Will he ever find happiness or Joy in life again??
Sarah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Pennsylvaina
Posts: 44
Will he ever find happiness or Joy in life again??
I know that this road of recovery is a very very long difficult road. Life long really. But my newly RA husband is miserable 24/7. We had a rocky couple weeks, dealing with trust & boundary issues and we are working through them. Not always successful but continually working. But the phrase "Misery loves Company" is it true or is it just that "Misery breeds Misery!" I am trying to Keep the second from happening!! I guess I just thought at one point I would begin to see him take pride in each day that passed that he remained clean... I thought he would be able to look at each day as an accomplishment. That is not the case... He seems to become more and more angry, closed off... Talks to me and I listen and respond but when I talk to him he literally doesn't hear me... Its like the thoughts in his head are too loud and to large to make room for me. I wont go to him about this it will only ignite his already nasty mood, and I'm certain will only appear as though I'm criticizing him.... We sat in the living room last night after he returned from a meeting and started watching a movie it had some extremely funny parts and I watched him start to laugh and then it was as if some one wiped his face with a scowl... He actually stopped this happy emotion and turned it to distaste... A few minutes later he got up and went to our room to watch something else. It was as if he wanted to make sure it wouldn't happen again...??? Does he think that he is not allowed to experience this emotion or is it so strange when it's not drug induced that he has to push it away??? I just don't know how to keep this from destroying me. I miss my own smile.... and I don't remember his...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
how long has been off drugs now? not very long if i recall.....
i know it's tough, but i wouldn't read too much into his mood of the moment or even hazard a guess at what it must be like inside his head right now. the first few weeks to months of not using are a really rough time.....the one thing that seemed to make it all ok (even when it wasn't) has now been taken away. and there IS no substitute. and now all the aches and pains, both physical, mental and emotional, have no buffer, no salve, and are all way too real. to say nothing of what the voices in his head are going on about!!!
give him space, hell give yourself space! let him roll thru his moods, try not to fix anything. just get on with things, your routines, your activities and hobbies, be kind when you can, keep things light. i'm not saying put on kid gloves when dealing with him.....just sort of let him sort things out in his own way.
i know it's tough, but i wouldn't read too much into his mood of the moment or even hazard a guess at what it must be like inside his head right now. the first few weeks to months of not using are a really rough time.....the one thing that seemed to make it all ok (even when it wasn't) has now been taken away. and there IS no substitute. and now all the aches and pains, both physical, mental and emotional, have no buffer, no salve, and are all way too real. to say nothing of what the voices in his head are going on about!!!
give him space, hell give yourself space! let him roll thru his moods, try not to fix anything. just get on with things, your routines, your activities and hobbies, be kind when you can, keep things light. i'm not saying put on kid gloves when dealing with him.....just sort of let him sort things out in his own way.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
When I was going through my issues when my XAGF first went clean, my clinician (who is also an addiction expert) sent me the following:
Focus on you, and allow him to focus on himself.
Imagine that you live in a war zone, a dark place where peril lurks around every corner: snipers on rooftops; minutes underfoot. Imagine, next, that you have developed an elaborate system to protect yourself against the danger. Outside, you disguise yourself, hide beneath a bulletproof vest and a metal helmet. Inside you huddle in corners or under beds, keep your ears muffled against the sound of gunfire. You have learned to make yourself safe.
Finally, imagine that one day something changes: you wake up and your vest and helmet have vanished. You are dragged outside, forced out of your protective corners and into the sunlight, without your armor. Imagine how raw you feel, and how fearful. Imagine the feeling of exposure.
Can you picture it? This is what it’s like to give up an addiction.
Finally, imagine that one day something changes: you wake up and your vest and helmet have vanished. You are dragged outside, forced out of your protective corners and into the sunlight, without your armor. Imagine how raw you feel, and how fearful. Imagine the feeling of exposure.
Can you picture it? This is what it’s like to give up an addiction.
Sarah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Pennsylvaina
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
how long has been off drugs now? not very long if i recall.....
i know it's tough, but i wouldn't read too much into his mood of the moment or even hazard a guess at what it must be like inside his head right now. the first few weeks to months of not using are a really rough time.....the one thing that seemed to make it all ok (even when it wasn't) has now been taken away. and there IS no substitute. and now all the aches and pains, both physical, mental and emotional, have no buffer, no salve, and are all way too real. to say nothing of what the voices in his head are going on about!!!
give him space, hell give yourself space! let him roll thru his moods, try not to fix anything. just get on with things, your routines, your activities and hobbies, be kind when you can, keep things light. i'm not saying put on kid gloves when dealing with him.....just sort of let him sort things out in his own way.
i know it's tough, but i wouldn't read too much into his mood of the moment or even hazard a guess at what it must be like inside his head right now. the first few weeks to months of not using are a really rough time.....the one thing that seemed to make it all ok (even when it wasn't) has now been taken away. and there IS no substitute. and now all the aches and pains, both physical, mental and emotional, have no buffer, no salve, and are all way too real. to say nothing of what the voices in his head are going on about!!!
give him space, hell give yourself space! let him roll thru his moods, try not to fix anything. just get on with things, your routines, your activities and hobbies, be kind when you can, keep things light. i'm not saying put on kid gloves when dealing with him.....just sort of let him sort things out in his own way.
Sarah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Pennsylvaina
Posts: 44
Originally Posted by zoso77
When I was going through my issues when my XAGF first went clean, my clinician (who is also an addiction expert) sent me the following:
Focus on you, and allow him to focus on himself.
Focus on you, and allow him to focus on himself.
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