drug addict boyfriend just broke up with me
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
What I've had to do over the past 3 weeks is be honest with myself as to what I've really lost in terms of my ex. And what really occured to me is, apart from some time, I've lost nothing.
I have no desire to listen to her bunk anymore. Her lies. Her abuse. And I'm convinced that in her case, she's never going to change. Sure, she'll talk about how she's trying to change, trying to become a better person, but that's bunk, too. Thankfully, she did what she did to me because I no longer love her. And without those feelings clouding my reason, there's no way I'd want to repeat that experience with her or with anyone else ever again. Thus, she's blocked from calling me, Skyping me, emailing, etc, and I'm not looking back.
I don't mean to imply that it's easy, because it's not. When you've invested time in another person and things blow up, naturally we're hurt. But there are worse things than not being with that person. And that's being with that person when they're either using, or when they're abusing us. For me, that's no longer acceptable.
I have no desire to listen to her bunk anymore. Her lies. Her abuse. And I'm convinced that in her case, she's never going to change. Sure, she'll talk about how she's trying to change, trying to become a better person, but that's bunk, too. Thankfully, she did what she did to me because I no longer love her. And without those feelings clouding my reason, there's no way I'd want to repeat that experience with her or with anyone else ever again. Thus, she's blocked from calling me, Skyping me, emailing, etc, and I'm not looking back.
I don't mean to imply that it's easy, because it's not. When you've invested time in another person and things blow up, naturally we're hurt. But there are worse things than not being with that person. And that's being with that person when they're either using, or when they're abusing us. For me, that's no longer acceptable.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 311
Time to block his phone number and email. Gotta figure out how to do that. All of your words have been like magic fairy dust giving me power to see and act the truth. Now he is trying to get a hold of me. I see the game now. I see how the pattern went. I see who I have been and what role I have played. He is desperately trying to get my attention. For what? What will he try this time? Seduction? Manipulation? Passive Aggressiveness? Blaming? Belittling? Begging? Too bad he cannot put all of those efforts toward saving himself. Which is why I have to stick to no contact, right? No little email saying I am in recovery now and I need space and good luck and my prayers are with you. Even that is too much right? All he says is please call me thank you as if someone is holding a gun to his head to call me. His voice is robotic and monotonous. What is he doing?
So I write to you all and to cyberspace and to the universe and to God. Please grant me the will to fight the urge to hear his siren song again. I know it is ego and pride. The guilt floods in because what if he needs me? I already know the answer. Whatever he has to say to me it will hurt. I pray he gets help. But tonight I pray for myself and all of those fighting and recovering their sanity and sobriety. In gratitude and forgiveness...
So I write to you all and to cyberspace and to the universe and to God. Please grant me the will to fight the urge to hear his siren song again. I know it is ego and pride. The guilt floods in because what if he needs me? I already know the answer. Whatever he has to say to me it will hurt. I pray he gets help. But tonight I pray for myself and all of those fighting and recovering their sanity and sobriety. In gratitude and forgiveness...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,288
Obsessing about a person that is not good for us is an insane thing. When I think back of the things I did, I would clearly admit someone like myself to an insane asylum. It's so crazy and makes no sense.
In my case it was my ex husband. He did not drink or do drugs, he was naturally an insensitive, selfish pig. And out of all the relationships that I could recognize were not going to work out and left, I still to this day don't know why I didn't walk away from that one.
But one morning (after 3 kids and 11 yrs later) I woke up and for some stupid reason or another he started with one of his speeches about what "I'm doing wrong" and I felt absolutely nothing. It wasn't hurting me to hear him talk like that. I just looked at him and wondered why his lips were moving because it's pretty obvious his brain is dead.
I was detached. I recognized it and started making my plans to exit. From that day on, every time I saw him, I felt more and more revolt and disgust for this pathetic piece of sh......it of a human being.
In my case it was my ex husband. He did not drink or do drugs, he was naturally an insensitive, selfish pig. And out of all the relationships that I could recognize were not going to work out and left, I still to this day don't know why I didn't walk away from that one.
But one morning (after 3 kids and 11 yrs later) I woke up and for some stupid reason or another he started with one of his speeches about what "I'm doing wrong" and I felt absolutely nothing. It wasn't hurting me to hear him talk like that. I just looked at him and wondered why his lips were moving because it's pretty obvious his brain is dead.
