One Little Thing...Maybe Two
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
One Little Thing...Maybe Two
This morning I was making out my "To Do" list because I had several errands to run today and things to remember, and at my age writing it down just makes sense...as long as I can find my list. 
The list was longer than normal, mostly mundane chores like groceries, gassing up (my car, not me) and going to the bank, and to check out a juicer I had heard about and am thinking of buying, paying some bills and returning the call from my nephew who is living in Europe.
What I noticed about this list is that it was missing something important...my "to do's" for recovery, something to remind me to stay grateful and stay balanced no matter how the rest of my day goes.
I didn't notice this until I was in line at the grocery store and getting annoyed because some impatient customer was loading her groceries and shoving mine forward with the little stick that divides. I wanted to shout out "Hey, back off lady and don't mess with my food, you'll squish the tomatoes and grapes!" What I DID was to make a little more room for her by moving some of my own stuff and then just letting it go...well, maybe not let go entirely because I am repeating it here...but there is purpose in my retelling.
I chose a gas pump that didn't work at the service station and was annoyed that I had to move forward one tank to pump gas...and I was annoyed that they no longer have service stations where they pump your gas for you and maybe even clean your window...anyone remember those?
My point is that I was becoming a cranky old lady with more errands ahead of me. God help the bank if there was a lineup.
What I had neglected to do, and at this stage of my recovery I know better, was to include my "stabilizers" on my "to do" list. It was cool and overcast this morning, so I didn't take my morning walk in nature along the shore. My cleaning service was coming, so I pre-cleaned instead of taking time to read, meditate and pray...well, I did but it was a scan, a gasp of air and a blurt out to God, not the kind of stuff that grounds me in peace and serenity and surely nothing that would catch God's attention in a good way and connect me spiritually to all that is good.
One little thing might have made the difference...a pause to get grounded before I began my day or adding something to my "to do" list like "drive over by the lighthouse and watch the geese teaching their young to fly in a V and take off and land". Or I might have taken a few minutes at the grocery store to help an old lady...older than me...to unload her bags from her cart to her trunk (something she was struggling with). I could have stopped at the library and picked up some new reading material and plan to curl up with a good book when my "to do" list was complete today.
But I didn't. By complacently by-passing my recovery I ended up a cranky old lady, the kind that causes people to roll their eye and back away. I had become my mother's old friend, now long passed, Ruby. People would duck and hide when they saw Ruby coming. Yes, I was becoming Ruby and it wasn't pretty.
My point in telling all this is partly true confessions of a codie gone wrong and partly to make myself accountable, for my lack of recovery this morning and to do something this afternoon to bring the planets of my insanity all back into the orbit of peace. I will clean a closet and some drawers and take a donation to the women's shelter nearby and feel good that I have at least done one nice thing today for someone else. And on the way home I will take time to go watch those geese and thank God for all the good stuff in my life...if my biggest problem today is that I started out cranky, thank you God.
So maybe that's two things, not one, but it's all good.
How about you, did you include yourself on your "to do" list today? If you did, how did it help? If you didn't, what went wrong that might have gone better if you had taken time to get grounded before you began your day?
Funny how no matter how much recovery we have, we can still forget to take very good care of ourselves. I try not to do that often.
Hugs
The list was longer than normal, mostly mundane chores like groceries, gassing up (my car, not me) and going to the bank, and to check out a juicer I had heard about and am thinking of buying, paying some bills and returning the call from my nephew who is living in Europe.
What I noticed about this list is that it was missing something important...my "to do's" for recovery, something to remind me to stay grateful and stay balanced no matter how the rest of my day goes.
I didn't notice this until I was in line at the grocery store and getting annoyed because some impatient customer was loading her groceries and shoving mine forward with the little stick that divides. I wanted to shout out "Hey, back off lady and don't mess with my food, you'll squish the tomatoes and grapes!" What I DID was to make a little more room for her by moving some of my own stuff and then just letting it go...well, maybe not let go entirely because I am repeating it here...but there is purpose in my retelling.
I chose a gas pump that didn't work at the service station and was annoyed that I had to move forward one tank to pump gas...and I was annoyed that they no longer have service stations where they pump your gas for you and maybe even clean your window...anyone remember those?
