Question About Carrying Childhood into Adulthood
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I had a pretty ideal childhood, certainly had some traumatic events and bad things happen, everybody does.
The common denominator I find among alcoholics is failure to develop or learn coping mechanisms. The bottle, THAT becomes the coping mechanism while crying about what happened way back when.
I'm not making light of childhood trauma, it is often carried into adulthood.
The common denominator I find among alcoholics is failure to develop or learn coping mechanisms. The bottle, THAT becomes the coping mechanism while crying about what happened way back when.
I'm not making light of childhood trauma, it is often carried into adulthood.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad 
I think part of what makes her mad is that I no longer treat her like a child - she is an adult and should act responsibly. I've grown a lot over these past 10 years, and she has not.
after a little while sober i found this to be true- 36 years old when i got sober, i was mentally and emotionally 13.
i SHOULD have acted like an adult when i was drinking, but alcoholism didnt allow that or want it- it wanted me to be a selfish,self centered ego maniac with an inferiority complex.
and it pi**ed me right off when people wouldnt do for me what i should have done for myself and they wouldnt join in my pity party and id throw a temper tantrum
just like a child.
MAN!! i watch my neices 3 year old 3days a week and now that i think about it, he can act more adulty than i did when i was drinking and other times act just like i did when i was drinkin!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
I agree with Sparklekitty's post that it's how people deal with how their childhood shaped their them and how they deal with other aspects of their life that defines who they are.
AXH is on the flip side of that coin from your wife, COD. xSIL attended family sessions at AXH's in-patient rehab. In her sessions with him she said, it sounds like a lot of the people here had pretty rough childhoods. She asked her brother if his had been, too. Did she not see something? He said no and admitted that his childhood had been pretty good. He also admitted that he hadn't really given DS a chance to have a good childhood. Neither his childhood or his realization about it or DS changed anything about him being a miserable SOB. He certainly didn't come back ready to do any honest work on his relationships.
Some people just aren't willing to, or are afraid to, look at themselves and how they're responding to stuff in their life and do the work to make changes.
AXH is on the flip side of that coin from your wife, COD. xSIL attended family sessions at AXH's in-patient rehab. In her sessions with him she said, it sounds like a lot of the people here had pretty rough childhoods. She asked her brother if his had been, too. Did she not see something? He said no and admitted that his childhood had been pretty good. He also admitted that he hadn't really given DS a chance to have a good childhood. Neither his childhood or his realization about it or DS changed anything about him being a miserable SOB. He certainly didn't come back ready to do any honest work on his relationships.
Some people just aren't willing to, or are afraid to, look at themselves and how they're responding to stuff in their life and do the work to make changes.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
To bring it down to the basics, it's the drink talking. Which of us who has drunk too much doesn't get over-emotional, relive the past, and lose our emotional boundaries?
Social and emotional inhibition is not always a bad thing, as we see when people lose them, either through substance or dementia. Well adjusted people develop a layer of adult armour that stops them from reliving the past in a way that intrudes on their lives inappropriately.
I'm not sure how long your AW has been drinking but if she developed the habit before she had a chance to mature emotionally she may be stuck in the adjustment phase and never make it out - at least where her marriage is concerned. Funny that she functions well in her career where she's obviously developed a very capable persona.
You have no choice but to treat her as an adult. Who wants to be married to a child?
Social and emotional inhibition is not always a bad thing, as we see when people lose them, either through substance or dementia. Well adjusted people develop a layer of adult armour that stops them from reliving the past in a way that intrudes on their lives inappropriately.
I'm not sure how long your AW has been drinking but if she developed the habit before she had a chance to mature emotionally she may be stuck in the adjustment phase and never make it out - at least where her marriage is concerned. Funny that she functions well in her career where she's obviously developed a very capable persona.
You have no choice but to treat her as an adult. Who wants to be married to a child?
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