I was detached. I recognized it and started making my plans to exit. From that day on, every time I saw him, I felt more and more revolt and disgust for this pathetic piece of sh......it of a human being.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Bumping for blackandblue. You asked for a reminder of why you should maintain your boundaries in the face of his impending presence. Almost a whole year has passed since you started this thread. How much have you grown in that year? He has not grown at all. If it were up to him you would be mired in this uncertainty for eternity, allowing him to suck the life out of you until you're nothing but an abused and broken shell of your former self.
Keep your eye on the prize! You can do this!
Keep your eye on the prize! You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Tx
Posts: 9
Here We Go Again...
Hello SR,
Been a couple months since I've been on here but I'll speed things up to get to the point. I was engaged to a meth addict who was in denial, for two years and together in total for 4. If you havent read my previous post, him and I had a slight break because he cheated with a 6mth pregnant, also meth user. Well i found out about this chic while he was in jail for possession of a substance. Of course, he denied, admitted to using like she told me he was, but claimed it wasnt as bad as I thought, and that he was just more of a dealer and she's just some ice head thats mad cause he doesn't serve her anymore, so she called me with lies (his words). Because i was so sure she wasnt lying to me, he said he'd do anything to get me and kids back how we were once upon a time. That part, I believed and like a fool, completely disregarded all that just unfolded about his addiction and cheating, because I thought his love for our family was worth more than the meth chicks and friends..that was in april. Now, fast forward to August, after opening my heart to him again, trying to regain trust, and even support him buy researching this disease and different AA programs so that I can be of more understanding and less critical of him. And he even got a tattoo of my name on his chest and made all these promises that I've heard before, but that i believed in; just so that a week later he goes missing all over again. He was clean for only 4 months, and probably not even that because his father and I speak on strange things that have no answer between time.It feels as if I have stepped into a time machine and have gone back to April, to relive this pain and agony. He even told his dad things like he want his family back and cant believe he treated me like that before but however, 4 months later do me the same way, actually worse. He can post "Feeling good being myself and living with the decisions i make" on Facebookbut but can't even call and check on his son. It was as if he posted it purposely so that I can see it because he always have hated FB. Well, I inboxed him and basically said, i bet it does feel good to live with no responsibility, conscious or respect for others. Like I said in the post in April, the mean things he can say. Wow. He told me to please block him, hes begging me to block him cause he found better and she finds him attractive, which was never our issue, i always showed him i was highly attracted to him and adored him.I will admit, in april when I found out about the cheating and stuff, I did become somewhat a queen B but only because I was hurt and never really felt like he was being completely honest with me, even after begging me to come back. He denies being back on the drug, says that he's staying away from me because I'm so negative and dont need those people in his life. Mind you, he just got out of jail AGAIN last week for petty theft, so how positive are the people you are around anyhow?? His mom and dad tells me to move on, but i have noticed even a change in them. I wish I'd never told them to begin with, but his dad noticed his changes and asked me about it so i told him! Thats discussed in my previous thread. But..now, here I am again but in a way worse situation. Now I'm having to deal with my children not understanding why daddy is gone "again", how Im going to get around because he took the car and how ridiculously stupid i feel for thinking he really and truly was apologetic and wanting us to work. Im so lost...again...how do you go from one minute, loving someone so much that they inspire you to ink their name on your flesh, to the following week being over them, adoring another woman and wanting the woman who was willing to accept you in healing,to just disappear. The pain is unreal right now. Sorry such a long post but I'm so humiliated and torn into a gazillion pieces because I have no one to talk to. All my family and friends told me not to go back to him for this very reason and so I cant talk to them because they'd only make mockery of this. He promised me he wouldnt make me feel like this again, looked me dead in the eye. If i could understand why he hates me so much, i could probably get along with this a whole lot better but because I dont, I stay asking myself, what did i do?! I ask him and he'll answer with a question, it's like I'm in love with The Riddler or some evil doer. I am a hoe and talk to every guy, according to him and he needs a chic all about him. Wtf?! If i was with another guy, would i seriously rather choose this hellafied relationship? ? Of course not. He's like, delusional almost. It baffles me to no end, I swear to God.