My point is that I was becoming a cranky old lady with more errands ahead of me. God help the bank if there was a lineup.
What I had neglected to do, and at this stage of my recovery I know better, was to include my "stabilizers" on my "to do" list. It was cool and overcast this morning, so I didn't take my morning walk in nature along the shore. My cleaning service was coming, so I pre-cleaned instead of taking time to read, meditate and pray...well, I did but it was a scan, a gasp of air and a blurt out to God, not the kind of stuff that grounds me in peace and serenity and surely nothing that would catch God's attention in a good way and connect me spiritually to all that is good.
One little thing might have made the difference...a pause to get grounded before I began my day or adding something to my "to do" list like "drive over by the lighthouse and watch the geese teaching their young to fly in a V and take off and land". Or I might have taken a few minutes at the grocery store to help an old lady...older than me...to unload her bags from her cart to her trunk (something she was struggling with). I could have stopped at the library and picked up some new reading material and plan to curl up with a good book when my "to do" list was complete today.
But I didn't. By complacently by-passing my recovery I ended up a cranky old lady, the kind that causes people to roll their eye and back away. I had become my mother's old friend, now long passed, Ruby. People would duck and hide when they saw Ruby coming. Yes, I was becoming Ruby and it wasn't pretty.
My point in telling all this is partly true confessions of a codie gone wrong and partly to make myself accountable, for my lack of recovery this morning and to do something this afternoon to bring the planets of my insanity all back into the orbit of peace. I will clean a closet and some drawers and take a donation to the women's shelter nearby and feel good that I have at least done one nice thing today for someone else. And on the way home I will take time to go watch those geese and thank God for all the good stuff in my life...if my biggest problem today is that I started out cranky, thank you God.
So maybe that's two things, not one, but it's all good.
How about you, did you include yourself on your "to do" list today? If you did, how did it help? If you didn't, what went wrong that might have gone better if you had taken time to get grounded before you began your day?
Funny how no matter how much recovery we have, we can still forget to take very good care of ourselves. I try not to do that often.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
I can relate to this quite a bit. I don’t put my recovery on my to do list everyday other than to pray. I do that every morning.
What I also tend to forget is that I am human. Even the most serene person can get cranky and as long as I don’t let it leave my head and flow out of my mouth then I did okay. I think we need to forgive ourselves a little more often and also reward ourselves a little more often.
Taking inventory at the end of the day is something I have been really lacking on. I have to start to do this on a regular basis. Sometimes it can be days and then it hits me that I did something that was not the best or maybe I owe someone an apology because the cranky did get past my head and out my face.
Daily to do and inventory lists are something that I need to work on. Sometimes it just seems I have so many other things going on that I don’t have time and I have to make time. I always had time to drink and let the dishes sit, I can make time to work on myself and let the dishes sit.
What I also tend to forget is that I am human. Even the most serene person can get cranky and as long as I don’t let it leave my head and flow out of my mouth then I did okay. I think we need to forgive ourselves a little more often and also reward ourselves a little more often.
Taking inventory at the end of the day is something I have been really lacking on. I have to start to do this on a regular basis. Sometimes it can be days and then it hits me that I did something that was not the best or maybe I owe someone an apology because the cranky did get past my head and out my face.
Daily to do and inventory lists are something that I need to work on. Sometimes it just seems I have so many other things going on that I don’t have time and I have to make time. I always had time to drink and let the dishes sit, I can make time to work on myself and let the dishes sit.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Amen, Gracie, and I always had time to drop everything and chase after my son. It didn't matter that I was trying to run my business and take care of my aging mother at the same time. It didn't matter how busy I was, I always found time to care care of anyone besides myself.
Like you, I try to do a daily inventory, truthfully mine would be more weekly, but I make certain it is thorough and sincere and again helps me keep my balance as I go.
Like you, I try to do a daily inventory, truthfully mine would be more weekly, but I make certain it is thorough and sincere and again helps me keep my balance as I go.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
I woke up in so much body pain this morning (back, shoulders, chest) that the first thing I did was take a hot soak in my tub. Then I went to a yoga class. Leaving the Y, I could walk without pain. Progress! Then...
