of the basic literature and introduce ourselves trying to be mindful that the chances are very good that they are currently "in crisis", otherwise they probably would not be here. We do not pry.
Although the basic blue Nar-Anon booklet contains a wealth of good information, it is not terribly "warm" or "welcoming". In an attempt to make the newcomers feel more at ease, we give each newcomer a "Welcome" card which has some song lyrics inside which I think capture the spirit of all of the 12 step programs:
We're glad you're here,
'Cause we've been there,
And it's hard to find someone
Who understands enough to care.
Put down your pain, cast out your fears.
We're glad you're here,
'Cause we've ALL been there.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: SoCal
Posts: 73
Just wanted to throw in my experience as well. I lurk around quite a bit on several of the forums here at SR (most of my many "qualifiers" are alcoholics btw). I've only attended Al-anon, but many of the attendees at the 2 meetings I attend are dealing with hard-drug abuse and not necessarily alcohol.
I agree with trying several meetings, and different ones if you can. I currently am somewhat limited to where I can be during my lunch time. But all of the meetings are based on the same basic principles, and everyone's experiences seem to be very similar.
Hope that helps somewhat.
I agree with trying several meetings, and different ones if you can. I currently am somewhat limited to where I can be during my lunch time. But all of the meetings are based on the same basic principles, and everyone's experiences seem to be very similar.
Hope that helps somewhat.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Hello, Priscilla84, and welcome!
I was uncomfortable initially as well at NarAnon meetings but did find it a great comfort to have the opportunity to attend meetings at several locations in my area and found the folks there to be kind and supportive; this occurred in years past but at present, I still reflect on what I learned, experienced, and the wisdom shared probably more so than back then - back when I wasn't ready to come to terms with and accept the reality.
Good luck on your journey. Wishing you positive and helpful experiences.
I was uncomfortable initially as well at NarAnon meetings but did find it a great comfort to have the opportunity to attend meetings at several locations in my area and found the folks there to be kind and supportive; this occurred in years past but at present, I still reflect on what I learned, experienced, and the wisdom shared probably more so than back then - back when I wasn't ready to come to terms with and accept the reality.
Good luck on your journey. Wishing you positive and helpful experiences.
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