Been a couple months since I've been on here but I'll speed things up to get to the point. I was engaged to a meth addict who was in denial, for two years and together in total for 4. If you havent read my previous post, him and I had a slight break because he cheated with a 6mth pregnant, also meth user. Well i found out about this chic while he was in jail for possession of a substance. Of course, he denied, admitted to using like she told me he was, but claimed it wasnt as bad as I thought, and that he was just more of a dealer and she's just some ice head thats mad cause he doesn't serve her anymore, so she called me with lies (his words). Because i was so sure she wasnt lying to me, he said he'd do anything to get me and kids back how we were once upon a time. That part, I believed and like a fool, completely disregarded all that just unfolded about his addiction and cheating, because I thought his love for our family was worth more than the meth chicks and friends..that was in april. Now, fast forward to August, after opening my heart to him again, trying to regain trust, and even support him buy researching this disease and different AA programs so that I can be of more understanding and less critical of him. And he even got a tattoo of my name on his chest and made all these promises that I've heard before, but that i believed in; just so that a week later he goes missing all over again. He was clean for only 4 months, and probably not even that because his father and I speak on strange things that have no answer between time.It feels as if I have stepped into a time machine and have gone back to April, to relive this pain and agony. He even told his dad things like he want his family back and cant believe he treated me like that before but however, 4 months later do me the same way, actually worse. He can post "Feeling good being myself and living with the decisions i make" on Facebookbut but can't even call and check on his son. It was as if he posted it purposely so that I can see it because he always have hated FB. Well, I inboxed him and basically said, i bet it does feel good to live with no responsibility, conscious or respect for others. Like I said in the post in April, the mean things he can say. Wow. He told me to please block him, hes begging me to block him cause he found better and she finds him attractive, which was never our issue, i always showed him i was highly attracted to him and adored him.I will admit, in april when I found out about the cheating and stuff, I did become somewhat a queen B but only because I was hurt and never really felt like he was being completely honest with me, even after begging me to come back. He denies being back on the drug, says that he's staying away from me because I'm so negative and dont need those people in his life. Mind you, he just got out of jail AGAIN last week for petty theft, so how positive are the people you are around anyhow?? His mom and dad tells me to move on, but i have noticed even a change in them. I wish I'd never told them to begin with, but his dad noticed his changes and asked me about it so i told him! Thats discussed in my previous thread. But..now, here I am again but in a way worse situation. Now I'm having to deal with my children not understanding why daddy is gone "again", how Im going to get around because he took the car and how ridiculously stupid i feel for thinking he really and truly was apologetic and wanting us to work. Im so lost...again...how do you go from one minute, loving someone so much that they inspire you to ink their name on your flesh, to the following week being over them, adoring another woman and wanting the woman who was willing to accept you in healing,to just disappear. The pain is unreal right now. Sorry such a long post but I'm so humiliated and torn into a gazillion pieces because I have no one to talk to. All my family and friends told me not to go back to him for this very reason and so I cant talk to them because they'd only make mockery of this. He promised me he wouldnt make me feel like this again, looked me dead in the eye. If i could understand why he hates me so much, i could probably get along with this a whole lot better but because I dont, I stay asking myself, what did i do?! I ask him and he'll answer with a question, it's like I'm in love with The Riddler or some evil doer. I am a hoe and talk to every guy, according to him and he needs a chic all about him. Wtf?! If i was with another guy, would i seriously rather choose this hellafied relationship? ? Of course not. He's like, delusional almost. It baffles me to no end, I swear to God.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Tx
Posts: 9
Here We Go Again...
