help... husband has walked out of rehab
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help... husband has walked out of rehab
I feel sick. Just had a call from his therapist and he has walked out no warning that was 2 hours ago and no phone call or anything from him. What do I do? I love him but I can't go through this anymore. Please any help
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
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Karrets, I know the kick in the stomach feeling you feel but really, you don't need to "do" anything. Maybe let him find his own way without a soft place to fall.
It's entirely up to you how you want to handle this, but you do have choices and you can choose to not be part of his relapse or addiction.
Hugs
It's entirely up to you how you want to handle this, but you do have choices and you can choose to not be part of his relapse or addiction.
Hugs
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Thanks is now 5hrs since he left and no word. I think he is staying away because he knows it's the end. I don't want to have to make these decisions. My parents think he is just trying to get off the suboxone. They don't know about his probation for shop lifting or the police coming to my house. I'm scared he will get in touch cause I don't know what to say or do. I'm scared of he doesn't get in touch as he may never see me again or die. This is killing me I told my daughter he is working away. What if she sees him. I don't think I can handle this anymore. Don't know what to do. Who to talk to. I'm in the uk and meetings are far and few between.
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Originally Posted by Karrets 
I feel sick. Just had a call from his therapist and he has walked out no warning that was 2 hours ago and no phone call or anything from him. What do I do? I love him but I can't go through this anymore. Please any help
I believe you when you say you can't go through this anymore, but what does that mean in practice? I'm pretty sure that when you married him, this isn't what you signed up for.
So, yes, you have choices. But the real question is are you ready to make those choices, and are you ready to accept the consequences of those choices?
Maybe this is the moment in time where you put you first.
Think long and hard about what you need going forward, not what you want.
ZoSo
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Karrets....my XAH is a social worker (ya, can you believe that)?!
Anyways, your being a therapist does not mean you don't need help in your own life. I am a poster child for therapy and believe that every single person should have a counselor/therapist.
Big hugs to you!
Anyways, your being a therapist does not mean you don't need help in your own life. I am a poster child for therapy and believe that every single person should have a counselor/therapist.
Big hugs to you!
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Location: W Washington
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believe it or not I am a therapist. I'm just so so sad and worried
and what would you advise one of your clients?
you stated you can't go thru this anymore. then what do YOU need to do to prevent that?
he left rehab in what we can assume was a sober frame of mind (sober-er, sober-ish). so he had he faculties about him at the time. he knew what he was doing and i'm sure he knew exactly where he was going. and i don't imagine you will hear from him, if at all, until he's run out of options.
now there is an outside chance he'll show back up at rehab. whether they would let him back in, and depending on his "condition" at the time are unknowns.
he's going to do exactly what he's going to do. all the frettin' in the world won't change a thing. but i do understand the fretting.
and what would you advise one of your clients?
you stated you can't go thru this anymore. then what do YOU need to do to prevent that?
he left rehab in what we can assume was a sober frame of mind (sober-er, sober-ish). so he had he faculties about him at the time. he knew what he was doing and i'm sure he knew exactly where he was going. and i don't imagine you will hear from him, if at all, until he's run out of options.
now there is an outside chance he'll show back up at rehab. whether they would let him back in, and depending on his "condition" at the time are unknowns.
he's going to do exactly what he's going to do. all the frettin' in the world won't change a thing. but i do understand the fretting.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Let him face his own consequences, and look after yourself.
You can only take so much. If you feel you are at the end of being able
to deal with this madness, give yourself permission to stop dealing with it.
That's what my therapist would tell me--
You can only take so much. If you feel you are at the end of being able
to deal with this madness, give yourself permission to stop dealing with it.
That's what my therapist would tell me--
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Karrets I am so sorry your husband has decided to do this. I hope you think long and hard about all you have been through and what will continue unless you make the choice to end the insanity. He walked out and no one has heard a word. Already the panic and worry is starting. How many more times do you want to deal with this? These are his decisions and you cannot control what he does or doesn't do. If he wanted to get clean he would have stuck it out and stayed, not put you and his family through hell. Do you want to continue with this awful cycle? In the end, especially as a therapist, you know you need to do what is best for you and your daughter, no matter how difficult it may be....and just because you are a therapist yourself doesn't mean you never will need one. We are all human and all face conflict at one time or another. Do yourself a favor and find someone to talk to who can help you. You must know a good one, right?
Wishing for a positive outcome for you.
Wishing for a positive outcome for you.
