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Old 05-01-2007, 05:32 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Talking that roller coaster feeling in the stomach

Hi everyone. I have noticed that I am frequently getting that roller coaster feeling in my stomach. I have a feeling its anxiety. I posted last week that an old bf and I had been talking on the phone[have not seen each other in 4 years]. He wants to see me. I just don't feel like I can deal with any more emotional issues right now [only been 2 months since Keith died] and I feel vulnerable and weak. I think I'm ok with Keiths death and then I see his picture on my dresser and start talking to him, tell him I love him. This sounds terrible but I WANT SEX AGAIN...[I mean with another person] Life has been good, I ended up with an amazing carpenter that is kicking butt in this here hovel[my bedroom is an oasis], and the guest room is almost done[everyone, come on down], I have been working 7 days a week to pay for the repairs but it feels good to be able to take care of me. When we were both supposed to be splitting expenses, I never had a spare penny, now I have enough money to pay someone to work here..hmmmmmm. I just know that as much as I want to get together with this man,,,I am still not myself....What a bummer.........Marian
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Old 05-01-2007, 05:37 PM   #2 (permalink)
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The feeling in your stomach is a warning sign.

aTry to taake more time for just you, get to know you, really know you, and when you no longer long for something more the time is right
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:14 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Maybe this man is just there to help you begin to think that way, not to act on it. i think you show amazing insight into yourself and your ability to move on.
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:23 PM   #4 (permalink)
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patchoulli,

If this man isn't the kind of person to whom you can say, "I really like your company but I am still very vulnerable, and I think we could be better friends when I've had more time to settle down".......

If this guy isn't the sort who can deal with this, then this guy doesn't deserve you.

Give it a try. What's the worst that can happen? He respects you because you know yourself and are taking care of your needs? You DON'T end up in a codependent relationship?

It's a shame that you're not superwoman, sure. But there is a healing process going on right now that is every bit as important as sex. Though some nights, I know from experience, it doesn't seem like it

Take care of YOU. If he's the kind of man you should be with, he will understand.

Love,
GL
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:25 PM   #5 (permalink)
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The phrase I remind myself of always as I grieve is "time takes time." Some people can move forward fairly quickly, some need years...each person grieves in her own way. You do have a lot of self insight and honesty...just let yourself go with what feels right for you. I know I needed to be very close to my comfort zone for several months and that included not jumping into anything that would cause me stress or anxiety. Hugs
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Old 05-01-2007, 10:04 PM   #6 (permalink)
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sending you prayers and a few hugs, maybe a little more time then you'll know whether or not you are ready. keeping you in my prayers
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Old 05-02-2007, 04:10 AM   #7 (permalink)
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there is nothing wrong with taking baby steps. it may be good for you to just wait it out. if this man can not wait he is not the man for you.you need someone to take care of you now.hugs,
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Old 05-02-2007, 05:02 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Yeah, just take it easy. It's probably not just the sex part, but the wanting to be held and cuddled.
I was also checking out your double entendres regarding the carpenter......go back and re-read your post! ....the most amazing carpenter......bedroom is an oasis......teehee!!
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Old 05-02-2007, 06:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Marian, take what your feeling as a sign. It may be to early to start dating casually. I know its hard and you have needs you want met but really there are ways to take care of them yourself....

You are accomplishing many things now.. and thats a good thing. Take baby steps and when your ready you wont have the rollercoaster ride going on in your stomach and it will feel right.

Hugs,
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Old 05-02-2007, 09:01 AM   #10 (permalink)
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I think that the odds of having a healthy relationship improve significantly when we can wait until we are healthy and happy alone first. That means that we enter the new relationship as a new beginning and we carry no emotional baggage with us on our journey.

When the time is right, you will know it. Until then and always, trust your instincts.

Hugs
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Old 05-02-2007, 01:48 PM   #11 (permalink)
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You guys are great. I know i'm not ready..and tropikgal...you are the best..I already bought one of those...I miss being held and cuddling...that is what i miss. I know I'm not ready..and he isn't pressuring me anymore because I didn't return his calls after I posted because I knew it was causing the anxiety...I have to laugh at myself, I find that I am developing a fetish for big, strong, hairy mens arms that hang out a truck window when they are driving...thats all I'll look at, the arms...I'm doing good, nights are hard. Thanx for being here..........Marian
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Old 05-02-2007, 03:59 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Patch, It sounds like the things you are feeling are definitely letting you know that you are still an alive, caring, feeling person. Like others said, time takes time. It is good that you know that you are not ready, but there is nothing wrong with a little fantasy Hugs, Marle
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