Hello SR,
Been a couple months since I've been on here but I'll speed things up to get to the point. I was engaged to a meth addict who was in denial, for two years and together in total for 4. If you havent read my previous post, him and I had a slight break because he cheated with a 6mth pregnant, also meth user. Well i found out about this chic while he was in jail for possession of a substance. Of course, he denied, admitted to using like she told me he was, but claimed it wasnt as bad as I thought, and that he was just more of a dealer and she's just some ice head thats mad cause he doesn't serve her anymore, so she called me with lies (his words). Because i was so sure she wasnt lying to me, he said he'd do anything to get me and kids back how we were once upon a time. That part, I believed and like a fool, completely disregarded all that just unfolded about his addiction and cheating, because I thought his love for our family was worth more than the meth chicks and friends..that was in april. Now, fast forward to August, after opening my heart to him again, trying to regain trust, and even support him buy researching this disease and different AA programs so that I can be of more understanding and less critical of him. And he even got a tattoo of my name on his chest and made all these promises that I've heard before, but that i believed in; just so that a week later (after getting the tat) he goes missing all over again. He was clean for only 4 months, and probably not even that because his father and I speak on strange things that have no answer between time.It feels as if I have stepped into a time machine and have gone back to April, to relive this pain and agony. He even told his dad things like he want his family back and cant believe he treated me like that before but however, 4 months later do me the same way, actually worse. He can post "Feeling good being myself and living with the decisions i make" on Facebookbut but can't even call and check on his son. It was as if he posted it purposely so that I can see it because he always have hated FB. Well, I inboxed him and basically said, i bet it does feel good to live with no responsibility, conscious or respect for others. Like I said in the post in April, the mean things he can say. Wow. He told me to please block him, hes begging me to block him cause he found better and she finds him attractive, which was never our issue, i always showed him i was highly attracted to him and adored him.I will admit, in april when I found out about the cheating and stuff, I did become somewhat a queen B but only because I was hurt and never really felt like he was being completely honest with me, even after begging me to come back. He denies being back on the drug, says that he's staying away from me because I'm so negative and dont need those people in his life. Mind you, he just got out of jail AGAIN last week for petty theft, so how positive are the people you are around anyhow?? His mom and dad tells me to move on, but i have noticed even a change in them. I wish I'd never told them to begin with, but his dad noticed his changes and asked me about it so i told him! Thats discussed in my previous thread. But..now, here I am again but in a way worse situation. Now I'm having to deal with my children not understanding why daddy is gone "again", how Im going to get around because he took the car and how ridiculously stupid i feel for thinking he really and truly was apologetic and wanting us to work. Im so lost...again...how do you go from one minute, loving someone so much that they inspire you to ink their name on your flesh, to the following week being over them, adoring another woman and wanting the woman who was willing to accept you in healing,to just disappear. The pain is unreal right now. Sorry such a long post but I'm so humiliated and torn into a gazillion pieces because I have no one to talk to. All my family and friends told me not to go back to him for this very reason and so I cant talk to them because they'd only make mockery of this. He promised me he wouldnt make me feel like this again, looked me dead in the eye. If i could understand why he hates me so much, i could probably get along with this a whole lot better but because I dont, I stay asking myself, what did i do?! I ask him and he'll answer with a question, it's like I'm in love with The Riddler or some evil doer. I am a hoe and talk to every guy, according to him and he needs a chic all about him. Wtf?! If i was with another guy, would i seriously rather choose this hellafied relationship? ? Of course not. He's like, delusional almost. It baffles me to no end, I swear to God.
