What do you guys think?
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What do you guys think?
AH told me about 5 weeks ago that he was finally "clean". He was/is addicted to mainly Diazepam (Valium) and Benilyn Cough Mixture and Night Nurse (plus more). He has been very depressed since then and has been doing his usual "push-pull" thing (one minute he wants to see me and our children, the next minute he is angry and saying he will be filing for divorce).
Anyway, yesterday he demanded to see the children and I said that was fine providing he did a drug test for me (I have one at home). He immediately told me he has a cold so is using Benilyn to help him sleep so he said it would show up on the test, but it's because he has a "cold" so I can't say he is abusing it!!!
He became very angry when I told him that I do not believe he is clean. Then he started saying I need to stop accusing him of using drugs and I am apparently "mad"! Needless to say, he never turned up to see the children and is now ignoring me completely.
What do you guys think? Would you think he is still using??? He's living at his mum's (who denies there is any sort of problem!!!!).
What I would do to have my husband back
Saffy x
Anyway, yesterday he demanded to see the children and I said that was fine providing he did a drug test for me (I have one at home). He immediately told me he has a cold so is using Benilyn to help him sleep so he said it would show up on the test, but it's because he has a "cold" so I can't say he is abusing it!!!
He became very angry when I told him that I do not believe he is clean. Then he started saying I need to stop accusing him of using drugs and I am apparently "mad"! Needless to say, he never turned up to see the children and is now ignoring me completely.
What do you guys think? Would you think he is still using??? He's living at his mum's (who denies there is any sort of problem!!!!).
What I would do to have my husband back
Saffy x
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What I would do to have my husband back
His behavior, from what you describe, is quite erratic. I would do what is necessary to protect yourself. If he's using again, he cannot be trusted.
Do you have friends and family in the area?
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FeelingGreat, thank you for your response. Yep I am sad to say that I definitely agree. I think I knew it in my heart but didn't want to believe it.
zoso, thank you for your wise words. I have been trying so hard to realise that there is nothing I can do, but I keep feeling like I am failing our 2 tiny daughters if I cannot bring their daddy back
Yes his behaviour really is erratic - the mood swings come from nowhere and he can be so aggressive!! The other thing that scares me is the memory loss - I tell him something and 5 mins later he has forgotten!! Definitely cannot be trusted which I find hard to comprehend as this man was my rock and I would have trusted him with my world.
Some of my family are no longer talking to me. They feel that I should be getting on with things now and do not understand the pain I feel and the journey I am going through. But I have one family member who is always there for me and a couple of very good friends too. I am holding onto these people so tightly at the moment!
zoso, thank you for your wise words. I have been trying so hard to realise that there is nothing I can do, but I keep feeling like I am failing our 2 tiny daughters if I cannot bring their daddy back
Yes his behaviour really is erratic - the mood swings come from nowhere and he can be so aggressive!! The other thing that scares me is the memory loss - I tell him something and 5 mins later he has forgotten!! Definitely cannot be trusted which I find hard to comprehend as this man was my rock and I would have trusted him with my world.
Some of my family are no longer talking to me. They feel that I should be getting on with things now and do not understand the pain I feel and the journey I am going through. But I have one family member who is always there for me and a couple of very good friends too. I am holding onto these people so tightly at the moment!
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Funny you should say that atalose , as I was thinking today, my gut instincts are never wrong!! If I think he is using, he most likely is!!!!!
Thank you - my girls are my world and I will definitely be putting them first. I get a lot of stick from doing that as his family think he is fine and think I am being controlling by suggesting he has a substance abuse problem!!!!!!!
Thank you - my girls are my world and I will definitely be putting them first. I get a lot of stick from doing that as his family think he is fine and think I am being controlling by suggesting he has a substance abuse problem!!!!!!!
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Funny you should say that atalose , as I was thinking today, my gut instincts are never wrong!! If I think he is using, he most likely is!!!!!
Thank you - my girls are my world and I will definitely be putting them first. I get a lot of stick from doing that as his family think he is fine and think I am being controlling by suggesting he has a substance abuse problem!!!!!!!
Thank you - my girls are my world and I will definitely be putting them first. I get a lot of stick from doing that as his family think he is fine and think I am being controlling by suggesting he has a substance abuse problem!!!!!!!
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zoso, thank you for your wise words. I have been trying so hard to realise that there is nothing I can do, but I keep feeling like I am failing our 2 tiny daughters if I cannot bring their daddy back
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Saffy86, Your H sounds a lot like my XAH, who has relapsed. Radio silence for more than a month; which, along with the mood swings and the demands about seeing the children, are indicative of his using. He only seems to get belligerent about seeing the kids when he's using. Otherwise, they don't hear from him at all, not even a phone call.
If you haven't already, read some of the stickies at the top of the forum, especially the ones about codependency and detaching. You have to take care of yourself and the children first and foremost. You can't recover for him.
If you haven't already, read some of the stickies at the top of the forum, especially the ones about codependency and detaching. You have to take care of yourself and the children first and foremost. You can't recover for him.
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Thank you Kelslol and neferkamichael.
I have tried calling him and texting him and he is not answering - another thing that he does when using. I'm so sad for me but even more sad for my babies (they are only 1 and 3yrs).
I guess all I can do is look after me and my girls now. I really don't think he is ever going to get help.
I have tried calling him and texting him and he is not answering - another thing that he does when using. I'm so sad for me but even more sad for my babies
(they are only 1 and 3yrs). I guess all I can do is look after me and my girls now. I really don't think he is ever going to get help.
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Sounds as if he's still using, but if he isn't it's his burden to prove to you that he's clean. As has been previously mentioned, you can't get him clean and your number one priority is ensuring that you and your children are safe.
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