Silva4610

hello everyone. I have been married for close to 20yrs. We have 3 children and I currently work a full time job. My husband is a stay at home dad. I have been noticing my husbands drinking increase over the years. What was once one or two glasses of wine has turned into 4-8 beers at dinner. He has never been arrested for dui, never abuses me but I am worried for our kids. I find him taking a nap when I come home at 6pm. Our oldest is having to make dinner once in a while. Addiction runs in his family and we currently have my brother in law living in our basement. He was recently released from prison and needed an address to be paroled to. My husband is spending more time in the basement drinking lately. His stay was suppose to be until he got back on his feet but it's been 9 months already. I believe that his brother is a bad influence on my brother although I have no idea how to discuss kicking him out with my husband who always seems buzzed. Thank you, for reading.

endlesspatience

Silva. Sorry for your situation and what brought you here but you'll find a lot of support and encouragement. Read as widely as you can and bear in mind you're not alone.

We generally say we can't diagnose anyone else as an alcoholic or an addict . It's up to them to see what the issue is as this is the pre-requirement for them seeking help.

Having said that one very simple definition of addiction is repeated behaviour that has negative consequences for the person who does it and for those around them. So if your husband's drinking fits a pattern whereby he is harming himself, you or his family and this pattern repeats regularly, this would tend to fit this definition of addiction.

That's just my view. Others may have a different perspective on it.

LexieCat

Have you talked to him about the drinking? What does he say? Some people become "situational" heavy drinkers--is he depressed? Does he like staying home or is he resentful about it?

Even though his brother might have given him a "drinking buddy," it might be that he's lonely and drinking with his brother gives him some adult contact (dysfunctional though it may be).

Or he COULD be an alcoholic, or on his way to becoming one. It's really hard to say.

I'd have a chat with him about the drinking, though. If all you do is kick BIL out, that's not likely to solve the problem.

Silva4610

How many drinks does it take to make a person an alcoholic? My hubby does not drink nearly as much as his brother. I found empty gin bottles in the recycle bin last week. He claimed they were his brothers. He is mandated to AA classes as part of his parole and claims hes been sober. My gut instinct is that my hubby is drinking far more than he admit at dinner. How can I prove it?

happybeingme

You probably can't prove it. Alcoholics are masters at hiding things. There is no simple cut and dry answer with how many does it take. As little as a drink a day a person could be an alcoholic. Do they have to have that single drink? Do they spend an unusual amount of time thinking about that one drink? Do they plan their life around that drink? If yes then that person is probably an alcoholic. Others are binge alcoholics. They can go months without a drink but, when they start they can't stop until they pass out, run out of alcohol, wind up in the hospital or jail. Alcoholism is a really complex illness. I suggest you read some of the newcomers forum and the alcoholism forum. There is a lot you can learn.

If the drinking is causing problems in your life and affecting the family in a negative way then whether or not your husband is an alcoholic or not doesn't matter. The drinking is a problem.

Silva4610

I drink a glass of wine almost every day. That is absurd to say that one could be an alcoholic with 1 drink.

honeypig

Did you read the rest of the post about the conditions surrounding the drinking of that one glass of wine?

LexieCat

Right. If there were a major storm that prevented you from going out to buy wine, would not having your daily glass make you climb the walls? Would you go out in dangerous conditions to buy it?