Been a couple months since I've been on here but I'll speed things up to get to the point. I was engaged to a meth addict who was in denial, for two years and together in total for 4. If you havent read my previous post, him and I had a slight break because he cheated with a 6mth pregnant, also meth user. Well i found out about this chic while he was in jail for possession of a substance. Of course, he denied, admitted to using like she told me he was, but claimed it wasnt as bad as I thought, and that he was just more of a dealer and she's just some ice head thats mad cause he doesn't serve her anymore, so she called me with lies (his words). Because i was so sure she wasnt lying to me, he said he'd do anything to get me and kids back how we were once upon a time. That part, I believed and like a fool, completely disregarded all that just unfolded about his addiction and cheating, because I thought his love for our family was worth more than the meth chicks and friends..that was in april. Now, fast forward to August, after opening my heart to him again, trying to regain trust, and even support him buy researching this disease and different AA programs so that I can be of more understanding and less critical of him. And he even got a tattoo of my name on his chest and made all these promises that I've heard before, but that i believed in; just so that a week later (after getting the tat) he goes missing all over again. He was clean for only 4 months, and probably not even that because his father and I speak on strange things that have no answer between time.It feels as if I have stepped into a time machine and have gone back to April, to relive this pain and agony. He even told his dad things like he want his family back and cant believe he treated me like that before but however, 4 months later do me the same way, actually worse. He can post "Feeling good being myself and living with the decisions i make" on Facebookbut but can't even call and check on his son. It was as if he posted it purposely so that I can see it because he always have hated FB. Well, I inboxed him and basically said, i bet it does feel good to live with no responsibility, conscious or respect for others. Like I said in the post in April, the mean things he can say. Wow. He told me to please block him, hes begging me to block him cause he found better and she finds him attractive, which was never our issue, i always showed him i was highly attracted to him and adored him.I will admit, in april when I found out about the cheating and stuff, I did become somewhat a queen B but only because I was hurt and never really felt like he was being completely honest with me, even after begging me to come back. He denies being back on the drug, says that he's staying away from me because I'm so negative and dont need those people in his life. Mind you, he just got out of jail AGAIN last week for petty theft, so how positive are the people you are around anyhow?? His mom and dad tells me to move on, but i have noticed even a change in them. I wish I'd never told them to begin with, but his dad noticed his changes and asked me about it so i told him! Thats discussed in my previous thread. But..now, here I am again but in a way worse situation. Now I'm having to deal with my children not understanding why daddy is gone "again", how Im going to get around because he took the car and how ridiculously stupid i feel for thinking he really and truly was apologetic and wanting us to work. Im so lost...again...how do you go from one minute, loving someone so much that they inspire you to ink their name on your flesh, to the following week being over them, adoring another woman and wanting the woman who was willing to accept you in healing,to just disappear. The pain is unreal right now. Sorry such a long post but I'm so humiliated and torn into a gazillion pieces because I have no one to talk to. All my family and friends told me not to go back to him for this very reason and so I cant talk to them because they'd only make mockery of this. He promised me he wouldnt make me feel like this again, looked me dead in the eye. If i could understand why he hates me so much, i could probably get along with this a whole lot better but because I dont, I stay asking myself, what did i do?! I ask him and he'll answer with a question, it's like I'm in love with The Riddler or some evil doer. I am a hoe and talk to every guy, according to him and he needs a chic all about him. Wtf?! If i was with another guy, would i seriously rather choose this hellafied relationship? ? Of course not. He's like, delusional almost. It baffles me to no end, I swear to God.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Dear Torn - from the outside it seems you and the children will be far better off without this guy in your lives. he's too busy with drugs, other women and jail to be of any use. and really unstable.
you didn't DO anything wrong....his decisions will never make SENSE, because he is not in his right mind. it's abundantly clear he's not worth the heartache.
you gave it another shot. and now you know. lesson learned. ah but wouldn't it be grand if these lessons didn't hurt quite so much?
take care you and your child.
as a sidenote - what a tragic story of the pregnant meth user. that poor little baby.
you didn't DO anything wrong....his decisions will never make SENSE, because he is not in his right mind. it's abundantly clear he's not worth the heartache.
you gave it another shot. and now you know. lesson learned. ah but wouldn't it be grand if these lessons didn't hurt quite so much?
take care you and your child.
as a sidenote - what a tragic story of the pregnant meth user. that poor little baby.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1
Do not call him it will only start every up again from square one - you cannot help him or change him. You are on the right track and you are very smart and self aware all of these things are quite a threat to him. Your posts were excellent in describing how the situation becomes so insane. I could have written the same things about my ex but I held out more than 8 years with the same kind of abuse and am finally doing the grieving process just parting 3 weeks in And He broke up with me- with a very touching e-mail dear john it's not you it's me - it's so confusing but I need to move on...and I have 16 years sober - we were in early recovery together him and me but I caught him smoking pot and I was afraid to leave and be on my own 3 years ago, After a crazy fight that was about nothing I'd had enough and went to live with my sister and now I'm on my own. I instigated a fwb type relationship with him when I moved out of his house when I should have just grieved then. I am grieving the loss of my friend but he was actually not my friend, everything was about him but I was the cause of anything negative or wrong and everything was always wrong. It's going to take me a long time to clear myself up from this but I kept my soberity through it all by focusing on me as much as I could and ignoring his crazy drama
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