openmind121

After all I put up with and been through my Husband has a divorce proposal drawn up on me !!! Pure crap I told him to shove it where the sun dont shine I agree to nothing in it and I will file the proper way with the courts not as a no fault divorce but call it what it is Voluntary Drug abuse!! I fight for him to get sober and he hands me that !! This is gotta be a bad dream bc it just keeps getting worse!! All this time im googling ways to talk signs of his addiction things to help him to save him and he is still protecting his habit to the point of divorce .. I see that this is not a battle worth fighting for anymore I guess one day he will wake up and say wait" Where did my family go ?! By that time I will be long gone .

deeker

Sorry that you are going through this, but if that is what he is doing, protecting his addiction.
You may one day say it was the best thing that could have happened.

biminiblue

I'm with Deeker, even though you are angry now, you will see this differently someday.

By all means get your own counsel and ask for what is fair and legally yours.

Ann

Yes, please get your own lawyer and protect your rights and your property.

I am so sorry this hurts so much, but maybe it's like ripping the bandage off quickly...fast and painful may be better than prolonged and more painful.

Or...maybe he is doing this to manipulate you into begging him not to or to take what isn't his to take?

It's hard to figure out insanity, so maybe just take it for what it is and protect yourself.

Again, I am sorry this hurts.

Hugs

AnvilheadII

you are angry right now....this is not the time to make life changing decisions. you are in reaction mode. give yourself some time to calm down...and yes seek your own counsel. but don't make this more of a fight than you really want to have........the beauty of the no-fault is that it is often quicker and less painful.

zoso77

Saw this on my phone and wanted to respond.

The tone of your post is one of both surprise and indignation. You are holding your AH to a standard of behavior that, frankly, he'll likely never meet. And that's because he can't. He's not capable of it because he's an addict. So don't be surprised by anything he does (or doesn't) do. His internal spiritual and emotional abyss is far deeper than you appreciate.

As far as indignation goes, it's perfectly fine to be angry...so long as it does not impact your reason. And reason dictates that if he wants a divorce, give him one. Don't play games. Don't indulge him. Ice his a$$ on terms that are agreeable to you and allow him to feel the consequences of his behavior and his decisions.

Ann has often written here about strangely wrapped gifts. This, I believe, is one of them...if you choose to look at it that way. You have an opportunity to heal, and an opportunity to grow. And when those opportunities present themselves, we should recognize it and take advantage.

LoveMeNow

You will never be able to figure out insanity, so don't fight with it either. I know it's hurtful and painful but the sooner I accepted that my husbands addiction was the driving force, it became easier to finally let go.

My husband fought for our marriage or so I thought. In hindsight, I was merely a tool to protect his addiction. He needed me and our marriage to validate the lies he was perpetuating. "I am not that bad."

He allowed his addiction to steal his soul, and I don't want a man without a soul. It just became that simple over time.

You deserve a healthy, happy life and partner. Keep your focus on that!!

P.S. I gave and did so much too....because I wanted to. I had the choice! No one made me. I had to own that and let my resentments go because they truly were only hurting me.

openmind121

Thanks for the support it was all taken in !! I read every reply you are all right ..

openmind121

Today he regrets it !! He's not home or back here but those flight of ideas have really got him in a jam once again!! The Dr.Jekal and Mr Hyde its crazy how its exactly like the blue book describes word for word ..

openmind121

The divorce will be better for me but in the end it wont change anything for him the addiction will still be there .. Thanks every one for the support again .

hopeful4

You are right on both counts, it will be better for you and he will still be an addict. The difference is, you will not live with the addict which will lead you to much more peace.

I am sorry. Allow yourself to feel and go through the waves of emoation you are feeling. Eventually it will come full circle to a better place.

God Bless!