I answered a blocked call, likely from my daughter in rehab. Yes it was. Sweet voice, hi momma, the whole bit. She was calling on speaker with her counselor because she wants to pull the release form that allows him to speak with me. Inwardly, I was in shock for a moment, then incredulous, then hurt, then angry, then calm again. We did not resolve it yet--he really didn't want her to cut me out and rightly called her on being manipulative--but he ended the call with a promise to be in touch soon about her decision.
Here's where I see self-care as ESSENTIAL to our recovery: If I had not soaked for a long time, had not gone to yoga, I would be a wreck, curled up in my bed right now, fuming with anger and sadness. I let some tension out, and low and behold, I am not even in my car and I get her call...
Thank you yoga, thank you hot tub, thank you delicious pesto pasta leftovers I just ate while surfing SR. I will be okay today, regardless of what she decides.
I answered a blocked call, likely from my daughter in rehab. Yes it was. Sweet voice, hi momma, the whole bit. She was calling on speaker with her counselor because she wants to pull the release form that allows him to speak with me. Inwardly, I was in shock for a moment, then incredulous, then hurt, then angry, then calm again. We did not resolve it yet--he really didn't want her to cut me out and rightly called her on being manipulative--but he ended the call with a promise to be in touch soon about her decision.
Here's where I see self-care as ESSENTIAL to our recovery: If I had not soaked for a long time, had not gone to yoga, I would be a wreck, curled up in my bed right now, fuming with anger and sadness. I let some tension out, and low and behold, I am not even in my car and I get her call...
Thank you yoga, thank you hot tub, thank you delicious pesto pasta leftovers I just ate while surfing SR. I will be okay today, regardless of what she decides.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
You shine, GardenMama!!! This is exactly what I mean when I express how important it is to begin our day doing the "do" things to take care of us.
The hot soak and yoga was exactly what you needed and having done them both, you were prepared to handle what would jolt the socks off most mamas here including me.
As surely as we brush our teeth in the morning when we get up, our recovery process should come naturally...not complacently without oomph but in a way that heals our body, mind and spirit.
We don't have to do the same thing every day. But just taking time to nurture our bodies and our spirits is time well spent. We ARE worth whatever time it takes.
My cleaning is done, it's time for me to drive and donate and then watch the geese. It's a cool, windy day here so I plan to get out of my car and suck in some fresh air from the bay and let it shake out the cobwebs and help me get back on course.
Hugs
The hot soak and yoga was exactly what you needed and having done them both, you were prepared to handle what would jolt the socks off most mamas here including me.
As surely as we brush our teeth in the morning when we get up, our recovery process should come naturally...not complacently without oomph but in a way that heals our body, mind and spirit.
We don't have to do the same thing every day. But just taking time to nurture our bodies and our spirits is time well spent. We ARE worth whatever time it takes.
My cleaning is done, it's time for me to drive and donate and then watch the geese. It's a cool, windy day here so I plan to get out of my car and suck in some fresh air from the bay and let it shake out the cobwebs and help me get back on course.
Hugs
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
I've found that I have been getting a lot of road rage lately, which is easy to do in LA, but just getting irritated with people, kind of like you mentioned.
I started doing hot yoga again and helps my brain relax.
Yesterday I was carrying a case of water to my car and I saw this homeless man in a jacket in this crazy heat so I open it up, as he's glaring at me and walked over and handed it to him.
He barks, I don't need your water, I need money! I give him a dollar, I don't need your dollar I need 5 dollars!!
I almost got irritated and then thought, well if he doesn't understand that he really needs water when it's 100 degrees out or a dollar, it would be silly to get irritated with any of that.
I thought about how the little things have been setting me off also, and been working on that, I do think we have to consciously remind ourselves of it, even if it's just tomatoes.......
Love you Ann!! <3
I started doing hot yoga again and helps my brain relax.
Yesterday I was carrying a case of water to my car and I saw this homeless man in a jacket in this crazy heat so I open it up, as he's glaring at me and walked over and handed it to him.
He barks, I don't need your water, I need money! I give him a dollar, I don't need your dollar I need 5 dollars!!
