that roller coaster feeling in the stomach - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

patchoulli · 05-01-2007, 06:32 PM

Hi everyone. I have noticed that I am frequently getting that roller coaster feeling in my stomach. I have a feeling its anxiety. I posted last week that an old bf and I had been talking on the phone[have not seen each other in 4 years]. He wants to see me. I just don't feel like I can deal with any more emotional issues right now [only been 2 months since Keith died] and I feel vulnerable and weak. I think I'm ok with Keiths death and then I see his picture on my dresser and start talking to him, tell him I love him. This sounds terrible but I WANT SEX AGAIN...[I mean with another person] Life has been good, I ended up with an amazing carpenter that is kicking butt in this here hovel[my bedroom is an oasis], and the guest room is almost done[everyone, come on down], I have been working 7 days a week to pay for the repairs but it feels good to be able to take care of me. When we were both supposed to be splitting expenses, I never had a spare penny, now I have enough money to pay someone to work here..hmmmmmm. I just know that as much as I want to get together with this man,,,I am still not myself....What a bummer.........Marian

cinderellawkids · 05-01-2007, 06:37 PM

The feeling in your stomach is a warning sign.

aTry to taake more time for just you, get to know you, really know you, and when you no longer long for something more the time is right

krhea75 · 05-01-2007, 09:14 PM

Maybe this man is just there to help you begin to think that way, not to act on it. i think you show amazing insight into yourself and your ability to move on.
krhea

**GiveLove** · 05-01-2007, 09:23 PM

patchoulli,

If this man isn't the kind of person to whom you can say, "I really like your company but I am still very vulnerable, and I think we could be better friends when I've had more time to settle down".......

If this guy isn't the sort who can deal with this, then this guy doesn't deserve you.

Give it a try. What's the worst that can happen? He respects you because you know yourself and are taking care of your needs? You DON'T end up in a codependent relationship?

It's a shame that you're not superwoman, sure. But there is a healing process going on right now that is every bit as important as sex. Though some nights, I know from experience, it doesn't seem like it

Take care of YOU. If he's the kind of man you should be with, he will understand.

Love,
GL

***greeteachday*** · 05-01-2007, 09:25 PM

The phrase I remind myself of always as I grieve is "time takes time." Some people can move forward fairly quickly, some need years...each person grieves in her own way. You do have a lot of self insight and honesty...just let yourself go with what feels right for you. I know I needed to be very close to my comfort zone for several months and that included not jumping into anything that would cause me stress or anxiety. Hugs

teke · 05-01-2007, 11:04 PM

sending you prayers and a few hugs, maybe a little more time then you'll know whether or not you are ready. keeping you in my prayers

***hope213*** · 05-02-2007, 05:10 AM

there is nothing wrong with taking baby steps. it may be good for you to just wait it out. if this man can not wait he is not the man for you.you need someone to take care of you now.hugs,

tropikgal2 · 05-02-2007, 06:02 AM

Yeah, just take it easy. It's probably not just the sex part, but the wanting to be held and cuddled.
I was also checking out your double entendres regarding the carpenter......go back and re-read your post! ....the most amazing carpenter......bedroom is an oasis......teehee!!

anvilhead · 05-02-2007, 06:59 AM

ah the ole fight or flight feeling......as others have said, that's our internal warning/protection alert system.......slow down a bit, be gentle with yourself....give yourself the gift of time.........and enjoy that OASIS!

Jewelz · 05-02-2007, 07:17 AM

Marian, take what your feeling as a sign. It may be to early to start dating casually. I know its hard and you have needs you want met but really there are ways to take care of them yourself....

You are accomplishing many things now.. and thats a good thing. Take baby steps and when your ready you wont have the rollercoaster ride going on in your stomach and it will feel right.

Hugs,
Jewel

**Ann** · 05-02-2007, 10:01 AM

I think that the odds of having a healthy relationship improve significantly when we can wait until we are healthy and happy alone first. That means that we enter the new relationship as a new beginning and we carry no emotional baggage with us on our journey.

When the time is right, you will know it. Until then and always, trust your instincts.

Hugs

patchoulli · 05-02-2007, 02:48 PM

You guys are great. I know i'm not ready..and tropikgal...you are the best..I already bought one of those...I miss being held and cuddling...that is what i miss. I know I'm not ready..and he isn't pressuring me anymore because I didn't return his calls after I posted because I knew it was causing the anxiety...I have to laugh at myself, I find that I am developing a fetish for big, strong, hairy mens arms that hang out a truck window when they are driving...thats all I'll look at, the arms...I'm doing good, nights are hard. Thanx for being here..........Marian

***marle*** · 05-02-2007, 04:59 PM

Patch, It sounds like the things you are feeling are definitely letting you know that you are still an alive, caring, feeling person. Like others said, time takes time. It is good that you know that you are not ready, but there is nothing wrong with a little fantasy

Hugs, Marle

05-01-2007, 06:32 PM	#1 (permalink)
patchoulli Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: punta gorda florida Posts: 381	that roller coaster feeling in the stomach Hi everyone. I have noticed that I am frequently getting that roller coaster feeling in my stomach. I have a feeling its anxiety. I posted last week that an old bf and I had been talking on the phone[have not seen each other in 4 years]. He wants to see me. I just don't feel like I can deal with any more emotional issues right now [only been 2 months since Keith died] and I feel vulnerable and weak. I think I'm ok with Keiths death and then I see his picture on my dresser and start talking to him, tell him I love him. This sounds terrible but I WANT SEX AGAIN...[I mean with another person] Life has been good, I ended up with an amazing carpenter that is kicking butt in this here hovel[my bedroom is an oasis], and the guest room is almost done[everyone, come on down], I have been working 7 days a week to pay for the repairs but it feels good to be able to take care of me. When we were both supposed to be splitting expenses, I never had a spare penny, now I have enough money to pay someone to work here..hmmmmmm. I just know that as much as I want to get together with this man,,,I am still not myself....What a bummer.........Marian