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we all deserve peace and joy and a home that is our haven. we do not need to live the insanity of others - especially when they are GRACED with help and solutions and they simply walk away. not when there are addicts on waiting lists DYING to get in to treatment.
like the heart transplant recipient who at the last moment, when the still live heart from a recently deceased person says...ya know what, no thanks. and the other recipients on the list who did not have a choice see their chance at life get tossed into the biologic waste bucket.
as an addict myself who battled thru alcoholism and much later after relapse, crack addiction, I would have gleefully waltzed into rehab if had the choice at the time. it simply wasn't feasible at the time. I found other ways...AA, NA, recovery sites. I swear i'd love to sign myself up for a 3 or 6 month program and have someone else manage my life while I rehabbed....and then be given a year's pass while I got my sh!t together, cuz oh poor me I just quit doing stupid stuff I should never have done in the first place.
sorry, IMHO, sometimes addicts are just d!cks............
like the heart transplant recipient who at the last moment, when the still live heart from a recently deceased person says...ya know what, no thanks. and the other recipients on the list who did not have a choice see their chance at life get tossed into the biologic waste bucket.
as an addict myself who battled thru alcoholism and much later after relapse, crack addiction, I would have gleefully waltzed into rehab if had the choice at the time. it simply wasn't feasible at the time. I found other ways...AA, NA, recovery sites. I swear i'd love to sign myself up for a 3 or 6 month program and have someone else manage my life while I rehabbed....and then be given a year's pass while I got my sh!t together, cuz oh poor me I just quit doing stupid stuff I should never have done in the first place.
sorry, IMHO, sometimes addicts are just d!cks............
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Originally Posted by Karrets
Thanks is now 5hrs since he left and no word. I think he is staying away because he knows it's the end. I don't want to have to make these decisions. My parents think he is just trying to get off the suboxone. They don't know about his probation for shop lifting or the police coming to my house. I'm scared he will get in touch cause I don't know what to say or do. I'm scared of he doesn't get in touch as he may never see me again or die. This is killing me I told my daughter he is working away. What if she sees him. I don't think I can handle this anymore. Don't know what to do. Who to talk to. I'm in the uk and meetings are far and few between.
Perhaps you could call the rehab and talk to one of the therapist there. Or use your networking and talk to a friend.... I think you just need to express your fears, talk through how you will respond when you do hear from him.
Rehab is scary. My husband threatened to leave several times in the beginning. Some people do leave... its been explained to me as standing at the edge of cliff and being told to jump but you cant imagine how you will survive. Thoughts from a drug afflicted mind... a bad decision.. and hes out the door.. It can happen really fast...
I cant advise on your personal decision as to what comes next. But my prayers are with your family tonight and I hope the answers come to you and bring peace.
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Thanks for the comments but he still hasn't been in touch. I know he will do his own thing. I've not slept even after taking a couple of tablets. I am talking to friends and colleagues and I know that my worrying is fruitless. I got up this morning and the biggest wave of panic washed over me. I'm scared cause ending this madness means ending my marriage. believe it or not I love him. I never thought it would end like this.
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I am so sorry Karrets. Of course you are worried sick! He is your husband. I don't think anyone here thinks any of this, no mater what you decide is easy. Thinking of you today and praying he contacts you or the rehab so you know he is safe. HUGS
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Just an update. The rehab clinic called and said my husband is staying with a relapsed alcoholic from the rehab clinic. The guy graduated 2 weeks ago the time my husband started. They know this because my husband phoned this guy's mum so she didn't worry. He never phoned me how cruel is that. For all he knows I have no idea where he is. The police are still wanting to find him to assess his mental health. Why couldn't he call me
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well, now you know two things....one, he's alive and functional enough to make phone calls. two, he isn't calling YOU. we could speculate from now til Christmas on WHY....but it makes no difference really. he just isn't.
pretty lousy behavior if you ask me. complete lack of respect, decency, etc. he isn't CHOOSING sobriety/recovery/wellness right now. in fact, he walked away from help.
which is his choice.
guess the ball is in your court now. is this how you wanna live? how you are willing to be treated? it's sad when we get more courteous treatment from the person bagging our groceries!
pretty lousy behavior if you ask me. complete lack of respect, decency, etc. he isn't CHOOSING sobriety/recovery/wellness right now. in fact, he walked away from help.
which is his choice.
guess the ball is in your court now. is this how you wanna live? how you are willing to be treated? it's sad when we get more courteous treatment from the person bagging our groceries!
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