I almost got irritated and then thought, well if he doesn't understand that he really needs water when it's 100 degrees out or a dollar, it would be silly to get irritated with any of that.
I thought about how the little things have been setting me off also, and been working on that, I do think we have to consciously remind ourselves of it, even if it's just tomatoes.......Love you Ann!! <3
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Miss Done, it was a kind thing to do, offering water to that man. The fact that he rejected it doesn't make the offer less kind. He just has a lot to learn about life and kindness. 
This morning I have taken time to do the "do" things and already I feel prepared for whatever today brings me.
It's funny, after yesterday and posting this I have become more self aware, noticing what sets me off and what calms me down. Today I will spend extra time focusing on serenity. My husband has a medical appointment in a town an hour and a half away but it is a lovely drive and I shall take my camera and embrace the beauty of the drive.
I often say that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about two days. For me, one day was enough, today will be a focus on peace and serenity.
Hugs
This morning I have taken time to do the "do" things and already I feel prepared for whatever today brings me.
It's funny, after yesterday and posting this I have become more self aware, noticing what sets me off and what calms me down. Today I will spend extra time focusing on serenity. My husband has a medical appointment in a town an hour and a half away but it is a lovely drive and I shall take my camera and embrace the beauty of the drive.
I often say that the difference between a bad day and a good day is about two days. For me, one day was enough, today will be a focus on peace and serenity.
Hugs
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
In my experience, I've found that increased self awareness is a big plus when my temper starts to boil.
As an example, when I had to go to court this past May to stop the RO process I had initiated against my AXGF, I had to wait for 2 1/2 hours before my case was heard. To compound things, I had an appointment with my guitar tech an hour away.
If there's one thing that pisses me off more than morons on the road, it's having my time wasted. And as I sat in court, I was ramping up exponentially. I was furious that 2 years after the fact, I was forced to deal with my AXGF's nonsense. I was furious I was going to be late for my appointment with my tech. And then my self awareness kicked in: my AXGF would be thrilled to know that she had succeeded in getting under my skin.
Fortunately, my tech was able to set up two of my guitars for me even though I was an hour late. Anger and rage turned into gratitude. And then whatever anger that was left I let go of. That sort of anger is a waste of energy, and I wasn't about to allow my AXGF to hijack my thoughts for an entire day.
As an example, when I had to go to court this past May to stop the RO process I had initiated against my AXGF, I had to wait for 2 1/2 hours before my case was heard. To compound things, I had an appointment with my guitar tech an hour away.
If there's one thing that pisses me off more than morons on the road, it's having my time wasted. And as I sat in court, I was ramping up exponentially. I was furious that 2 years after the fact, I was forced to deal with my AXGF's nonsense. I was furious I was going to be late for my appointment with my tech. And then my self awareness kicked in: my AXGF would be thrilled to know that she had succeeded in getting under my skin.
Fortunately, my tech was able to set up two of my guitars for me even though I was an hour late. Anger and rage turned into gratitude. And then whatever anger that was left I let go of. That sort of anger is a waste of energy, and I wasn't about to allow my AXGF to hijack my thoughts for an entire day.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Ann 
My point is that I was becoming a cranky old lady with more errands ahead of me. God help the bank if there was a lineup.
What a great talent you have for expressing yourself Anne. I'll think about your post tomorrow when I get out and about.
Sometimes when I'm feeling a bit grumpy at the shops I challenge myself to make the CS officer laugh. It works most of the time although I have had the odd blank stare from the 16yos.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat
At first I read 'lineup' as 'holdup' and had a vision of a grumpy woman beating the robber over the head with her handbag.
Zoso, one of the gifts of recovery was the ability to catch myself when my mood became edgy or angry or impatient or "off" in any way and to take pause to figure out why and then take time to decide what I need to do to adjust my attitude and get back in balance. Gratitude is often the key, for me. Just reminding myself how much good there is in my life today and how little chaos or drama.
What a difference a day makes. The drive to the town an hour and a half away took us past deer with fawns and wild turkeys and some pretty waterfalls carrying water from the hills to the lake a few miles away.
GardenMama, I am so glad your day is going better too. Do something wonderful for yourself today to celebrate, you deserve the self-pamper.
Hugs
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