05-01-2007, 06:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
cinderellawkids Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: my own little world Posts: 8,819 Blog Entries: 1	The feeling in your stomach is a warning sign. aTry to taake more time for just you, get to know you, really know you, and when you no longer long for something more the time is right __________________

05-01-2007, 09:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
GiveLove Forum Leader Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Stumbling toward happiness Posts: 4,334 Blog Entries: 1	patchoulli, If this man isn't the kind of person to whom you can say, "I really like your company but I am still very vulnerable, and I think we could be better friends when I've had more time to settle down"....... If this guy isn't the sort who can deal with this, then this guy doesn't deserve you. Give it a try. What's the worst that can happen? He respects you because you know yourself and are taking care of your needs? You DON'T end up in a codependent relationship? It's a shame that you're not superwoman, sure. But there is a healing process going on right now that is every bit as important as sex. Though some nights, I know from experience, it doesn't seem like it Take care of YOU. If he's the kind of man you should be with, he will understand. Love, GL __________________ "Tell me, what are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?" --Mary Oliver "Action is the antidote to despair." --Joan Baez "False hopes bind us to unlivable situations, and blind us to real possibilities." --Derrick Jensen

05-01-2007, 09:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
*greeteachday* Administrator Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: out there Posts: 3,399	The phrase I remind myself of always as I grieve is "time takes time." Some people can move forward fairly quickly, some need years...each person grieves in her own way. You do have a lot of self insight and honesty...just let yourself go with what feels right for you. I know I needed to be very close to my comfort zone for several months and that included not jumping into anything that would cause me stress or anxiety. Hugs __________________ Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith - Margaret Shepherd

05-01-2007, 11:04 PM	#6 (permalink)
teke grateful rca Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: atlanta, ga. Posts: 3,924	sending you prayers and a few hugs, maybe a little more time then you'll know whether or not you are ready. keeping you in my prayers __________________ GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO I

05-01-2007, 09:14 PM	#3 (permalink)
krhea75 krhea75 Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: macomb, il Posts: 623	Maybe this man is just there to help you begin to think that way, not to act on it. i think you show amazing insight into yourself and your ability to move on. krhea

05-02-2007, 05:10 AM	#7 (permalink)
*hope213* Community Greeter Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: twilight zone,usa Posts: 3,590	there is nothing wrong with taking baby steps. it may be good for you to just wait it out. if this man can not wait he is not the man for you.you need someone to take care of you now.hugs, __________________ hope213 i can sum life up in 3 words....IT GOES ON!!!

05-02-2007, 06:02 AM	#8 (permalink)
tropikgal2 Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Texarkana, Texas Posts: 585	Yeah, just take it easy. It's probably not just the sex part, but the wanting to be held and cuddled. I was also checking out your double entendres regarding the carpenter......go back and re-read your post! ....the most amazing carpenter......bedroom is an oasis......teehee!!

05-02-2007, 06:59 AM	#9 (permalink)
anvilhead Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 10,007	ah the ole fight or flight feeling......as others have said, that's our internal warning/protection alert system.......slow down a bit, be gentle with yourself....give yourself the gift of time.........and enjoy that OASIS!

05-02-2007, 07:17 AM	#10 (permalink)
Jewelz Just plainly tired Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: crossroads Posts: 2,803	Marian, take what your feeling as a sign. It may be to early to start dating casually. I know its hard and you have needs you want met but really there are ways to take care of them yourself.... You are accomplishing many things now.. and thats a good thing. Take baby steps and when your ready you wont have the rollercoaster ride going on in your stomach and it will feel right. Hugs, Jewel __________________ The thing we feel most guilty doing or the thing we hate to do the most is probably the right thing to do where the addict is concerned. It is the hardest thing of all to do. And if you don't know what to do .. then best to do nothing (safer ground). Thank you Passion

05-02-2007, 10:01 AM	#11 (permalink)
Ann Sharing Our Light Glop 2:Glops Revenge Champion! Ray Ray Shuffle Champion! Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 18,004	I think that the odds of having a healthy relationship improve significantly when we can wait until we are healthy and happy alone first. That means that we enter the new relationship as a new beginning and we carry no emotional baggage with us on our journey. When the time is right, you will know it. Until then and always, trust your instincts. Hugs __________________ Somewhere between the gator swamp and the Taj Mahal there is a path, it may be hidden, overgrown or may blend in with the other surroundings, but it is there, it's your path and it is calling you.~Frankly~

05-02-2007, 02:48 PM	#12 (permalink)
patchoulli Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: punta gorda florida Posts: 381	You guys are great. I know i'm not ready..and tropikgal...you are the best..I already bought one of those...I miss being held and cuddling...that is what i miss. I know I'm not ready..and he isn't pressuring me anymore because I didn't return his calls after I posted because I knew it was causing the anxiety...I have to laugh at myself, I find that I am developing a fetish for big, strong, hairy mens arms that hang out a truck window when they are driving...thats all I'll look at, the arms...I'm doing good, nights are hard. Thanx for being here..........Marian

05-02-2007, 04:59 PM	#13 (permalink)
*marle* Community Greeter Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: East Tawas, MI Posts: 3,691	Patch, It sounds like the things you are feeling are definitely letting you know that you are still an alive, caring, feeling person. Like others said, time takes time. It is good that you know that you are not ready, but there is nothing wrong with a little fantasy Hugs, Marle __________________ "If we all knew the answers, there would be no need for questions."

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